Freaking Out about Appointment! **UPDATED #39**

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I truly hope you are seeing a medical professional about the anxiety issues, for not only your sake, but for your kids. I will have skin cancer someday, and have it removed, as had my mom and grandmother (very fair, many sunburns). I'm okay with it. Right now, skin cancer should take a back burner to your anxiety issues.

The first thing that came to mind was the need for medication.
Antidepressants could really help all this catastrophic thinking.

Having had a horrible time with my health for several years and major illness I would hope you have this under control before a severe illness might come your way.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

The first thing that came to mind was the need for medication.
Antidepressants could really help all this catastrophic thinking.

Having had a horrible time with my health for several years and major illness I would hope you have this under control before a severe illness might come your way.

I think that's part of the root of the problem. I was paralyzed as an infant due to GBS (fortunately it was only for 6-weeks but it affected my development), then suffered through a lot of illnesses until learning that I was a Type I diabetic. It's like my shields could only take so many dents before they disappeared altogether.

 

[LisaR]

Do you only have these worries & anxieties when it comes to medical situations?

 

[Toad_Passenger]

Do you only have these worries & anxieties when it comes to medical situations?

Most certainly. I can drive 75 mph on the highway without worry. Hop on an airplane coast-to-coast? No problem.

Specifically it's always cancer, as well. My family has a long list of heart ailments, I have Type I diabetes, but I'm never really concerned about those for some reason. Only cancer, which, has never been diagnosed in any of my immediate family members from Great-Grandparents, all the way down.

 

[LisaR]

Most certainly. I can drive 75 mph on the highway without worry. Hop on an airplane coast-to-coast? No problem.

Specifically it's always cancer, as well. My family has a long list of heart ailments, I have Type I diabetes, but I'm never really concerned about those for some reason. Only cancer, which, has never been diagnosed in any of my immediate family members from Great-Grandparents, all the way down.

I am right there with you. I am fine unless we are talking about something medical and then it isn't pretty.

I was 100% certain I had bladder cancer a few years ago (which is pretty rare) but I just knew I had it. When it came time for the procedure, I was a complete basket case. My heart was racing so fast it was unreal. Of course, it turned out to be a very minor issue that was repaired and I haven't had any issues since.

I was so mad at myself for spending two weeks obsessing over something that was minor. What a waste of my time. But do you think that will change next time I have to have something done? Since I have been this way for over 40 years, I am guessing not. I wish I had some pointers for you but I am assuming I would not be a good person to give out advice in this situation. Good luck to you!

 

[Toad_Passenger]

I am right there with you. I am fine unless we are talking about something medical and then it isn't pretty.

I was 100% certain I had bladder cancer a few years ago (which is pretty rare) but I just knew I had it. When it came time for the procedure, I was a complete basket case. My heart was racing so fast it was unreal. Of course, it turned out to be a very minor issue that was repaired and I haven't had any issues since.

I was so mad at myself for spending two weeks obsessing over something that was minor. What a waste of my time. But do you think that will change next time I have to have something done? Since I have been this way for over 40 years, I am guessing not. I wish I had some pointers for you but I am assuming I would not be a good person to give out advice in this situation. Good luck to you!

I know exactly what you're talking about. I've had enough "scares" you'd think I'd know better, but each new thing that comes down the line I swear I have more evidence that shows I'm right. Currently with the mole situation, it's obviously there for everyone to see. It has changed, and it's obviously different from the others. So what else could it mean?

But, as I said, I think I've had so much bad news in my life, it's almost like I have no defense mechanism anymore. I am taking the advice of the other posters, and have pulled up a list of therapists that are covered under my insurance. I'm waiting to hear back from my PCP on whether or not they need to see me first.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I've had enough "scares" you'd think I'd know better, but each new thing that comes down the line I swear I have more evidence that shows I'm right. Currently with the mole situation, it's obviously there for everyone to see. It has changed, and it's obviously different from the others. So what else could it mean?

But, as I said, I think I've had so much bad news in my life, it's almost like I have no defense mechanism anymore. I am taking the advice of the other posters, and have pulled up a list of therapists that are covered under my insurance. I'm waiting to hear back from my PCP on whether or not they need to see me first.

Here is the thing...

Your medical anxiety may be masking other anxiety. You may get to vulnerable point in your life so then you go looking for something to fixated on.

