Friends who dont like children ????

[Tricia819]

being overly judgemental is not a fault, its a changeable personality trait. theres a difference.

But doesn't it make you judgemental because you are judging me based on one comment, on one thread, on one board. You can't tell if I'm "overly judgemental" based on your limited knowledge of me. Quite to the contrary I've supplied reasons behind why I am the way I am.

I'm going to have to disagree with you on your analysis of trait theory. A personality trait is something inherit which you are born with they are not changeable. Yes, I am occasionally judgemental, I'll admit it pops up every now and again, but the fact that I am not judgemental in all things demonstrates that it is not a personality trait.

 

[YellowMickeyPonchos]

There are plenty of childless couples who don't have kids due to selfishness. We have one in our family. They put on the facade of trying and can't give up their lifestyle to accomodate others at all. I was trying to be politically correct when I said in my earlier post that they try.

I have been trying to get us to take a family trip to WDW for Christmas for the last several years. (We even offered them a free studio room on our DVC points - since they have to have their own space.) Their response - "Well, we don't think so. There's just not enough there that we are interested in to make it worth the while!" They decided to go off to Canada instead!

My one pipe dream, green-with-envy thing - seeing all the big families that all vacation together, laughing and enjoying the parks...

So much for that dream....

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

We had our eldest at 18, the majority of our friends still have no children or have chosen to stay career focused with just the one child. As we chose to have a larger family I found my best way to deal was to internalise and focus my energy on building friendships and relationships with those who wanted similar things- I socialise mostly with my sils, we're a family who all chose to marry younger, and all had our children young (between 3 of us we have ten children and at 29 I'm the oldest mother- sil28 has 4 also, sil22 has 2) and I've just found for my own sanity and the fact i don't have to continually defend my life choices around them means I tend to socialise mainly with them.

Many of our childless friends moved on, the majority of them began speaking to us like we had suddenly dropped 50IQ points the day our eldest was born (which I find hilarious as I got accepted to universities that turned them down even though I was 7 months pg when we sat our exams!)

The majority of childless couples i know are those who have chosen to travel first, establish careers, become not just financially stable but comfortable - it's not that they won't have children but because today you can delay having children to your late 30s and 40s quite acceptably. I can't judge them for their choice because it's theirs and it suits them, it works for them just as our choice was ours, suits us and works well for us.

 

[disykat]

Actually I think the "just don't expect my kid's to visit you when you didn't want anything to do with them growing up" comment has a lot of validity.

None of my siblings have kids. They are always kind to my kids, no big deal. However, they don't really have much of a relationship with them. My sister made a comment about my kids taking care of her and visiting in her old age. I don't know that that's a realistic expectation for her to have when she hasn't developed a relationship with them. They may see her as a burden or a responsibility rather than a loved one they want to help.

I have no probem with people who don't show interest in kids, but I do think it's hard to overcome that if they suddenly want a relationship with them once they reach an acceptable age.

Back to the OP. I have lots of friends without kids. It's never been an issue for us. We socialize separately from the kids at times, but sometimes they come as part of the package. If someone wasn't able to deal with that, I probably wouldn't really be friends with them anymore.

Heck, I HAVE kids and I have some friends I've had to let go of doing things with because I can't stand to be around them with their kids due to parenting style differences. We still socialize with them separate from the kids on occasion, but will never be super close because we can't do family things with them.

That said, telling me outright that you don't like my kids would probably be the end to our friendship. It's all in how you frame it. You can be a person who's not into kids without alienating everyone who has them.

 

[YellowMickeyPonchos]

Disykat's post was right on the money in all aspects. We have estranged family on my husband's side. I can only imagine that they will never have a relationship with that Aunt and her sons. I make sure that my girls talk to my brother at least once every couple weeks (as we live across the country from each other), so that they have some kind of established relationship.

We also have friends that have completely different parenting styles. We do the same as Disykat.

It's the same sort of thing as when "divorced and absent" parents try to re-enter their children's lives when they become adults. Doesn't work in many cases.

 

[Narnia]

I have a great friendship with another mom but we don't really hang out "with" the kids together. You can have a friendship with someone w/o your kids. Get a sitter/DH to whatch your baby so you can go out. If disny bugs her or she isn't "into it" talk about someone else who really likes Disney.

 

[jellybeans0607]

But doesn't it make you judgemental because you are judging me based on one comment, on one thread, on one board. .

Umm..no, I made a comment that what you said was judgemental. You then said that you are a judgemental person and proud of it.

