First name or last name?

[PaDisney02]

I think using a last name when it is a work situation is totally acceptable. Age shouldn't matter. Just because they are younger than you doesn't mean that they are not an adult and do not deserved to be treated with resepct.

I don't care how people address me. I used to be called my last name as a nickname by friends and I still respond to it even though it no longer is my legal name.

IMO you are being 100% rude. A teacher who is 22 is not a child and you are underminding her by calling her as such. She is no less of an adult than anyone else just because she is supposedly young enough to be your child. I would get over that attitude quickly if I were you and realize that because someone can be young enough to be your child does not mean they do not command respect. Would you do the same if she were a CEO of a company? What happens when you are 80? A 60 year old will still be a child in your book?

I agree! Well said!

 

[mfd25wife]

Boy, it totally depends on who I"m talking to, or who is talking to me.

My best friends 8yr old DD calls me Ms. Sandy, and I like that. But other kids that I don't know, I would want them to call me Mrs. ***** because I think it's disrespectful to not do that.

My customers I only want to call me by my first name.

When I call my customers, I say Mr/Ms/Mrs **** if I don't know them well. If it's a long term customer, and someone younger, I'll go out on a lim and use their first name, and I think they prefer it. All older customers I use their last name irregardless how long I've known them.

School teachers I always say Mr/Ms/Mrs **** because I think they deserve that. They went to school to become a teacher, and they are not my friend, so I will call them Mr/Ms/Mrs ******

Daycare teachers I refuse to call them Ms Katie, or Ms. Sophie or whatever. They I always just say their first name, because I'm not 4, and I don't think I should have to do that.

I require my girls to say Mr/Ms/Mrs ***** to adults unless the adult says otherwise. When the adult says to use their first name, I still insist that my girls say Mr. Rob, or Ms. Jennifer, and my friends are always okay with that.


I think I covered it all
And with this, I would say I'm a mixed bag on how I feel about this subject.

Thank goodness I didn't have to type all this out. I can just

 

[HelenePA]

First name club here. I come from a town of MANY Lithuanian/polish people which means hard last names.. heck people can't even get my first name right most of the time yet alone my last name...

NE here and growing up I never called anyone (except for teachers) by their last name. EVER. My mom/dad's friends would laugh at me if I called them Mrs. or Mr.

 

[JimmyPicker]

I think using a last name when it is a work situation is totally acceptable. Age shouldn't matter. Just because they are younger than you doesn't mean that they are not an adult and do not deserved to be treated with resepct.

I don't care how people address me. I used to be called my last name as a nickname by friends and I still respond to it even though it no longer is my legal name.

IMO you are being 100% rude. A teacher who is 22 is not a child and you are underminding her by calling her as such. She is no less of an adult than anyone else just because she is supposedly young enough to be your child. I would get over that attitude quickly if I were you and realize that because someone can be young enough to be your child does not mean they do not command respect. Would you do the same if she were a CEO of a company? What happens when you are 80? A 60 year old will still be a child in your book?

With all due respect, I think you are being a little harsh. You don't know the exact situation the OP is refering to. Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to make a judgement.

For example, in my sons school, the teachers, the counselors, and even the principal go by first names when talking to the parents.

If a new, young teacher were to insist on being called Mrs. Lastname, it would be extremely odd considering the 50 something year old principal goes by John.

When the school secretary calls, she'll say, "Hey, this is Dawn." When his 4th grade teacher calls, she says, "Hey, it's Diana."

I think it's (like the OP said) a culture in certain areas. So I can see that if you're in an area that regularly uses first names, a young person insisting on being called by their last name could shake things up a bit.

 

[EthansMom]

I prefer people to use my first name. I also generally refer to adults as "Miss First Name, Mr. First Name" when discussing them with my kids, who at 7 and 4 don't know most folks' last names. That's excepting higher authority figures like teachers, principal, physicians, president, etc...

Also, if you're going to refer to me by my last name, I generally prefer "Ms. Lastname" instead of "Mrs. Lastname". I did take my husbands last name when we married but being referred to as "Mrs." makes me feel (1) old and (2) as if I'm more an extention of my husband than an individual.

 

[Dedejf]

I do not agree with the OP. As far as I'm concerned.....familiarity breeds contempt in situations such as this.... I believe a teacher or other professional should always be referred to by a title and surname. I believe a younger person should always address an older person in the same fashion unless they are personal friends or family. A salesperson, stranger, or solicitor should never refer to a customer or client by his/her first name unless asked to do so by the individual. IMO it's all part of respectful communication. Perhaps it's generational or regionality that determines your opinion on this matter. As for me, I'm a Midwesterner and a baby boomer.

