? for stay at home moms/wives

[Tigger&Belle]

As far as going back into the workforce when the kids are in school or grown, there are issues with that. Besides being difficult after being out for so long, an obsolete background (depending on the line of work, of course), there are also some practical issues. My DH has a demanding job and would have a tough time taking off for afternoon activities, kid's sick days, etc. He doesn't mind helping out around the house, but would not be an equal partner in keeping the house running. Also, he has a lot of vacation days and I'd be starting over. I've considered all these things when figuring out what to do now that my kids are back in school.

I would like to do something, but not anything fulltime while the kids are still at home, as they will be for 12 1/2 years. By then I'll be 57yo (how did that happen? ).

 

[beattyfamily]

If your husband is fine with it and you can afford it and you can fill your days with activities like the household chores, volunteering etc...then go for it and don't you worry about what anyone else thinks of it.

I don't get why some are so bothered by your idea? Jealousy? All that matters is how you and especially your DH feels about it.

A long time ago, women didn't work, whether they had kids or not, and the DH liked it that way. Go figure. I'm not saying we need to go back to that but the OPs idea isn't really all that foreign a concept.

Good luck to you!

 

[BethanyF]

I was a styy home wife for about 6 months and loved it. I was able to cook at home, keep the place clean, travel with DH on business trips and so on. I dont remember ever being too bored.
I ended up getting a part time job just because I felt guilty using dh's income for petty things I wanted.
After I had Sam we knew we would be able to afford for me to stay home, and I did for the most part. I still work part time, but only when Sam is at school and even then only a couple days a week, 4 hours a day. Not enough income to make a difference, but enough for me to blow it as I wish (scrapbook stuff, etc).
If the OP can afford to stay home and really dislikes her job I would say go for it. Maybe in time you will want a part time something to occupy a few hours, but then again maybe not. I will say part time retail jobs dont have as much of the office politics and headaches. I go to work and leave work; I dont have to concern myself with the politics. They've told me more than once that they love to hire SAHM (or w)'s because we want to work. When they hire people who 'have' to work they come with more complaints "I need more hours' etc. Whereas I go in, happily do my work since I am having fun and then I go home.

 

[mtemm]

Wow, that doesn't seem really fair to the other partner who is supporting you though does it? I would think that everyone would want to stay home and golf all day etc...why should one partner in the relationship have to work while the other golfs, plays tennis, gets together with friends all day etc....wouldn't cut it if I was the person who had to go to work while my partenr stayed home and spent my money and had all the fun!

Not necessarily. I'm a SAHM now of 3 young kids (DS3 and DD/DS 20 months) and as soon as they hit school I do plan to take advantage of any free time...my goal is to get back to playing tennis and do some other things I enjoy. My husband is fully into that...he loves it and keeps saying in a few years I'll have it made. lol. And no, he doesn't mean it sarcastically. And yes, I will still be busy with school stuff for the kids, but I expect I'll have way more free time than I do currently. He doesn't see it as unfair and neither do I. But then, he loves his work and couldn't imagine staying home with the kids. He'd get bored after a week of staying home. And his job isn't exactly full of drudgery...he gets to play golf when its nice (gotta take clients!) and do all sorts of fun stuff. so maybe that makes a difference in our attitudes.

 

[lynetteSC]

Maybe you can try some volunteer work to see if you like that.

ditto! I stopped working in the office a few months before our baby arrive. we were adopting, so I wasn't sure if/when it would actually happen. I started volunteering at our local HOSPICE store and I really enjoyed it. I don't seem to get bored ... but, I have two active g'mas that keep me busy along with ds.

Good Luck, I will say that when I walked out of that office, even though I wasn't sure if/when we would have a baby, I felt such a weight lifted off. Now, on holidays or days when the office is open, I have to smile knowing I am home in my jammies (or whatever) whilst they are at work! (is that too cruel???? )

 

[lynetteSC]

I stay home and eat bon-bons.

can you pass some over here?

