For Those With Chronic Illness, Does It Mess With Your Head???

[Christine]

Sorry for such a weird title, but I didn't know how else to quite put it.

I will preface this by saying that before I ever got thyroid cancer, I was always a bit concerned about my health. I wouldn't say I was a full-blown hypochondriac, but I certainly had a *touch* of it.

Anyway, 11 years ago, I found out I had thyroid cancer. I've gone through all the treatments (3) and follow ups and, so far, I seem to be cancer free now. But the whole ordeal really took it's toll on me and the more that time passes, the worse I have become about medical visits and such.

Today, I had a very small freak out. When I got to work this morning I had message on my work voice mail from my endocrinologist. Now *HE* never calls me--it is always his nurse. Logically, I knew why he was calling. Just a few weeks ago, I had phoned the drug company that administers a drug for my thyroid cancer scans. I feel I had an adverse reaction to it and I reported it. The company wanted my doctor's name. I knew this was why the doctor was calling me. But for some reason, I was scared to death. I was on pins and needles until 9:00 a.m. when I could call. When I did call, they had me on hold for 10 minutes waiting for him. My heart was pounding, I felt like I was going to faint, and my face got so flushed. As soon as the call was over, I was better.

But, you know, I'm just angry with myself now. I hate overreacting to everything and I cannot control it. If something on my body hurts, I immediately worry that I've got some infection (strangely enough I do not worry about cancer). My finger has been hurting since I cleaned the turkey on Thanksgiving and I'm terrified I have an infection (I know I don't though). It's hard to explain.

I've been to a therapist (or two or three) and I see a psychiatrist for general anxiety. None of these people seem to help. They want to blame my marriage, or my parents or whatever.

I was just wondering if anyone else who has faced a serious illness gets out of control like this?

 

[meeskamouska]

I can't speak in regards to myself but I react similarly with my DD. Anytime anything feels starnge or takes to long to work I get really stressed out. I worry all the time that the more serious symptoms of her illness are going to pop up at anytime. I check on her and take her temperature a million times....if she sneezes or is moody....almost anythign can lead me to think the worst.

I think that when something can come in and change things in the blink of an eye you are more aware than most the existence of these evils. And you are more apt to think the worst and be surprised by the best. It is how you are able to get through the tough time.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I cannot for myself, but I will say that my daughter who had thryoid cancer may agree that it is hard to not worry all the time....People say things like you have thyroid cancer, oh you won the lottery, that is the best one to get, it is curable..

You live without a thyroid and on a medication that mimics what a real thyroid does....that is no easy feat and I think it is normal to get upset easily....your system just works a little differently now..

Please try not to worry...take it one day at a time.. Hugs Christine...

 

[TruBlu]

Hi Christine!
I think we might be sisters seperated at birth!!! I know exactly what you mean! I am having a terrible time right now. I am dealing with an undiagnosed condition. I had two MRIs, an abdominal CT scan, and a CBC done last week. I still haven't heard from my doctor, so I am really freaking out! I seem to be OK during the day, but at night the demons creep in.... I am having no luck sleeping at all. I keep telling myself not to be sick until they tell me I am, and it works - sometimes.

When I freak out my face gets really hot and flushes too. I thought this was another symptom ( ) until I read your post!!!

My church has paired my up with someone to talk to. I'm really hoping this helps.

PM me if you just need to talk to someone who knows how you feel!!!

 

[Christine]

Thank you all for your kind words.

TruBlu--that's exactly what it is like: "demons". I know most of it is my mind just going into overdrive, but I can no longer control it. I think part of the problem for me is that I no longer have a lot of *faith* in the medical community. So what was once a safety net for me, now seems to be gone.

Back in July, it was incidentally discovered that I have mild anemia. At least two of my doctors have blown it off. The one doctor that did care, was my psychiatrist, who ran some further tests. But, I just feel so abandoned and then that gets the fears rolling.

I hope everything goes well with your tests.

 

[GoofyBaby]

Aww Christine, here's a big hug for you . I know exactly how you feel because I've been doing the same thing for 4 years now. I have Lyme Disease, Hypothyroidism, Adrenal Insufficiency and low cortisol, so I get a ton of crazy symptoms. And they DO mess with me. When I get chest pain, I think heart attack. When I get shooting pains in my head, I fear brain tumor. I used to let it bother me so bad I made myself sick to my stomach. Through prayer and counseling, I have learned not to fear my symptoms so much, but it is still a daily battle for me. I have to believe that I am going to get well someday, that God has me on this earth for a purpose. I try very hard to focus on the positive things in my life and to keep as busy as my conditions will let me - it does help me!

