Friends refusing to pay for their dinner

[mylilnikita]

Perhaps as I wrote in my post to text them thanking them for the evidence that they owe it may just force their hand. If not still they have to to also deal with being served etc.
Years ago, a boy stole my daughter’s phone ( she found it but it was a loss) .
It was an ordeal with the school well more like the assistant vice principal. Camera on bus showed he stole it. Met with him and his mom and she said she would replace it.
Waited almost 2 weeks after mom said she would send check in front of principal ( daughters dad had put insurance in her phone luckily but still had to be some fee ) .anyway no check sent. Right on Mother’s Day weekend , texted the mom that since she hadn’t paid I would be pressing charges on her son, Happy Mother’s Day.
Man she texted back oh I sent the check . I said well if you have I haven’t received it. Next day had the money.



For the record: I used to be a very nice doormat a long time ago, but got over it.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Unfortunately it is unlikely to be worth the court costs to file a small claims case.

The cost depends on what jurisdiction you are in. In NYC, it costs lest than $50.00 and if you win you are awarded court costs as well.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Perhaps as I wrote in my post to text them thanking them for the evidence that they owe it may just force their hand. If not still they have to to also deal with being served etc.
Years ago, a boy stole my daughter’s phone ( she found it but it was a loss) .
It was an ordeal with the school well more like the assistant vice principal. Camera on bus showed he stole it. Met with him and his mom and she said she would replace it.
Waited almost 2 weeks after mom said she would send check in front of principal ( daughters dad had put insurance in her phone luckily but still had to be some fee ) .anyway no check sent. Right on Mother’s Day weekend , texted the mom that since she hadn’t paid I would be pressing charges on her son, Happy Mother’s Day.
Man she texted back oh I sent the check . I said well if you have I haven’t received it. Next day had the money.



For the record: I used to be a very nice doormat a long time ago, but got over it.

A phone stolen (that's a big difference here) and a dinner the OP (with good intentions) ended up offering to pay in the moment just aren't the same thing and you went through the school as you should if it occurred on school property.

It has nothing to do with being a doormat or not. Frankly I would not want my tax dollars (even though I know it happens) for people to being filing a claim over a portion of dinner not being paid to the tune of 200 bucks, please go after much bigger societal issues through legal channels, it's better for us all not to bog down courts on a darn lost dinner. You don't have to be equated to a doormat to not go that route on the OP's situation.

 

[irlandaise]

I never thought about them not having their drivers license on them. The wife is very critical of how we and everyone else around her spends money, making snarky comments about our Disney trips and other things, so I think in her mind maybe we deserved this or something.

Yeah, they're definitely jerks. Or at least she is, and apparently hubby hasn't objected to her snark.

I’m just going to stop talking to her and just chalk the money up as a loss. And I definitely think this was planned because they ordered super expensive food and drinks. They both got surf and turf (filet mignon and big Maryland crab cakes), 2 appetizers, cocktails and 2 desserts. Their total was almost twice ours. I’m pretty sure they were hoping we’d just offer to pay.

I once went out to dinner with a friend and one of her other friends whom I didn't know. When the bill came, our mutual friend offered to treat us, and when I said that wasn't necessary, the other lady said, "She's got plenty of money." As if that was the only criterion as to who should pay.

 

[mylilnikita]

A phone stolen (that's a big difference here) and a dinner the OP (with good intentions) ended up offering to pay in the moment just aren't the same thing and you went through the school as you should if it occurred on school property.

It has nothing to do with being a doormat or not. Frankly I would not want my tax dollars (even though I know it happens) for people to being filing a claim over a portion of dinner not being paid to the tune of 200 bucks, please go after much bigger societal issues through legal channels, it's better for us all not to bog down courts on a darn lost dinner. You don't have to be equated to a doormat to not go that route on the OP's situation.

Letting it go is being a doormat.
And sorry but it is SMALL CfAIMS court. If you would want to let it go then hey that is on you, but don’t expect everyone just as I don’t expect for people to do what I’d agree with. tax dollar go for everyone can utilize and we have no say of how it is spent unfortunately.

There is no difference that I see about phone and the non payers, both were stolen heck the OP buddies committed a fraud to set her up.

