First Mother's day w/o mom, how did you spend it?

[Hillbeans]

I lost my mother to cancer last August and i'm completely dreading Mother's day this year. I have a DS3 whom I love and am going to try and enjoy Mother's day with, however I just have this terrible black cloud hanging over me with this day coming up in the next 2 weeks.

Does anyone have any advice or ideas how to spend the day or how you spent the first Mother's Day after her passing. I had thought about going to the grave in the AM and then perhaps just spending the afternoon with my DS and DH.

 

[pjlla]

Sorry, no advise here, but sorry to hear about your Mom. I guess just try to make the best of it and enjoy the special day with your DS. But thanks for the heads up..... I wasn't really thinking about it, but this will be my Mom's first year without her mother. Guess I had better plan something special!.......... to you.......P

 

[Cindy B]

This will be the first Mothers Day without my MIL as well. My DH was really close to her.

If anyone has any tips, I'd love to hear them.

 

[dianeschlicht]

My Mom passed away from cancer 12 years ago last week, and that first Mother's Day was pure agony. My kids tend not to make much of Mother's Day, because their Dad doesn't. I have gotten so I totally HATE the day!

 

[Serena]

I spent it being sad. My girls tried to make it special and we did the best we could.

 

[snoopy]

I hate Mother's Day ever since I lost my Mom. Its been 8 years and I still hate it.

Last year I took my boys to WDW for Mother's Day. Dh couldn't go, but gave his blessings, and we had a blast! We went for a long weekend - Thursday through Monday. I'd love to do the same this year, alas, finances won't allow!

 

[CRB#33]

First of all, my deepest sympathies to you. It isn't easy to lose your mom.

Mother's Day is still hard even after 16 years. Even though I'm a mom, I just hate this day. My mom died 6 days before Mother's Day in 1988.

I was three months pregnant with my mom's first grandchild and the funeral was the day before Mother's Day.

I spent it in a blur. We went out on my ex-BIL's boat and cruised the nearby river all day.

The next year was very bittersweet, because we had a brand new 6 month old. We went out to dinner and then I just spent the day relishing in my new baby.

 

[phillybeth]

My DGM passed away last March, she was like a second mother to me. My parents and I totally changed what we normally do on Mother's Day. We used to go out to dinner and then home for cake and coffee, but last year we went to the casinos in Atlantic City. My mom wanted to do something completely different where she wouldn't be sitting around thinking of her mom all day, especially since it was so fresh in our hearts. We did visit her grave early in the day and left her favorite flowers.
I think the best thing to do is to honor their memory in some way- visit the grave, go to church etc. Then do something completely different from the way you have spent every other Mother's Day. Go shopping, take the kids to the park or a ball game, anything to change the routine.

 

[Reginat]

Hi!

My mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago. What works for me is to:

1. Go out for lunch on Mother's Day with some other girlfriends whose Mom passed away. This way I have plans, I am with people who are having the same feelings, and I am not dwelling on things.

2. Prior to Mother's Day each year, make a donation to a charity in her name. This helps me feel like I have given a "gift."

Sorry to hear about your mom, and I hope you will be able to find some activities that help you!

Take it easy!

Regina in NC

 

[always quiet]

I spend it focusing on my kids and remembering all the wonderful times my mom and I had together. She passed away in 1997 within days of my dad's birthday (May 6th) and Mother's Day. This year, in fact, the 6th anniversary of her death with fall on Mother's Day (May 9th). My mom died of Altzheimers so for us, her death was a blessing in a way. My "Mom" had been gone for years. To know that she was 'whole' again, in heaven with my son (I can see her rocking him if I close my eyes and I bet he has the driest bottom in heaven!! ) makes it easier. It's not a good-bye...it's a "see you later" kind of feeling.

Try and spend the day with your son, doing all the things you remember doing with your mom. Make some wonderful memories for him to cherish.

 

[WDWLVR]

My mom's birthday is May 9th so it always falls near Mother's day (and this year is on Mother's Day). I spent the day remembering happy memories, went out to her grave site and left flowers, and of course prayed for her at Mass. I also concentrate on what to get my MIL who is still with us - don't want her to get lost in the shuffle.

Our plan for this year was to be at WDW on Mother's day but those plans changed so I think it will be back out to the cemetary for me.

I keep my mom in my heart all year long and that is what helps the most.

 

[arminnie]

For the past 50 years my family has had a reunion on Mother's Day. The "Mother's Day Picnic" is a family tradition. I remember going as a child and being so excited to go play miniature golf with my cousins. We have 40-50 people who come.

My mother died a few weeks after Mother's Day in 1998 so I had a whole year before the next one. It helped to be with so much family.

 

[Hillbeans]

Thanks to everyone for the replies. I guess I just have to realize that the day is going to be sad no matter what, and I just need to accept that fact. It sounds like each of you that were in the same position did some very nice things in memory of your mom's.

