Feeling guilty for vacation w/out kids

[moredisneyplease]

So DH and I have been together over 10 years and married just over 6 years. We have a DS who is 3 and DS who is 8 months. We received a free 2 bedroom condo on the west coast of Maui for Nov 30-Dec 7th......oh and its literally on the beach. We have looked and looked for decent price tickets and found that prices were around $800!!

Prices have since come down and we can get there for $522 (taxes and all) roundtrip. We've decided that we can make it work to leave the two kiddos behind with our "very willing to watch the kids" family and friends. We're going to go ahead and cut the trip to 5 days but now I'm starting to feel guilty. I know we could easily do the full week with the kiddos (of course it would be an extra airfair and little adult time) and part of me thinks we should do that.

DH and I would really love (and NEED) a get away (not that we're having problems but you know how life is with an 8 month old and a 3 year old) but I can't help but feel guilty. Experienced mothers, please help and assure me that its OK to leave your two little babies at home.

 

[thegrimdwarf]

I would LOVE to be in your situation. Let me put it this way. My older boy is 4.5 years. My husband and I have not left this house together, without at least one child in tow, since one week prior to his birth. So we've not gone anywhere alone together for over 4.5 years. Not even a meal out by ourselves.

If you have people you trust, who are willing to watch your kids while you enjoy some wonderful time away with your man - GO!

 

[02AggieGirl]

It was really hard for me to leave my two little girls the first time my DH and I went on vacation alone. I cried when we left. The girls stayed with my mom. I called several times during the day, the first couple of days and my mom was always like they are fine! We've been on two more vacations alone since then and each time it was just a little easier to leave and know they would survive without me! I also think it's very important for husbands and wives to have that special time to just spend with each other. I say go!!

 

[ilovejack02]

OH GIRL, dont feel guilty! There is nothing better than a get away with just the hubby and there is nothing better than hugging those babies when you get home LOL!

Go away recharge and enjoy each other! I know there are some that say.. Oh I could never leave mine there only tiny once and there will be time for each other when they are gone!

BS I SAY! I have known to many people that have put their marriages on hold and when the kids are gone they are staring at each other not knowing what to say because they are living with a stranger!

Your marriage is just as important as those kiddos.. take care of it too.

Have a good good time!

 

[3boys4me]

I've gone out of town to visit a friend alone, no hubby, no kids. I felt really bad leaving, but it sure was a nice break. I say if you have someone you trust to watch your kids, go and have a great time. You will be glad you did.

 

[Tiffany_MommyOf3]

If you'd rather take the kids, do it and then do a get away weekend or something with DH alone closer to where you live. kwim? But, if you'd rather get away for the weekend in HI, go for it! I would love to go to Hawaii for that price!!!! Really great deal. I'd have a hard time leaving my baby so I'd probably leave my big kids and bring my baby. I'm still attached by the breast to my youngest though LOL. Maybe take the baby and leave the 3 yr old? We did that for a weekend at Disney. DH and I took the baby and the 5 yr old, left the 2 and 3 yr olds.. worked out well. (We were trying to get a little time in with our 5 yr old before he started school)

 

[pweyl36]

You should never feel guilty about going some where with out the kids.
My husband and I always go on trips or day trips w/out kids. Trust me your kids will not be traumatized if you go on a trip with out them.

 

[TaraPA]

As hard as it can be (I've been there), your kids will cherish the special time they're spending with friends or family while you're away. My boys (now 8 & 11) often talk about "the time you & daddy were away & Pop took us sledding" or when "Nanny & Pop let us have cocoa before bed" or & Nanny took us to the Dollar Store & let us each buy 3 things." My kids never missed us, and now they have all these great memories with their grandparents that are priceless.

DH & I went to Maui in '05 without the kids - LONG flight from PA, I'd never go that far on a plane with the kids! But I didn't feel an ounce of guilt leaving them behind.

My 1st trip without the baby in '98 was torture for about 12 hours. I sobbed & sobbed, we were in the Caribbean & I made DH call the airport to see when the next flight left, I was determined I was going back home that same day. The next morning I was good as new & was over it.

My last trip (May '08) was solo to WDW - I did feel sad & guilty when I got to MK on the first day - for about 2 hours - then I got over that too & had to remind myself to even call home once a day! I'm planning another girls only WDW trip for this December - trips without the kids get addicting!

