First trip need advice on rest room etiquette for DS

[roomthreeseventeen]

Again, there is no law or policy that prevents you from taking your child into an opposite gender restroom. And it's nobody's business if and when you do.

 

[Granny square]

Again, there is no law or policy that prevents you from taking your child into an opposite gender restroom. And it's nobody's business if and when you do.

Really? It isn't someone else's business? Sorry but when one persons actions affect another's it is their business.

 

[mom2rtk]

If you are going to avoid every situation that has potential for danger you won't go it do anything ever.

Better not get in a car and drive to Disney either. Or fly.

 

[Gracie09]

I'm so glad you are so knowledgable about the subject. Nine years old is hardly a tween. And I sure wish it had been a family member who touched my son as it would have been easier to catch him. And the statistics I've read say boys are actually victimized more because they are less likely to report it. It's a shame thing to them. The only reason my son told was because A. He was four and didn't know what embarrassment was and B. we've always taught our kids about good touch/bad touch.

We were lucky because there was no physical damage but he's still emotionally damaged and sometimes that's worse.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

Really you wish it was your husband or brother or father who abused your son. Think about what you said. My foster daughter will be forever screwed up because of what her father did to her. And even more because her mother chose him over her. No amount of therapy will heal that completely. The people who were suppose to protect her above all others made her their victim. Every part of her life is shattered because she had no one to comfort her and when he did she didn't trust them.
So yeah I'm knowledgable. I have to be because I don't know what's coming through the door. But I do know that a nine year old boy can use a restroom by himself. And if one came into a restroom where I was with my daughter I would ask him to wait outside until she was done. And if he refused I would get loud. Because my foster daughter deserves to go to the bathroom feeling safe and he deserves to know someone will fight to protect her.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Really? It isn't someone else's business? Sorry but when one persons actions affect another's it is their business.

Then don't go to Florida or Disney, because they say it's none of your business.

 

[JRawkSteady]

I was able to go into a restroom by myself when I was 4. My sister stopped asking for accompaniment at age 5. 9 is ridiculous!

 

[Granny square]

Then don't go to Florida or Disney.

Lol, why? Because I think young girls should be able to use the restroom without Tween boys looking through the cracks?

You are funnny

It is their business.

 

[Illinistifler]

He will be fine on the mens side as long as his stall is not next to Former Senator Larry E. Craig

 

[mjkacmom]

Of course I won't be escorting my 13 year old son to the restroom. He'll always have fear but then he'll be old enough and strong enough to fight back. We're talking little boys and yes, nine is little.

Good lord, if your 13 year old son is fearful of going into public restrooms, you have seriously failed him! What the heck do these 9 year old boys do at baseball or soccer practice? During games? Call their parents, and ask for an escort? What about community pools? Playgrounds? Kids this age are out and about without parents. What do they do if they have to go to the bathroom?

I sometimes have irrational fears about the safety of my children (I get nervous when they're outside and it's very windy, for example, because we have tons of huge oaks that go down in every storm). I worry that someone might not see them as they back of of their driveway, or a driver in an out of control vehicle might jump the curb while my kids are walking on the sidewalk. However, I need to get over it, and let my kids have some freedom.

I honestly can't see how the need of a mom not to feel uncomfortable trumps the need of girls in the restroom not to feel uncomfortable. As an adult, to put your needs over a child's in wrong. Granted, the girls are probably feeling uncomfortable for nothing - they aren't in any danger from the boy. Just as the mom is feeling uncomfortable for nothing - their boys aren't in any danger in the mens room.

 

[buzzrelly]

Well, if you read the Disboards enough you'll find some people have stories of beautiful European women stripping down to just their bottoms in the middle of Typhoon Lagoon, and other have seen folks washing their dirty babies' bottoms in the water fountains. So I think the point is everything has happened at Disney at one time or another. And I'm not overreacting, I (1) don't have a son and (2) wouldn't care if he saw a woman topless if I did. I'm just positing a counter situation for the OP (who might, in fact, care).

So now we shouldn't allow 9 year olds in the middle of Typhoon Lagoon on the off chance that there may be naked European women there. Give me a break.

 

[Magpie]

OP, if you are still reading, DISboards posters tend to be conservative on bathroom issues. However, if you bring your nine year old son into the restroom with you, nobody will say anything. It’s not a big deal, and your child’s safety comes before other people’s comfort levels.

At some point there has to be an end to it. A five foot three nine year old is as tall as many women. He's entering puberty at that age!

I've taught sex ed to 1st graders, 5th graders and high school students. While there's a wide range of maturity and development, by nine they are no longer the relatively asexual persons they were at five.

But girls aren't expected to use the bathroom with the gender that molested them. Boys are. You want to talk statistics, how about the fact that over 95% of molesters are men and their primary target is young boys? Of course I won't be escorting my 13 year old son to the restroom. He'll always have fear but then he'll be old enough and strong enough to fight back. We're talking little boys and yes, nine is little.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

I think you should be escorting your son to use the companion bathroom, not the women's washroom. If being in the men's room with his father makes him shake in fear, then he has a genuine psychological disability and using a bathroom intended for people with disabilities is entirely appropriate.

