Feeling extremely guilty after WDW visit

[crazee4mickey]

Have you ever been in one of those situations where you know you should say something but can't because all hell will break loose and then after you have such overwhelming guilt because you didn't do anything to stop it?
I do.......I am just crushed and feeling soooo guilty.

This past Monday, we were in Florida and my husband had meetings all day so I decided to go to Walt Disney World by myself.

I thought I would go to Epcot and go see what the new Frozen ride was like.

As soon as I entered the line, a man, woman, a sweet little boy about 4 years old with big brown eyes and a little girl about 1.5 years old got into line behind me.

As soon as they got into line, I could hear the dad angrily scolding the little boy telling him how bad he was and that he was just stay sitting and not look anywhere, he couldn't even look out corner of his eye....I thought well, he must have really misbehaved before coming to the ride and that he would have to sit there for a few minutes and everything would be fine...no, not the case at all.

This was menyal/emotional abuse that was just so hard to comprehend how or why.

I was in line for 90 minutes and I am not kidding when I say there was not 30 seconds that went by that that man and woman weren't berating the little boy and being absolutely cruel beyond belief with the things they said to him.

He was doing absolutely nothing, not one thing, he would just sit there quietly and every once in a while you would hear very quiet little words coming out of his mouth, none of which were mean or hurtful.

As it turned out the little boy was the father's son and the woman was his girlfriend and they had a daughter together.

The stuff they said to that poor little boy was beyond heartbreaking!

So before anyone jumps to conclusions, I was not eavesdropping......they were not speaking in hushed tones by any means, no, they were talking as if they were in their own home in normal voices and the woman was talking even louder in a very offended voice like this little boy was some vengeful ex who was out to ruin her good time with her man.

The girlfriend would go on about how she had sacrificed leaving her other children at home to come and spend quality time with him and how the little boy was ruining it for her and her daughter.

She would go on about how evil the little boy was and that he was hateful just like his mother then they would pick up the little girl and cuddle her, stroke her hair and her cheeks, say how beautiful she was and what a good girl she was calling her sweetie and angel.

The little boy would ask to be picked up and he'd be told to go stand by the wall and no they were not picking him up, he was too big but he was a little wisp of a thing

They were looking at the little boy and telling him how hateful we was, how evil he was, how he was just like his mother and at one point, the father told the little boy that he was ruining their vacation and that he had better apologize to the woman and the woman actually facepalmed the little boy and said "Get away from me......... I don't want your forced love, stay away from me, you are so much like your mother you are just evil"

At one point, the little boy curled up in a ball and was sobbing......then the father would talk to his girlfriend about every detail of the Frozen movie he was obviously a huge fan, like nothing was going on, but then would stop speaking and say harshly to the little guy "what do you think you are looking at?" but meanwhile he was still crying away on the floor.

The girlfriend said repeatedly how he was a bad influence for their daughter and how if she misbehaved it was all because she was learning it from "him"......she had such a tone of disgust and animosity in her voice whenever she spoke about the little boy.

About half way through, all of a sudden the father just grabs the little boy and starts roughly wrestling, kind of flipping, tripping him which was really odd after all that was taking place and also that we were in a very crowded space with hundreds of other people.

At first the little boy looked startled but then smiled a bit as his dad literally flipped him around like a rag doll for about 20 seconds then he just stopped. The little boy kind of grabbed his leg like they were still wrestling and his dad bent down grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and told him "stop it or I will knock your head off"...... Who says that to a little boy?!

I played it over in my head what should I do......if I said anything, I was worried they would have been so obnoxiously rude and made it like I was exaggerating. If my husband had been there I may have been brave but I wasn't.

I had plugged my ears, even looked for ways out, debated paying people rows over to let me get in front of them......yes, I was the biggest coward who had tears, a huge knot in my stomach for 90 minutes and said/did nothing.

There was an elderly couple behind them, when we came to a corner and there was more space, the lady came up to me and quietly said "this just breaks my heart seeing him crying like this especially since this will be his Disney memory" then she said if they treat him like this in public, she hated to think how they would treat him behind closed doors. We both agreed it was wise not to say anything as the girlfriend would lose it.

At one point the girlfriend was going on about "did you ever think this is why he gets in trouble with his teacher because he has his mother's attitude? God, I can't stand her and he is just like her"........the father said to the little boy, " this is why people don't like you, because you are bad and mean. Your teacher, your little sister, your mom, everyone....."

At this point, I looked him square in the eye and shook my head in disgust, that is all I did and for that I am so sorry for that poor little boy that I didn't protect him like an adult should.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I can't even imagine.

