Feeling Guilty - Force Kids to Miss School

[FreeTime]

My family and my older sibs have teenagers. We have brought them and my parents several times on DVC trips. We have ALWAYS invited my younger sib and family as well. They always declined. Now, that their kids are out of diapers they are ready to go. They want to be able to go with the entire extended family. But, when I suggested spring break or the summer they said, "no" because it is too hot, too crowded, blah, blah, blah. I told them that they are welcome to go on their own. Nope, they HAVE to go with everyone. Well, none of the kids from my family or my other sibs want to miss school. They are all involved in band and sports, etc. On one side, I am thinking we should go and spend time as a family (and I would like to not worry about the crowds), but I also understand the older kids perspective of not wanting to miss school. Should I take the hard standpoint of explaining these are my family's points and this is when we are going and you are welcome to come? Or should we negotiate? What would you do?

 

[BEASLYBOO]

. Should I take the hard standpoint of explaining these are my family's points and this is when we are going and you are welcome to come? Or should we negotiate? What would you do?

I totally understand your situation but with a son, a Junior in the IB Magnet program who's also on the football team, missing school is not an option! We do take the day before the Thanksgiving break because the kids at that point do not have tests etc., we're honest with the teachers and it's just a day, with no make up work!

The amount of work and the schedule that our children maintain in comparison to when we were kids is unbelievable. We preach to them the importance of time management and commitment to team sports so personally I think it's unfair to ask them to break those commitments just to suit others when they are the ones who will have to make up the work! In high school much of the material covered comes through class discussion, and that you can't make up!

So, we go to Disney with friends and family when schools out! And since I'm the keeper of the points, there's no negotiating! And we still have fun, even if it's hot or crowded!

Good luck!

 

[ain0004]

If you are giving out the points. I don't see how they have an option, to tell you when to get your kids out of school. We elect to take our children out. They are only young once. It's a family choice.

 

[FreeTime]

Thanks to both of you. We have taken our kids out for years but now it just seems not possible. As Beaslyboo said, school is so different these days. OUr kids don't even have text books in 3 classes, it is all discussions! So very hard to make up. I also tell them, if you try out for the team and make it, you are committed and need to be there. It isn't fair to the kid that didn't make it or to your team since you are not there. I am thinking I will jsut suggest a few dates and say that this is when we are going, hopefully you can be there. If not, it is still open that we will get you a room on your own (1 time deal).

 

[ldo]

I would NEVER take my MS and HS kids out of school for more than a day or two for a trip--esp. a trip to WDW, with the exception of a family member with a serious illness that wanted a trip together. You have given several good options---IMHO, it is selfish for others to even put you in that situation. And, certainly, with your kids stating they don't want to miss school, I would firmly state to others that missing more than 1-2 days of school is not an option. Elaine

 

[DizzyStitch]

We changed our trips to August before sports came along. Prior to that I was fine with have them miss a week of elementary school. Now the sports are even worse and we really can't go Spring Break. We have this 2 week window in June. Because even wehn certain sports are not in season, they are still going to open gyms, etc. Your sibling just ins't there yet. I could not convince my kids now to miss school. I keep trying for a December trip but Basketball is always an issue. You just need to help them understand that a combined trip can only happen when all parties are free. Good Luck.

 

[MinnieGi]

If kids are in ms or hs I think its too hard to take a chunk of time out away from school. I know my ms would have a fit! Too hard to make up work and forget about it if involved in sports, band, activities!

For the OP I think your younger sibling just needs to either deal with the crowds if they really want to go with the whole family or choose to go by themselves at another time.

We go now only at school break times. If you plan they are very doable! We are going for Christmas week this year for the second time. The kids loved being down there for the holidays, it made them even more special!!

Good luck!

 

[jennylyn_b]

My family and my older sibs have teenagers. We have brought them and my parents several times on DVC trips. We have ALWAYS invited my younger sib and family as well. They always declined. Now, that their kids are out of diapers they are ready to go. They want to be able to go with the entire extended family. But, when I suggested spring break or the summer they said, "no" because it is too hot, too crowded, blah, blah, blah. I told them that they are welcome to go on their own. Nope, they HAVE to go with everyone. Well, none of the kids from my family or my other sibs want to miss school. They are all involved in band and sports, etc. On one side, I am thinking we should go and spend time as a family (and I would like to not worry about the crowds), but I also understand the older kids perspective of not wanting to miss school. Should I take the hard standpoint of explaining these are my family's points and this is when we are going and you are welcome to come? Or should we negotiate? What would you do?

Seems to me you have to do what's best for your immediate family. Your younger sib had no problem telling the family no and not caring that you all wanted them to go. They did what they thought best for them. Your kids don't want to miss school. That's the end of it. Period. Your younger sib has two choices: go on their own when they want or go as a group when it works for all of you and the teens don't miss school.

 

[patsal]

Do what is best for your own family. No way would I have forced my DD to go during the school year with AP courses in HS. Too much to lose and totally not worth it.

 

[sweetdana]

I would jump on families bandwagon, but I also am taking DD8 out of school (and missing 2 cheer games and 4 practices). So I am not an easy sell. I wouldn't do it more than 1 week every other yr or something, but no regrets. She will have fun, and she will pass 3rd grade, and the team will get over the 2 missed games.. no one will be perm hurt over it.

 

[tjkraz]

I'd have a hard time insisting that the kids miss any other prior commitments just to adhere to someone else's vacation schedule.

