First impressions

[LuvOrlando]

SO I was just thinking about a few first impressions that I just refuse to shed, and a few that I ignored that lead to my own mini-implosion down the road. Out of curiosity, how do these first impressions work out for you guys out in the wold of DIS?

I'm not asking if you think they work or not from a theoretical standpoint. I'm talking at the end game, in the real world how did these things play out. Where most people able to see trouble coming at that first meeting, but chose to ignore it for passions sake or because we tend to chastise ourselves for putting too much into 'feelings' .

Basically, think about the last few explosions you've had in your life and think back to when you first met the person who is causing the trauma... was there a spark that something was not right early on that you just closed your eyes to because you couldn't support it with reason? Or have there been cases when you absolutely dodged the bullet (figuratively) from a dangerous person all because your first impression screamed 'Danger'.

I am curious.

 

[Feralpeg]

Nothing comes to mind, but I seldom run into anyone that I can't get along with. Maybe, I'm just too easy going.

 

[Disney Doll]

Drives my husband nuts because I usually size someone up within the first 10 minutes or so of meeting them, and I am pretty much right. I'll say "That one can't be trusted" he tells me I'm a terrible,judgemental person and a couple of months later the person does something which illustrates why they can't be trusted.

The times I've ignored my first impression and tried to give someone the benefit of the doubt, I've been screwed, so now I don't ignore it anymore. If I don't think you can be trusted when I meet you, then I don't trust you.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Nothing comes to mind, but I seldom run into anyone that I can't get along with. Maybe, I'm just too easy going.

Not quite what I meant. Maybe I didn't make it clear. This isn't about people I can or can't get along with, some I am stuck with socially and we get on ok. This is about people we choose to drop our defenses with, some we do & some we don't, and how good our first impressions are with picking out the losers from the winners.

 

[C.Ann]

I have pretty good radar when it comes to first impressions - good vs. bad.. I can only think of twice when I assumed someone was a kind, caring, person (both of which have happened in the past 4 years) and I was 100% wrong on both occasions..

Of course it happened at a time when I was on an emotional roller coaster myself, so that may have thrown my radar off..

I've been much more careful since then - regardless of what shape my emotions are in.. Both of these people have others totally conned - and I must admit, they're very good at it.. I'm just glad I saw the light before I got in any deeper..

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I'm usually pretty good about it. The times I was bad about it in the past (when I was younger) were when I was pretty shallow and looks were the main thing I cared about in a man. The more I've realized that looks aren't the only thing or the main thing, the more I've become attuned to my intuition about whether they're good people or not.

 

[PaddingtonBear]

Jane Austen's original title for Pride and Prejudice was First Impressions. As anyone with good literary taste knows , the whole point of the book is that sometimes our prejudices lead us to form erronous first impressions. I bow to the wisdom of Jane. So often our own issues lead us make inaccurate assumptions about people we meet.

 

[SaraJayne]

Drives my husband nuts because I usually size someone up within the first 10 minutes or so of meeting them, and I am pretty much right. I'll say "That one can't be trusted" he tells me I'm a terrible,judgemental person and a couple of months later the person does something which illustrates why they can't be trusted.

The times I've ignored my first impression and tried to give someone the benefit of the doubt, I've been screwed, so now I don't ignore it anymore. If I don't think you can be trusted when I meet you, then I don't trust you.

Same here. I'm a good judge of character when first meeting people.

DH is still amazed at my "talent" after all these years.

 

[Stitchfans]

Not quite what I meant. Maybe I didn't make it clear. This isn't about people I can or can't get along with, some I am stuck with socially and we get on ok. This is about people we choose to drop our defenses with, some we do & some we don't, and how good our first impressions are with picking out the losers from the winners.

I wasn't quite sure what you were asking until this post. For me personally I only have a very small list of people that I drop my defenses in front of. I have two good friends as far as people outside of my family. Yes, even family is on the list of people I don't drop my defenses with. As far as family I guess all I can say is DH, 2 DD's, my dad, his wife, and my brother. Did a few times with my brother's wife and got hurt, never again.

