Feelings on Suicide?

[pls5286]

I had a friend call me in a desperate state recently on the phone. She was really distraught and had been fighting with her live-in boy-friend for several days. My kids and I had been over at their house earlier but left because she was drinking and they were fighting and I did not want my kids around that.

Well about an hour after we left "Jane" called my phone saying she had taken lots of ibuprofen and darvocet. I was just minutes from her house. I went in the house, her bf was on the computer, had no idea what was going on, we went in the bedroom where she was, I tried to talk her into going to the ER with me, and she would not do it. I then told her I had no choice but to call the police and EMS out there. Her BF took my kids to the neighbor's house so they would not see what was going on, and 911 was activated. She had her stomach pumped and then spent several days in a psych unit.

To this day she still will not speak to me. She thought by calling me I was going to pitty her and pet her and not send her to the ER. I still do not regret my decision that I made and will do it again.

 

[Darsa]

I had a friend call me in a desperate state recently on the phone. She was really distraught and had been fighting with her live-in boy-friend for several days. My kids and I had been over at their house earlier but left because she was drinking and they were fighting and I did not want my kids around that.

Well about an hour after we left "Jane" called my phone saying she had taken lots of ibuprofen and darvocet. I was just minutes from her house. I went in the house, her bf was on the computer, had no idea what was going on, we went in the bedroom where she was, I tried to talk her into going to the ER with me, and she would not do it. I then told her I had no choice but to call the police and EMS out there. Her BF took my kids to the neighbor's house so they would not see what was going on, and 911 was activated. She had her stomach pumped and then spent several days in a psych unit.

To this day she still will not speak to me. She thought by calling me I was going to pitty her and pet her and not send her to the ER. I still do not regret my decision that I made and will do it again.

Good for you; I applaud your decision, even if she won't talk to you. That's exactly how humans SHOULD treat each other.

 

[Heidict]

I had a friend call me in a desperate state recently on the phone. She was really distraught and had been fighting with her live-in boy-friend for several days. My kids and I had been over at their house earlier but left because she was drinking and they were fighting and I did not want my kids around that.

Well about an hour after we left "Jane" called my phone saying she had taken lots of ibuprofen and darvocet. I was just minutes from her house. I went in the house, her bf was on the computer, had no idea what was going on, we went in the bedroom where she was, I tried to talk her into going to the ER with me, and she would not do it. I then told her I had no choice but to call the police and EMS out there. Her BF took my kids to the neighbor's house so they would not see what was going on, and 911 was activated. She had her stomach pumped and then spent several days in a psych unit.

To this day she still will not speak to me. She thought by calling me I was going to pitty her and pet her and not send her to the ER. I still do not regret my decision that I made and will do it again.

You did the right thing. It's better that she is alive and not talking to you then dead. I had a similar thing happen with a good friend of mine years ago.


Anger is a normal reaction to someone committing suicide. But along with it there are a myriad of other emotions also. There is nothing wrong with feeling any of them. It's been a year since a good friend of my Dh and mine committed suicide and everyone once in a while a bit of anger still crops up. I'm sure with time it will be totally gone though.

There will always be questions of why and what ifs. I think without ever being at the point where you would contemplate suicide it would be impossible to understand the depths of emotions and despair that this person was feeling. Thank you MinkyDog for giving some insight and understanding. I can imagine that it must be a very difficult and painful thing to go through.

 

[tazdev3225]

I can understand the anger but I also would be sympathetic. I was suicidal as a teen as were two of my children. Just before what would have been my final and fatal attempt I called my priest. At the time I didn't see it as a call for help. I just wanted him to tell my parents that my pain was so deep and the darkness in my life so overwhelming that I couldn't take it any more. It feels as if you are in the deepest darkest pit and there is no way out. My parents did not get me help but I met my DH and started to see some light in my life again. I have always told him he saved my life. When my DS made a half-hearted attempt I got him into therapy. My DD was much more serious and we had her in and out of the hospital and seeing a therapist. Unless you have felt the severity of such a depression you cannot begin to understand what that person is going through. As I said anger towards them is normal but as a survivor I feel more despair that they reached the bottom of the pit and couldn't find a glimmer of light..