When kids are young and the activities / sports are all pretty informal, it's not a big deal to miss. Even teachers were openly supportive through maybe 4th - 5th grade.

But then you reach a point where it's very difficult to make-up missed school work. And the commitment expectation for some activities is much more rigid. Particularly if it's any sort of sports team or activity where you have to try out and earn your place. You can't commit to an AAU / travel sports team and then simply decide not to show up for practices or games. It's not fair to the coaches, teammates or even kids who were cut from the team.

Family time is important but there may have to be compromises.

 

[FreeTime]

Thanks everyone for listening! I think I knew what my answer was before I posted the question, which is exactly what most of you are saying. I don't want to jeopardize their future sport on a team or hurt a game because they are not there. There are 15 other weeks in the year that we can go. If the young sib doesn't want to go then...their loss.

 

[Donna M]

Since your sib's kids aren't in school yet, let alone hs they don't understand where you and the other parents of the hs kids are coming from. You could explain how the teenagers can't miss school at this point because it's way more important than WDW for them, that it will set them back academically or prevent them from participating in future games. Also, you as the parent don't want them to miss high school to visit WDW where they have probably been repeatedly anyway.

I would let them know that these are the dates you are going, you'd love for them to join you but understand if they would prefer not to go at that time. Then have a great vacation with whoever can make it there.

 

[Kidanifan08]

Bottom line . . . these are your points and you should go during a time that is convenient for you and your family. If the younger sib has any issue with the choice of dates, there is always the option of not going. Personally, I think it is incredibly generous to offer your points for them to use during a time when you won't be there. Of course, we recently took my brother's family, and I would have had more fun if I was not there! But, that's another story . . .

Pulling kids from school is a big decision, and tough on the kids, especially in middle or high school. Heck, I am feeling guilty about considering taking my son to WDW next year in the first part of December . . . and he will only be in third grade!

Your only responsibility it to you and your children. One bad decision can permanently ruin your child's future in sports, music, etc. Everyone else who are invited need to fit into your plan, or just not go.

 

[lucyem]

Since your sib's kids aren't in school yet, let alone hs they don't understand where you and the other parents of the hs kids are coming from. You could explain how the teenagers can't miss school at this point because it's way more important than WDW for them, that it will set them back academically or prevent them from participating in future games. Also, you as the parent don't want them to miss high school to visit WDW where they have probably been repeatedly anyway.

I would let them know that these are the dates you are going, you'd love for them to join you but understand if they would prefer not to go at that time. Then have a great vacation with whoever can make it there.

It's one thing to miss school in elementary but a whole other issue when kids are in middle or high school. I say this as a parent who has no qualms about taking my elementary schools kids out a week for a vacation every year.

 

[crisi]

I think your younger sibs need to decide if going to Disney is important or if going with family is important. Since they haven't gone yet, it would be my recommendation to them that they leave the older cousins at home with their school activities and enjoy a low season trip while their kids are still young enough to do so.

They (and you) can't control how other people spend their time. If they want them, they'll have to go on their schedule - and they might also need to face the fact that high schoolers who have been to Disney might not be as enthused about another trip as pre-schoolers.

Then, if your family is in the mood for a family reunion and doesn't like the crowds, book something NOT DISNEY. My family spent four days on a houseboat up on the Minnesota Canada border this summer - and while I had my doubts I'd survive without throwing someone overboard - it was awesome. We stayed in a house on the beach in Akumal Mexico with friends - house sleeps 12 - again, awesome. You can do this sort of thing when school schedules are more open.

 

[k3chantal]

My family and my older sibs have teenagers. We have brought them and my parents several times on DVC trips. We have ALWAYS invited my younger sib and family as well. They always declined. Now, that their kids are out of diapers they are ready to go. They want to be able to go with the entire extended family. But, when I suggested spring break or the summer they said, "no" because it is too hot, too crowded, blah, blah, blah. I told them that they are welcome to go on their own. Nope, they HAVE to go with everyone. Well, none of the kids from my family or my other sibs want to miss school. They are all involved in band and sports, etc. On one side, I am thinking we should go and spend time as a family (and I would like to not worry about the crowds), but I also understand the older kids perspective of not wanting to miss school. Should I take the hard standpoint of explaining these are my family's points and this is when we are going and you are welcome to come? Or should we negotiate? What would you do?

I have no issue with taking my kids out of school but we haven't reached high school yet so in your case I would stand firm. They are not 'negotiating' with you. Since it sounds like you are the ones 'paying' for the accommodations(through points), go when it is convenient for you.

 

[Jenn]

Missing school is no longer an option for us with kids in middle and high school. It is considered an unexcused absence and the kids are given zeros for all missed work. I'm not going to lie and say they were sick. That's not a lesson I want to teach them. In addition, after 3 days you have to have a doctors note for absence. For now, we travel over holidays and summer. That's just the way it is for now.

I would discuss different dates when kids wouldn't have to miss school and try to come up with a mutual time. Otherwise, they can visit on their own.

 

[disfanforlife]

They are your points and the bottom line is you should go when it is best for your family.

We are very fortunate that we have not had an issue taking our kids out of school. Our two daughters are now in college - so that is a different story - not going to have them miss college. But, our son is in 8th grade and we are taking him our of school for 3 days. Veteran's day week our kids have an extra day off - so we have found that to be a good time to go to Disney. We took our daughters out the same week for years all the way through 11th grade and never had an issue with it. I guess it depends on the school and what they are involved in. Ours are not big in to sports.