Yes I did go through the school and it was a crappy experience with an assistant principal who didn’t want to do his job so had to remind him ( he said he could look at bus camera then dropped it) then asked my daughter if she knew anything more ( because he didn’t request to look at bus camera then dropped it thinking I forgot. Left a voicemail being assertive ok I told him to do his job because I couldn’t request to look at at bus camera then. He then called my kid and her boyfriend( not sure why he was involved ) and told them he didn’t like my attitude. My kid said we are minors so you need to call her . Then she called me lol. Then I went there and had an impromptu meeting and he really didn’t like my attitude then because his boss was there . But I got him to look at the bus camera and met with mom
and kid.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Letting it go is being a doormat.
And sorry but it is SMALL CfAIMS court. If you would want to let it go then hey that is on you, but don’t expect everyone just as I don’t expect for people to do what I’d agree with. tax dollar go for everyone can utilize and we have no say of how it is spent unfortunately.

There is no difference that I see about phone and the non payers, both were stolen heck the OP buddies committed a fraud to set her up.

Yes I did go through the school and it was a crappy experience with an assistant principal who didn’t want to do his job so had to remind him ( he said he could look at bus camera then dropped it) then asked my daughter if she knew anything more ( because he didn’t request to look at bus camera then dropped it thinking I forgot. Left a voicemail being assertive ok I told him to do his job because I couldn’t request to look at at bus camera then. He then called my kid and her boyfriend( not sure why he was involved ) and told them he didn’t like my attitude. My kid said we are minors so you need to call her . Then she called me lol. Then I went there and had an impromptu meeting and he really didn’t like my attitude then because his boss was there . But I got him to look at the bus camera and met with mom
and kid.

Mountain meet molehill IMO for court. You know how sometimes people complain that others are dramatic ones at the same time as fueling if not creating the drama. Yeah that's what I see here. No one actually thinks what the people did was morally right but to escalate it to the degree which is being talked about yeah no (and thus far I don't know that the OP would even entertain this idea).

It's not being a doormat to let it go, being a doormat is when you are unable to set any boundaries throughout your life with little to no people, you lack the wherewithal to understand when people are taking advantage of you and wish to people please everyone. Choosing actively to not pursue something because it's not worth it in the end is not that and to suggest that every person here who would let it go is just being a doormat reflects more on your opinion of people in general. It's certainly not a kind thing at all, and it starts to blur the lines of just who is the bad person in this story. I'm hopeful the OP is less inclined to go so far as to even mention court though.

 

[soccerdad72]

I’m a little surprised by the posters who would go to court over this. Like most, I would write off this and not contact them again (or, at least, not go out socially with them).

 

[princesscinderella]

I would tell them I expect the money by XYZ. I would not go to dinner with them again and I would likely no longer socialize with them.


Unfortunately it is unlikely to be worth the court costs to file a small claims case.

This is a perfect case for Judge Judy!

 

[disneychrista]

The cost depends on what jurisdiction you are in. In NYC, it costs lest than $50.00 and if you win you are awarded court costs as well.

California it would only be $30, so maybe it would be worth the hassle. They would almost certainly win, since there are text messages admitting that they owe the money. But still might be difficult to collect even if they do win.

 

[BrdwayBoy]

drop it and not talk to her again

This is the solution.

 

[fly girl]

Buh bye, moochers!

This is clearly a planned set up. BOTH forget wallets, and BOTH phones have issues with using Zelle and Cashapp? Come on. And then to have the audacity to put this on you and say you are obsessed? Gaslighting 101 to turn it on you.

Sadly, they are never going to pay. And obviously they are not real friends. They are users. Goodbye and good riddance!

 

[robinb]

I understand about kids sports and other patents.

Personally, I would move on and never find myself in the same situation again. Your child’s relationship with their kid is worth more than holding their feet to the fire to get your $200 back. Chalk it up to a learning experience. From this day forward, I would never front them a single penny or put yourself in a situation where they might “forget” their wallet again.

I had a similar experience with actual friends, but I edited my post in case they read here.

 

[Disneylover99]

Letting it go is being a doormat.

For the dinner incident?
No. Constantly falling for this and allowing this to happen over and over again is being a doormat.

Don’t get bogged down in crap. Cutting your losses, moving on quickly and blocking them is just straight up good for your mental health. That’s my perspective anyways.

 

[slo]

For the dinner incident?
No. Constantly falling for this and allowing this to happen over and over again is being a doormat.

Don’t get bogged down in crap. Cutting your losses, moving on quickly and blocking them is just straight up good for your mental health. That’s my perspective anyways.

I’ve been reading through this off and on since it posted, but had no time to post and then keep up with it.

