For those with kids(A babysitter type question)

[Microcell]

I have used my sister when things arose (like DD has a talen show Thurs and my miltantly non family or Girl scout school will not allow siblings) but not just for a night out.

We simply enjoy being with our kids and doing things with them. We can do a night out when they are older. DS gets plenty of time with others in preschool. DD goes to school.

 

[sunlver]

I have a few friends the never used babysitters and when it came time for their kids to go to school the kids completly freaked out. One was so bad mom had to go to school with him for 2 months and stay outside his classroom for 2 months until he would stay in school and this was AFTER she held him back one year before starting kindergarten. It is my opinion that you are not doing anyone any good not using babysitters occasionally if nothing else to spend some kid free time with your DH, who is the one that loses out in this type of situation.

My older kids are 11 and 6, and they are the 2 most outgoing kids you will ever meet. I never had to go to school because they were crying for me. They have never had a day of separtion anxiety a day in their life.
Me and my husband spend alone time at night when the kids are in bed. Sometimes we sit in the hottub and talk and have a drink, so things are not bad

 

[sunlver]

Just got done reading all the responses. Im glad Im not alone on this. I didnt realize this could be such a heated debate..sorry.. I didnt want to start anything. Just with the upcoming comedy show coming up and my husband joking with me about going without him It was on my mind.
I do not spend every waking moments with my kids. They are off at school(well the oldest 2)then we have girlscouts and boyscouts etc..If I need time away, my husband has no problem being with the kids, and vice versa.
My youngest is spoiled, and the only way she goes to bed if me or my husband hold her in bed. So I doubt another person could accomplish this feat, maybe
I would never bring my kids to something they were not invited too, like a wedding etc..
We are also taking them on a cruise in August, yep all 3 of them. Me and my husband are looking forward to our date nights on the cruise, when the kids will be in Camp Carnival. But for now, we will take our date nights in the hottub for our little piece of alone time.

 

[PaulaSue]

I am another who doesn't use a sitter (of any kind) but my parents a handful of times, and MIL once (they both live in town).

We are an AP family, my girls are very socialized and go everywhere and know how to behave. They go/have gone to preschool and do well there and in school. My Dh works very long hours and has 2-4 days off a month (depending on the season) so when he is off he wants to be with the girls too. The grow up very fast and our marriage is VERY Good.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Very, very rarely and never someone outside the family. I'm not against it at all. It's just that she's with her father (my ex-husband) every other weekend, so I use that time to go out. And, honestly, I have no life so I never need a baby-sitter. lol. When I do, my sister or my mother will watch her. My sister and I swap baby-sitting (she has 2 kids) sometimes, so that's nice.

 

[jodifla]

I'm one of the people who don't understand when folks don't use sitters. DH and I love our date nights....it's why our relationship of 20 years has thrived. We always take the time to have some fun together.

DS, 4, is also an only child. It's good for him to get to know other people. We've had some of the loveliest young women baby-sit for him.

I can certainly understand money issues preventing folks from using sitters much. But I don't understand why you wouldn't want to go out on the town with your sweetie.

 

[malibuconlee]

We dn't have kids, and we've moved around a lot as well. Maybe I will feel differently after/if we do have kids, but here goes...

I have met teens that I would trust with my kids for an evening out....at church. The high school girls at our old church worked in the nursery and would, if we had kids, already know them. I would probably have them over for a visit with me still there to see how they get along, but I would have trusted them with kids if I had them.

I think a lot of it is I see so many parents that don't go out without the kids that I have to wonder if they'll be able to relate to each other once the kids are gone. (DH's sister and her DH for one)

We're in "discussions" re:having kids right now. We would take kids to dinner or wherever we're going for the most part, but I still think it's important to have "couple time" as the kids won't be the center of attention forever.

Also, we have some nephews that arent' taken "out" often, and as a result have NO idea how to behave in public. So, we would do things much differently.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I'm one of the people who don't understand when folks don't use sitters. DH and I love our date nights....it's why our relationship of 20 years has thrived. We always take the time to have some fun together.

DS, 4, is also an only child. It's good for him to get to know other people. We've had some of the loveliest young women baby-sit for him.

I can certainly understand money issues preventing folks from using sitters much. But I don't understand why you wouldn't want to go out on the town with your sweetie.

Very well said. We also went out as a couple at least twice a month. Our time was very important to us so we could catch up with our lives without talking about our ds all the time. We loved going out with other couples as well as just regular type of dates and had a blast.

