Friend Canceled Trip, We are still going

[MickeyMomOfThree]

A friend of my DD15 and her family were going to be in Disney the same time as us (actually, she has 2 friends who are overlapping, but one is still going, this is about the other. Our trips were not planned together or anything it was just by chance.)

We know the family pretty well, they also have kids my other 2 DD's ages. We are not close friends, but friends, the girls were looking forward to spending some time in the park (just once day) and we have enjoyed talking about our plans over the last couple years. Anyway, the mom told me yesterday that they are going to be canceling cause they won't have enough saved for the whole package. They haven't told the kids yet. I feel bad, they have been planning for 2 years.

Just before she told me I had posted on Facebook (she's on there) that in 9 weeks we'd be packing up the car and on our way. Now I feel guilty. DH said we have saved hard and have gone without so we can go and I shouldn't feel guilty, and I know he is right, but my youngest is in class and scouts with her DD and they talk about it all the time. Do I tell my DD to stop talking about it (not yet of course as the kids don't know and won't tell my kids till they do.)

I know people plan trips with friends here all the time, surely someone has had freinds cancel. How do you handle it? I don't know how I'd feel having not had to cancel before. I know there are worse things in life, but I don't want the kids to feel worse if I can help it.

 

[sydneysmom]

first off, take off that you're going on vacation on Facebook.....it's an open invitation to someone lurking that shouldn't. ( why post WHEN you'll be gone, you know?)

As for your trip....BE EXCITED !!! honestly, you can't worry about the other family. Even if you were very good friends, your situation and their situation are completely different. You didn't plan your trip together. Please don't feel guilty about being excited about your trip. You've obviously worked hard to save the money to go.....that has nothing to do with anyone else. That is what YOUR family is doing.

I'm sure that this other family will have the opportunity to go again in the future and at that time THEY will be excited to go. Your trips are separate of each other, so don't feel guilty because you want to be excited.

 

[Kay1]

If she brings it up in conversation, maybe you could advise her on different ways to vacation at Disney. Maybe she doesn't know about renting houses and condos to save on accomodations and meals, for example, and you could help her.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I totally get what yo uare saying about Facebook, and we have that rule for our DD15, but my FB friend count is not one that has everyone I ever met on it, it is all my actual friends who know we are going anyway and my privacy settings for everything are "Friends Only."

I am still just as excited as I was before, I just don't want the kids to feel bad at the hand of my kids. I will probably just tell them, well, DD8 really and when the kids know, that they had to cancel and if the tables were turned we'd be feeing sad and so while they she should still be super excited, to try and be careful about their DD8's feelings and not talk about it a bunch in front of her.

I did tell her about FD, and she knows that I have helped many friends plan their trips on a budget, but she said she had a TA who was handling it. I kind of wanted to say let me help you and see if we can do better but it kind of felt intrusive too, I mean, maybe money is tighter then just this trip and I don't want to make that worse.

Thanks for the advise. I am really excited, we have really saved as a family for this trip, have all the money and then some in the bank ready to make our final payment. I am sure it wasn't an easy choice for them and I respect them for making it, it must be hard enough without hearing us talk about ours. I probably won't post much on FB about it anymore for that alone. And no harm, I don't NEED to post about our excitement, it was just something I did cause I was feeling excited yesterday being 4 weeks till my DD's sweet 16 and 9 weeks till our trip.

 

[sydneysmom]

it's so weird, I had JUST read a thread about someone getting robbed after posting their trip on FB, so when I saw yours I was immediately like "WAIT NO!!!!". ..... over protective !!

I feel bad for their kids and it's a shame that your kids have to kind of stifle their excitement, but I totally understand it too. I wouldn't want to see their kids hurt either. But take heart that they'll go again and their kids will be so excited.

I hope your trip is wonderful though and full of wonderful memories!!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I read it right after I posted.

 

[Glenn]

First I would say still go on your vacation.
Second dont feel too obtrusive about talking to your friend about her plans. Some TA know Disney and how to work a trip from budget to delux. Others just open a book, say oh this is nice (because of the commission) and sign them up. Also look at it this way. Even if the TA only gets part of the vacation because your friends handle some on their own they still will make some commision. Did she say how far off they are? Also they should remember to include their normal weekly food budget (including eating out) in their budget since they would spend it if they stood at home. Good luck with your friends.

 

[Noah]

I'd say treat you DD like an adult. Tell her about how you feel, how your DH feels, and how she feels about it. Talk amongst the family and find the best path from there so that you all have a mutual agreement.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Like I said, our trips were not in any way together. We always go every other Thanksgiving, by chance they were planning to go this year too. We are for sure still going. But we will be careful not to talk about it much to not make them feel bad.

 

[PaulaSue]

Not sure how to handle it but I would be sure to them both something extra special back.

 

[SandrA9810]

If they're going for Thanksgiving week, that's big bucks right there. You could also suggest to them Dreams Unlimited or another Disney know it all TA. That was you're not intruding on their budget, but you do know that there's a TA working to make the dollar stretch.

You could also suggest some of the slower times of the year, when resort rates are down, and crowds are low. Might not be as festive, but they'll be at the World, and they might have to pull the kids out for a few days. The beginning of the year usually have the 4/3 deal, or what about the kids stay and play free deal?? Just some options, so even though they're cancelling now, they'll have something to look forward to.

 

[SalandJeff]

Sounds like you are really being sensitive to their feelings, which is great. I'm sure they will appreciate it. At 15, your dd is old enough for you to discuss it with her and suggest what she might say to her friend (after the friend is told of course).

I would not mention anything to the other family about other ways for them to go and save money. There may be things going on in their family or with their finances that you are unaware of. I think you should just express how sorry you are that they won't be there when you are, that you will miss spending time with them, and that you hope they are able to go some time soon.

Go and have a great time - you have worked hard for it. No reason to feel guilty.

 

[disneydreamer1970]

I am currently going through the same thing only we had our trips booked together and we were supposed to go in early November!!

When we booked the trip, I had decided to keep the trip a secret from my daughter (maybe intuition kicked in) and just take my two youngest because DH is "Disneyed Out" , but due to circumstances out of the other families control, they needed to cancel.

There was still quite some time after they cancelled before they told their DD-12, in fact, she even asked me if I was sure that we could not go to Disney with them after I knew that their trip was cancelled.

I have moved my trip to December 4th and DH still does not want to go so he told me to go ahead and take my parents. I am also being very sensitive as to how much I talk about my trip around my friend, and also a co-worker. She also knows that our trip is a suprise and that we would be leaving a week after my DD's birthday. I told her that DD is not going to find out at her birthday party (as I wanted to be especially sensitive to their DD who will be at the party) and that my DD will find out the morning that we leave.

The funny thing is that my friend heard that I was looking for a Mickey tee-shirt for my son (4) and she actually found one and purchased it for him. She is so sweet and I will bringing something special home for her and her family. She is also being very positive and stated that maybe by the time that they can re-book that my husband will want to go. I don't think that I will give him a choice then.

I totally understand where you are coming from.

Enjoy every second of your trip!!

Trish

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Now see PaulaSue, that was something I was wondering. Is it a good idea to bring back something for the kids or does that make it worse? I don't know. What do you all think?

 

[PaulaSue]

I dont think it would make it worse I think they could really use some Disney Magic since you are going anyway. KWIM

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Thank You, I didn't want to rub any noses in anything, but would like to bring them back some magic.