Feeling guilty...

[Mflaherty]

I take my whole family (me,husband, kids 3and 5....mom and dad....sister,husband and 2 kids 3and 7) to Disney for thanksgiving usually 5 days at the boardwalk villas. I don't have enough points for a grand villa. I book myself a one bedroom(my husband likes the space;me I'd rather stay in a studio and stay twice the amount of time) ; my parents a studio and my sister and her family in a studio. Since I've purchased Dvc 3 years ago I've gotten a room for my sister and her family 3 times. Last year I had extra points I didn't use so I upgraded them to a one bedroom. This year I booked them a studio and am afraid to break the news to them. I feel bad to be in a one bedroom and their family is in a studio. I've thought about a 2bedroom for me and my sis so we can share the common room during the day but I am afraid that it will be a lot of commotion with the 4 kids in one space- napping, going to bed making noise in the am waking up the other kids, even making it difficult to get the kids dressed and out in the am. Plus I'm not sure how our husbands will feel sharing space. Although they like each other, 5 days of togetherness might not be a good idea. Should I just upgrade them now. I really wanted to travel again in the spring of 2016 with just my DH and kids but if I upgrade them I'll be limited to which resorts I can stay in(lower point resorts). But maybe that's ok to make them more comfortable? Anyone ever stuck in this position? My dad says not to worry about them because I did enough for them. I just know how much more comfortable the one bedroom can be. I wonder if the studio at the boardwalk will be more comfy after the renovation? Thoughts?

 

[buzzandzurg]

If I were your sister, I'd be happy that you were generous enough to provide the studio. Save the points and do your other trip. Don't feel guilty at all!!

 

[Judique]

I take my whole family (me,husband, kids 3and 5....mom and dad....sister,husband and 2 kids 3and 7) to Disney for thanksgiving usually 5 days at the boardwalk villas. I don't have enough points for a grand villa. I book myself a one bedroom(my husband likes the space;me I'd rather stay in a studio and stay twice the amount of time) ; my parents a studio and my sister and her family in a studio. Since I've purchased Dvc 3 years ago I've gotten a room for my sister and her family 3 times. Last year I had extra points I didn't use so I upgraded them to a one bedroom. This year I booked them a studio and am afraid to break the news to them. I feel bad to be in a one bedroom and their family is in a studio. I've thought about a 2bedroom for me and my sis so we can share the common room during the day but I am afraid that it will be a lot of commotion with the 4 kids in one space- napping, going to bed making noise in the am waking up the other kids, even making it difficult to get the kids dressed and out in the am. Plus I'm not sure how our husbands will feel sharing space. Although they like each other, 5 days of togetherness might not be a good idea. Should I just upgrade them now. I really wanted to travel again in the spring of 2016 with just my DH and kids but if I upgrade them I'll be limited to which resorts I can stay in(lower point resorts). But maybe that's ok to make them more comfortable? Anyone ever stuck in this position? My dad says not to worry about them because I did enough for them. I just know how much more comfortable the one bedroom can be. I wonder if the studio at the boardwalk will be more comfy after the renovation? Thoughts?

I think it would be so much more fun for the kids if you shared a two bedroom. At BWV they can always shut the connecting door when necessary and go and come as they want through their studio door. You would save a few points this way as well. Both parties would have another area to retire to whether it was to get out of the bedroom or to get together in the living room. And the parents can easily visit both sets of grands at the same time.

Enjoy whatever you do!

 

[ErinC]

Listen to your dad! They are your points and you are paying for them. Keep your private space and get them a studio. Yes a one bedroom is nice but they probably stay in a regular hotel most places they go and a studio is a at least that or better. Stop feeling guilty!

 

[CarolMN]

I agree with buzzandzurg. Just tell her you didn't have enough points to upgrade them this year.

 

[nalajms]

If it was us .... I'd get the 2 bedroom for sister and grandparents... studio for us.... then shove my kids over to the 2 bedroom DH would put up with the small studio in exchange for peace and quite some of the time.

Will the group gravitate to your 1 bedroom?? With my family, that's how it'll be. The kids will all converge in the living area, then DH is stuck in the master bedroom to escape the noise.

 

[DizBub]

You are providing your parents and sister with a free room at a deluxe location, quit feeling guilty! Owner of the points get the king bed is, I believe, the official unwritten rule of DVC.