 

[ZachnElli]

The other thread was heated because it was about those who don't use babysitters berating those of us who do. Making it sound like those who use sitters were bad parents. I do use sitters and have in the past found some wonderful teenagers to babysit. Our last sitters were sisters who were not allowed to watch tv and so we left it off when they came to babysit and they really played with the kids! Lots of crafts and imagination! Anywho, I think it is very important to go out on dates with your dh and from the OP it sounds like he misses it too. We have a hottub and time alone when the kids go to bed too and it's not enough. You need to get out of the house and be together. I've been on my sil about this recently, her and her dh don't know what to talk about let alone do if the kids aren't there, not good! I've offered to watch her kids for her, she doesn't even need a sitter, she's got me!

 

[va32h]

I don't think lack of babysitters or mom and dad not going out without her is going to make her some sort of social freak like some people suggest it will.

I agree.

But on the flip side, never using a babysitter is not a badge of honor or the only testament to how much you love your children.

I have taken all three of my children nearly everywhere, including such child-unfriendly places as the DMV and the property tax office.

But there are occasions in which my children would be much happier to stay at home with a sitter than be dragged around with me.

The scariest word in our house is "errands" - the kids know that means lots of driving around, getting in and out of carseats, and doing very boring stuff.

They would much rather stay home with a sitter and play. So I leave them with a sitter, and they are happy, and I am happy, and I get my errands done faster anyway, and that's a win-win situation in my eyes.

 

[MamaLema]

My kids have never been with a babysitter ever, either. They are 2, 7, and 9. No friends have watched them either.

I didn't know I was such a freak.

BTW, My kids never had problems going to school or had any other social problems

 

[sha_lyn]

The other thread was heated because it was about those who don't use babysitters berating those of us who do. Making it sound like those who use sitters were bad parents.

Do not make it sound like a one way street.
Those who use sitters were also berating those who do not. Telling them they were ruining their marriages and their children.


When DS was little we did not live near family.
We did leave him with close friends a couple of times as an infant to go out and those went well.
However when he was about 6 months old I took a part time job and used a sitter DH used for his ex wife's DD. Well it turned out horribly.
I believe I only used her 3 times and all 3 were bad experiences.

She didn't feed him the whole 5 hrs he was there. Claimed she tried but he wouldn't eat. He became sick to his stomach that night. Turnes out he had eaten a lot of paper and crayons. I talked to her and she promised she would be more careful.
Seems the 2nd time wasn't too bad.
3rd time she told DH the night before that she had to take her MIL to the dr and would it be ok for DS to go. When I arrived she said she didn't have room for the car seat and would have her 12yr old hold DS. I told her no way, so she said she would leave the 12yr at home.
Well turns out she left DS at home with the 12yr because DS fell asleep. I also saw rats in the house that day. I ran out, did not pay her, and never returned.

About a yr later we started leaving DS with a teenager in the apartment complex of Fridays for a couple of hrs. We signed up for a bowling league then the teen decided she didn't like babysitting(turns out her mom was the one doing most of the sitting).
We started leaving DS in the drop off daycare on base. Around the 3rd time we picked DS up and it was obivious he had just been left to play in the sand box with the older kids the entire time. He had not been given anything to drink(we had to supply filled sippy cups), nor had his diaper been changed. He had dried poop all over his bottom. Soon after we moved near my family and DS was never left with anyone except family or close friends again.

DS was 8 when DD was born.
DD has only been left with family, very close friends or DS (he is 16 she is 8)

 

[WDWfor5]

I'm one of the people who don't understand when folks don't use sitters. DH and I love our date nights....it's why our relationship of 20 years has thrived. We always take the time to have some fun together.
I can certainly understand money issues preventing folks from using sitters much. But I don't understand why you wouldn't want to go out on the town with your sweetie.

See, now to me this is insulting to those of us who choose not to use babysitters. Maybe your relationship wouldn't have thrived w/o date nights, but mine is just fine

And it's not a matter of not wanting to go out on the town with my "sweetie", it's that our priorities are different right now. And in case you think DH really wants alone from the kids time, he doesn't. I asked him recently if he would like to go away for a few nights and leave the kids with his parents. (I'd miss them but I figured I'd offer in case.) He said that as much as it would be fun, that he would rather wait until they're a little older and won't miss us so much. I know that I'm very lucky to have such a kid centered DH and that's why our marriage doesn't need date nights. We find alone time when they're asleep and quiet time to talk when they're playing, we meet for lunch when the little ones are at preschool, etc.

