friend ruining trip

[newrygirl]

We just returned from a 10 night stay at CR(first time) and 4 nights at the WL(first time also) We LOVED both resorts. We had orginally booked all 14 nights at the WL but switched the first 10 nights so DS16 could bring his best friend, what a mistake, we have had this kid at our place many times and he was always polite and well behaved but on the 10 day holiday it was totally different, I felt so sorry for my ds as he was shocked and has actually not spoken to his friend since they returned which I find sad that it may have ruined their friendship. His parents paid for his flight and disney ticket and gave him his spending $, we paid the difference in hotel to go from the WL to CR to be able to sleep 5, we had free dining so food was not an issue other than breakfast and tips which I paid. Now disers please tell me if I was being unreasonable, we talked with the teenagers before the holiday and made 1 rule, no texting on their phones after we all go to bed, most nights we wouldn't go to bed until 12-1am, they said fine before we went but once there this boy refused to put his phone away and texted until 3 most nights, that light gets annoying. He also texted on the rides, my son didn't even bring his phone to the parks.
Other issues we had-he pulled the vases off that are glued on the shelf in the CR, He brought cigars and felt he could smoke where ever he liked on the grounds, and tried to get my 13 year old to smoke, I wouldn't let him get an energy drink with his cs meal one night and he said he should be allowed to get whatever the hell he wanted as his Mom paid for him, I told him I paid for the room and that is where the dining comes in and I was paying the tips so no he couldn't have one, he then texted his Mom to say I was complaining about the tips.
He would go out wandering the hotel grounds after we had all gone to bed and we would have to go looking for him and find him smoking cigars by the pool, I explained you could only smoke in certain areas or it was a $250 fine and he said "whatever"
he told us the most he wanted to spend in a park was 3 hours, he has never been to Disney and that he was only happy if he was swimming or golfing(they golfed 3 times in 7 days, plenty I think). told us epcot and illuminatios was gay, I could go on and on but just had to vent as I found it very sad that I tried to do something nice for my son and his friend and his friend almost ruined the whole trip for everyone.
Thanks for listening everyone:goodvibe

 

[disney david]

We just returned from a 10 night stay at CR(first time) and 4 nights at the WL(first time also) We LOVED both resorts. We had orginally booked all 14 nights at the WL but switched the first 10 nights so DS16 could bring his best friend, what a mistake, we have had this kid at our place many times and he was always polite and well behaved but on the 10 day holiday it was totally different, I felt so sorry for my ds as he was shocked and has actually not spoken to his friend since they returned which I find sad that it may have ruined their friendship. His parents paid for his flight and disney ticket and gave him his spending $, we paid the difference in hotel to go from the WL to CR to be able to sleep 5, we had free dining so food was not an issue other than breakfast and tips which I paid. Now disers please tell me if I was being unreasonable, we talked with the teenagers before the holiday and made 1 rule, no texting on their phones after we all go to bed, most nights we wouldn't go to bed until 12-1am, they said fine before we went but once there this boy refused to put his phone away and texted until 3 most nights, that light gets annoying. He also texted on the rides, my son didn't even bring his phone to the parks.
Other issues we had-he pulled the vases off that are glued on the shelf in the CR, He brought cigars and felt he could smoke where ever he liked on the grounds, and tried to get my 13 year old to smoke, I wouldn't let him get an energy drink with his cs meal one night and he said he should be allowed to get whatever the hell he wanted as his Mom paid for him, I told him I paid for the room and that is where the dining comes in and I was paying the tips so no he couldn't have one, he then texted his Mom to say I was complaining about the tips.
He would go out wandering the hotel grounds after we had all gone to bed and we would have to go looking for him and find him smoking cigars by the pool, I explained you could only smoke in certain areas or it was a $250 fine and he said "whatever"
he told us the most he wanted to spend in a park was 3 hours, he has never been to Disney and that he was only happy if he was swimming or golfing(they golfed 3 times in 7 days, plenty I think). told us epcot and illuminatios was gay, I could go on and on but just had to vent as I found it very sad that I tried to do something nice for my son and his friend and his friend almost ruined the whole trip for everyone.
Thanks for listening everyone

If it was me geting a free trip to disney i be on my best behavior he lucky you didnt live him in florida. He smokes how old is he dose his parent know or care. I hope you didnt have to pay for the damage in the room. if it was me and i knew he left at night to walk i would pack the bags and switch hotels screw that if he going to ruin let his parent find a way for him to get home. You was nice to take him and he pull this crap and you want looking for him and tried to show him a good time you handle it better then i would of. If i was you i would tell his parent they owe you more money you went above and beyond you responiabilty to take care of him. What you supposed to stop you trip and follow him around to make sure he dosnt smoke. You was thier to spend time with your family i cant belive this a 14 day stay i love to stay in disney for 14 days and he thinks to pull this they owe you another trip.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Wow! I'm so sorry for your family and especially your son.