 

[Melora]

I just lost my mom Feb 1st. I haven't given much thought to Mothers Day..... I'm sure I will be sad.

This coming Saturday is her birthday.... that will be harder for me I think....

 

[Microcell]

My not at all dear stepmother walked around in a huff becasue we were not calling her mommy just 6 months after my mom died. Very hard day. You can take solace in knowing you don't have a psycho step mother that you live with!

They were all bad until my first as a mother, then I was so excited about it only to have a horrible bout of mastitis thanks to my ten day old little girl! We went to the ER where I flashed a check in lady because I was so out if it. She did ask what was wrong! I went on to sleep the rest of the day! That was 10 years after mom passed. I do try to focus on my kids and keep busy, but honestly mothers day and my birthday have lost some of thier meaning since she is gone.

Welcome to the white carnation club at church! That is the club you never want to join!

 

[Cruise04]

Last year was my first year without my mom. It was very hard for me because I couldn't help but remember the first year she spent without her mom. I remember that because she though we weren't going to do anything with her and she would be alone (don't ask because I don't know why she thought that). It was a very hard day but I went on, had a nice time with my family and cried a bit in the afternoon. My whole plan was to take a plant down and put it on her grave (it's 35 minutes from me) but the weather was horrible and I didn't get down there. That really bothered me.

So my advice would be to go ahead and be sad - that shows how very much she meant to you - you have the right to be sad - it's okay. But if you have an opportunity to go visit her - I advise that as well!

 

[Mishetta]

I too lost my mom & am soooooo dreading Mother's Day. My husband keeps talking about it & planning to take me & DS's to Outback since we went there every year but I truly don't think I can go there for dinner after my Mom & I spent every Mother's Day there. I think I will suggest another place but I do intend to go to the cemetery. I go every week anyway. I don't think Mother's Day will ever be happy for me again. I miss my Mom terribly. Her birthday & my birthday were also really tough days. So far we've been blessed enough to be able to leave town on Christmas & Easter, so I didn't have to face those first big holidays without my Mom (at home) either.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I truly understand your pain. Best of luck to you.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I lost my mother the week before Mother's Day that year. We buried her that Friday and were still recovering from all the arrangements that first year. The next year I spent with my in-laws-to-be.

Mother's Day isn't the worst holiday for me to deal with. I miss my mother most around Thanksgiving and Christmas because she made such wonderful holiday meals.

{{[hugs}}} to all of us.

 

[Pixie_Dust]

I lost my mother to cancer last September (9/11/03). She didn't have a doctor, so when she fell and was taken to the emergency room they thought it was pneumonia until a couple days later when the cancer doctor finally saw her and said she had a massive lung tumor. Really we lost her due to cigarettes.

I got progressive calls from my dad reporting that they said she had months, then weeks, then days to live (after a biopsy that a friend of hers theorizes was the reason the cancer rapidly metastasized to the liver -- she says she heard that when air gets to a tumor during biopsy, that can happen.) Mom was no longer conscious by the time I got there.

My brother was there, strangely enough with his girlfriend, who had only met Mom once but had tagged along I can only guess to support my brother. They stayed in the hospital room the whole time and she would not budge to let me or my younger brother sleep there or to offer one of the only comfortable chairs to my father. Doesn't that seem odd?

She ingratiated herself with the hospice nurses who then would turn to her to ask about my mom, and when I said "Why not ask me, I am the daughter," this nurse accused *me* of causing conflict just because I said that in front of my mother, who was practically in a coma. Additionally, they were encouraging everyone to talk to Mom nonstop and not let her get any rest, but yet when I said something to the nurse somehow that was terrible. Plus the girlfriend was fiddling with the equipment and when I asked the nurse to explain what the girlfriend was doing, the nurse went off on me instead and never did explain. My dad, who has always been a major wimp, never stood up for me of course, and of course my brother would not say anything to his girlfriend.

I am still extremely hurt and baffled by what happened, but now she is married to my brother, and they have continued to push me out, for instance ignoring us at the wedding and only taking one out of 60 pictures from our side of the family, and afterwards seeing my long lost friends and relatives just because they can afford to take innumerable trips, yet they are "too busy" to ever call or email us and tell us about it or anything else.

I don't know if anyone is going to read this, but I had to "vent."

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Wow I wish I had time to grieve my mom, she died suddenly and I inherited my 90 year old grandma. I spent the day taking care of her plus the 3 ds 7 and under. I think DH got Boston Market so I would not have to cook. I agree with the other posters, spend time with your son making memories. Read a book, take a walk, make an art project etc. Maybe some kind of photo frame to put a special picture in. I always dread my sisters birthday. I try to get out of the house and do something she would have liked such as a movie, ice cream, shopping etc. You will have to deal with your feelings in the way you know best. Prayers for a peaceful day.