Friends who dont like children ????

[Lilohulagirl]

Hi eberyone, this is such a great site.
I am 26 years old with one 14mth old Daughter and Im based in the uk.
I am absoloutly obsessed with Disney and I've always collect merchandise figurines, books etc. I also love to paint and draw and I also make my own greeting cards.
I have a friend I have known for over 10 years, And she has always looked down on the fact I like Disney. She thinks I'm childish and a bit strange.
Since I had my daughter she has constantly made comments about how she doenst like children and she will say about other people's children and how they annoy her. While I am sat their with my own. We have had numerous arguements and discussions about how it insults me but nothing changes.
It drives me mad that people think Disney is childish.
I have put many paintings I do into exhibitions and have sold cards. So how is that childish. I paint scenery etc aswell not just Disney.
I understand some people arent born to want children but I just cant understand how people can make comment in front of you.
Has anyone else experienced this ?
Anyway thats my rant. Disney is a great thing to enjoy I still believe !
And Im loving sharing it with my daughter. Who loves Playhouse Disney and her room is completely Disney princess themed!!!!!
She's getting brain washed lol.

 

[jellybeans0607]

Not everyone loves Disney, and i look at it as a good thing. Could you imagine how crowded it would be if everyone knew the secrets we know?

As for not liking children. I'm that friend. I don't like children. Sure I like my own. But other than that, I could do without other peoples kids. All of my friends know this and I am very rarely called apon as a sitter for their kids. Which is more than fine by me.

Is it really that big a deal that she doesn't care for children? Has she said "I can't stand your child". My guess would be no, or you wouldn't still be her friend. As a friend you either choose to accept her as she is, or you move on.

 

[Octoberbabiesrus]

what kind of "friend" insults someone over having children and about thier personal tastes in entertainment?

 

[YellowMickeyPonchos]

We had a lot of childless couple friends before we had children. Needless to say, most of them don't call us or want to get together. They are off in their own world. We have one set that loves kids, but kind of forgets that they need to slow down with us in tow. They at least make an effort. My brother and his wife are the same way. No kids - makes some effort.

The advice I will offer is this:
At some point you are going to have to decide if keeping this friendship is worth the effort and apparent heartache you seem to be going through. Sometimes we have to admit we have grown past the friends we have and need to make new ones that suit the changes in our lifestyle. It is up to you to balance the scales of how much this person's friendship is worth vs. how much insult you fell she directs toward your chosen lifestyle. If you can find a balance, Yay! If not, then you have hard decisions to make.

We all have longtime friends that we have casual relationships with - when we see them upon occasion, it's wonderful to catch up. The occasional/annual "girl's day out for tea" types. Maybe she will become one of those, instead of a weekly chum!

 

[Lilohulagirl]

Many Thanks for the views so far. I agree I cant really call this person a friend. Its a shame. But like someone else mentioned. She is in her own world and her contact has dropped alot since I had my daughter.
I think I need another person who loves Disney as much as me in my life.

 

[Tricia819]

It is difficult enough to have friends that do not have children because you don't have a lot of common interests anymore. However, I would think having a "friend" who doesn't even like children when you have a daughter would be next to impossible. I can understand being annoyed by other people's kids, there are times when they annoy me too, but she seems down right hostile when it comes to kids.

 

[surfgirl]

look on the bright side :


At least you know where she stands.



She isn't dissing you behind your back (well maybe she is also) while she plays nice to your face. Your call if the friendship is worth the pain.

 

[princessmom29]

She would not still be my friend. I had a friend like this and I told her that I was no longer comfortable being around her. She was constantly complianing about the fact that I was not longer interested in staying out until 2 am with her and said things like "how could you rather be at home with that kid than out with me" got old really fast!

 

[lilybrooke14]

I have a "friend" like this as well. I can't just drop her, because our families are very close, and we've known each other for a very long time. I do, however, try to limit my contact with her to a polite conversation every now and then. Even then, it's usually somewhat strained. She's made countless comments ever since I got pregnant about my choice to have a child too young (I'm 26!) about the horrible toll having a baby has on our lives (Ummm...I love my kid. And we didn't party before we had a baby, so I'm not missing anything, thank you). She even e-mailed me the other day to say....

"Have fun on your Disney trip. Personally I'd rather go someplace tropical, but I guess that's what you do when you have kids."

I just rolled my eyes and fired off some statistics on how many people honeymoon at Disney. I've done tropical anyway. We're staying at the Caribbean Beach Resort. That's plenty tropical enough for me.

I really try to take it with a grain of salt, and remember that she's missing out. On our friendship, on knowing DD (because I'm not letting my kid around someone with that kind of attitude), and ultimately, on having her own children (although it may be better if she doesn't, she's the first to say how selfish she is). But sometimes.....