 

[lemondog]

Oh I enjoy being away from the everyday rat race. However, being a SAHM is actually harder! If I didn't have kids I guess it would be a lot easier, but I would get bored FAST! In fact, I recently went back to work PT at my childrens' preschool and I love it! It gives me something to do and it's a FAR cry from the corporate, office work environment.

 

[cheerful chickadee]

I guess I'd be considered a SAHW, ds (9) is in school all day and I'm at home. I am never bored, I always have things to do, housework, running errands, etc. I did have a part time job for a while (temp job) for 3 nights a week to bring in some extra money but it was optional, the money wasn't necessary. If financially it wasn't possible then of course I'd find another job to supplement our budget. It was really hard for me to find a job and get back into working when ds started school, it's been a bumpy road. I worked full time for a year after he went back to school but then I hurt my back at work and had to have surgery. Ever since then I've been a SAHW although I have held a few part time, temp and in-home jobs since then, I still consider it being a SAHW and I enjoy it.

 

[momof2inPA]

As a stay at home mom, I'm glad I worked until I was pregnant with the first. Not only did I establish my own identity/career for awhile, but DH and I were able to save a good chunk of change. I'm looking forward to finding at least a part-time job when the kids are both in school full-time next year.

I think you would be bored as a SAHW, unless you're able to volunteer- a lot.

Now, if you are in any way financially unstable, like maybe you've filed bankruptcy or over-extended yourself on trips and new cars, it would be negligent and selfish to quit working, even for a few months.

 

[skiwee1]

I would imagine most people would enjoy doing nothing but playing golf, tennis, eating lunch and going on vacation. That's not exactly the role of the stay-at-home-mom/wife/whatever. It's also not exactly the roll of your average everyday middle class (heck, even upper middle class) person. If the OP can afford not to work, then I guess no one is stopping her from quitting her job and becoming a lady of leisure/socialite/whatever.

I am that lady of leisure! My last child is 6 y/o. She goes to school from 8:30 to 4pm. I do not cook and clean all day. I do thinks for ME too. I work out, play on the computer, lunch with friends all the time, do home projects, go to the spa, shop, volunteer, vacation a lot, and anything else I want to do. I have no plans to go back to work after DD leaves the house either. I love my life and have not had time to be bored. There is no way I'd want to work for someone telling me what to do. I don't need deadlines. If the OP can afford to do it then go for it. Retiring 18 years ago when my son was born was the best thing I ever did!

 

[skiwee1]

Wow, that doesn't seem really fair to the other partner who is supporting you though does it? I would think that everyone would want to stay home and golf all day etc...why should one partner in the relationship have to work while the other golfs, plays tennis, gets together with friends all day etc....wouldn't cut it if I was the person who had to go to work while my partenr stayed home and spent my money and had all the fun!

My husband thinks it's great that he can give me what I want. It actually improves his life because I get to stay home. I do all the housework, cook, wash clothes, and anything else that needs to be done so he doesn't have to do it. Our weekends are free to do what we want! Another little bonus is he goes into work late quite a bit so we can have some quality alone time while the kiddies are in school! That alone, makes it worth it for Dh. I make sure of it!!

 

[skiwee1]

Some of those posts do reek of jealousy. It is a shame that some can't accept that there are plenty out there that do not want to work outside the home and do not have to.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I am that lady of leisure! My last child is 6 y/o. She goes to school from 8:30 to 4pm. I do not cook and clean all day. I do thinks for ME too. I work out, play on the computer, lunch with friends all the time, do home projects, go to the spa, shop, volunteer, vacation a lot, and anything else I want to do. I have no plans to go back to work after DD leaves the house either. I love my life and have not had time to be bored. There is no way I'd want to work for someone telling me what to do. I don't need deadlines. If the OP can afford to do it then go for it. Retiring 18 years ago when my son was born was the best thing I ever did!

You're just about in the same boat that I'm in. I need to start going to the spa, though.

One big possible negative to staying at home when you don't have young kids is that not only are you not bringing in any income, but you have more chances to spend money. If I were working I couldn't have gone on my WDW trips last year--that's good and bad...

 

[skiwee1]

You're just about in the same boat that I'm in. I need to start going to the spa, though.