 

[jann1033]

Sorry for such a weird title, but I didn't know how else to quite put it.

I will preface this by saying that before I ever got thyroid cancer, I was always a bit concerned about my health. I wouldn't say I was a full-blown hypochondriac, but I certainly had a *touch* of it.

Anyway, 11 years ago, I found out I had thyroid cancer. I've gone through all the treatments (3) and follow ups and, so far, I seem to be cancer free now. But the whole ordeal really took it's toll on me and the more that time passes, the worse I have become about medical visits and such.

Today, I had a very small freak out. When I got to work this morning I had message on my work voice mail from my endocrinologist. Now *HE* never calls me--it is always his nurse. Logically, I knew why he was calling. Just a few weeks ago, I had phoned the drug company that administers a drug for my thyroid cancer scans. I feel I had an adverse reaction to it and I reported it. The company wanted my doctor's name. I knew this was why the doctor was calling me. But for some reason, I was scared to death. I was on pins and needles until 9:00 a.m. when I could call. When I did call, they had me on hold for 10 minutes waiting for him. My heart was pounding, I felt like I was going to faint, and my face got so flushed. As soon as the call was over, I was better.

But, you know, I'm just angry with myself now. I hate overreacting to everything and I cannot control it. If something on my body hurts, I immediately worry that I've got some infection (strangely enough I do not worry about cancer). My finger has been hurting since I cleaned the turkey on Thanksgiving and I'm terrified I have an infection (I know I don't though). It's hard to explain.

I've been to a therapist (or two or three) and I see a psychiatrist for general anxiety. None of these people seem to help. They want to blame my marriage, or my parents or whatever.

I was just wondering if anyone else who has faced a serious illness gets out of control like this?

i just found this board so i am catching up ...

truthfully after 20 + yrs of chronic illness( cfs, possible ms...can't force myself to get into the MRI due to claustrophobia and they don't want to knock me out due to my other problems... plus kipple weber syndrome due to av malformation & diabetes...so i guess 50+ really since the av mal. is congenital) i have taken the other tactic and basically ignore anything i can...not so good either which is why my blood sugar was over 400 when i was recently dx with the diabetes so yeah , i think any life changing event can mess with your head and with chronic illness just how do you really escape one you deal with everyday? different people just try to cope different ways

but as a total layman's opinion..couldn't that be at least in part due to your general anxiety? if you are taking meds for it could you need something else? ( daughter has clinical depression and so i know the meds can be tricky)

 

[jann1033]

I can't speak in regards to myself but I react similarly with my DD. Anytime anything feels starnge or takes to long to work I get really stressed out. I worry all the time that the more serious symptoms of her illness are going to pop up at anytime. I check on her and take her temperature a million times....if she sneezes or is moody....almost anythign can lead me to think the worst.

I think that when something can come in and change things in the blink of an eye you are more aware than most the existence of these evils. And you are more apt to think the worst and be surprised by the best. It is how you are able to get through the tough time.

like i said new to this board so sorry don't know the dx for these problems but i totally feel like this...

i can ignore/cope with my own stuff much easier than i can my daughter's depression( she's been dxed for 4.5 yrs, hospitalized twice, closest she has been to suicide is standing in front of an open 14 story window trying to make sure the fall would kill her and not just hurt her, thankfully she called her sister and the desire passed). a day does not go by when i don't wonder if she will do it today and even though she says she doesn't feel "depressed" right now( her drs feel this is denial) and she said her dr consider her as "only" having transient suicidal thoughts at this time...if she isn't where she is supposed to be ( ie i call her cell and she doesn't answer) i feel my chest tighten...tues she said she left her cell in the car and didn't answer for 4 hrs, she is painting a house she will be moving into( getting divorced as her husband doesn't want to deal with her depression any more, long story) ..,my husband left work to drive to her new house and she wasn't there( went to dinner she said)....i was a basket case by the time she called. that's the hardest for me and try as i might i can't ignore that