Can you adopt me? If I were being treated to 5 nights at BWV I wouldn't care where I stayed.

On a serious note, after the refurbishment the studios will sleep 5. There will be plenty of sleeping spaces to go around.

 

[4under4]

I agree you have no reason to feel guilty!!!

I do think there is some merit in to getting a 2 br for parents / sister and suggest that the kids would have so much fun crashing together on the pull out couch. If your kids & their cousins are anything like my family they will love sleeping en masse, and then spending the morning happily watching the Disney channel.

 

[ILoveMyDVC]

Owner of the points get the king bed is, I believe, the official unwritten rule of DVC.

One of the Rules of Life to live by

What's a studio? Just kidding.

We have partially to completely funded many trips for friends and family over the years - my absolute rule as the owner, I get the master bedroom - every time; every trip- period.

 

[bumbershoot]

No matter what, don't feel guilty.

That said, with the group we have traveled with to WDW (cousin, her family, my aunt) we just get a 2 bedroom and enjoy it. I think that the most nights has been 4, but that's just because they have time constraints. We haven't felt too close in a 2 bedroom (SSR and OKW so far).

But could you *talk* about this with the adults involved? The husbands are brothers in law, so they should be used to being around each other. In our group the men don't even really have a named relationship (the husbands of cousins...cousins in law?) and enjoy the time, especially if someone brings a fun game and they can have "Man Time (which includes the boy children). The kids can get dressed in the proper bedrooms. I would imagine a group of cousins like that would have a blast. (I know that one group of second cousins has a blast sharing a 2 bedroom, even if their parents separate them to get dressed and enforce bedtimes and such)

 

[Mflaherty]

I'm still agonizing over this. Even my mom said that sharing the 2 bedroom with my sister isn't a good idea because the kids are too young and it's chaotic to begin with. They are 2 three year olds a 5year old and a 7year old. All girls. There is no way they would sleep all together in the living room. Now 8,9,10 year olds different story. But I can just see the chaos. I thought about just opening the connecting door during the day to share the living room but then we would never get the kids to nap. I think everyone really needs there own space to retreat to until the girls get older. Even if we kept the door closed I can see the kids knocking all day wanting to see their cousins. Lol... And I could never give my mom and sis the 2bedroom and send my kids in there while hubby and I took the studio. Although I like this idea. My kids would NEVER go to sleep. And even when I get them to bed at a decent disney hour they are breaking down at the parks by 11 am. Yes we have high maintenance kids. All 4 of them . So I'm back to the drawing board. I should just swallow the points already and get them the one bedroom to give myself peace of mind.

 

[graychef]

Geez. I'd tell them the options and if they object, kindly un-invite them. You're doing them a favor.

 

[bumbershoot]

There is no way they would sleep all together in the living room.

OK, why not? My dad's family had huge family reunions and we slept because we were tired. All up in the same loft, even. Cousins are awesome, but ya gotta sleep.

Or even have the kids in the "studio" portion of the one bedroom sleep in one bed while mom and dad sleep in the other, and your kids get the living room if you don't want them in the big bed with you.

Even my mom said that sharing the 2 bedroom with my sister isn't a good idea because the kids are too young and it's chaotic to begin with.

But what do the parents of the other kids say? They'd know best, yes?

I'm dealing with my mother in law right now saying all sorts of things that should and should not happen, not based on the people involved, but on HER past and HER experiences with people who don't even exist anymore.

When we went on a cruise with the family we've shared a 2 bedroom with, we didn't dine with them, because the kids wouldn't have eaten. We know this, we've seen this happen. But sharing a 2 bedroom was fine. Different things. We know the people involved and knew what could work or not. If I'd listened to my kid's grandma (my mother in law) or my cousin's kids' grandma (my aunt) we wouldn't have even gone on the first trip, let alone continued trips.

You and your sister and your husbands are the parents of these children. It's a decision the 4 of you should make. It's not your parents' business unless you're tossing the kids in with them.

Don't agonize, just make some pros and cons lists, talk with sister and brother in law and your husband, and figure something out.

 

[Sleepy425]

Three year olds can be rough for bedtime. Even at five it can be rough. So I get not wanting them all together to sleep.
Keep your sister in the studio. Unless she offers to put out the money for you to transfer enough points for the upgrade, do not put yourself in a position that you can't have the extra trip with just your family at the resort you want.