 

[rt2dz]

Everyone has their own magic number for having kids. For some that number is 0. There is nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is going to have/want kids. I’m sure it is for a variety of reasons, including, for some people, because they simply don’t like kids. There is nothing wrong with that in and of itself. I have lots of friends who have kids, and many who don’t. Those that don’t have kids are the ones I have grown-up time with. I certainly can use—need—time without my children; they are part of me, but we are not a package deal. For certain occasions, yes, but those childless friends need not be present for those occasions.

However, a problem arises when they don’t like my kids and feel a need to tell me that specifically. I would not tolerate that. It is not acceptable. Those people are cut out of my life. They cannot like kids generally. They can choose not to spend time near children. They MAY NOT put down my children. Just ask my SIL. Luckily, even those in DH’s family who feel I may have overreacted do recognize that SIL was way out of line and I had a right to be angry. Most don’t even think I overreacted.

For the OP, it doesn’t sound like this is a person you still have a viable friendship with. Maybe just Christmas cards. As far as Disney goes, it is a wonderful place for adults and children alike, but not everyone will love Disney. And that’s OK. Many people can’t see that Disney is more than cartoons and children’s rides, especially since they have never been there. Hopefully, Disney isn’t anyone’s life obsession, unless you have the last name Disney. And it doesn’t sound as though that is necessarily your case OP. Just feel sorry for those people.

 

[Ducky4Disney]

I have friends that are adamant that they don't want kids; fine. After I had DS we went to a mutual friends wedding and I brought pictures. I showed them to my friend and her comment was "Don't expect me to be envious" . Of course I didn't expect her to be envious! How about happy for me? Geesh.

D4D

 

[bonita_babe232]

My DH is kinda going throught the same thing.... Where he is from the guys don't have anything to do with the children.... so now that he is here (in canada), when ever he see one of his friends they don't understand why he always has one of our sons with him, and can't just go out to the clubs on saturdays or do random things whenever .... I have a close family friend that I love and we talk all the time... but we don't hang out at all since i have 3 children and she has none, which means we have diffrent intrest.... She is never planning on having kids.. which is fine, thats her choice that she made when she was YOUNG... I have a few friends who have kids but dont spend as much time with them as i do mine (we were all young moms) so i dont hang out with them often either casue we have diffrent "prioritys" .....I think no matter if you have children or if you don't, as you get older you "grow" out of alot of friends... just think of the friends you had in primary school were they your friends in Highschool??? were your high school friends your friends in college and soo on...

 

[Tricia819]

Actually I think the "just don't expect my kid's to visit you when you didn't want anything to do with them growing up" comment has a lot of validity.

None of my siblings have kids. They are always kind to my kids, no big deal. However, they don't really have much of a relationship with them. My sister made a comment about my kids taking care of her and visiting in her old age. I don't know that that's a realistic expectation for her to have when she hasn't developed a relationship with them. They may see her as a burden or a responsibility rather than a loved one they want to help.

Which is the point I have, unsuccessfully, been trying to make. The people I have talked to who are childless by choice refer to THEMSELVES as "too selfish" to have kids. (THEIR words THEY said THEMSELVES. If you want to flame someone PM me and I'll give you their names, but it does no good to flame me as it is not now or has ever been my opinion.) They want to go where they want to go when they want to go without the added complication of children in the mix. Which having three myself I can understand. Fine. It's their lives. Let them do whatever they want. However, they don't dislike kids like the orinigal posters friend does, they have great relationships with their nieces and nephews. So if, God forbid, they ever need help when they are older and unable to do things for themselves that they used to be able to do (hey, it's one of the many indignities of getting older) they still have family that feel close enough to them to want to help. For example, I have 3 aunts and 1 uncle that have been involved in my life since I was a child and adore my kids. I would do ANYTHING for these people and not feel the least bit inconvenienced. However, I also have an uncle who is childless by choice (thank God, his kids probably would have turned out just as bigoted and racist as he is) that I haven't spoken to since I was a freshman in highschool and he only saw my kids three weeks ago. (I'm not about to introduce them to him.) He's getting up there in age and I don't know a single one of my cousins who would willingly lift a finger to help him, much less to spend an afternoon listening to his paranoid drivel. (My head tells me to pity him because I suspect he's a paranoid scizophrenic, but he's burned every bridge in the family). Which brings me back to the orginial post, if this woman is so hostile toward her friend's child, and I'm assuming dislikes all children, who is going to be there for her later in life? When you have no tolerance for other people, eventually, other people will have no tolerance for you.