Freezer Meals for an Elderly Couple - Would You Be Offended?

[Minnesota!]

I would not be offended.


However, I would ask her, first. "Say, MIL, I know you have a lot on your plate and I would like to pitch in wherever I can. What about on "these" days, I bring you guys some meals? Less to think about, more time for you to spend with FIL". When she says yes, ask her for meal ideas that she enjoys, are suitable for her diabetic needs.

Make ahead breakfast sandwiches using sprouted or lavash bread for her. Fajita or taco fixings with low carb tortillas or baked chips. Some sweet treats with replacement sugars (Truvia or Pyure).

 

[nkereina]

After my grandmother died, my mom (the DIL) frequently brought meals to my grandfather. They'd also have him over for dinner often and send him home with tons of leftovers. He was always very appreciative and enjoyed my mom's cooking, so it worked out well. I think it's a great idea, and being offended by it would never even cross my mind if I were her!

 

[Nancyg56]

My Mom was independent but cooking for one or two was not easy for her. My sister and I used to cook extra and fix meals for her to heat up. SHe loved it! She had choices and was not eating the same thing day after day. We did this for my aunt as well.

 

[Sadie22]

I am still able to cook and keep my own freezer filled. It is a problem when others give me food which is not suitable for the healthy diet we need to eat. This includes bringing desserts made with sugar substitutes which may be just as high or higher in carbohydrates, fat, and calories and may have a laxative effect. I plan to teach my daughters-in-law how to cook diabetic-friendly foods so we won't run into problems as we age.

 

[NewRVLady]

. Having said that, the one thing my mom ALWAYS appreciates is food! She doesn't want anything to do with something like Meals on Wheels because it makes her feel poor and dependent, but she really likes when my brother, cousin, or niece bring her dinner. My dad, FIL, and my sister's FIL also all seemed to be very open to food!

Couple suggestions:
I don't know how old they are, but I find the elderly eat very little. What I think of as a small portion is HUGE to her. So making something like an entire lasagna and freezing it might last them forever and get freezer burn. I think if you live close enough and can run over small portions from your dinner, that would be ideal. Your MIL can always freeze it.

!

My Mom lOVED Meals on Wheels-that was their main meal each day and only $1 each meal
But my MIL sounds like YOUR Mom Lisa- turned her nose after a few months-so now her DD makes her food daily

I also SO AGREE with portion size

DH and I will bring her Home Cooked meals from a deli we know that is great-and she claims to eat off one serving for 3 meals!

 

[Christine]

Just a couple of thoughts:

As others have already said, use the small portion sizes. Most elderly people eat far less quantity than they used to. So putting together "casserole" dishes (which typically feed a family of 4), might be too much. I'd make the food and put in individual containers.

Before you just start sending food over, be very cognizant of their likes and dislikes. It may not be what you want to cook. In order to be polite, people will just keep accepting food that they don't really want and that, in itself, becomes a burden. I know we all think that people should just be grateful for getting food, but if you don't care for it, it's a burden. I would just have a very honest conversation with her about this and tell her DO NOT feel like she would offend you. But your DH is their son, so he probably has a pretty good idea of their tastes.

 

[roseaster]

I think it sounds like a very nice idea and very helpful, too.

If you are trying to be diabetes friendly just try to watch the carbohydrates. Also, if you could package them in single servings and freeze, that would probably be easier.

Also things like roasting a small chicken, or even getting a rotisserie is good because they are fairly cheap and can eaten in a variety of ways with minimal effort. Cold, sandwiches, salad, etc.

Soups are always welcome (to me anyway) in the winter.

The American Diabetes Association has some good recipes, if you are interested.

http://www.diabetes.org/mfa-recipes/log-in/recipes-for-healthy-living.html?loc=bb-dorg

I know it has been suggested, but have you thought about getting her some respite? Even if it is only for a couple of hours a week? I had elderly neighbors, the husband had dementia. The daughter would come stay with him for a few hours a week so the wife could get out of the house. Some days she ran errands, other she went to play cards at the senior center.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

Background: My FIL is not doing well at all. My MIL is his full-time caregiver. They have 4 sons (one is my DH). They have always been a very proud couple who value their independence. However, my FIL's care has really become too much for my MIL... there's been a couple of "incidents" within the last month. Additionally, she cannot leave him at home to go grocery shopping or anything like that, & he is no longer able to go anywhere w/ her (except for doctors appointments). The sons are in the early stages of talking & trying to determine what needs to be done!