 

[clgwli]

With all due respect, I think you are being a little harsh. You don't know the exact situation the OP is refering to. Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to make a judgement.

For example, in my sons school, the teachers, the counselors, and even the principal go by first names when talking to the parents.

If a new, young teacher were to insist on being called Mrs. Lastname, it would be extremely odd considering the 50 something year old principal goes by John.

When the school secretary calls, she'll say, "Hey, this is Dawn." When his 4th grade teacher calls, she says, "Hey, it's Diana."

I think it's (like the OP said) a culture in certain areas. So I can see that if you're in an area that regularly uses first names, a young person insisting on being called by their last name could shake things up a bit.

With due respect I was referring to the comment where she said "but why on earth would I call this child be her last name otherwise?"

I don't care who you are that is rude to refer to an adult as a child.

 

[Kathi OD]

I am the opposite of the OP. I am a firm believer in the last name culture. Unless someone is a friend, I was taught it was much more repectful to use last names. Particularly in a professional setting- I am a behavior therapist in a school, and it really irks me to hear the high school kids call the paras by their first names. It sounds unprofessional to me; in fact, there are a few paras that DO insist on being called by their last names, and I applaud them for it. As far as calling someone younger than you by their first name just because they are younger, I totally disagree with that.

I also disagree. Calling your child's teacher Ms./Mrs./Mr. Last Name is a sign of respect for their position. Calling someone by their first name indicates familiarity. They aren't your friend, they are your child's teacher.

It really doesn't matter if you agree with it or not, if someone introduces themselves in a particular way they are asking to be referred to as such. Out of courtesy and respect you should comply. I know my kids have had some teachers who use their first names when speaking with me but the ones who always use their last names, you can bet that is how I will address them too!

 

[Stitchfans]

I refer first name. Using last name feels stuffy to me. And yes I admit most of DDs teachers are much younger than me and yes it does feel weird to me to call them Mr or Mrs.

 

[wishspirit]

I don't think i have ever called someone Mr or Mrs Firstname. I wouldn't want anyone to call me Miss Kate (sounds weird to me).

In a professional capacity i think Surnames are fine. I used to work in a supermarket, and in front of the customers or if we were called over the intercom we were all ways called Mr/Miss Lastname. However when a manager was talking to me, or vice versa, we would use first names.

I always greet people with what they were introduced as, until they tell me otherwise. I always call older people Mr. Mrs Lastname if I haven't been told differently (and i know it will be correct), as a sign of respect, however most of the time they then ask me to call them their first name.

However all my lecturers at university are first name, except one who loves their PHD so much we call her Dr. Firstname. However i still find that odd to do.

 

[RadioNate]

First name, I guess. I DESPISE being called Mrs Lastname. Just call me by my name!

I have a friend who's kids always call me Mrs Lastname. I've been telling them for years to please call me by my first name. I get the 'respect' thing but I think they are actually being disrespectful by not following my wishes.

 

[JimmyPicker]

With due respect I was referring to the comment where she said "but why on earth would I call this child be her last name otherwise?"

I don't care who you are that is rude to refer to an adult as a child.

Personally, I don't think the OP meant to use the term "child" as an insult. She probably just used it to project the youth of the person.

If the OP literally thought of this person as a child, I'm sure her concern would be for her child being taught by a "child" instead of the first name/last name question they presented.

I guess I just didn't take their use of the term literally. I have grandparents who still consider me a child even though I own a house, I'm married, have a couple of kids and a career. I don't get offended by it, though.

 

[Cool-Beans]

On the phone, I give my first and last names. I almost never say, "Mrs. Beans." And I'm comfortable with people calling me Cool instead of Mrs. Beans.

I'm kind of fine with both. But I don't like really young people calling me by my first name. It does rub me the wrong way. Once in a while, one of the kids' friends will call us by our first names. DH always nips it in the bud. "Are we on a first name basis?" is how he starts off.

If it is a work situation, the 22 year old can call me "Cool" or I'll call them "Mrs. Riley" if they like. But if the same-aged kid is one of the boys' friends, I damn well better be "Mrs. Beans" and she'll be "Christy." Don't ask me why. I don't know.

I had an aide at work who wanted everyone to refer to her as Miss Smith. Everyone else calls each other by their first names, but she had to be Miss Smith. So, fine, she was Miss Smith. She was like 22. But Miss Smith had other issues...like not wanting to do her job and choosing instead to make up blood pressures instead of taking them...and was let go.

