Friends refusing to pay for their dinner

[cabanafrau]

They are parents of one of my sons friends who we hang out with once every few months or so but I communicate with much more frequently via text and facebook. So not like good friends but friends enough that I trusted them not to do this to me. It’ll be awkward when our kids hang out from now on!

Ugh, with the kids involved all you can really do is put it in the rearview. No doubt they did that math before ever grifting from you and were banking on it -- literally in a sense.

Depending on your relationships with the other parents in the circle, I might discretely suss out a few relationships and share your experience if you get the drift that your information will be received as a welcomed warning -- or possibly in the spirit of misery loving company as long as it's not used to destroy the kids' relationships. I went through a different version of this scenario amongst a circle of dance mom friends when my girls were taking dance. I kept it quiet and chose to handle it by making a point to upend the way we had been handling accommodations for dance conventions and competitions -- all while smiling through it and being perfectly pleasant to my daughter's friend. A few people were thrown at my left turn out of nowhere and were probably rolling their eyes at my push to "complicate" things, but things went on as normally as possible and it seriously narrowed the grifter's ability to prey upon others in the group as well.

Unfortunately she eventually came up with a couple of more circuitous moves that burned a couple others in completely different ways, things got heated and the group pushed her out. In the fallout the idea that she probably could have done a lot more damage in the earlier years with how we handled hotels and such in the past and how mad she must have been that my "fussy ideas" would have made that impossible. Then the lights went on and people started to realize my left turn wasn't just a detour without reason. By this point my daughter's friendship with the grifter's daughter had begun to drift of its own accord so it didn't create the chasm I had tried to avoid in the first place. I'm still very close with several of the same women and occasionally it does still get mentioned when we take a walk down memory lane. Of course now they're all certain they would have absolutely accepted my version had I brought the situation out in the open in the first place, but I think it's likely a lot of relationships would have changed, and not for the better. I do wish I could have prevented her from preying on others altogether, but I did the best I could.

 

[Dan Murphy]

cinnamon role

And then I misspell role (roll). Must have been thinking cast members, and their roles)

 

[Living42Day]

I think I would have just let it go. Yeah, it's crappy but that amount isn't worth messaging someone repeatedly for payment IMO. I go with the old advice to never give a loan out that you would be upset to not get back.

It's happened to us before, I had to pay $600 because one of our relatives was having issues with their card allegedly not working upon check-in at a hotel we all traveled to for a couple days. I asked once about repayment after we were all back, they told me they would, but then never did. It's just not worth the mental energy, but of course it just depends on everyones financial situation. If it causes a hardship, definitely ask more than once, and I get it with the economy heading in the direction it is now unfortunately that it is not always feasible to pay additional unexpected costs. It's a tough situation all around.

 

[gsdweller]

Pestering does no good anyway in a world where they can block you in 5 seconds and your messages never see the light of day.

 

[Disneylover99]

Just to add……if they suddenly pay you back and apologize for their behaviour, thank them and move on. Be strong. Don’t fall for this false friendship. They’re bound to take advantage of you again.

 

[brockash]

DH and I went out to dinner at an upscale restaurant with another couple who are friends of ours last week (they chose the restaurant). When we arrived this couple said they both “forgot their wallets” and asked if we could pay and they’d Zelle or Cashapp us right back. We said of course. They ordered $216 worth of food and drink (excluding tip and tax). After dinner they said they couldn’t get into their bank app and they’d “catch up with us tomorrow”. A few days went by without hearing from them, so I texted to see if they could send the money. The wife apologized and said she thought they sent it already. Another 2 days go by, no money. I texted her again and she got angry and said that she was tired of me harassing her and we should just have treated them to the dinner in the first place when they said they forgot their wallets. She said I was “obsessed” with this and said she’d send it. That was days ago and still no money. I texted her again today and she said if I valued our friendship I’d just drop it. She’s under the impression that because we’re “doing better” than them financially we shouldn’t be worried over it. I’ve only been friends with these people for around two years now, but up until now I liked them. Now I’m trying to decide if I just drop it and stay friends, drop it and not talk to her again or keep trying to get back the money. She seems weirdly sensitive about this. It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s not small change either. What would you do?

I def. wouldn't be friends with them anymore. So odd...I mean they're the ones that chose thex restaurant...was this there plan all along? I'd definitely keep my distance.

 

[cabanafrau]

I def. wouldn't be friends with them anymore. So odd...I mean they're the ones that chose thex restaurant...was this there plan all along? I'd definitely keep my distance.

Well they did both forget their wallets . . .

 

[leebee]

I'm weird and annoying enough that I'd keep hounding them. I'd drop the friendship part, but I'd just keep texting or emailing demanding payment. (While knowing in my heart I'd never see a dime, and that the friendship is over. I just figure you're not going to stick it to me without me getting a little of my own back.) No skin off my nose if they get stressed about it or mad at me. Good. I'd probably just find some autobot text or emailer program that would send stuff a couple times per day. Nothing profane or too angry that could trigger them to call the law, just, "Hey we floated you that $200 bucks and you said you'd pay back. Still waiting..."

This is pretty much EXACTLY what I'd do. Message them weekly or something, nothing profane or too nasty, just "hey, you owe us $250, don't forget, still waiting" set up on auto-text or something like that. People need to be held accountable. My guess is they were assuming that when they said they'd forgotten their wallets, you'd say, "Oh, no worries, we'll get it this time, you can get it next time." Of course, there'd never BE a next time...