So if she can not leave him at home to go grocery shopping and he is unable to go with her to grocery shop, how exactly is she getting groceries into her house?

 

[hereyago]

OP, I agree with others to ask her first of how you can help.
Also, your dh and his brothers need to talk to their parents about this situation and form a plan NOW.

Your MIL cannot do this alone, she needs help, whether it be from family or outside help.

 

[Wendy31]

Thank you for all the replies & suggestions & advice! (I'm sorry I'm just now replying back to this thread. I've had a migraine today, but I always get irritated when the OP never comes back to the thread! LOL!)

I would ask/tell her that you just want to try to be helpful and contribute and she would be doing you a favor by letting your provide some meals.
Put things in single serving portions and label them with directions on how to heat and the date and the entree. This might be helpful later when/if you need to clean out their freezer.
I would also take over chopped up veggies and fruits for easy snacking or even pre-made things like chicken salad.

I don't know how far things are with your FIL but if it is an option, speak with his doctor about a "prescription" for home health care to come in and just help with the general everyday things that would give your MIL a break.

Thank you for this! I really like the idea of single servings & snacks as well.

I believe a home health care aide is now coming 3 days a week, & they are supposed to evaluate FIL to see if he is a candidate for possible rehab to hopefully get him somewhat mobile again.

I've not read other replies as yet but I just wanted to express how lucky your Mil & Fil are to have you. My experience with my Mom in our home for 5 years (3 Palliative) would have been so much easier if we'd had what you are offering. It is overwhelming to be caregivers 24/7. My DH & I only received 2 hrs a week in the 3rd. & 4th yr, increasing to 4 hrs a week in the last yr of her care, from our provincial home care program. This did not allow time for much of anything shopping for meals became the sole activity.

I hope your replies here are endearing, and will keep you, and your family in prayer. God Bless.

Thank you! That means a lot!

My grandmother was VERY proud and independent but she always appreciated when my mom brought her food. I think if you are afraid of offending her you can couch it in terms of "I love you both and want to show you my love and support. There is not much I can do to help you right now, but I can do this. Please let me give you this gift." Frame it as a gift of love, not charity. I think most people see gifts of food that way, as opposed to money or things that remove independence, like caretakers.

That is very nice, & I will definitely try to phrase it in such a way!

I would not be offended.


However, I would ask her, first. "Say, MIL, I know you have a lot on your plate and I would like to pitch in wherever I can. What about on "these" days, I bring you guys some meals? Less to think about, more time for you to spend with FIL". When she says yes, ask her for meal ideas that she enjoys, are suitable for her diabetic needs.

Make ahead breakfast sandwiches using sprouted or lavash bread for her. Fajita or taco fixings with low carb tortillas or baked chips. Some sweet treats with replacement sugars (Truvia or Pyure).

Ooh, I hadn't thought of breakfast! They have a whole routine that they go through in the morning w/ my FIL's meds, getting him dressed, etc. From some of what she's said, I think this takes quite a while. Breakfast might actually be a little more helpful than dinner. They also both really like spicy food.

I think it sounds like a very nice idea and very helpful, too.

If you are trying to be diabetes friendly just try to watch the carbohydrates. Also, if you could package them in single servings and freeze, that would probably be easier.

Also things like roasting a small chicken, or even getting a rotisserie is good because they are fairly cheap and can eaten in a variety of ways with minimal effort. Cold, sandwiches, salad, etc.

Soups are always welcome (to me anyway) in the winter.

The American Diabetes Association has some good recipes, if you are interested.

http://www.diabetes.org/mfa-recipes/log-in/recipes-for-healthy-living.html?loc=bb-dorg

I know it has been suggested, but have you thought about getting her some respite? Even if it is only for a couple of hours a week? I had elderly neighbors, the husband had dementia. The daughter would come stay with him for a few hours a week so the wife could get out of the house. Some days she ran errands, other she went to play cards at the senior center.

Thank you so much for the link! My FIL has a sweet tooth, so I do want to include some sweets for him!