One big possible negative to staying at home when you don't have young kids is that not only are you not bringing in any income, but you have more chances to spend money. If I were working I couldn't have gone on my WDW trips last year--that's good and bad...

LOL! It does free up time for spending which can get me into trouble sometimes! That is why I get to spend at least 30 days a year at WDW without DH. He works and I don't. I take my mom and DD with me and we have a blast. DH also gets to play too so I don't want anyone to think he slaves away day after day. He goes away on golf trips at least twice a year, and fishing trips twice a year. We learned years ago that life is short. Enjoy it while you are young!

 

[Chris2597]

One of the posters said that she would feel guilty or something to that effect, spending her partners $$, playing golf, ect....My dh has told me to quit my part time job anytime I want to....He feels the small income I get actually hurts are tax status....but it is up to me...The kids are gone...I could get a full time job....but dh and I feel it is more important for me to continue to run the house, keep things stocked (shopping.....clothing, groceries, whatever)...This is my job....and one of the benefits of my job is that I have access to the family $$. If I were paid for everything that I do I would have ample $$ to shop, lunch with friends, ect....
We have always pooled our resources.....

 

[tinkerrn]

I respect all SAHW/SAHM, it is just as hard and demanding job as the 'rat race'. However, you don't don't get paid, have benefits, or get sick days. A job in an office requires about 8 hours a day; however , as a SAHW/SAHM it is a 24/7 job 365 days a year....and no paid holidays!!! I work part time and won't work full time. I enjoy my role as a wife and stepmother. I am waiting until it will be full time, in a few years. I have a career that will allow me to work as few or more hours as needed. My DH likes me being home; the laundry is done, the cleaning is done, the cooking, grocery shopping, etc... is done when he comes home from work. He can enjoy his evening and relax. By the time the weekend comes; we can go to the movies and out for dinner. I have offered to go back full time to help pay off bills and save some money.
DH didn't like that idea too much.....meaning it would require him and stepson to 'step up' and take on more responsibility. I come from a family that is very traditional, all the wives/mothers stay at home. I am the only one who even has worked, yet they are all college educated. It was a choice that they and their spouse made that would be more beneficial to their families. I say if you can afford it, then do stay at home.

 

[bananiem]

A friend of ours is a doctor. Their insurance agent said it would cost him approximately $150,000 a year (where they live) to get a person/persons to do his SAHM/wife's jobs if she died. There is value in staying home.
Volunteer organizations are begging for people and you can choose how much time you want to devote to it. Spend some "me" time doing something you enjoy to re-charge you. In my experience, people that hate their jobs don't do a very good job.

 

[SC Minnie]

When I have had a few days off during the week and the house is clean, meals are cooked on time, and errands usually run on the weekends are done DH has actually said he wishes we could financially afford for me to stay home. Right now we can't swing it but I would love the opportunity. I think I would eventually do some volunteering or work part time at something I really enjoy. (Can't you see I have given it a lot of thought! ) Someday, someday, someday

 

[bananiem]

My dh doesn't want me to go back to work except for one year. The year after HE retires so he can be the one in the robe, holding a cup of coffee, saying "Have a good day, Dear."

 

[NMAmy]

I know where the OP is coming from--I was thinking the same thing last week when I had a week off work and I spent the entire week doing all the things I don't have time to get done.

DH and I have discussed it--it's possible that after dd and I get on his insurance (there have been issues since she was living with her dad and I still had to have her on my insurance but she couldn't be on dh's unless she lived with us for more than 6 months per year) that I'll go to part-time. Even though she's a teenager, I spend a lot of time taking her places and helping with homework, etc. etc. It's hard when you're working full-time and being a parent, too. I do need to keep working where I am at least part-time because one of my benefits is college tuition for dd.

It's not that I don't like my job--if I HAVE to work, this is really a great job. But I prefer staying home and I'm never bored there--it makes me happy. I clean, cook, do crafts, garden, home improvement projects, etc. etc. DH loved last week when he came home to a great meal and a clean house every day.

If you can afford it financially, go for it. Be happy. Why do you think so many people enjoy retirement? My mom is busier now than she ever was when she was working full-time.