First name or last name?

[Mandychelle79]

If I am talking to my daughters teachers on a professional level, as in im asking about my child, then I use Mr or Mrs, even though I went to school with them. If its on a personal level I use their names. And of course if I run in to them at the local bar, its first name only, if not a nickname.

I do not like to be called Mrs. ****, so I do not expect my kids friends to call me that. if they were raised to do so, I will not force the issue. Just like if my kids friends parents want them to call them mr or mrs I will tell my kids to. I grew up with my parents wanting my friends to call them by their names or Mom and Dad. Actually most of my friends still call my father Daddy Ron

When im refering to my aunts and uncles I will call them aunt and uncle, but to their face I only use their first names and while I call myself Aunt Mandy to my baby neice Id be much more comfortable if my older neice and nephew just called me Mandy.

 

[LaraK]

What happens when you run out of dickens? Can you go to the store and get more or do you have to seek the help of a medical professional?

Personally I go by a name that I totally made up that seems to evolve depending on the weather.
There's been
Ducky
D Diddy
D Cougar Diddy
This smilie ->
D
Paula
The Poster formally known as D Diddy
Duck Daddy

Smart aleck! I can always borrow some dickens from you.

I think using a last name when it is a work situation is totally acceptable. Age shouldn't matter. Just because they are younger than you doesn't mean that they are not an adult and do not deserved to be treated with resepct.

I don't care how people address me. I used to be called my last name as a nickname by friends and I still respond to it even though it no longer is my legal name.

IMO you are being 100% rude. A teacher who is 22 is not a child and you are underminding her by calling her as such. She is no less of an adult than anyone else just because she is supposedly young enough to be your child. I would get over that attitude quickly if I were you and realize that because someone can be young enough to be your child does not mean they do not command respect. Would you do the same if she were a CEO of a company? What happens when you are 80? A 60 year old will still be a child in your book?

Let me guess...you're 22? Just kidding. When you're young enough to be my kid, I kinda think of you like that. It wasn't meant to be a crack at her not being old enough to teach my daughter. She's actually quite nice and I don't have a problem with her teaching skills...she's just REALLY young. I don't even know her first name, so I've never called her anything but her last name to my kids.

ETA...I now know her first name! She called and left me a message that I just picked up and she actually used her first and last name. She is sweet and she called me Mrs. K ugh...I feel ancient!

BTW, I call the CEO at my company by his first name. I'm in upper management and the staff calls me by my first name. Most places I've worked that's been the case. I really only have seen the hell bent on last name thing in a few places...education and old-school business.

I do not agree with the OP. As far as I'm concerned.....familiarity breeds contempt in situations such as this.... I believe a teacher or other professional should always be referred to by a title and surname. I believe a younger person should always address an older person in the same fashion unless they are personal friends or family. A salesperson, stranger, or solicitor should never refer to a customer or client by his/her first name unless asked to do so by the individual. IMO it's all part of respectful communication. Perhaps it's generational or regionality that determines your opinion on this matter. As for me, I'm a Midwesterner and a baby boomer.

I don't know that we disagree that much. I would never call a customer, no matter what age, by their first name unless they invited me to do so. I do however disagree on the "professional" thing. I call doctors by their first name all the time. Titles don't impress me much.

I do think it's a generational thing. I'm a member of the Gen X generation...commonly know of as the "skeptics"...most of my contemporaries are like me when it comes to names. That being said, growing up we referred to the adults by their last names.

With due respect I was referring to the comment where she said "but why on earth would I call this child be her last name otherwise?"

I don't care who you are that is rude to refer to an adult as a child.

Well, I guess I'm rude because I know a lot of "adults" who I think of as not quite out of childhood.

 

[DawnM]

I am a school counselor in a high school, we even refer to each other by last names, although we rarely use the Mr. or Mrs. in front of it unless students are around.

My son's teacher last year was about 16 years my junior, but I always referred to her by her last name and she did the same to me.

Maybe it is because I have been in this culture for so long, but really, this doesn't bother me at all.

Dawn

 

[kaytieeldr]

My daughter's teacher is young enough to be my daughter. I understand calling her by her last name in front of my daughter or with my daughter, but why on earth would I call this child be her last name otherwise?

Respect? Etiquette? So you don't accidentally slip and address or refer to her by first name around your daughter, thereby setting an example of false familiarity?

It irritates the dickens out of me when people use their last names only when addressing me. "Hello, this is Mrs. Smith, how may I help you". Especially when I KNOW they're younger than I am.

Wild guess but... I would not be surprised in the least to find that this is the EMPLOYER'S policy. I knw when I call the IRS, everyone identifies themselves as Mrs., Mr., Ms... but when I call ComCast, I speak with Jesse, Robin, Hunter...