Within the last few weeks, we've only really just become aware of how bad he's gotten. DH went to sit w/ them last week & learned that home health care is now coming. DH & his brothers are supposed to be getting together & discussing some kind of schedule taking turns sitting w/ their dad so that their mom can get out of the house. I don't think she'll leave him alone w/ the home health care aides. I (& my sisters-in-law) can't stay w/ him by ourselves due to the kind of assistance he needs.

So if she can not leave him at home to go grocery shopping and he is unable to go with her to grocery shop, how exactly is she getting groceries into her house?

When I asked DH that very question, he told me she was going to the grocery store & leaving him in the car while she shopped. Just as recently as before Christmas, he was going in w/ her & would walk the store to get a little exercise.

Again, thank you all so much!

I have a younger sister, & I'm used to being the older sibling. Plus, I've learned grown daughters just communicate differently w/ their parents than do grown sons. DH is the third son, so, even though we've been married over 20 years, I still have a hard time adjusting to being a "younger" sibling, if that makes sense. Additionally, in my MIL's eyes, I am very much the "daughter-in-law." It's not that she doesn't love me. It's just that I still don't think she sees me as a ______ (their last name). I'm their son's wife & the mother of 3 of their grandchildren, but I'm not on the same level as a daughter. (And I realize part of that may be due to the fact that she had 4 boys & doesn't really know how a mother-daughter relate.) So I don't want to overstep my boundaries, but, at the same time, I feel like I should help. And I want to help.

Just this past summer, we were over at their house for something, & someone called. As she was talking to the person, she said something like her children & her daughters-in-law were there, & my FIL interjected w/ "They're all our children." He's always been a gruff, stern man (I used to be rather scared of him!), & to hear him say that... it just made me feel really good. And, a couple of months ago, when we were leaving, I hugged him, & he told me, "I love you, honey" in just the sweetest voice. Now, he barely talks.

Anyway, DH is visiting tomorrow, so his mom can run some errands, & I think we're going to do a small roast w/ some vegetables.

 

[anniemae]

I would just check with what she likes to eat. There is a good chance what you make will end up in the trash. Like others have said, the elderly are very picky and tend to be sensitive to spices. I would probably offer to take her shopping to see what she likes. I would try to occasionally stop by and "stock" their fridge with things they like to eat. Sometimes, the elderly just pick at foods like crackers, cheese, fruit, deli meats etc. and not necessarily eat big or heavy meals. I would also give them some gift cards to her favorite grocery store. Another idea is to bring some take out for dinner if you know they like a particular meal.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Speak with about it and if she wants your help plan some things you could make for her.

I am not a fan of frozen meals personally and would not eat them.

 

[shoney]

I know my in laws really do not eat a lot of variety or quantity. Their food has little to no nutritional value half the time. They are happy eating cheese and crackers.
I would make 2 things and freeze them in small containers....maybe a meat sauce and chicken soup and then see if they even ate them.

 

[AnnaS]

Ask your in-laws if it's okay for you to bring some meals. They are all different. I am not sure how my mother-in-law would feel only because she is a picky eater. I recently did this for my mom but she was easy and loved everything. She was recently really sick and could barely stand up for long, did not have much strength even when sitting (arm/hands, etc.). (She has passed). Almost every meal at home, I had left overs. I always frozen small portions for her since she was alone. She was also a diabetic but did not follow everything to a T. I froze lentil, split pea, stew, meatballs in sauce, you name it. She loved it and appreciated it. She liked waffles and pancakes. I would make some at home and freeze these also = two small ones at a time. I did not buy much frozen food in the stores - high sodium.

Some great suggestions here - one sits home and one takes her out for a few minutes, shopping, breakfast out, etc. If you find you can't go too often to the house and they need groceries, see if you can order groceries on-line for them and have them delivered.

(not sure what I touched to make the small print )

 

[Shmily1]

I think it is a great idea. You may even want to sit with him a few times a month so she can go to the store or get her hair done. Just give her some me time to go along with the meals.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

I would not be offended and I think it is wonderful that you are willing to help. It's common practice in our family to do this kind of thing when there is a new baby, a surgery, or an illness that requires some "downtime". We all pitch in so that when we need it, someone will do the same.