I have no problem with other people using babysitters. I just think the respect needs to go both ways.

 

[JVL1018]

I've never used a babysitter that I had to pay. LOL
Up until a couple of years ago I had my Mom to watch the kids, I also have my brother and his wife, my husband's brother and his wife and my FIL in close proximity.
I've also had friends watch the kids, but that's rare..that's more of a gift form them, lthey call up and say, Hey I'll watch the kids for you Saturday night, why don't you go out with Jimmy? I always take them up on it. ;o)

Plus there are events we need to attend sans children. My husband will have work functions, we have weddings, we have a dinner for the fire dept every year..and no kids at any of these events.

In fact I feel like everytime we go out it's for an occasion where we HAVE to go, so DH surprised me last week by arranging babysitting with his brother and SIL and we went out to a lovely Italian restaurant.

I like to be alone with my husband, out doing stuff, I adore being with my children as well and we mostly take them everywhere we go, but sometimes we need to have a date...and I'll be damned if I'll wait 12-13 years until they can stay home alone before being able to have a nice adult dinner with my husband.

Also, we now have a teenager lined up in case we need a babysitter and family isn't available..I do prefer family, onhly because it saves me money. LOL

 

[va32h]

I know that I'm very lucky to have such a kid centered DH and that's why our marriage doesn't need date nights.

But can't you see how that statement is insulting too? Your husband is kid centered, so your marriage doesn't need date nights as opposed to......what? People who "need" date nights aren't kid-centered? They are unlucky because they occasionally want to go out without children?

And apparently their priorities are messed up too. Using or not using a babysitter does not demonstrate how much you love your child or how devoted you are as a parent.

I don't necessarily buy the "you need time alone" argument - part of being a parent is accepting that you will have to give up certain things.

But I take major exception to this holier-than-thou attitude here -- "I have never left my kids with a stranger, how could I when they would miss me so much, and I would never trust a teenager and blah blah blah."

If you've never left your kids with a sitter, okay, well good for you, I guess. Is someone keeping score? How many Good Parent Points do you get for never using a sitter?

 

[TurboKitty]

We very very seldom use sitters, and that's only very recent.

Not because we are so child-centric, or trying to earn "parent points".


We think "going out" is a waste of money. We could go spend at least $40 at a restaurant for a dinner we may or may not like or we could take that same $40 and have a blast cooking something together.

Also, to be honest, anything I feel comfortable doing with my husband in a public setting is completely appropriate to do in front of our kids.



If not using a sitter works for your family, cool! If you adore your date nights with the spouse, awsome!

Do what works for you and don't judge those for making different choices. Especially about such a trivial issue.

 

[jodifla]

But can't you see how that statement is insulting too? Your husband is kid centered, so your marriage doesn't need date nights as opposed to......what? People who "need" date nights aren't kid-centered? They are unlucky because they occasionally want to go out without children?

And apparently their priorities are messed up too. Using or not using a babysitter does not demonstrate how much you love your child or how devoted you are as a parent.

I don't necessarily buy the "you need time alone" argument - part of being a parent is accepting that you will have to give up certain things.

But I take major exception to this holier-than-thou attitude here -- "I have never left my kids with a stranger, how could I when they would miss me so much, and I would never trust a teenager and blah blah blah."

If you've never left your kids with a sitter, okay, well good for you, I guess. Is someone keeping score? How many Good Parent Points do you get for never using a sitter?

I look at it this way: All these folks who like to sit home at night leave more baby sitters for the rest of us!


DH and I actually went out on Saturday night to celebrate the 20th anniversary of our first date....it was at Benihana, which is luckily still around, so we got to re-create the whole experience. And since DS wasn't around for the first date, he didn't come to this one, either

 

[DisneyDotty]

With my older child (DD12), I had a very hard time leaving her with a teenage sitter when she was a baby. But then I ultimately had to go back to work part time and had no choice but to leave her in day care, with someone who was a complete stranger.
But now I have no qualms leaving my kids with our teenage sitters. DH and I have a fairly active social life and bringing kids along to some of our outings wouldn't be warranted (eg--adults-only wedding.) or appropriate (seeing an R-rated movie). However, I just remarked the other night that our sitter days will soon be over--after all, DD is 12 now. But DD said she likes our sitters and still wants them.
Like several others, I cast no disparagement on anyone who chooses not to use a sitter--you need to be comfortable with what you're doing! If it works, why fix it?