I'm from a first name culture.

I am too, for the most part. But just this week, I met my boss's daughters and wife. He addressed me by first name, but introduced me to his daughters as "Ms ___". Makes PERFECT sense to me.

I am part of the Lastnametoolongtopronounceclub

Close. I'm part of the Lastnameshortandsimpleandpronouncedexactlyasitispelledbutunfamiliartomanypeopleclub

 

[CobraBubbles]

I try to avoid calling anyone anything unless I've been introduced. If I'm introduced I will call them whatever I'm introduced to call them. If I'm not introduced I just address them directly for 2 years and if that much time passes I feel it is fair game to know their name even if not introduced.

The other half of the time I just call everyone Steve. It makes it easier if you make up a name for someone instead of having to remember names.

 

[kaytieeldr]

NE here and growing up I never called anyone (except for teachers) by their last name. EVER. My mom/dad's friends would laugh at me if I called them Mrs. or Mr.

When I was growing up, we addressed all the neighborhood parents - all families moved in within the same twelve month period - by their first names. Adults who moved in later were addressed as Mrs. or Mr. When I was fifteen, the people across the street moved out. For the next twenty-five years, I addressed the 'new' residents as Mrs. and Mr... until one day she pointed out to me that we really aren't that far apart in age, and to please call her D____.

 

[spaceacewannabe]

I cannot stand going to a store or bank where the clerk reads my name of off my cc or my account and says, "Thanks Erin." I always correct them by asking if they know me. It's not appropriate and you shouldn't assume that sort of familiarity with someone.

I KNOW! I HATE THAT! (and yes, I mean to shout---that really irks me!) And there are some places that REQUIRE the staff to do that---like at the bank. That really weirds me out. Add to that that NO ONE calls me by my full first name...my mom is the same way; she goes by her middle name, and when we're out and someone calls her "Jean," it draws my attention in a very negative way.

I'm a teacher, and I usually introduce myself as first and last name to parents, as do most of my colleagues. If I introduced myself by just my first name, I think a lot of parents would wonder who the heck was calling them. I would default to Miss lastname before just my first name for that reason...but I don't see myself not just using both names in the future.

I'm also teaching a class at the university and one of the students, before having met me, e-mailed me and addressed me by my full first name. NOT a good first impression; I thought that was very presumptious, even though I am letting them call me by my first name (the one I actually use, though!).

 

[disykat]

I can't imagine calling my kid's teachers by first names unless I had a relationship with them - and I am a teacher. I call them the same thing my kids call them unless I have a more casual relationship with them than teacher/parent. Frankly, I'm not all that interested in learning two names and switching back and forth depending on who I'm talking to. My kids have about 20 teachers and I know very few of their first names.

I almost always go with a title unless I have a casual relationship with someone or have been instructed otherwise. I would feel disrespectful trying to be too familiar.

When I call a parent, I also identify myself as firstname lastname. Most seem to find it easier to call me what their kids call me unless they see me regularly.

 

[clh2]

I am part of the Lastnametoolongtopronounceclub

Anyone else??

Nope - not a member of this club.

I do, however, belong to the

Shortnamethatnoonecanpronounceclub

Only 4 letters...two long vowels...I always tell people we follow the "NIKE" rules of pronunciation.

Regardless - I do prefer Cheryl from any adult, most of DD's friends/teammates call me Mrs. H, which is fine by me.

 

[Anne MN]

If anyone but my DH calls me by my first name, I probably won't answer. all we use is last name. if we are adressing someone who outranks us, then their rank plus last name (but that's the army for you)
DH- he get's mr. last name, or some of the kids mr. first name, or some of my DD good friends SD (second dad ) DH is actually helping one of the older kids with school and other programs (teen's mom just deployed) and one of the kids who plays hockey with my DD- her dad will be deploying sometime next year.

 

[Mean Queen]

I'm a first name person for the most part. But I do understand kids calling teachers by last names, to show authority. I just don't have my kids call all adults by their last name, unless that person prefers it that way. First names are generally easier and more personal.

 

[twinklebug]

I think the use of first name vs. last name will depend on the circumstance. For adults, I always use Mr.|Ms.|Mrs.|Miss Last_name in regards to any of the school staff. Even when I know someone personally, within the school environment they are referred to formally and I expect the same in return. Same goes within the legal system and any service professionals such as Police, Firemen, Lawyers and of course Judges. ALWAYS refer to them formally (with exception to informal gatherings, then they become Bill, Jim, Jane etc.)