I always call my older patients Mr. Jones or Mrs. Jackson. If they're my age or younger, I call them by their first names. If an older person says, "Please call me Meg" or whatever, I will...but it doesn't happen often.

I cringe a little when I hear a 25 year old calling a 70 year old man "James." And it is especially weird if you're calling him "James" but people really call him "Jim" or you're calling Tom "Thomas." Not only have you overstepped; you're getting it wrong, KWIM?

I dunno. That might just be me.

 

[mrsltg]

If you don't know me I am Mrs. G. If you are a child I know well I am Miss Erin. If you are a child I don't know well (ie, not a child of a friend of mine or a neighbor) you call me Mrs. G. I cannot stand going to a store or bank where the clerk reads my name of off my cc or my account and says, "Thanks Erin." I always correct them by asking if they know me. It's not appropriate and you shouldn't assume that sort of familiarity with someone.

I still call my former neighbors, heck, even my mother's best friend, by Mr or Mrs. The best friend in question is now my dd's godmother and I STILL call her Mrs. W.

 

[mickeymedic]

In my profession, we refer to eachother by lastname only. No Mr. No Mrs. Just last name. We usually introdcue ourselves to our patients using our first names. But if the boss, the dispatcher or a coworker is talking to you (or about you) they use your lastname only. UNLESS there is more than one person with the same last name. Then you get either first and last name or first name only. We are a weird bunch - but that's emergency medical services for you.

 

[mfd25wife]

In my profession, we refer to eachother by lastname only. No Mr. No Mrs. Just last name. We usually introdcue ourselves to our patients using our first names. But if the boss, the dispatcher or a coworker is talking to you (or about you) they use your lastname only. UNLESS there is more than one person with the same last name. Then you get either first and last name or first name only. We are a weird bunch - but that's emergency medical services for you.

My DH is a Firefighter/Paramedic so I've seen what you are talking about. But, I get thrown by the nick names-Bones, Lurch, Skill, Scooter, etc. I just can't call them that... I have to remind him that I need first names so when I'm around them, I know who they are. The station Christmas party is always fun since we play a game where we need to know all the names to pick out which girl is playing which guy/husband and which guy is playing which girl/wife.

 

[mickeymedic]

My DH is a Firefighter/Paramedic so I've seen what you are talking about. But, I get thrown by the nick names-Bones, Lurch, Skill, Scooter, etc. I just can't call them that... I have to remind him that I need first names so when I'm around them, I know who they are. The station Christmas party is always fun since we play a game where we need to know all the names to pick out which girl is playing which guy/husband and which guy is playing which girl/wife.

The nicknames can be amusing. We have a Lurch, too.

I must confess...I initially misread your last comment - the one about the game. Somehow my brain twisted it to be "which girl was playing around with which guy" and vice versa. Sorry. That would make one hell of a Christmas party game, though, wouldn't it?

 

[Northstar]

I'm a member of the call-people-what-they-want-to-be-called culture.

If somebody introduces herself as "Ms. Smith" and doesn't even mention her first name... I take that as meaning she's uncomfortable with people assuming they can address her by first name so she nips it in the bud. I don't care why she wants to be "Ms. Smith," that's her business and I'm happy to call her that without assuming it's a power trip.

For me, I prefer being called by my first name. I teach adults in a university setting... I've learned to invite them to call me by my first name but to feel free to say Professor MyLastname if they prefer. I notice that a lot of the younger ones will simply avoid calling me anything if I insist on being Myfirstname.

I like it that my DD's friends wait to be invited to call me by my first name (hey, they don't know my first name until I tell them... I had one girl who called me "DD's Mom" to my face for ages because she has a bad memory for names!). Most of the parents seem to go by first names with the kids but a few prefer to be Mr/Mrs with their children's friends.

 

[mfd25wife]

The nicknames can be amusing. We have a Lurch, too.

I must confess...I initially misread your last comment - the one about the game. Somehow my brain twisted it to be "which girl was playing around with which guy" and vice versa. Sorry. That would make one hell of a Christmas party game, though, wouldn't it?

That would definitely get the rumor mill kicking into high gear!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I call people by their last name (prefaced by Ms, Mr., etc) unless asked to do otherwise (or unless they introduce themselves or are introduced by their first name). It just feels respectful to me. Oh, and I always address my children's teachers by their last name. When I write notes to them, though, I sign my first name or my first and last initials.

I guess I'm part of the last name club, then.