Financial ruin = nervous breakdown

[Rafiki31]

I am on my way there! I have a home out of state that has been on the market for 2 years, price drop after price drop with no luck. We tried renting it and got burned bad, they only paid a couple of months and destroyed the floors and some appliances. We have been running up credit card debt on gas, groceries, insurance pretty much everything trying to stay on top of the mortgage and our current living expenses. Well we FINALLY got an offer about a month ago. It was 75K below our current asking price. Keep in mind that is 79k + realtor fee below what we owe. We negotiated it up to only 50K + reator fee below what we owe. Excellent. (vomits coming just thinking about this). We approach the bank about a short sale and they said no, because we have not missed any mortgage payments yet. The bank basically told us to stop paying for a few months, then ask again. So the buyers that made the offer walked. I have no way of coming up with the 60 plus to get out of this mess. This house is a hole in which I am falling deeper and deeper. It took so long to get this crappy offer, I don't know if another will come.

Today is the first day that my mortgage payment is officially late and I have not paid it. I havent slept for days. My hair is all falling out and I can't sleep. My blood pressure which has always been 110/70 was 164/92 this morning, heart rate 92. I am physically sick. I really can not afford to keep paying for this house. But this is awful. Awful awful awful. I am so thankful that I am not working today, I don't think I could handle that too.

 

[crisi]

I'm sorry to hear that. Relax and count the blessings you do have. Go talk to someone - therapist, minister. It isn't worth your health. You did everything you could to "do the right thing" and now its time to let it go.

 

[Kay1]

Please don't make yourself physically ill over this. As Crisi said, it's just not worth it. Just keep doing your best and trust that this issue will be resolved.

Take care.

 

[eliza61]

Oh Rafiki,
I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. I echo Crisi's advice and encourage you to go to a therapist.

I know it sounds tripe but I also want to encourage you to count your blessings. Let me just say that I have a younger son who when he was born, was not in the best health.
You can not imagine the fear and pain your heart feels when you are sitting next to your infant sons hospital bed pleading with God not to take him. I say this not to "compare" tragedies or make light of your situation, but simply to let you know, your troubles will not last forever.

Surround yourself with love ones, let them stregthen you and support you. cry on their shoulders and then let go. If you cannot afford the house, let it go.

(ps. my prayers are with you and I realize that my advice sounds so unhelpful.)

 

[Evi]

First let me send you a . Times are tuff especially in regards to real estate. I know someone who found themself in a similar situation. They chose to make the property that they couldn't get rid of there primary residence and then rent out there home. Trust me my friend was crushed because she had remodled her home exactly how she wanted it. But in the end they were able to get out of debt doing it and she said until market gets better shes staying put. I don't know if you have such an option available to you. If not I suggest finding what offers are available for you not to loose your property.

If you can sell 50k will be a hard pill to swollow but be thankfull its not more. I also have a relative that closed a buisness and has to swallow a 250k buisness loan. It hasn't been easy for them but life will go on. I agree with op suggestion to look for support via religion or medical there is nothing wrong with needing a little extra support. I think we all need some help sometimes just some of us never reach out for it.

I do hope everything works out.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I can imagine that's a terrible feeling, I'm so sorry. It seems a shame that the system is set up this way, that you have to do default on paying before anyone will work with you. Hang in there. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, even if it's not what you want to do. If I was told not to pay a bill, I'd feel the same way. But it seems it's a necessary evil in this case. Hang in there...

 

[Rafiki31]

I appreaciate your advice. I really wish I had some loved ones to talk to. They all live in my former state. I have made some new friends here, but no one really close. Mostly just work colleagues and I don't want them to know what is happening. It is embarrasing. My parents know and my best friend. She is upset at me though, since she asked me to be a bridesmaid and I initially accepted,but after speaking with the maid of honor and my "expectations" and the projected costs I backed out. I can't afford all the travel back and forth and costs with being a bridesmaid and she is really upset with me. I literally declined one week after accepting, and she asked another friend but she is mad at me. The wedding is not until July, but they were already talking designer dresses and flying to Vegas for the bachelorette and I have no budget for that at all.

 

[csharpwv]

Have you considered refinancing the home?
That is an option if you have owned it for a few years and still have years to pay on it.

Not paying your mortgage is not the right thing to do - it is going to wreck your credit, and THAT, my friend, is financial ruin that takes YEARS to resolve.

Have you contacted a professional financial adviser?
If you haven't do it today to talk about what your options are.

You could always refinance the house, rent it out through a property management company, and as long as your COSTS are covered, your problem is solved.

The American Dream is longer home ownership - when back execs walked away with the equity in YOUR home as THEIR golden parachute, the American Dream took a huge splat on the pavement from the 100th floor.
Owning real estate isn't fun - it's constant work. For the person who doesn't know how to maintain a home, or isn't going to be settled in one location for long, renting is a much better option as the cost of rent is much lower than the situation you are in right now - rent you can walk away from, a mortgage payment you can't.