This reply to another post is so greatly worded and I agree 100%.
There’s no way that I’d take the time to go to small claims. Just consider it a loss and move on with life. It’s a shame that the friendship ended this way, but it’s time to look forward, not backwards. You file to small claims and they’ll probably just keep making up excuses on why they need to have an extension. Thank goodness you’ve seen their true colors now before you invested any more time into the friendship,

Good luck with all this - moments like this are hurtful and really stink

 

[TippyThomas]

Bummer

 

[mjkacmom]

I think I would have just let it go. Yeah, it's crappy but that amount isn't worth messaging someone repeatedly for payment IMO. I go with the old advice to never give a loan out that you would be upset to not get back.

It's happened to us before, I had to pay $600 because one of our relatives was having issues with their card allegedly not working upon check-in at a hotel we all traveled to for a couple days. I asked once about repayment after we were all back, they told me they would, but then never did. It's just not worth the mental energy, but of course it just depends on everyones financial situation. If it causes a hardship, definitely ask more than once, and I get it with the economy heading in the direction it is now unfortunately that it is not always feasible to pay additional unexpected costs. It's a tough situation all around.

I agree, it’s along the lines of holding a grudge is like drinking poison to kill someone else. No need to spend anymore emotional energy on this, let it go, drop the friendship, let the kids stay friends. Take the high road.

 

[mylilnikita]

For the dinner incident?
No. Constantly falling for this and allowing this to happen over and over again is being a doormat.

Don’t get bogged down in crap. Cutting your losses, moving on quickly and blocking them is just straight up good for your mental health. That’s my perspective anyways.

If you read OP other post she stated that moocher wife is very critical of how OP spends money then decides to go to dinner . Once again i know not everyone is the same, but why hang out with someone who openly criticize how you spend your money? And to keep associating with them : doormat.

Their kids know each other but parents don’t have to hang out especially if one set of parents keeps being critical.

 

[mjkacmom]

I never thought about them not having their drivers license on them. The husband drove, so he should’ve had it on him. I thought it was weird they both “forgot” their wallets but I had no reason to doubt them at the time. I always knew the wife was a little entitled and narcissistic but I never thought she’d turn out like this. I have no way of talking to the husband directly, he’s not on Facebook and I don’t have his number, and DH isn’t really friends with him outside of when we hang out. The wife is very critical of how we and everyone else around her spends money, making snarky comments about our Disney trips and other things, so I think in her mind maybe we deserved this or something. I’m just going to stop talking to her and just chalk the money up as a loss. And I definitely think this was planned because they ordered super expensive food and drinks. They both got surf and turf (filet mignon and big Maryland crab cakes), 2 appetizers, cocktails and 2 desserts. Their total was almost twice ours. I’m pretty sure they were hoping we’d just offer to pay.

At least it wasn’t more expensive, we just went to a nice steakhouse, 10 of us, bill was $2000. I had 2 cocktails, split an app and side with DH, $50 steak (it was the cheapest), DH had dessert. He did a bank run that afternoon, knowing it wasn’t going to be cheap. All of our circles split checks evenly.

 

[tony67]

I'm reminded of the scene from Goodfellas. “Perfect, then it only cost you $20 to get him out of your life.”

Yeah this is $200+ - just move on - and drop them.

I have had several (well two) very similar situations.
One where my kid is still really good friends with their kid years later - but we no longer interact with the parents at all.

Another where my kid no longer hangs out with their kid more than maybe once a year - but I cant get rid of the parents - they just don't get the message and its been two years. They even tried to get me to help them get their kid into a school which I only did because I like the kid.

If its not going to break the bank and you are rid of them just chalk it up to a learned lesson.
Your time dealing with it is probably worth more than $200 (I know $216 plus tip so more like 250 but still)

 

[Disneylover99]

If you read OP other post she stated that moocher wife is very critical of how OP spends money then decides to go to dinner . Once again i know not everyone is the same, but why hang out with someone who openly criticize how you spend your money? And to keep associating with them : doormat.

Their kids know each other but parents don’t have to hang out especially if one set of parents keeps being critical.

If they were openly critical about how people spend their money, I would have expected them to be frugal about what they ordered at dinner.

But the OP had no way of knowing they were actually moochers until they ordered the most expensive meals, made excuses for not paying and then basically refused to pay.

Going forward? Yes. Now they know what kind of people they are. Avoid at all costs.