I don't even know what else to say.

 

[KatInHat]

How awful for you and your son . It sounds like he is very ungrateful and maybe a little spoiled.
How did your son handle his behavior, I bet he was probably shocked?

10 days is a long time to have to put up with that behavior.. I would have seriously considered calling his parents and telling them that he was on his way home and they could pick him up at the airport.
So sorry he ruined your vacation.

 

[BYC]

You have the patience of a saint. I'd have sent him packing after the first couple of days. My daughter brought her best friend on out trip, and while he was always a gentleman, there were several times I wished we did not have him there. But not because of rudeness like that. More because he was a bit homesick, and not excited to to all the things we wanted to do. But if he had broken my rules, he'd have been on his way to the airport, on his parents dime!

 

[newrygirl]

Thanks for letting me vent guys and for your kind words, yes my son was very shocked and as I said he hasn't spoken to his friend since we returned, I told my son to not let it spoil his friendship and all my son said was "Mom, I can't believe how self centered, spoiled and rude so and so was" he is an only child at home and my son said he doesn't have many rules, I can see that now.
I didn't really want to get into it with his Mom as they play hockey together and such and I didn't want it to be uncomfortable, his mom emailed me to say she had something to thank us and would bring it over sometime, I told her that I didn't feel that her son enjoyed himself, she said that he had a hard time as we had a few rules and that at 16 they let him make his own decisions and don't give him any real rules and that she believes that he makes pretty good choices considering what is out there, I was shocked and speechless bit didn't feel it was worth getting into, I would love to tell her everything as my son told me that he was telling his mom what a bit*h I was. Makes me very angry.

 

[Beckypooh1972]

Wow, where to start? I'm so sorry your son's friend caused you such grief on your trip. My kids are small but I would think twice about bringing one of their friends on such a long trip. 14 nights is a long time to be on vacation with your immediate family let alone with guests. It might have been better to bring him along for a short trip to see how it went and gauge whether you should bring him along again after that first short trip. Good word of warning for other parents. Thanks for sharing your story!

 

[dadschum]

Geez. That's awful. Have you spoken to his parents since you have been back? Their reaction will be very telling. Most parents would and should be mortified at such behavior and should punish said child immediately, quite harshly. And punishment ought to include personally, not on the phone or via letter, addressing you and your family to apologize. Also, I think there should be monetary compensation for any damages incurred, or at least compensation for the meals as that seemed to be a source of problems for the child.

And I hope your son has nothing further to do with this boy. He obviously knew his behavior was grossly out of line.

 

[newrygirl]

He wasn't with us for the whole trip thank god, he was only with us for the first week, he then flew home, we switched to the WL and had a blast
And no my son hasn't spoken to him since we returned.
I did talk to the mother a bit, I just said that her son didn't seem to enjoy himself and had a hard time with rules, she said they let him make his own decisions and choices and feel he makes the right ones, ok then I figures there was no use getting into as I felt it would go nowhere if thats how they feel.

 

[verticalchaos]

Ugh, how awful!! I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that.

I know if it had been my friend with me and my family, my parents would have been on the phone to her parents the first time a warning was ignored (or if it was a serious infraction, the first time it happened) asking them to please change her flight to the next possible one and then they would have taken her to the airport to make sure she got on the plane (granted, when I was a teen people were allowed back to gates without tickets).

Good luck!!!!!

 

[carrie1626]

How unfortunate for you son

Hopefully people thinking of bringing the "friend along" will read your post and realize this is a huge decision to make.



he probably has lost this kid as a friend and that might be a blessing in disguise( I won't get too off-topic but my son's OLD BF started drinking/drugs and my DH and I couldn't figure out why they weren't hanging anymore....you get the picture.