That, to me, is definitely abuse. I don't know what I would do, really. Looking forward to seeing what others think.

 

[DawnM]

I am almost in tears reading that. What horrid people! I hope that mom catches on to how horrible the girlfriend is. And I pray that boy is rescued from spending time with them ever again.

Sometimes I want to believe in the goodness of people, but then, NOPE, shattered.

 

[Disneylover99]

Have you ever been in one of those situations where you know you should say something but can't because all hell will break loose and then after you have such overwhelming guilt because you didn't do anything to stop it?
I do.......I am just crushed and feeling soooo guilty.

This past Monday, we were in Florida and my husband had meetings all day so I decided to go to Walt Disney World by myself.

I thought I would go to Epcot and go see what the new Frozen ride was like.

As soon as I entered the line, a man, woman, a little boy about 4 years old and a little girl about 1.5 years old got into line behind me.

As soon as they got into line, I could hear the dad angrily scolding the little boy telling him how bad he was and that he was just stay sitting and not look anywhere, he couldn't even look out corner of his eye....I thought well, he must have really misbehaved before coming to the ride and that he would have to sit there for a few minutes and everything would be fine...no, not the case at all.

I was in line for 90 minutes and I am not kidding when I say there was not 30 seconds that went by that that man and woman weren't berating the little boy and being absolutely cruel beyond belief with the things they said to him.

He was doing absolutely nothing, not one thing, he would just sit there quietly and every once in a while you would hear very quiet little words coming out of his mouth, none of which were mean or hurtful.

As it turned out the little boy was the father's son and the woman was his girlfriend and they had a daughter together.

The stuff they said to that poor little boy was beyond heartbreaking!

So before anyone jumps to conclusions, I was not eavesdropping......they were not speaking in hushed tones by any means, no, they were talking as if they were in their own home in normal voices and the woman was talking even louder in a very offended voice like this little boy was some vengeful ex who was out to ruin her good time with her man.

The girlfriend would go on about how she had sacrificed leaving her other children at home to come and spend quality time with him and how the little boy was ruining it for her and her daughter.

She would go on about how evil the little boy was and that he was hateful just like his mother then they would pick up the little girl and cuddle her, stroke her hair and her cheeks, say how beautiful she was and what a good girl she was calling her sweetie and angel.

The little boy would ask to be picked up and he'd be told to go stand by the wall and no they were not picking him up, he was too big but he was a little wisp of a thing

They were looking at the little boy and telling him how hateful we was, how evil he was, how he was just like his mother and at one point, the father told the little boy that he was ruining their vacation and that he had better apologize to the woman and the woman actually facepalmed the little boy and said "Get away from me......... I don't want your forced love, stay away from me, you are so much like your mother you are just evil"

At one point, the little boy curled up in a ball and was sobbing......then the father would talk to his girlfriend about every detail of the Frozen movie he was obviously a huge fan, like nothing was going on, but then would stop speaking and say harshly to the little guy "what do you think you are looking at?" but meanwhile he was still crying away on the floor.

The girlfriend said repeatedly how he was a bad influence for their daughter and how if she misbehaved it was all because she was learning it from "him"......she had such a tone of disgust and animosity in her voice whenever she spoke about the little boy.

About half way through, all of a sudden the father just grabs the little boy and starts roughly wrestling, kind of flipping, tripping him which was really odd after all that was taking place and also that we were in a very crowded space with hundreds of other people.

At first the little boy looked startled but then smiled a bit as his dad literally flipped him around like a rag doll for about 20 seconds then he just stopped. The little boy kind of grabbed his leg like they were still wrestling and his dad bent down grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and told him "stop it or I will knock your head off"...... Who says that to a little boy?!

I played it over in my head what should I do......if I said anything, I was worried they would have been so obnoxiously rude and made it like I was exaggerating. If my husband had been there I may have been brave but I wasn't.

I had plugged my ears, even looked for ways out, debated paying people rows over to let me get in front of them......yes, I was the biggest coward who had tears, a huge knot in my stomach for 90 minutes and said/did nothing.

There was an elderly couple behind them, when we came to a corner and there was more space, the lady came up to me and quietly said "this just breaks my heart seeing him crying like this especially since this will be his Disney memory" then she said if they treat him like this in public, she hated to think how they would treat him behind closed doors.

At one point the girlfriend was going on about "did you ever think this is why he gets in trouble with his teacher because he has his mother's attitude? God, I can't stand her and he is just like her"........

That is so sickening. I honestly don't what I would do in this situation.

 

[Owlpost23]

This is why I don't have a gun...