And I said $250 because it was $216 BEFORE tax and tip, which I am sure OP paid, too!

 

[TwoMisfits]

Honestly, I'd send an official email as a "final request for the $216 owed before contacting my lawyer to initiate a small claims suit for payment" - almost these exact words would be in the email.

Then I'd wait a month. I probably wouldn't go through with contacting the lawyer, but they wouldn't be certain...and if it ended up in court, they'd pay more that what they owe just in wasted time and court fees, so it might be enough to push them over the edge to pay.

But as far as friends, they aren't your friends. They played you. I'd actually let my kid know, so he/she could know you probably don't want any "family" type outings with them in the future...

 

[irlandaise]

Well they did both forget their wallets . . .

There's something very sketchy about that claim. Did they drive their own car, without their driver's licenses (which are presumably in their wallets)? Or did they take a taxi or rideshare and pay with their phone? Do they have Apple Pay or Google Pay set up on a phone? It's very hard to believe that two adults would leave the house without any means of payment on them.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

I would be SO P****** Off!!! WHO DOES THAT??
Obviously, they aren't going to pay you. Maybe there are much bigger problems here. Regardless, I would say the friendship is OVER.

 

[barkley]

I don't think you could leap that it's the husband over the wife if there were money issues

I agree-in fact one spouse may not even be aware that their own household is having financial issues or in debt depending on how the finances are handled. I had more than a few co-workers, female, whose dh's had no idea they had taken out credit cards, did regular cash advance and in one case a 5 figure personal loan the wives grabbed the mail each day (before the popularity of e-billing), paid the bills, balanced the checkbooks....so long as they paid the minimum each month and no one from collections called their dh's were none the wiser until they went to re-fi the house or buy a car and the wife's credit report got pulled up.


in the op's case it sounds like the only communication for repayment has been with the wife 'friend' so the husband may be under the impression his wife took care of it. maybe a text to both the husband and wife on their separate numbers so he can join in the conversation?

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

Wow that's so sad. It's a shame somebody would do you that way. I would be dropping them. I've had ex inlaws that were that way. Probably not the first time these people have done this, and it probably won't be the last.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

I am in agreement with those who say do not let them off easy. OP, they played you as they have probably done many times with others. This is their act (both "forgetting" their wallets) and has probably gotten them quite a few free meals in the past. So, it works for them. However, this time they did not get the answer they were anticipating which is you having said "don't worry about it dinner is on us." This is why with every reminder you send her about the money she becomes more and more nasty and her entitlement that you should have treated them the meal. They were never going to reimburse you so that is why they went all out on dinner. Of course, you could not have known that at the time but nobody likes to be taken for a fool.
As far as the kids being friends, I would not let my son anywhere near them or their family.
Oh, and if I did happen to see them I would not hesitate to remind them (and loudly for others to hear) that they have still not repaid you for their $250 dinner that they tricked you into paying. They know exactly what they did so if anyone will feel awkward it will be them.

 

[_19disnA]

I would drop them as friends. They never intended to pay and kept making excuses about why they didn't send you the money. When they get miffed/pushy about you asking for the money is a sure sign they are trying to take advantage of you. I wouldn't care to be friends with people like that and probably they will continue to try to take advantage of you if you let them.

 

[mylilnikita]

People mistake kindness for weakness. They definitely set up OP.

since they are dumb enough to have it via text they owe but haven’t paid etc, I’d thank her for the evidence she provided for you to see them in small claims court.

 

[NYCgrrl]

People mistake kindness for weakness. They definitely set up OP.

since they are dumb enough to have it via text they owe but haven’t paid etc, I’d thank her for the evidence she provided for you to see them in small claims court.

That’s how I’d handle it as well.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

I never thought about them not having their drivers license on them. The husband drove, so he should’ve had it on him. I thought it was weird they both “forgot” their wallets but I had no reason to doubt them at the time. I always knew the wife was a little entitled and narcissistic but I never thought she’d turn out like this. I have no way of talking to the husband directly, he’s not on Facebook and I don’t have his number, and DH isn’t really friends with him outside of when we hang out. The wife is very critical of how we and everyone else around her spends money, making snarky comments about our Disney trips and other things, so I think in her mind maybe we deserved this or something. I’m just going to stop talking to her and just chalk the money up as a loss. And I definitely think this was planned because they ordered super expensive food and drinks. They both got surf and turf (filet mignon and big Maryland crab cakes), 2 appetizers, cocktails and 2 desserts. Their total was almost twice ours. I’m pretty sure they were hoping we’d just offer to pay.

 

[disneychrista]

I would tell them I expect the money by XYZ. I would not go to dinner with them again and I would likely no longer socialize with them.


Unfortunately it is unlikely to be worth the court costs to file a small claims case.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Unfortunately it is unlikely to be worth the court costs to file a small claims case.

That's what I was thinking. Plus I mean this isn't like a contractor or something like that where having a court case would actually do some good. PLUS at least here the OP would be the one responsible for ensuring the other party paid IF they won which just puts them right back in this situation they are in now only now they've gone to court, paid a filing fee (which in my county is nearly $48 for the amount the OP is talking about) plus a $15 fee so a sheriff can serve the other party and really just a big hassle. I guess for some people it's worth it but dang I don't want to have to take my time out of my day chasing court dates and arranging all of that stuff for monies owed on a dinner and that's if I would even win. Plus there's more fees associated with further action. Yipes maybe other people see it worth but this dinner isn't IMO. Save it for unscrupulous contractors, builders, bad renters and the like.