Feeling sad and relieved..dog related...

[sunlver]

I am very much a dog person..on Saturday we had to put our almost 12 yr old golden retriever to sleep ...she was truley the best dog I have ever had. I have 2 other dogs and a foster dog at home. I also take care other people's dogs while they go out of town..In addition, I volunteer at a shelter 3 days a week, and work a weekend partime job at a doggie/kitty boarding facillity..So I am all about pets

About 6 weeks ago, my golden was starting to breath very heavily, and wasnt eatingmuch.. I know she was older, and I know it sometimes happens as they age, so I took her to the vet..After an exam and xrays, they determined she had a Large mass in her chest ...I mean I would of not put my almost 12 yr old dog through surgery, because most likely if it were cancer(which it probably was)all that surgery and testing would only prolong her life a couple of more months.. The vet gave is us some pain pills and sent us home, and said "Call if u need anything"...well she actually started eating really well after the visit, I figured out why she didnt want to eat back then. The mass/tumor was pushing up on her upperchest..and it bothered her to bend over and eat..so we started putting her food on the couch, and she would eat standing up and not bending down, and she ate like a champ..

Anyways..every since the diagnosis.. Ive done nothing but worry...I fretted over each morsel of food she ate or didnt eat...last week, her eating became bad again...trying all sorts of things.. I would get up in the middle of th night just to check on her, as her breathing was so heavy and she had that look in her eyes like she was so uncomfortable.I kept worrying I woulld come down and findthat she passed away..Last week was horrible, I did a lot of praying..Friday night before bed, I laid on the floor with her rubbing her , petting her telling her I loved her and that she was my beautiful girl...I cried and cried. Saturday morning I was to leave on an overnight camping trip with my girls girlscout troop. She got up in the morning, and ate maybe 3 bites of food and no more..She did come outside while we loaded the van, this was around 7:30am...
Around 3pm I called home..my husband said that Qtip would not get up at all.> He could not get her up to go to the bathroom. He carried her outside and she just collasped that.. we both cried on the phone. I said "Take her in".. I wish I could of been there, but I was 1 1/2 hrs away from home. He took her to the vet and had her put to sleep.. I cried all night Saturday night. My heart is still heavy..BUT.. I feel guilty that I am relieved she is not suffering and mostly that I dont have to worry about her anymore..

I still cant believe she is gone..yet there is a sense of relief? I feel horribly guilty that I fell relieved that I am not constantly worrying about her.

Am I such a horrible pet owner??

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Do not feel guilty. Of course you are relieved that your fur-baby isn't suffering. You did all the right things. You are not a horrible pet owner.

 

[clh2]

I'm so sorry - cancer, masses, whatever the diagnosis is - they just suck.

(Our furbaby was also 12 when we had him put down due to bone cancer last fall.)

Dogs give us their "all" for their whole lives. The one thing they ask in return is to not let them suffer. So - as hard as it is - you've done the right thing for your dog.

Again - so sorry.

 

[rodeo65]

Not at all - you're a loving pet owner. Five weeks after DS was born I had to have my first on-my-own dog put to sleep. The vet had discovered a mass in his abdomen the week before and in one week it had grown from tennis ball sized to grapefruit sized.

I had this dog before I even met DH so he was my best pal and I was so sad to let him go, but they didn't even know which organ it was attached to. When they went in to do exploratory and discovered it was attached everywhere they closed him back up and brought him out of it. After I had specifically told them that if it was inoperable to let him go on the table. Someone didn't get the memo and we ended up bringing him home for three more days before we took him back in for the last time.

I felt awful for those three days that I thought he suffered because of me but after I felt so light and almost happy because I knew he was not suffering and (selfishly) I didn't have to worry about a sick dog and an infant. Grief is complicated and had layers and peaks and valleys. I think what you're feeling is completely normal now that your beloved girl is no longer struggling.

I'm very sorry for your loss and hope you find peace knowing you did your best for her.

 

[minkydog]

Sunlver you are NOT a bad pet owner. Indeed, you did your best to give your old doggy some dignity and when it was time you swallowed your fears and did the right thing.

I think it must be common to have those second thoughts, those "what ifs" and "did I do everything i could do?" thoughts. That's true whether it's pets or people. We always examine and reexamine our actions as we process our grief. I could have written your post. In fact, i did write one very similar to yours last month when we had to put down our 11yo Standard Poodle, Minky. He was *my* dog and I took it pretty hard. We all did. My first feelings were intense grief and intense relief that he wasn't crying in pain anymore. Then I felt guilty for feeling relieved! But I think it's okay to feel that way. Who would want their pet to suffer even a day longer than they have to? Someone told me that my dog would tell me when it was time to go and you know what? that's exactly what happened. So when I had to make that call, I knew we had done everything reasonable for this elderly gentleman dog. Making the choice to let him go in peace was actually pretty easy, Even though it hurts to lose him, I couldn't have allowed him to suffer anymore. He had suffered enough.

