FIL wants to bring 2nd wife to DS's wedding (longish)

[mickeyfan2]

Whether or not you know this woman isn't really the issue. Your DS and his bride may invite a co-worker (or something) and not necessarily know their spouse either, but that doesn't mean that said spouse is not invited. Couiples are always invited together.

The same is true of a single friend you put their name + guest. Chances are the guest is somebody you have never met and never will again. This allows that person to have somebody to talk to, dance with etc. and not be standing on the side looking in.

 

[Certifiable WDW Nut]

...why are the good ones always having to be the bigger person and be nice to them...

Being a bigger person is how you become one of the good ones.

 

[RadioFanatic]

believe me Certifiable, I know and I agree, but it does get VERY tiring. any maybe people need to learn their lesson that they are not going to get away with doing horrible things like this.

 

[Patty3]

I'm with the others. If you want to invite FIL, you have to invite his wife. I'm not exactly sure why there's ill will toward this woman, but not the FIL. It seems like he was the perpertrator of this bad situation, not her.

My feelings exactly.

 

[poohandwendy]

Being a bigger person is how you become one of the good ones.

Amen!

 

[nliedel]

This is a tough one. He cannot dictate who you invite to a wedding unless he is the one getting married. That said he is your FIL and family and it would not hurt to invite them. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet at these family gatherings. She may really feel left out and like a chump deep down and want to be part of it. She may have been crying over this but you may never hear that.

It's family. Those are people you cannot exclude from a wedding and while she is not technically family she is married to family and unless you do not invite him you cannot exclude her.

 

[Nancyg56]

I may all alone here but it seems to me if you invite the FIL his wife is automatically assumed to be invited and welcomed as well. Same goes with the MIL and her husband. You can't just go around inviting people to a wedding and then tell them to leave their spouse at home. At least in my family and friends circle this is the way it is.

I agree. We just invite them and let it go at that. Better to invite her than have a family feud in this special day.

Best of luck to you as you make a difficult decision.

 

[Antonia]

I think DH is going to talk to his father today. No doubt the double life he led did create a lot of tension. It is a little different than your average divorce because so much deceit occurred not only to MIL, but to my DH and his sister as well. At one time FIL even used an alias and was listed that way in the phone directory.

I think if his phone message had not sounded so aggressive, we may all have been more receptive, but to hear that tone was a huge turnoff. We have tried for so long to keep DH's family together in some semblance, but it has not been easy. FIL has left this woman several times and at one point was very fearful of her as she had pulled a gun on him. We - meaning DH, DS and me - just have a hard time accepting her and welcoming her in after all that has gone down. Plus we haven't seen her in years. The last time FIL left her was only about a year and a half ago.

Many of you may be right that if you invite one, you must invite the other. But it does seem the precedent was set by her not coming around for years and he does come around without her. But now that there is a wedding he expects us to invite her. Maybe we are rude and have no etiquette. I just think he is picking the wrong day to expect us to have some reconciliation with her. Why does it have to be DS's wedding day?

 

[Antonia]

sorry - double post

 

[MamaLema]

I may all alone here but it seems to me if you invite the FIL his wife is automatically assumed to be invited and welcomed as well. Same goes with the MIL and her husband. You can't just go around inviting people to a wedding and then tell them to leave their spouse at home. At least in my family and friends circle this is the way it is.

ITA with that

 

[ceiligh1]

I think you have recieved a lot of wonderful advice on what to do about the invite. I just wanted to add from someone who had a wedding with family that may have cause a scene. We assigned a groomsmen to that person. The family member did not know it but if problems arose then the groomsmen was to deal with it in as low key a way as possible. This saved the family and us from having to get involved. Just an idea if they do end up at the wedding. Good luck to the happy couple and your family.