 

[freckles and boo]

Jane Austen's original title for Pride and Prejudice was First Impressions. As anyone with good literary taste knows , the whole point of the book is that sometimes our prejudices lead us to form erronous first impressions. I bow to the wisdom of Jane. So often our own issues lead us make inaccurate assumptions about people we meet.

I agree. First impressions are only first impressions. Many, many people have "grown on me" over time and better acquaintance. However, if a situation feels immediately dangerous I generally trust my intuition.

 

[crz4mm2]

Drives my husband nuts because I usually size someone up within the first 10 minutes or so of meeting them, and I am pretty much right. I'll say "That one can't be trusted" he tells me I'm a terrible,judgemental person and a couple of months later the person does something which illustrates why they can't be trusted.

The times I've ignored my first impression and tried to give someone the benefit of the doubt, I've been screwed, so now I don't ignore it anymore. If I don't think you can be trusted when I meet you, then I don't trust you.

You are just like my DH. He can do that too. Drives me crazy But I am learning to listen to him!

 

[LuvOrlando]

The responses regarding Jane Austen are interesting. I am a fan but she came from a time when, women in particular, were expected to defer to a man's lead. Yes, she wrote about bucking the system but she was, and thereby her work is, undeniably, a product of that time. There is a romantic undercurrent in her work that points to the idea that all will work itself out to the best result possible in the end. She was a woman forced to fit into a strict world where obedience was rewarded and once people submit to, well whatever, they will find themselves appeased (maybe not happy but content enough).

The idea of beauty and the beast is no new one. Girls have been told, through the ages, that a prince can be found in the kernel of the meanest of men if only they love deeply enough, forgive often enough, and suffer long enough. If the great man any man CAN be doesn't materialize then the female just didn't do her job right... didn't inspire him to be better. At least that is what is implied.

Don't you find it interesting that women, in almost all forms of art of entertainment, are counseled to ignore their visceral responses to people and give a second chance? What I find very curious is that you guys pointed to a work of fiction to define how you look at the real world and didn't pull out real world examples. No flames... its just a very interesting observation to my mind.

 

[PaddingtonBear]

The responses regarding Jane Austen are interesting. I am a fan but she came from a time when, women in particular, were expected to defer to a man's lead. Yes, she wrote about bucking the system but she was, and thereby her work is, undeniably, a product of that time. There is a romantic undercurrent in her work that points to the idea that all will work itself out to the best result possible in the end. She was a woman forced to fit into a strict world where obedience was rewarded and once people submit to, well whatever, they will find themselves appeased (maybe not happy but content enough).

You must not have actually read Pride and Prejudice. The whole point is that people- not only women- are easily mislead by thier viscreal responses, both in terms of who they are attracted to and who they dislike on sight. Elizabeth- the protagonist- is very attracted to a character, Wickham, that turns out to be a villan of the worst sort. She loathes Darcy, who as she gets to know more about him, turns out to be a person of excellent character. The point is not ignore warning signals, but rather to inform one's opinion of a person not only with one's instinctive response, but with learning about the person's character, listing to what he says and watching what he does.

Women in Austens' time were not invariably expected to defer to a man's lead. For an excellent resource in understaning Jane Austen's world, I suggest you read The Gentleman's Daughter by Amanda Vickery. Vickery makes the point that women in the Georgian era were domestic dictators and had a great deal of authority.

In any case, there's nothing at all in Pride and Prejudice about 'bucking the system' and no, all does not at all work itself out in the end for the characters who fail to make wise choices, even for sympathetic characters.

I pointed to P&P simply becuase of the title of your post and the fact that it was the original P&P title. In real life, as in fiction, first impressions are often misleading. The are also often right.

 

[mpls_mm]

I am a big believer in first impressions too. I make up my mind pretty quickly and don't usually change it. I like to think I am usually right, hubby thinks I am judgmental. I used to be a cop and have been in management for ages so I think I am good at sizing people up. I don't even have to meet them in person, I can look at a resume and do a phone interview and get the same result. I don't think there is anything wrong with it.