Be strong. Take all the time you need to grieve. I took 3 days off work because I knew i couldn't concentrate(I'm a nurse.) And don't feel guilty even one more second. You did all the right things. It just hurts when we lose them, that's all. I think it must get better, eventually. It has to.

 

[kesha]

I feel so bad for you. We just lost our 13 year old dog this winter. You did the right thing. I wish we would of been that brave. Neither of us could take her to have her put to sleep. She did finally pass on her own and we both felt so guilty for letting her go so long. I will never let that happen again. I did discover that it takes alot more bravery to put them to sleep. This is the first dog that we ever had that died of old age. We still have another dog and she is 7 now. I'm already worrying about losing her.

 

[KNJWDW]

I am so sorry for your loss. We have a golden as well and I understand your sadness. As a pet owner, it is our responsibility to do what is best for our pets. You did the right thing. Take care.

 

[robinb]

{{hugs}} You are a good Dog-Mom. I am sorry for your loss .

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Am I such a horrible pet owner??

No. What you're feeling is normal. I'm sorry about your dog.

 

[sunlver]

Thank you all for your kind words..

 

[Dan Murphy]

You did just fine, sunlver. 's And Qtip knows it, very well. Keep her memories close, for a lifetime. She will always be there.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....​

Author unknown...​

www.petloss.com




http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html



.

 

[Jeniferdwn]

Please don't feel guilty. You did the right thing. I always said I could never do that. I could never take my dog in and have them put to sleep. Last summer when my little chi was suffering and sick, I knew in my heart it was time. I couldn't let him suffer any longer and I was prepared and ready. I called the vet and she wouldn't go in to the office. He suffered a couple more hours and finally died in my arms where he would've wanted to be. He was my heart, but I knew when his time was over and yes I also felt relieved to know that he was running and playing with all the other pets at the Rainbow Bridge and that one day, his little ears (well, big ears since he was a chi, but he'll be able to hear and see again!) will stand up cause he'll hear me coming to get him again! This is the first time I've had tears for him in a month or so. RIP little Rascal, go find QTip and give her some love, she's new there.

to you sunlvr!!! message me if you need a shoulder or just to talk!!

 

[sunlver]

Please don't feel guilty. You did the right thing. I always said I could never do that. I could never take my dog in and have them put to sleep. Last summer when my little chi was suffering and sick, I knew in my heart it was time. I couldn't let him suffer any longer and I was prepared and ready. I called the vet and she wouldn't go in to the office. He suffered a couple more hours and finally died in my arms where he would've wanted to be. He was my heart, but I knew when his time was over and yes I also felt relieved to know that he was running and playing with all the other pets at the Rainbow Bridge and that one day, his little ears (well, big ears since he was a chi, but he'll be able to hear and see again!) will stand up cause he'll hear me coming to get him again! This is the first time I've had tears for him in a month or so. RIP little Rascal, go find QTip and give her some love, she's new there.

to you sunlvr!!! message me if you need a shoulder or just to talk!!

Thank you for sharing this with me.

 

[NaLisa]

Losing a beloved pet is a difficult thing. You did what was best for your dog (hence the relief), and now you're grieving your loss. I hope that many warm memories of QTip comfort you in your time of grief.

 

[cabanafrau]

I lost my beloved 11 year old golden more than 5 years ago. I still think of him daily. I understand a lot of what you're feeling. You're definitely not in the wrong in any way here. I'm sure she knew she was loved, what else can any pet or person ask for?

It will get easier. Focus on all of the great moments.

 

[Squirrel!!!]

sunlver---I am so sorry for your loss. Please know in your heart that Qtip was lucky to have you and your family in her life.

Your feelings of relief are completely normal. I counsel people when I am euthanizing chronically ill pets to not feel guilty when the overwhelming emotion they feel is more one of relief than grief. Saying goodbye is horrible and sad, but the sense of relief is so large. For 6 weeks each minute of each day you have been tormented with the thoughts of, "Is she eating? How does she look today? Is today the day? Is it tomorrow?". It is really hard.

So, now you have made the hardest decision ever, and you are not faced with it again for Qtip, and you have the biggest biggest burden lifted off your shoulders and soul. Relief. It is normal. And it is okay.

So, do not allow guilt to be part of your grief. It does not belong there. Okay?

I also remind people that pets are of the moment. Qtip had no plans for the future. She was not trying to hang on for summer vacation, to see grandchildren graduate from high school. She lived for the moment. And when the life had no joy and glory, it is time for us to see that and let our furry friends go.

You did the good and kind thing for your friend. So, strength and hope to you.


Thump (me, jumping off my soap box!!!)