You also may exhibit other anxiety behaviors and not realize it. That is why getting a therapist is key.

The coping is more than when you are having a full blown attack. It is more about recognizing why you get to that point and how to cope before it esculates.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I've had enough "scares" you'd think I'd know better, but each new thing that comes down the line I swear I have more evidence that shows I'm right. Currently with the mole situation, it's obviously there for everyone to see. It has changed, and it's obviously different from the others. So what else could it mean?

But, as I said, I think I've had so much bad news in my life, it's almost like I have no defense mechanism anymore. I am taking the advice of the other posters, and have pulled up a list of therapists that are covered under my insurance. I'm waiting to hear back from my PCP on whether or not they need to see me first.

First I want to say good luck. I've had several moles change colors and all kinds of nasty things. They were removed and all was right in the world. It can be okay.

Now, the sentence I bolded. Apparently you have went through several things in your life including your diabetes. I would think that should prove to yourself that you are a fighter. You have overcome the illness as a child and you are living with your diabetes now. You not only faced the challenges but you have overcome.

I do urge you to find a therapist. As long as you keep yourself closed up from fear, you are missing time with your family. It's time you can't get back while you are frozen with fear. I hope your therapist can help you.

If you ever have time, check out a couple of books about resiliency. There are several good books that teach relaxing methods as well as coping methods when life knocks you on your butt. It really explains the fight or flight that is ingrained in people. Maybe this skills will help you.

I'm sure it will be fine.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

First I want to say good luck. I've had several moles change colors and all kinds of nasty things. They were removed and all was right in the world. It can be okay.

Now, the sentence I bolded. Apparently you have went through several things in your life including your diabetes. I would think that should prove to yourself that you are a fighter. You have overcome the illness as a child and you are living with your diabetes now. You not only faced the challenges but you have overcome.

I do urge you to find a therapist. As long as you keep yourself closed up from fear, you are missing time with your family. It's time you can't get back while you are frozen with fear. I hope your therapist can help you.

If you ever have time, check out a couple of books about resiliency. There are several good books that teach relaxing methods as well as coping methods when life knocks you on your butt. It really explains the fight or flight that is ingrained in people. Maybe this skills will help you.

I'm sure it will be fine.

Thanks to everyone who has visited and responded to this thread. Can I hire any of you to be there as my "coach" when I wake up in the mornings?

Good to hear some "good" things about moles that have changed and still came back normal. Most of the ones I've read about that were normal, were just a little odd, but most of the ones that changed always seemed to be something sinister.

I'm almost done with my workday, and I have managed to get some work done. Unfortunately DW just stopped by to switch cars because she's got some stomach virus, so I have to go and pick up the kids at daycare. Not a big deal normally, but given my current state it adds a little stress to my day.

I think my plan is to get the kids home, find something to eat (not sure what I'll be able to keep down), take a warm bath and try to get to sleep. By the time I wake up in the morning I'll only be a few hours away from my appointment.

Hopefully the Doctor can give me some calming words, since I've had moles biopsied before, and I know the wait can be a week or more. Sometimes, though, just getting to the doctor can go a long way in easing some of the anxiety.

Thanks again to everyone.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think I've had so much bad news in my life, it's almost like I have no defense mechanism anymore.

When you have a lot of adversity in your life it's not unusual to become accustomed to negativity, loss, fear, etc. Negative thinking can become a way of life waiting for the other shoe to drop. But you can choose to turn that type of thinking around - in ways I mentioned above and in many other ways. Note I said it's a choice. (And also note that I don't mean either that it's easy or that I haven't experienced stuff myself and in my family that's caused me to have experience with this on a personal level.) Since the rest of your life starts today it's good to get started figuring out how to make changes. If you truly have a disorder that you prevents you from controlling your thoughts, then you absolutely need to get medical help for that. But whether or not that's the case, there are small changes you can make that help you work through your anxiety as well. The first step is recognizing you have a problem, which you've already done. The next step is to take some action.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think my plan is to get the kids home, find something to eat (not sure what I'll be able to keep down), take a warm bath and try to get to sleep. By the time I wake up in the morning I'll only be a few hours away from my appointment.

Hmm, no mention of trying out the relaxation exercises I worked so hard to find and post for you.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

Hmm, no mention of trying out the relaxation exercises I worked so hard to find and post for you.