 

[SandrA9810]

why would you want to be angry at them?? That's what they felt would finally make them-self feel at peace.

Millions of people die everyday at the hand of some one else, and they didn't want to. So why be angry at some one that wanted to go earlier than what you expected?

 

[WhateverLolaWants]

I don't judge you for being angry, I think it's one of those things that is just so shocking and a flood of different emotions arise. However, I have always found it backwards when someone commits suicide and those remaining are angry because they feel it was selfish of the person to do this to THEM. Mental illness is a very difficult thing, and it's very hard to understand what goes on in the mind of the individual.

 

[locolala]

why would you want to be angry at them?? That's what they felt would finally make them-self feel at peace.

Millions of people die everyday at the hand of some one else, and they didn't want to. So why be angry at some one that wanted to go earlier than what you expected?

Have you ever lost someone to suicide? I'm not trying to get too personal, and you don't have to answer. I lost my aunt when I was 5 years old. I found her body. Yes, me.. I ran in to her apartment and found her. I was very deeply scarred by this and I still deal with it every single day. She was very ill, bipolar with schizoaffective disorder. I'm angry that she hurt my family that way and that she did something that would affect us for years and years. I miss my aunt terribly and I wish she hadn't killed herself. It's that fear of hurting my family that's kept me from killing myself for a long, long time. Believe me, I've dealt with things most people never face in their life and I have the physical and mental scars from it.

 

[jwhtewolfd]

Yes, anger is a natural stage in the grieving process. You are grieving the near loss of this person and the realization of how horrible this person has been feeling. It doesn't matter what anyone's opinion is; you feel what you feel, and anger is one of many valid emotions in this situation.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I get where he's coming from. It's not easy to lose your life to illness. There are times when I'm done. I want it to all be over. I can't take the pain, the emotional issues that I'm having and causing everyone else around me, the up and down from the doctors. It's really hard. Plus, I'm just exhausted most of the time from having to fight so hard just to live a "normal" existence which in reality is about as far from a "normal" existence as you can get. The only thing that has stopped me is knowing it would kill my parents and my dogs. If they weren't around, I might not be here today. When people are trying to commit suicide, it generally means something in their life sucks pretty bad. It's easy to be angry at the person that tried it, what I would suggest is trying to figure out how to make his life better in some way. You'll feel better, he'll feel better, it's a win, win on everyone's part. Good luck! It's not an easy road to travel.

From me to YOU,

To the OP: sorry you are feeling this way!. Its very sad to me!

 

[honugirl]

From me to YOU,

To the OP: sorry you are feeling this way!. Its very sad to me!

Thanks!

OP, please make sure they do an endocrine check on your friend. I know I became suicidal because my hormones were so far out of whack. I had times I would fall off the deep end from the hormonal changes. Many people that I know that have faced major depression had something like that. I was misdiagnosed bipolar because of it. Now that things are starting to fall on place better, I'm the happiest depressed person I know (at least that's what I keep telling my docs when they tell me I'm just depressed...) without the use of anti-D's. I'm much happier.

 

[2cats1kid]

This is probably going to sound hard, but I'll post it anyway and wait for the flames.

While I was going through my teens a close family member attempted suicide repeatedly. This person was in and out of psych hospitals, had ECT, etc. (they even considered a frontal lobotomy at one point, even though those are hardly ever used any more). The person tried pills (multiple times), cutting wrists, slashing neck, jumping out of windows and was found by the police up a cliff preparing to jump into the sea. As a family we just got to the stage where we were so worn, we just wanted a successful attempt (see why I said I'd get flamed?)