I still worry about the kids - I worry that they will get some nasty stomach bug during the night & my parents will have to deal with that, or they will get hurt & I'm not there, but I think that is normal. But I don't feel guilty at all that I'm away from them. I'm the type of person that's a better mom if I have some away time from my kids, and get some "me" time to recharge my batteries.

So please go, just be aware that you may feel sad for the first hour or day, but you will get over it!

 

[moredisneyplease]

Thanks for all of the encouragement and kind words everyone! We will be doing the trip without them and I'm excited about the rekindling DH and I will have but I guess I feel like the boys (especially the 3 year old) will be missing out on a fun time. But you're right, they'll have a great time with Nana Deano, Meema, and Aunti Nia!

OK, I'm over it now and am excited to be getting away in 99 days!!

 

[kellyg403]

Dh and I are finally taking our "alone" trip to WDW 12/8-13. Our kids still at home are teens and their older bros and sis are dividing up the week so we can go. I feel guilty enough I haven't even told the kids. And they are teens for goodness sakes. But, in the end, no matter how guilty I feel dh and I have NOT been alone since day 1 10 years ago. We were both single parents that combined kids and have successfully raised 5 with 5 left. Our marriage in the last 6 months or so has been stressed and this is one vacation, guilt or not, I am taking with dh and try to reconnect. I guess what I am saying is guilt has its place, I will wish the kids were with us or worried about them but really, in about 6 years dh and I will be left alone for the first time. We need to figure out the "us" of this situation starting now! How I wish that we had done this for ourselves at least once every other year since the beginning. Maybe this year wouldn't have been so shocking for us.

Kelly

 

[wildfan1473]

DH and I go on a date once a month, and I take a mommy-only vacation every fall to my in-laws place in Florida (not Disney, though!) for a long weekend. As much as I love my children, I am a much better person getting those few days alone. I always come home energized and ready to do things with and for my kids that prior to the trip, I was too burnt out to do. I am a SAHM, and am very fotunate to have DH's full support that just like he needs a vacation from his job, I need a vacation from mine.

 

[Not so Dumbo]

I felt the same way the first time DH and I left the kids for a few days. Once you are there you will enjoy your time alone. I know we did. Only now I feel guilty because I want to go again We actually have a trip planned in October with the kids and one in December without the kids.... guess which one I'm looking forward to the most
It might ease your mind a little if you have everything in order incase something happend to the both of you. i.e. a will, or communicate with relatives on who you want to raise the kids, what they are supposed to do with any life insurance policies, ect. I know, sound horrible to have to talk about, but you will feel better when you are on the plane knowing that everythings been taken care of.

 

[happymommy]

I think you should enjoy this trip - congratulations!

It is hard to leave them, I know, as DH and I have done a few (very few, maybe 2 or 3) weekends away in town without the kids when they were very little. It really was good for me, as he works a lot (LOT) and I get stressed out easily.

Then after 14 years of marriage, we went away for 5 nights to the Caribbean without them. I had a dear friend come stay with the kids (I paid her, not a lot, like $100 a day, as I'd feel guilty not to, and she could use the money towards her vacations). It was so relaxing to spend time with each other just snorkeling or relaxing on the beach with a good book. I did call daily, and worried a bit, but it was all fine. It was so good for our marriage! Don't think we'll get that chance again for a while, although I may try again for a weekend away some time if the in-laws will take the kids for a night or two sometime.

It sounds like your family is willing, and they must know how good it will be for the two of you! Enjoy! Hawaii is so wonderful (it is kid friendly, as my DS was born there while we lived on Oahu for 3 years). We've taken our kids back 3 times, and going again next summer, but it's like going home for us. You will enjoy touring and stuff just the two of you!

With the money you'll save by not buying another plane ticket or two, you can bring back some nice souvenirs for everyone!

Once again, enjoy the trip!

 

[NattysMom]

Vacations without the kids are great! Like everyone has been saying, your kids will enjoy the different arrangement too. My daughter is excited for "Grandmom and Natalie time!" We've called it Camp Grandmom too. My husband and I have a fabulous time and I am definitely recharged to be a better Mom when I get home.
In fact, we're going on a week-long cruise tomorrow!