However, why not ask his psychologist what he recommends? Would he rather have you bring your son into the women's bathroom with you, long after he's capable of attending to his own toileting needs, or would he have him use a bathroom of his own, ie the companion bathroom?

Again, there is no law or policy that prevents you from taking your child into an opposite gender restroom. And it's nobody's business if and when you do.

Actually, it might be worth calling Disney's guest services to see what they say. There MUST be a cut off somewhere, or else you could argue that there's no law preventing a mother from bringing her six foot tall, beardy fifteen year old into the bathroom with her either. And that since her child's safety comes before other's comfort levels, they can all just deal with it.

 

[Granny square]

Good lord, if your 13 year old son is fearful of going into public restrooms, you have seriously failed him! What the heck do these 9 year old boys do at baseball or soccer practice? During games? Call their parents, and ask for an escort? What about community pools? Playgrounds? Kids this age are out and about without parents. What do they do if they have to go to the bathroom?

I sometimes have irrational fears about the safety of my children (I get nervous when they're outside and it's very windy, for example, because we have tons of huge oaks that go down in every storm). I worry that someone might not see them as they back of of their driveway, or a driver in an out of control vehicle might jump the curb while my kids are walking on the sidewalk. However, I need to get over it, and let my kids have some freedom.

I honestly can't see how the need of a mom not to feel uncomfortable trumps the need of girls in the restroom not to feel uncomfortable. As an adult, to put your needs over a child's in wrong. Granted, the girls are probably feeling uncomfortable for nothing - they aren't in any danger from the boy. Just as the mom is feeling uncomfortable for nothing - their boys aren't in any danger in the mens room.

Well said. Raising kids isn't about what makes us feel comfy. It is about doing what os best for the child.

My third tests for his license tomorrow. I know he has done tons of driving but I am still panicked that he will be out on the roads! (Far far more dangerous than a 9 year old in a restroom!) but you just have to take a breath and say goodbye.

 

[ttintagel]

Man, and I thought *MY* parents were overprotective. I would have been mortified if EITHER parent thought I needed supervision in the restroom at the age of 9.

 

[Dani784]

Good lord, if your 13 year old son is fearful of going into public restrooms, you have seriously failed him! What the heck do these 9 year old boys do at baseball or soccer practice? During games? Call their parents, and ask for an escort? What about community pools? Playgrounds? Kids this age are out and about without parents. What do they do if they have to go to the bathroom?

I sometimes have irrational fears about the safety of my children (I get nervous when they're outside and it's very windy, for example, because we have tons of huge oaks that go down in every storm). I worry that someone might not see them as they back of of their driveway, or a driver in an out of control vehicle might jump the curb while my kids are walking on the sidewalk. However, I need to get over it, and let my kids have some freedom.

I honestly can't see how the need of a mom not to feel uncomfortable trumps the need of girls in the restroom not to feel uncomfortable. As an adult, to put your needs over a child's in wrong. Granted, the girls are probably feeling uncomfortable for nothing - they aren't in any danger from the boy. Just as the mom is feeling uncomfortable for nothing - their boys aren't in any danger in the mens room.

I've failed him? Really? How so? Because I was stupid enough to trust that his family member would keep him safe? He was attacked in a bathroom by a man. Why wouldn't he fear that for years afterwards? And how does his rational fear make me the bad parent all of a sudden? Do you not read what has already been posted before you reply? It's not MY comfort but his I'm concerned with. So I'm putting my child's needs over those of adult women. As for the girls, well, they aren't my kid. I put my children's needs first because as their mother that's my job.

As for what does my son do at soccer practice, well his dad is his coach and he takes him to the restroom. Again, my son is only 7 but I imagine not much will change when he's nine. My kids are never out and about without parents. Too many close calls and bad experiences to let that happen again.

 

[Granny square]

I've failed him? Really? How so? Because I was stupid enough to trust that his family member would keep him safe? He was attacked in a bathroom by a man. Why wouldn't he fear that for years afterwards? And how does his rational fear make me the bad parent all of a sudden? Do you not read what has already been posted before you reply? It's not MY comfort but his I'm concerned with. So I'm putting my child's needs over those of adult women. As for the girls, well, they aren't my kid. I put my children's needs first because as their mother that's my job.

As for what does my son do at soccer practice, well his dad is his coach and he takes him to the restroom. Again, my son is only 7 but I imagine not much will change when he's nine. My kids are never out and about without parents. Too many close calls and bad experiences to let that happen again.

Really? As long as it is ok for your kid screw the girls that belong there. Nice. That is pretty paramount to putting them in scary situations. Maybe they were assaulted by their 9 year ok boy cousin, brother or school bully. But as long as you and your kid are happy it is fine. :/

 

[luvmy3]

I've failed him? Really? How so? Because I was stupid enough to trust that his family member would keep him safe? He was attacked in a bathroom by a man. Why wouldn't he fear that for years afterwards? And how does his rational fear make me the bad parent all of a sudden? Do you not read what has already been posted before you reply? It's not MY comfort but his I'm concerned with. So I'm putting my child's needs over those of adult women. As for the girls, well, they aren't my kid. I put my children's needs first because as their mother that's my job.