Well this person is still alive, if mentally fragile, 25 years on, and I can still barely be in the same room. I am so bitter about the turmoil caused to the rest of the family, the pain caused by these attempts, and the way it affected all of us from the oldest to the youngest. I saw a 70+ year old man in tears beside an ambulance, and a 5 year old boy crying behind the sofa because he'd seen an outburst no 5 year old should have seen. I personally cleaned up a bathroom after one attempt with a carving knife (Lady Macbeth had it right - so much blood).

You can tell me I should have more compassion maybe, but I was inalterably changed by all this, and it's hard to come by for this person any more.

I may be back to delete this later if I regret posting it.

 

[Diva of Dragons]

I've posted my story here before but.....I used to get angry when I would hear about suicides or attempts, but not as of 1994.

I can't speak for anyone but myself but I have a long history of anxiety and depression. For years, I managed it all pretty well with occasional therapy and, rarely, Valium when I had a panic attack. I never had any thoughts of suicide or hurting myself. Too chicken and that's not what I wanted. I wanted to feel better and be happy!

In 1994, I had a sudden emotional trauma. My depression went into an immediate downward spiral. At the time, we were planning a trip to the Grand Canyon, with another couple. One day, I was driving home from somewhere and thinking about the trip. I thought about the drive and where we were going to stay. When I got the point of thinking about standing on the rim of the canyon, I saw myself walk off the edge. That whole day I could not get that image out of my head. The scary thing is that it seemed perfectly normal to me.

After a few days I realized that the thought was becoming a compulsion. Then, I got scared. I told my DH, we canceled the trip, and I got help...which worked!

I absolutely did not want to hurt myself or commit suicide but I also absolutely did not trust myself NOT to do it. It truly was a compulsion as if the thoughts did not even belong to me. Fortunately, I knew I could be open about it with my DH and my Mom.

Imagine what happens to people whose lives are in turmoil, feel they have no one to turn to, and/or have much more serious mental illnesses than depression and anxiety. I just think we can't judge or waste our own energy being angry with people who are in so much pain or literally not in their right mind.

 

[alizesmom]

This is probably going to sound hard, but I'll post it anyway and wait for the flames.

While I was going through my teens a close family member attempted suicide repeatedly. This person was in and out of psych hospitals, had ECT, etc. (they even considered a frontal lobotomy at one point, even though those are hardly ever used any more). The person tried pills (multiple times), cutting wrists, slashing neck, jumping out of windows and was found by the police up a cliff preparing to jump into the sea. As a family we just got to the stage where we were so worn, we just wanted a successful attempt (see why I said I'd get flamed?)

Well this person is still alive, if mentally fragile, 25 years on, and I can still barely be in the same room. I am so bitter about the turmoil caused to the rest of the family, the pain caused by these attempts, and the way it affected all of us from the oldest to the youngest. I saw a 70+ year old man in tears beside an ambulance, and a 5 year old boy crying behind the sofa because he'd seen an outburst no 5 year old should have seen. I personally cleaned up a bathroom after one attempt with a carving knife (Lady Macbeth had it right - so much blood).

You can tell me I should have more compassion maybe, but I was inalterably changed by all this, and it's hard to come by for this person any more.

I may be back to delete this later if I regret posting it.

Don't delete. You have been badly hurt by this person's attempts. I am very aware that my attempt caused harm to all of those around me. Some of the harm may not be seen for years and it will be directly related to my actions. The mindset that I had at that time was to just make my pain go away. I really couldn't see beyond that point. I am sorry beyond measure but at the same time I realize that I was displaying a symptom of a disease process. Hugs to you.

 

[luvsJack]

This is probably going to sound hard, but I'll post it anyway and wait for the flames.

While I was going through my teens a close family member attempted suicide repeatedly. This person was in and out of psych hospitals, had ECT, etc. (they even considered a frontal lobotomy at one point, even though those are hardly ever used any more). The person tried pills (multiple times), cutting wrists, slashing neck, jumping out of windows and was found by the police up a cliff preparing to jump into the sea. As a family we just got to the stage where we were so worn, we just wanted a successful attempt (see why I said I'd get flamed?)