I did read them. Is it possible to do them while lying in the tub with my eyes closed? I actually will have some time tonight to try them. I used to do similar things in College (the last time I had a therapist), so hopefully those types of techniques are like riding a bike.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Is it possible to do them while lying in the tub with my eyes closed?

That would actually be a great time and place to start. Add a candle, some incense (aromatherapy) and/or some soft instrumental music or tranquility sounds (rain, ocean waves, etc) and it'll be like

Ask your family to give you that time without interruptions. (You can explain why if you want so they're not worried about you while you're in there. )

If your mind wanders from the task at hand, bring it back. Repeatedly if necessary. It takes practice to make it work. And you need to commit to doing it regularly in order to get the full effect.

If you're someone who's going to resist taking medication, then you have to find something else that will help you. You can't just spiral out of control to the point of making yourself sick.

The beauty of this, if you're successful, is that you can pull it out of your bag of tricks anytime you feel anxiety starting to set in, even if you only have a few minutes and are away from home, etc.

Good luck. And I'm serious about wanting a User Report tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Nurse Ratchet

 

[mster425]

I have had about 30-40 moles removed in my life. 15-20 were because they had changed.

No cancer yet. Some were "pre-cancerous" so it was good we got them off.

Agree with finding a therapist sooner rather than later! And for the love of pete, stop diagnosing with the internet! From personal experience it's almost always wrong and never ends well.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

That would actually be a great time and place to start. Add a candle, some incense (aromatherapy) and/or some soft instrumental music or tranquility sounds (rain, ocean waves, etc) and it'll be like

Ask your family to give you that time without interruptions. (You can explain why if you want so they're not worried about you while you're in there. )

If your mind wanders from the task at hand, bring it back. Repeatedly if necessary. It takes practice to make it work. And you need to commit to doing it regularly in order to get the full effect.

If you're someone who's going to resist taking medication, then you have to find something else that will help you. You can't just spiral out of control to the point of making yourself sick.

The beauty of this, if you're successful, is that you can pull it out of your bag of tricks anytime you feel anxiety starting to set in, even if you only have a few minutes and are away from home, etc.

Good luck. And I'm serious about wanting a User Report tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Nurse Ratchet

I'll definitely give it a try. I'll also post an update tomorrow, since I'll be scrutinizing everything the Doctor says to me, and every little eyebrow twitch that may occur as he checks things over.

I can definitely see how an OCD-factor is coming into play with this, as a PP observed.

 

[arminnie]

I'm going to be very blunt here. Your psychological disorders - which you are not getting treated - are MUCH MORE disruptive to your having a healthy productive life than a possible diagnosis of melanoma.

I've known countless people who had a melanoma, had it removed, and went on to be in their 80s and still going.

An untreated psychological disorder can ruin your entire life.

Think about it. You are worrying about the wrong thing.

Asking for suggestions on the internet about how to treat your anxiety disorders is like trying to remove a mole in your kitchen with a paring knife. There are times when you need professional help. Get it.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

I'm going to be very blunt here. Your psychological disorders - which you are not getting treated - are MUCH MORE disruptive to your having a healthy productive life than a possible diagnosis of melanoma.

I've known countless people who had a melanoma, had it removed, and went on to be in their 80s and still going.

An untreated psychological disorder can ruin your entire life.

Think about it. You are worrying about the wrong thing.

Asking for suggestions on the internet about how to treat your anxiety disorders is like trying to remove a mole in your kitchen with a paring knife. There are times when you need professional help. Get it.

To be honest, your bluntness is appreciated. As I said in previous post, by posting on here, there is such a vast array of knowledge, I knew I could get some answers that I needed.

Just got done with a relaxing bath, where I tried some of the visualization stuff. It definitely took the hard edge off of my anxiety, and hopefully it will really start to help.

However, I have also taken the advice and am going to see my PCP, who is then going to give some good references on behavioral therapists/psychiatrists. He wants to do an initial evaluation to see which one would best suit my needs (I guess there are certain ones for different levels of crazy ).

I have my BIG appointment in a little over 12 hours, so, of course, my nerves are still a little jangled, but I want to let everyone know that you have each had a hand in helping me out today.

For those of you that believe in that type of thing, any prayers you have that you can send my way are appreciated.

 

[bumbershoot]

As to the advice on staying calm, I welcome any and ALL advice on that front.