 

[delilah]

I used to invite my brother and sister in law and their kids to stay with us every year on DVC points. We are a family of three, they are a family of 5. I was in this exact situation when our kids were young. She had a son by a prior marriage, who was about 12, my son was 6, my niece 5 and nephew 2. We booked a two bedrooms at SSR. Did it once, never again. People were constantly changing the thermostat. Everybody wanted to use the bathroom in our bedroom (there were two). We were gracious enough at the time to use only the king bed in our bedroom for all three of us so they could "spread" out. My niece told me that I was stupid and stubborn, because I let my son drink Propel instead of tap water, which he didn't like. I am sure she heard that from her mother. The next year we tried two studios, at AKV. The kids didn't want to split up so we could have 4 each room. The next year, I rented a 1 BR and studio. My SIL decided she didn't want to go to parks at all. I basically told her that I didn't travel to Florida to hang out at the hotel, and that was the last time we invited them. I never asked them to pay for the room, of course. I asked them to pay their share for meals because at the time we had Disney Dining experience, and if I paid, we got a discount. Never again with any of this. Don't feel guilty at all with any of this. My SIL once tried to convince me that I should book a room for the half marathon in January. My answer to that was "no" we weren't going at that time, and the reason I invite them is so that we can spend time together.

 

[kirstenb1]

OMG, why is this even a question? OP, you're much nicer than me! We've invited family countless times, and always offer whatever works for us. You sound very sweet---however you're mentioning having to make tradeoffs for the 2016 trip. Would you or your dh even subconsciously resent that tradeoff? I really think it's best to offer the studio. I'd appreciate any free vacation offer. Don't do the 2 br---too many people on top of each other.

 

[albarellic]

Why not share a 2 bedroom with your parents instead of your sister?

 

[nalajms]

Have you talked to them? Tell them you don't have enough to book a 1bedroom for them. Give them the option to stay studio for more days or a 1 bedroom for a shorter stay. Are you booked for standard views? If not, look at other cheaper resorts (AKV standard)? Unless you only want BWV, in which case just ignore that suggestion.

 

[bams50]

Agonizing over how a huge gift will be received?

The problem here is not one of points or space, it's one of relationships. If you're really "agonizing" over this, you have a problem in your own mind. If they would complain about free accomodations even a little, they have a problem- and if you would accept a complaint and not just leave them out, you BOTH have a problem.

In 2009 we took our whole family- 21 people. We had a meeting clearly explaining all the terms and conditions. Then we talked to each of the kids, ages 6-18, and set the terms with them; especially with the prone-to-misbehave 6 and 9-year-olds. It was clear that there was NO TOLERANCE for acting up or fighting. Wife thought I was being a little tough. I told her, and them, that there is no way we were going to have personalities damage our vacation, and that everyone would have to do their part. Result: Amazing family vacation.

Before you worry about details, look inside yourself and your family members, and work that through. The rest should not matter.

 

[bams50]

I used to invite my brother and sister in law and their kids to stay with us every year on DVC points. We are a family of three, they are a family of 5. I was in this exact situation when our kids were young. She had a son by a prior marriage, who was about 12, my son was 6, my niece 5 and nephew 2. We booked a two bedrooms at SSR. Did it once, never again. People were constantly changing the thermostat. Everybody wanted to use the bathroom in our bedroom (there were two). We were gracious enough at the time to use only the king bed in our bedroom for all three of us so they could "spread" out. My niece told me that I was stupid and stubborn, because I let my son drink Propel instead of tap water, which he didn't like. I am sure she heard that from her mother. The next year we tried two studios, at AKV. The kids didn't want to split up so we could have 4 each room. The next year, I rented a 1 BR and studio. My SIL decided she didn't want to go to parks at all. I basically told her that I didn't travel to Florida to hang out at the hotel, and that was the last time we invited them. I never asked them to pay for the room, of course. I asked them to pay their share for meals because at the time we had Disney Dining experience, and if I paid, we got a discount. Never again with any of this. Don't feel guilty at all with any of this. My SIL once tried to convince me that I should book a room for the half marathon in January. My answer to that was "no" we weren't going at that time, and the reason I invite them is so that we can spend time together.

Perfect. Unfortunately you were dealing with spoiled, self-centered ingrates. You went WELL beyond what you had to. The only answer is to cut them off. Tell them that you'd still love to vacation with them, and the best solution is for them to buy whatever accomodations they want; and you'll offer to help them book it.