 

[Tricia819]

I'm glad that people who are too selfish to have kids recognize this fact. I just hope they make big $$ to pay someone to take care of them when they can no longer drive themselves to the doctor, grocery stores, etc.

They also need to stay active and find a great senior center so they won't be lonely when there isn't any family to visit them.

 

[jellybeans0607]

I'm glad that people who are too selfish to have kids recognize this fact. I just hope they make big $$ to pay someone to take care of them when they can no longer drive themselves to the doctor, grocery stores, etc.

They also need to stay active and find a great senior center so they won't be lonely when there isn't any family to visit them.

Seriously? So because someone doesn't want children they are selfish and doomed to live a lonely life. Judgemental much?

 

[hsmamato2]

Hmmmm....I have a person I know- (I wouldn't say friend) who constantly makes fun of my disney t shirts,etc in front of others.....I ignore her completely. She's always snarking about how childish it is to wear Mickey on a shirt as an adult- I could not care less what she thinks! I know how much fun it is to love Disney,and I think she harbors jealousy that I allow myself the joy of wearing clothes that I consider 'fun.'
Find some new pals!

 

[Tricia819]

Seriously? So because someone doesn't want children they are selfish and doomed to live a lonely life. Judgemental much?

Yes, actually I am. And actually what I said was "I am glad people who know they are too selfish to have children acknowledge this." I was referring to the thread awhile back where the childless were saying "I know I'm too selfish to have children" their words not mine.

You don't want to have kids, more power to ya. Just don't expect mine to visit you when you didn't want anything to do with them while they were growing up.

 

[jellybeans0607]

Yes, actually I am.

What a very sad way to be. Sorry.

 

[lilybrooke14]

I just wanted to note that I don't think that all people who don't want to have children are selfish. This particular woman is selfish, and is aware of that fact. To the point of it being a running joke. In her case, children may not be the best idea, although even she could change for the right reasons.

But I don't want anyone to misunderstand my views. Not everyone likes children. Or has a desire for them. However, I don't go out of my way to try to make people who don't have children feel bad about it, and I expect them to do the same for me. Especially when insulting my decision to have a child also inadvertantly insults my child.

 

[Tricia819]

What a very sad way to be. Sorry.

Nothing to be sorry about. I don't have a problem with the way I am. Being judgemental is probably the least of my faults, I'm more concerned with trying to change how vindictive I tend to be and be a more compassionate person.

 

[jellybeans0607]

Yes, actually I am. And actually what I said was "I am glad people who know they are too selfish to have children acknowledge this." I was referring to the thread awhile back where the childless were saying "I know I'm too selfish to have children" their words not mine.

You don't want to have kids, more power to ya. Just don't expect mine to visit you when you didn't want anything to do with them while they were growing up.

So, then, whats wrong with being selfish? If that draws them to not have children, then so be it. Although i'd be willing to bet they are using the term too lightly. I can not think of one person I know that does not have children that is selfish. In fact Ive found it to be quite the opposite.
Why would they want your children to visit them? Sounds like some kind of strange issue you have with people who choose not to have kids. Be thankful for them, no need to over populate the country.

I have children, but i can't stand other peoples kids. I would prefer they don't bring them around. I am by far the least selfish person you'll ever meet. The two really have nothing to do with each other.

So you are happy to be a judgemental person? Sounds like an oxymoron.

 

[Tricia819]

Although i'd be willing to bet they are using the term too lightly. Why would they want your children to visit them? Sounds like some kind of strange issue you have with people who choose not to have kids.
So you are happy to be a judgemental person? Sounds like an oxymoron.

No, I don't have a problem with people who don't have kids. Actually, the one person I knew who didn't have kids has now passed away. I don't associate with people who don't have kids because I just don't have anything in common with them. It's not intentional it's just the way it happens. My "strange issues" results from being forced to visit the childless as a child because they were lonely. I'm rather shy. I don't even visit most relatives unless there are other family members present because I feel uncomfortable having to keep up the conversation. It's not that I don't love my family members, especially grandparents, I just don't know what to say. However, I was dragged to visit nursing homes and forced to visit with total strangers. Additionally, I don't want to inflict my kids on other people. They are usually well behaved, except when they're bored, so instead of visiting I spend all my time keeping them out of things that are not "child proof" so what's the point of going in the first place.

What do you do when your kids want to have friends over?

I am happy with who I am, faults and all. Should I be unhappy because I'm not perfect? Are you?

 

[jellybeans0607]

What do you do when your kids want to have friends over?
QUOTE]


I'm fine with kids that can take care of themselves or really small babies too. But kids from the age of 1-4, no thanks.

 

[jellybeans0607]

I am happy with who I am, faults and all. Should I be unhappy because I'm not perfect? Are you?

being overly judgemental is not a fault, its a changeable personality trait. theres a difference.