As for what does my son do at soccer practice, well his dad is his coach and he takes him to the restroom. Again, my son is only 7 but I imagine not much will change when he's nine. My kids are never out and about without parents. Too many close calls and bad experiences to let that happen again.

But you have another option for your ds, you can bring him to the companion restroom. The girls in the woman's room don't have another option. Nobody is telling you you need to put your ds's needs (an in your case it truly is a need), but just saying that you should still be able to consider the girls/woman who don't have the option of using another restroom. Its called common courtesy.

 

[Magpie]

Good lord, if your 13 year old son is fearful of going into public restrooms, you have seriously failed him! What the heck do these 9 year old boys do at baseball or soccer practice? During games? Call their parents, and ask for an escort? What about community pools? Playgrounds? Kids this age are out and about without parents. What do they do if they have to go to the bathroom?

I sometimes have irrational fears about the safety of my children (I get nervous when they're outside and it's very windy, for example, because we have tons of huge oaks that go down in every storm). I worry that someone might not see them as they back of of their driveway, or a driver in an out of control vehicle might jump the curb while my kids are walking on the sidewalk. However, I need to get over it, and let my kids have some freedom.

I honestly can't see how the need of a mom not to feel uncomfortable trumps the need of girls in the restroom not to feel uncomfortable. As an adult, to put your needs over a child's in wrong. Granted, the girls are probably feeling uncomfortable for nothing - they aren't in any danger from the boy. Just as the mom is feeling uncomfortable for nothing - their boys aren't in any danger in the mens room.

I believe she meant that when he's 13 she won't be making him accompany her to the women's bathroom.

If I read the poster's previous posts correctly, her son was molested at age 4, in a bathroom, while a relative was present but apparently not paying attention. He was able to tell people at the time because he didn't know to be ashamed.

He's now seven. And he's still got severe lasting trauma to the point where he cannot go into a men's bathroom without shaking in fear. She doesn't expect he'll be any better by nine, either.

I'm really not sure how just turning 13 will enable him to "protect himself" any more or less than he can at 9. Most 13 year olds can't kick a grown man's butt. But hopefully the therapy he's undergoing at the moment will have helped him enough by then, and he'll realize that strangers will come to his aid if he's ever in need.

That's why I suggested using the companion restroom in the interim.

Her situation is not typical or usual, and I'm not sure it really applies to this thread. MOST nine year old boys would be perfectly capable of handling themselves in a WDW washroom. They're old enough to know that if someone makes them uncomfortable in any way, they can leave and tell their mother, who is waiting outside. The odds of any harm coming to a 9 year old in a WDW bathroom is much, much less than the odds of that same family having a car accident on the drive to Disney.

There's never to my knowledge been a recorded incident of molestation in a Disney bathroom. There WAS one story about a peeper... in the women's bathroom!

 

[Dani784]

But you have another option for your ds, you can bring him to the companion restroom. The girls in the woman's room don't have another option. Nobody is telling you you need to put your ds's needs (an in your case it truly is a need), but just saying that you should still be able to consider the girls/woman who don't have the option of using another restroom. Its called common courtesy.

And if we can find and use one in a timely manner, great! Of course my son doesn't have a physical disability so there will be people who will be annoyed at that as well. But there are places outside of WDW where a family or companion restroom is not an option. If its an "I'm going to pee myself" situation, we're using the women's unless my DH is there to take him to a stall in the men's room.

 

[mom2rtk]

As for the girls, well, they aren't my kid.

Nice.

I'm terribly sorry for the trauma your family has endured.

But you're making it hard to be understanding when you say things like that. Just as nobody knows your son's story, you don't know the story of all those girls you just threw under a proverbial bus.

 

[momofboyz3]

I've failed him? Really? How so? Because I was stupid enough to trust that his family member would keep him safe? He was attacked in a bathroom by a man. Why wouldn't he fear that for years afterwards? And how does his rational fear make me the bad parent all of a sudden? Do you not read what has already been posted before you reply? It's not MY comfort but his I'm concerned with. So I'm putting my child's needs over those of adult women. As for the girls, well, they aren't my kid. I put my children's needs first because as their mother that's my job.

As for what does my son do at soccer practice, well his dad is his coach and he takes him to the restroom. Again, my son is only 7 but I imagine not much will change when he's nine. My kids are never out and about without parents. Too many close calls and bad experiences to let that happen again.

Dani~ please don't get yourself so upset, what happened to your son is a nightmare nobody should have to go through. You & everyone else needs to do what is right for your family, finished. It might not be right for my boys or most of whom have posted. But we have not been through what you have. I don't blame you one bit, your an awesome mom---- I can tell