 

[cluvsdisney]

That's such a shame that he couldn't appreciate one thing about your generosity, hospitality, Disney, nothing.

If I EVER pulled a stunt like that, my parents would hand me my head on a platter.

 

[Amy&Dan]

When you add in the difference between CR and the WL that was probably not cheap to bring this ungrateful, disrespectful, and arrogant BRAT.

As for his poor excuse for a mother, no wonder this kid is so messed up.

So calling your friend's mom a b**ch, smoking cigars, keeping other people awake and being ungrateful are good choices for a 16 year old. I wonder what she considers a bad choice?

I would not accept the gift. It may sound petty, but I would say "to be honest, your son ruined our vacation so any gift you give me would only serve as a painful reminder of family time ruined, and the hundreds of dollars this cost us wasted".

Good for your son for not talking to this kid. Your son isn't letting this ruin a friendship, his "friend" did that all by himself!

I am just so sorry you had this happen on your vacation. What a shame for all of you! But I am so glad he was only there the first week and that you had a great time once he went home!

I will also add that I think your rule about no texting after bed is very reasonable. I have a son who is almost 16 and a dd who is 14 and I have the same rule. In fact, once we turn in for the night, their phones are turned off because I don't want to hear a vibration or see the light come on if somebody else texts them! I also would not have let him get the energy drink either since it was at dinner. If he'd go to bed before 3:00 a.m. he wouldn't need the energy drink! So I think your rules were fine, but in the end that isnt' even the issue. When you stay with someone else whether in its in their home or their hotel, their rules are your rules! His parents should have taught him that.

 

[Tinkerbellie16]

I am so sorry about your experience. I'm glad he wasn't with you the whole time. The smoking cigars would have put me over the edge! I totally understand what you mean by not wanting to make huge waves with the parents - especially after the week was over. Don't worry if a 16 year old says you are a b. You stuck to your good parenting skills and the rest of us parents appreciate it! Trust in your ability and frankly, I'd rather see you tell the other parents the list of items you did not approve of and if they do, then they can take him to Disney and not you! I don't think you should worry about keeping any 'peace' with that family since your son (and you) don't want anything to do with the friend.

 

[louey]

He wasn't with us for the whole trip thank god, he was only with us for the first week, he then flew home, we switched to the WL and had a blast
And no my son hasn't spoken to him since we returned.
I did talk to the mother a bit, I just said that her son didn't seem to enjoy himself and had a hard time with rules, she said they let him make his own decisions and choices and feel he makes the right ones, ok then I figures there was no use getting into as I felt it would go nowhere if thats how they feel.

Amen for that at least you ended on a good note
Your sons friend was inconsiderate and rude, maybe its a blessing that your son doesn't hang around him anymore

 

[disney david]

They let him smoke at age 16 and they think that a good choice they need to take a little closer look at how they handle things.

 

[lilwhiterabbit]

My parenting style seems to be a bit more relaxed than yours, but my son knows that if he's at someone else's house (or in this case, on someone else's vacation) he's expected to follow their rules. I agree talking with the boy's parents probably won't help much in this instance, and I'm sorry he almost ruined your vacation. Your son, however, has shown extreme maturity in these circumstances and you should be proud that you've raised such a considerate child.

 

[Sammie]

Where did he buy cigars at 16?

When he spent the night at your house, did he text at all hours, roam around?

I will say this, learned from experience, 10 days is too long for someone that has never been and you have no idea if they will like it. Hard for many of us here at DIS to realize but many, especially teens find WDW boring after 4 or 5 days.

They are more into the parks with high thrill coasters.

 

[brunette8706]

I would have taken that (Y(^*^&%&^ phone of his right before bedtime and LOCKED IT UP IN THE SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!

This kid sounds like a spoiled BRAT!!!!!!!!!!! And he's smoking at what, 13??

Brunette

 

[mistysue]

Does his mom have any idea that he is smoking?

If they think he makes good decisions, it makes me wonder if they actually know about the decisions he is making. Maybe he acts more responsible around them, so they would be more inclined to think you just set some crazy rules. He's 16, it's generally safe to assume he has secrets from his parents. I don't even know how to handle that one, but if there is ever a good time or opening in conversation to mention it- I think whether they are aware of the cigars would be a question worth asking.