Any and all? Excellent. Get to a health food store and buy some Rescue Remedy. Spritz it in your mouth. Then go do something else. Then check in with your mind later, see if anything has helped. It's a mixture of "flower essences" created by a guy named Bach (not THE Bach, just A Bach, LOL) and it's the miracle "drug" in our household. Calms a husband having blood sugar freakouts (he's considered type 2 so there's nothing much to be done but wait if he goes too high, though that's rare, and even though he never really plummets, if he hasn't eaten in awhile he gets VERY difficult), calms me when I'm anxious about, oh, just about anything (my whole school career, from 4 years old in Montessori to 25 graduating from chiropractic school, I woke up nervous with a nauseated stomach, and in HS I would come home every day with hives on my chest and neck from the nervousness and social interaction (with people I'd known for years) all day). Calms my son and has done so since he was 2. Calmed our fraidy cat when we put a drop in her water for the 4th of July.

You did ask for it all!

It's not a true homeopathic, but there are homeopathics that have effects on thoughts...might be worth checking out...

When it's really bad, make your body (or upper half, anyway) go as limp as possible.

I like it. Something I learned in therapy (anger management in my 20s) was to drop your jaw and put the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth just behind the back of your upper teeth. And breathe. For me, it alleviates irrational anger, but it also calms me the heck down. it's like it's impossible to feel stress when you have your mouth like that. You're not going to look brilliant at that moment, but that's not the point. The point is to get calmer.

Currently with the mole situation, it's obviously there for everyone to see. It has changed, and it's obviously different from the others. So what else could it mean?

Most of the ones I've read about that were normal, were just a little odd, but most of the ones that changed always seemed to be something sinister.

Well, no one writes about those, do they? So along with the others, here...my mom had tons of moles removed from her, and some from me and my brother when we were kids and teens, *because they had changed*. Not a one was problematic. I had my "beauty mark" mole removed, sadly, at 35 b/c it changed. Not a mole on my face, but on my shoulder; for some reason I just loved that thing. Loved wearing off-shoulder shirts/dresses so it would sit there, looking alluring. Until it stopped looking alluring. Got longer and droopy, kinda icky. And my son would tug on it as he nursed, which was one of the most annoying things in the world to me (hurt, too). So along with some skin tags (thank you, hormones), I had it lopped off. Absolutely NO problems with any of them.

So listen...changes in moles is a sign of a problem. It's why dermatologists like us to pay attention. But that doesn't mean that ALL changes go along with a problem. Just like all coughs don't mean TB, all mole-changes don't mean The Worst. Skin changes over time, things that were firm (like moles, what were you thinking? lol) get droopy, things that were well defined go beyond their borders, and so on.


Don't borrow trouble. Breathe in and out, be there for and with your family, smile, spritz some Rescue Remedy, go to your appt, continue to breathe......

 

[Toad_Passenger]

Thought I'd send an update everyone's way since my appointment was this morning.

First off, my DW found a way to make the time before my appointment fly by. Remember I mentioned yesterday she left work early due to illness, and I had to pick up the kids? Well at 3:00am, I woke up and started a several hour relationship hugging my toilet (TMI, I know, but it certainly took my focus off my worrying about the mole).

I didn't go into work, and slept right up until the appointment, since whatever "bug" we had sapped all my strength. Convinced I was okay, I made my way to the doctor.

He definitely removed the mole, but felt in his "professional opinion" (which I'm glad he used instead of his "amateur opinion" ) that it will come back as an "irritate nevus", or a mole that I somehow scraped off, or irritated in some way. He said there was evidence of dried blood, but nothing that was currently oozing, to make him think otherwise.

He did say they'll get it biopsied, since it's always good to double check the "experts" from time to time. Plus my age group 25-35 is currently seeing an explosion of melanoma cases. To put it in perspective, though, he said he diagnosis 2-3 cases of melanoma in my age group per week, plus many more in older people. In the 25 years he's been in practice, only 4 of those have actually been life threatening. So it's pretty good odds, I guess.

Thanks again, to everyone here for their uplifiting thoughts, and with helping me to finally make the appointment that REALLY needs to be made. Of course, until the results come back, I'll still have a nagging thought in the back of my mind, but I think I'll be able to eat...at least after this stomach bug gets out of here in another 12 hours or so.

 

[Micca]

Thanks for the update. Odds are the worst is over(or will be when the bug passes). Hope you feel much better and can crank the stress down from level 10 to a .5 or so until the results come back.