Don't lose the money you have put into this property - while you may be underwater, you aren't dead in the water. Fight to keep it, and fight to make it an asset - not a liability.

Talk to a professional and explore ALL of your options before driving your credit score into the ground. When you credit score suffers - credit becomes more expensive, and that's something that you really can't afford!

At the end of the day, this isn't the worst thing that could happen to you. Don't focus on the negative, focus on making the negative a positive!

Thinking about you and praying for you!

 

[Rafiki31]

First let me send you a . Times are tuff especially in regards to real estate. I know someone who found themself in a similar situation. They chose to make the property that they couldn't get rid of there primary residence and then rent out there home. Trust me my friend was crushed because she had remodled her home exactly how she wanted it. But in the end they were able to get out of debt doing it and she said until market gets better shes staying put. I don't know if you have such an option available to you. If not I suggest finding what offers are available for you not to loose your property.

If you can sell 50k will be a hard pill to swollow but be thankfull its not more. I also have a relative that closed a buisness and has to swallow a 250k buisness loan. It hasn't been easy for them but life will go on. I agree with op suggestion to look for support via religion or medical there is nothing wrong with needing a little extra support. I think we all need some help sometimes just some of us never reach out for it.

I do hope everything works out.

I'd have had to come up with that 50K at closing in order to sell and I have no way of coming up with 50K right now. Then add in the realtor fee, she was willing to let me do payments, but I have no way of getting 50K.

 

[iadis58]

Hang in there, it will get better even though that looks miles away right now. We are just about ready to close on our house, 14K less than what we owe and have had to borrow from brothers and sister to get this to work. I don't understand either, when you try to do the right thing you get blasted. I wish I could help but as stated we are skating through this by the skin of our teeth. We also moved, but where moving back to home so atleast we have all that support. Good luck and take care of yourself first, all other things will fall into place

 

[Rafiki31]

Have you considered refinancing the home?
That is an option if you have owned it for a few years and still have years to pay on it.

Not paying your mortgage is not the right thing to do - it is going to wreck your credit, and THAT, my friend, is financial ruin that takes YEARS to resolve.

Have you contacted a professional financial adviser?
If you haven't do it today to talk about what your options are.

You could always refinance the house, rent it out through a property management company, and as long as your COSTS are covered, your problem is solved.

The American Dream is longer home ownership - when back execs walked away with the equity in YOUR home as THEIR golden parachute, the American Dream took a huge splat on the pavement from the 100th floor.
Owning real estate isn't fun - it's constant work. For the person who doesn't know how to maintain a home, or isn't going to be settled in one location for long, renting is a much better option as the cost of rent is much lower than the situation you are in right now - rent you can walk away from, a mortgage payment you can't.

Don't lose the money you have put into this property - while you may be underwater, you aren't dead in the water. Fight to keep it, and fight to make it an asset - not a liability.

Talk to a professional and explore ALL of your options before driving your credit score into the ground. When you credit score suffers - credit becomes more expensive, and that's something that you really can't afford!

At the end of the day, this isn't the worst thing that could happen to you. Don't focus on the negative, focus on making the negative a positive!

Thinking about you and praying for you!

I have a lawyer. She said stop paying. We tried renting it was a disaster and in the area the home is in, the rent we would get right now would be about 45% of our carrying costs and that is not going to cut it. It would also change the terms of our mortgage and increase the insurance rates. Renting won't even come close to covering the costs. Trust me, we have explored all of our options. We do not qualify for any loan modifications. The bank will not loan us the amount it will cost to sell the house at the loss. We tried to get a personal loan for the difference which we could pay off over time, the bank refused. With the amount of credit card debt we are accumulating trying to keep up with both we are darn near close to bankrupt. We are not wanting to do that, without the costs of the home we will be able to pay off our debt. It will take a few years, but with the home gone we will get there.

We moved when my husband got laid off, we had to move in order for both of us to keep working. I love that house. I would live there if we could, there just is no way to make that work right now. And at this rate, we will never be able to have a family either. By the time we get out of this mess, we will be too old.

 

[EMHDad]

my thoughts and prayers are with you. We sometimes forget that the news we read and watch on the economy has faces and names to them. I hope you are able to see the light at the end of the tunnel sooner than later.

 

[punkin]

I have a lawyer. She said stop paying. We tried renting it was a disaster and in the area the home is in, the rent we would get right now would be about 45% of our carrying costs and that is not going to cut it. It would also change the terms of our mortgage and increase the insurance rates. Renting won't even come close to covering the costs. Trust me, we have explored all of our options. We do not qualify for any loan modifications. The bank will not loan us the amount it will cost to sell the house at the loss. We tried to get a personal loan for the difference which we could pay off over time, the bank refused. With the amount of credit card debt we are accumulating trying to keep up with both we are darn near close to bankrupt. We are not wanting to do that, without the costs of the home we will be able to pay off our debt. It will take a few years, but with the home gone we will get there.