 

[jazz0007]

Agree with the others....do not put this heavy weight on yourself. You absolutely did the right thing. It is soooooooo hard to lose a dog, SO hard. We had to put our 1st dog we had together (hubby and I) down when my daughter was almost 1...8 years ago. It STILL makes me cry. I've kept her collar by my computer all these years and I remember how very sad I was when I couldn't smell her on it anymore. Let time heal your heart and dwell on the good memories you have of her. ((((((hug))))))

 

[sunlver]

sunlver---I am so sorry for your loss. Please know in your heart that Qtip was lucky to have you and your family in her life.

Your feelings of relief are completely normal. I counsel people when I am euthanizing chronically ill pets to not feel guilty when the overwhelming emotion they feel is more one of relief than grief. Saying goodbye is horrible and sad, but the sense of relief is so large. For 6 weeks each minute of each day you have been tormented with the thoughts of, "Is she eating? How does she look today? Is today the day? Is it tomorrow?". It is really hard.

So, now you have made the hardest decision ever, and you are not faced with it again for Qtip, and you have the biggest biggest burden lifted off your shoulders and soul. Relief. It is normal. And it is okay.

So, do not allow guilt to be part of your grief. It does not belong there. Okay?

I also remind people that pets are of the moment. Qtip had no plans for the future. She was not trying to hang on for summer vacation, to see grandchildren graduate from high school. She lived for the moment. And when the life had no joy and glory, it is time for us to see that and let our furry friends go.

You did the good and kind thing for your friend. So, strength and hope to you.


Thump (me, jumping off my soap box!!!)

Thank you for your kind words. You sound like a vet
Today I sat outside in the yard with my other dogs, the weather is beautiful, sunny and about 70. I kept remembering how many other times I sat outside with the dogs, and thought how beautiful QTIP looked laying in the sun and how much she would of enjoyed this type of weather.

 

[nathalee81]

I am very much a dog person..on Saturday we had to put our almost 12 yr old golden retriever to sleep ...she was truley the best dog I have ever had. I have 2 other dogs and a foster dog at home. I also take care other people's dogs while they go out of town..In addition, I volunteer at a shelter 3 days a week, and work a weekend partime job at a doggie/kitty boarding facillity..So I am all about pets

About 6 weeks ago, my golden was starting to breath very heavily, and wasnt eatingmuch.. I know she was older, and I know it sometimes happens as they age, so I took her to the vet..After an exam and xrays, they determined she had a Large mass in her chest ...I mean I would of not put my almost 12 yr old dog through surgery, because most likely if it were cancer(which it probably was)all that surgery and testing would only prolong her life a couple of more months.. The vet gave is us some pain pills and sent us home, and said "Call if u need anything"...well she actually started eating really well after the visit, I figured out why she didnt want to eat back then. The mass/tumor was pushing up on her upperchest..and it bothered her to bend over and eat..so we started putting her food on the couch, and she would eat standing up and not bending down, and she ate like a champ..

Anyways..every since the diagnosis.. Ive done nothing but worry...I fretted over each morsel of food she ate or didnt eat...last week, her eating became bad again...trying all sorts of things.. I would get up in the middle of th night just to check on her, as her breathing was so heavy and she had that look in her eyes like she was so uncomfortable.I kept worrying I woulld come down and findthat she passed away..Last week was horrible, I did a lot of praying..Friday night before bed, I laid on the floor with her rubbing her , petting her telling her I loved her and that she was my beautiful girl...I cried and cried. Saturday morning I was to leave on an overnight camping trip with my girls girlscout troop. She got up in the morning, and ate maybe 3 bites of food and no more..She did come outside while we loaded the van, this was around 7:30am...
Around 3pm I called home..my husband said that Qtip would not get up at all.> He could not get her up to go to the bathroom. He carried her outside and she just collasped that.. we both cried on the phone. I said "Take her in".. I wish I could of been there, but I was 1 1/2 hrs away from home. He took her to the vet and had her put to sleep.. I cried all night Saturday night. My heart is still heavy..BUT.. I feel guilty that I am relieved she is not suffering and mostly that I dont have to worry about her anymore..

I still cant believe she is gone..yet there is a sense of relief? I feel horribly guilty that I fell relieved that I am not constantly worrying about her.

Am I such a horrible pet owner??

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't think you are a bad pet owner-or, if you are, I am too.

We put had to put our pup out of his misery about a month ago. He had cancer-it was terminal. For awhile, he was doing so well I got very optimistic that he would outlive the estimated lifespan for this cancer.

Then, he got very sick-very fast. I knew the end was coming. I knew we would have a make a decision, or he would be in a lot pain.

So, we made the decision. I will admit I was relieved. I was relieved the decision had been made and our pup was no longer in pain. My husband and I are still in a lot of pain, but we know it was the right decision.

I know nothing I can say can make you feel significantly better, but I can give you a and let you know my thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[lakelandgal70]

I understand what you are going through. Have been through it many times with my rescues and my own dogs. It isn't easy and in time you won't feel so guilty. You are a caring and responsible pet owner and I am sorry you are going through this