I conform to the workplace, not all are the same. In my current company (financial software) we're quite informal and refer to each other as First_name (and Last_name or letter when there are more than one with the same first name). When the title is introduced by anyone in conversation or greetings it's done so mocking how important the person feels they are or of a status change (marriage). Needless to say, it's only been used in rare occasions and not by myself. I should qualify all this by stating that casual Fridays in my company involve flip flops and jeans or shorts. Work dress M-Th means jeans that aren't blue and solid color Tees and tennis shoes (sneakers)

 

[mhsjax]

In our area the only profession you will find that it is almost automatic to use Mr/Mrs Lastname is education. In the medical field people address Dr.'s by Dr. Lastname but even that is only with patients--staff will generally call the Dr.'s by their first name when talking with them. At Dh's old company the new CEO requested that everyone call him Mr. Lastname, people pretty much just laughed, no one called him that--it just wasn't done. The founder of the company even went by his first name.

One of our kids' teachers only called us by Mr/Mrs Lastname they year she had our kids in class. We were good friends with her and otherwise had gone by first names, except that year.

Oh my, the Dr's that I work for would have you fired if you called them by their first name, to me (and this is just my opinion) it is disrespectful.

 

[C.Ann]

Really depends on the circumstances.. I once worked for a doctor (female) and in the office - in front of patients - I referred to her as "Dr. X" - but other than that, she preferred that I call her by her first name..

I prefer to be called by my first name in all circumstances.. I don't care if it's a child talking to me; an older person; a younger person; whatever..

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I refer to my daughter's teacher by her last name, same with doctors, etc. But generally, I go with first names. And I hate being called by my last name. I kept my married name when I got divorced, which was a dumb move on my part. Hey, hindsight is 20/20. So I only go by one name now...like Madonna.

 

[Becky2005]

For teachers it doesn't bother me at all to call them Mrs. or Mr. Lastname because 90% of the time I may not remember their first name. When the kids talk about the teachers that is the name they use and how they are referred to in the house, so it is normal for me to call them that.

Plus it just feels WRONG to call a teacher by their first name even if the kids aren't around to me. Usually in parent/teacher conference situations. Even outside of school, I would probably NOT use their first names & that has happened.

Then again, I'm referred to as Mrs. Lastname also by the teachers there. It's a toss up -- sometimes it's Mrs. Lastname; sometimes it's first name. I think it all depends. I'm fairly sure they don't call each OTHER those names because sometimes in the conference they will mention another teacher & use their first name (with me frantically thinking "Huh, who IS that..oh, yeah...Mike is Mr. M").

Thankfully one of DD's HS teacher said it's fine for Mrs. "First letter of last name" -- as it's a really hard name to pronounce.

Hmm...now that I think about that, we have that in grade school but it's ONLY the male teachers...weird. They aren't even hard names to pronounce.

 

[TDC Nala]

Don't much like the last name thing - due to my age people automatically call me "Mrs" and I'm not married. If it's just a supermarket clerk or something I let it go but if it's someone I have to do real business with I have to correct them and it's awkward.

 

[iggbees]

i'm a first name kind of person and i don't feel weird calling people older than me by their first names. however i had a boss who reamed me out for not calling another professor by their last name in an email i sent to them. my boss told me that unless they tell you to call them by their first name, you should NEVER call them by that?? i mean, come on, i'm a grad student, not a child.

 

[delilah]

I am a doctor, and I actually don't mind either way if I am called Dr. Firstname or Dr. Lastname. Some people call me just by my last name, which is somewhat disrespectful, and I don't like it at all. I don't like to be called Ms. or Mrs. That I find most disrespectful, even more so than those who call me just by my first name (who are invariably sweet little old ladies who have been in the practice long enough to have known the doctor I replaced as an intern, and he worked there 30 years).

It is an interesting observation that I make that the parents of my son's classmates who know me professionally all call me Dr, but, those who are just my son's friends tend to call me just by my first name, the same way as I call them by their first name. There are a few I have repeatedly asked to call me my first name--I guess they are relunctant to do so.

One of my nurses feels it is very disrespectful for patients not to call us Dr, and she gets angry and corrects them. I don't think I would go that far, but she makes a point.

 

[gladstoneganderfan]

I am part of the Lastnametoolongtopronounceclub

Anyone else??

Me too. My maiden name & my married name are doozy's to pronounce. At least I know when it's a salesman calling.

As far as this argument over 1st or last names, I'm Southern, so everyone is a "Ma'am" or "Sir" (whether you are older or younger than me), and I always call folks by their last name unless they say otherwise. If I didn't, my Grandma would rise from the grave & slap me.