We moved when my husband got laid off, we had to move in order for both of us to keep working. I love that house. I would live there if we could, there just is no way to make that work right now. And at this rate, we will never be able to have a family either. By the time we get out of this mess, we will be too old.

Listen to your lawyer and stop paying. Declaring bankruptcy might also be an option if you credit card debt is enormous as well. Most of all, take care of yourself.

 

[seashoreCM]

I . We do not qualify for any loan modifications. .

Don't follow through yet but talk to your lawyer about Chapter 13 bankruptcy. If you did file, that may induce the bank to lower the interest rate. This would be a permanent rate reduction, not negative amortization.

 

[tlbwriter]

Have you considered refinancing the home?
That is an option if you have owned it for a few years and still have years to pay on it.

She's underwater on her mortgage. If she refinanced, she'd have to come up with the cash to pay the difference. And if she had that much cash on hand, she wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

 

[Candlz]

I hate reading these stories - they make me so angry!

FIRST Take a deep breath. Have you truly done all you can to get out from this mess. Have you talked to the bank and explained the situation etc? Have you done what you can to cut your debt and increase your income?

If you answered yes to the above then my advice is talk to a foreclosure attorney. They maybe able to negotiate a short sale for you. You want to be 'let off the hook' from this financial mess. Yes, it will affect your credit for 7 years. How fast did the last 7 years go by? They went by pretty fast for me... The reason I suggest an attorney is because these banks are worse than dealing with the mob. They will take the house AND still try to come after you for the loan. Take every penny you are not putting into the mortgage and save it (I recommend a credit union)

This is you life and health and it is NOT worth it. If you have honestly and truly tried to do what is right - then you need to 'Bless and Release'

 

[sarah4770]

When I was 31 I had to walk away from my house. I was newly divorced and had 2 small kids. I was working 2 jobs. And I just couldn't do it. I loved that house too, bought it when I was only 24, and put my heart into it.
Even got up there and helped put a roof on it.
I didn't have to file bankruptcy. I just gave the house back to the mtg co. I did have it on the market for about 9 months, it did not sell, and then was not able to continue paying.
Life went on.
I did eventually buy a smaller, much more affordable house, and had to move to a more affordable state. I also learned to watch every penny.
You can't do what you can't do.
I was heartsick over it, But life did go on and my credit is good now.
It stayed on my credit report for 7 years.
It does not mean you are a bad or irresponsible or immoral person. You are trying to work with the bank, just as I did.
I just want you to know that I understand how you feel, but money is not worth making yourself sick over. It is only money.
Somethings are just beyond your control.

 

[Minnesota!]

We went through something pretty similar back in 2008/2009. We short saled our house for about $80K less than we owed on it. It sucked, it took a lot of patience, etc.

However, just this past June (2 years, 3 weeks out from the closing on our old house) we were able to buy another house.

Life has been much easier once I let go of that stress of the 2nd house. I saw a therapist, etc. etc. etc. The only thing that actually helped was getting that house/money pit out of my name.

We lived on butter pasta, water, canned veggies, and milk for the most part. It sucked. But it was so worth it in the end.

And...my credit is fine. It went DOWN for a bit, but came back up and I am now where I was before we got into the housing mess. So while it may stay on your record for 7 years....it won't be a haunting nightmare for long.

My BFF rolled in medical bills, all her credit cards, and her house into a bankruptcy. Her daughter battled cancer for 9 years, met her life time max of insurance, couldn't get additional insurance, medicine was costing about $1000/week. They had no choice but to get behind on everything.

Anyway, this was just about 5 years ago. They have been living with her IL's ever since. However, just last week...they moved into their beautiful new home.

Patience. And a deep breath.

 

[Rafiki31]

I hate reading these stories - they make me so angry!

FIRST Take a deep breath. Have you truly done all you can to get out from this mess. Have you talked to the bank and explained the situation etc? Have you done what you can to cut your debt and increase your income?

If you answered yes to the above then my advice is talk to a foreclosure attorney. They maybe able to negotiate a short sale for you. You want to be 'let off the hook' from this financial mess. Yes, it will affect your credit for 7 years. How fast did the last 7 years go by? They went by pretty fast for me... The reason I suggest an attorney is because these banks are worse than dealing with the mob. They will take the house AND still try to come after you for the loan. Take every penny you are not putting into the mortgage and save it (I recommend a credit union)

This is you life and health and it is NOT worth it. If you have honestly and truly tried to do what is right - then you need to 'Bless and Release'

Thank you for your advice. I need to let it go, but it just feels awful. My attorney has advisd me not to speak with the bank at all anymore. She told me not to take their calls for that reason. I tried working with them and they were rude, mean, and flat out lied to me on several occasions.

 

[Rafiki31]

I appreciate you all taking the time to talk to me. It is such a bad place to be right now. Yuck. I need some chocolate. It is nice to hear that some of you have been there and made it through!