Well this person is still alive, if mentally fragile, 25 years on, and I can still barely be in the same room. I am so bitter about the turmoil caused to the rest of the family, the pain caused by these attempts, and the way it affected all of us from the oldest to the youngest. I saw a 70+ year old man in tears beside an ambulance, and a 5 year old boy crying behind the sofa because he'd seen an outburst no 5 year old should have seen. I personally cleaned up a bathroom after one attempt with a carving knife (Lady Macbeth had it right - so much blood).

You can tell me I should have more compassion maybe, but I was inalterably changed by all this, and it's hard to come by for this person any more.

I may be back to delete this later if I regret posting it.

I don't think you should delete it. I don't think you should be ashamed of or feel bad about what you have posted. It is what happened in your life and those events have made you feel the way you do. It sounds like some horrible events in your family that were brought on by one person.

Here's the thing, though, imho. I don't mean to judge or to flame; only to offer another way of looking at what you have gone through. Do you think that this person chose to live like that? Although, I know its probably hard to even really care what they wanted or not; I just think that given a choice they would not have chosen to put you or the rest of the family through any of that. For myself, I would have to remind myself that this person wasn't choosing to do this so that I would not feel a lot of resentment toward them and so that I could forgive them.

 

[Disney Doll]

Feelings are never right or wrong...they just "are".

It seems as if anger would be anormal emotion for someone to feel if a loved attempts or succeeds at suicide. You're scared about that fact that you almost (or did) lose them, you're hurt that they didn't feel they could come to you...I am sure there is a whole range of emotions. The logic of "the suicidal person isn't thinking clearly"...while it's logical, there would still be a part of me that would think "They couldnt' think clearly enough for 5 seconds to know what this would do to those of us left behind?".

I haven't had anyone super close to me commit suidice, but I have had high school friends suceed in committing suicide back when we were young. In the last 10 years, 2 of my friends fathers have committed suicide. They walked a difficult road after their fathers deaths, but both have come to acceptrance of it, the anger is gone...they both came to understand that their fathers were in such emotional pain that they truly felt that death would be their only peace. They are both at peace with thier fathers being finally at peace.

 

[2cats1kid]

Absolutely! This person in their more lucid moments (when they weren't convinced that "they" were coming to get them or so off their head on medication that they couldn't remember what a toothbrush was for) truly thought that we'd be better off after they were gone. But TB(brutally)H so did we a lot of the time.

I know that people don't choose to feel like this, but I wanted to tell the story from someone on the other side, too.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary situation.

A guy from my graduating class just killed himself. Had a fight with his girlfriend (I don't know what it was about) went back to his appartment, and killed himself. She went over hours later, made the super let her in, and found him there dead. Now I hadn't seen, heard about, or even thought of this guy since I graduated, but I have to wonder - Would whatever happened between him and this girl even mattered to him in 20 years?? In 5 years????

Personally, I can understand wanting to kill yourself if your terminally ill, and in pain, etc. I can even understand being suicidal if one of your children dies tradgicly. Its just sad when people are in such a bad mental state that they want to kill themselves over what to the outside world is "nothing."

 

[luvsJack]

Absolutely! This person in their more lucid moments (when they weren't convinced that "they" were coming to get them or so off their head on medication that they couldn't remember what a toothbrush was for) truly thought that we'd be better off after they were gone. But TB(brutally)H so did we a lot of the time.

I know that people don't choose to feel like this, but I wanted to tell the story from someone on the other side, too.

Oh, my. What a horrible way to live and horrible for the family to watch them live that way! That is just so, so terribly sad. Mental illness is so hard on not only the person with it, but everyone in thier lives.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, I haven't read the replies so I'm sure this has been said already but no its not wrong to be angry at a person after an attempt at suicide, even if its successful. I had a friend whose father killed himself, and even though he loved and missed him terribly the anger he felt toward him lasted a very long time.