 

[wenrob]

Have you ever been in one of those situations where you know you should say something but can't because all hell will break loose and then after you have such overwhelming guilt because you didn't do anything to stop it?
I do.......I am just crushed and feeling soooo guilty.

This past Monday, we were in Florida and my husband had meetings all day so I decided to go to Walt Disney World by myself.

I thought I would go to Epcot and go see what the new Frozen ride was like.

As soon as I entered the line, a man, woman, a sweet little boy about 4 years old with big brown eyes and a little girl about 1.5 years old got into line behind me.

As soon as they got into line, I could hear the dad angrily scolding the little boy telling him how bad he was and that he was just stay sitting and not look anywhere, he couldn't even look out corner of his eye....I thought well, he must have really misbehaved before coming to the ride and that he would have to sit there for a few minutes and everything would be fine...no, not the case at all.

This was menyal/emotional abuse that was just so hard to comprehend how or why.

I was in line for 90 minutes and I am not kidding when I say there was not 30 seconds that went by that that man and woman weren't berating the little boy and being absolutely cruel beyond belief with the things they said to him.

He was doing absolutely nothing, not one thing, he would just sit there quietly and every once in a while you would hear very quiet little words coming out of his mouth, none of which were mean or hurtful.

As it turned out the little boy was the father's son and the woman was his girlfriend and they had a daughter together.

The stuff they said to that poor little boy was beyond heartbreaking!

So before anyone jumps to conclusions, I was not eavesdropping......they were not speaking in hushed tones by any means, no, they were talking as if they were in their own home in normal voices and the woman was talking even louder in a very offended voice like this little boy was some vengeful ex who was out to ruin her good time with her man.

The girlfriend would go on about how she had sacrificed leaving her other children at home to come and spend quality time with him and how the little boy was ruining it for her and her daughter.

She would go on about how evil the little boy was and that he was hateful just like his mother then they would pick up the little girl and cuddle her, stroke her hair and her cheeks, say how beautiful she was and what a good girl she was calling her sweetie and angel.

The little boy would ask to be picked up and he'd be told to go stand by the wall and no they were not picking him up, he was too big but he was a little wisp of a thing

They were looking at the little boy and telling him how hateful we was, how evil he was, how he was just like his mother and at one point, the father told the little boy that he was ruining their vacation and that he had better apologize to the woman and the woman actually facepalmed the little boy and said "Get away from me......... I don't want your forced love, stay away from me, you are so much like your mother you are just evil"

At one point, the little boy curled up in a ball and was sobbing......then the father would talk to his girlfriend about every detail of the Frozen movie he was obviously a huge fan, like nothing was going on, but then would stop speaking and say harshly to the little guy "what do you think you are looking at?" but meanwhile he was still crying away on the floor.

The girlfriend said repeatedly how he was a bad influence for their daughter and how if she misbehaved it was all because she was learning it from "him"......she had such a tone of disgust and animosity in her voice whenever she spoke about the little boy.

About half way through, all of a sudden the father just grabs the little boy and starts roughly wrestling, kind of flipping, tripping him which was really odd after all that was taking place and also that we were in a very crowded space with hundreds of other people.

At first the little boy looked startled but then smiled a bit as his dad literally flipped him around like a rag doll for about 20 seconds then he just stopped. The little boy kind of grabbed his leg like they were still wrestling and his dad bent down grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and told him "stop it or I will knock your head off"...... Who says that to a little boy?!

I played it over in my head what should I do......if I said anything, I was worried they would have been so obnoxiously rude and made it like I was exaggerating. If my husband had been there I may have been brave but I wasn't.

I had plugged my ears, even looked for ways out, debated paying people rows over to let me get in front of them......yes, I was the biggest coward who had tears, a huge knot in my stomach for 90 minutes and said/did nothing.

There was an elderly couple behind them, when we came to a corner and there was more space, the lady came up to me and quietly said "this just breaks my heart seeing him crying like this especially since this will be his Disney memory" then she said if they treat him like this in public, she hated to think how they would treat him behind closed doors. We both agreed it was wise not to say anything as the girlfriend would lose it.

At one point the girlfriend was going on about "did you ever think this is why he gets in trouble with his teacher because he has his mother's attitude? God, I can't stand her and he is just like her"........the father said to the little boy, " this is why people don't like you, because you are bad and mean. Your teacher, your little sister, your mom, everyone....."

At this point, I looked him square in the eye and shook my head in disgust, that is all I did and for that I am so sorry for that poor little boy that I didn't protect him like an adult should.

The Rule

My initial thought was you don't know what happened before the came in there and everyone, adults and kids alike are subject to a Disney meltdown or two. But. I have been the target of this type of abuse by a stepparent, the biggest difference being my Dad would never condone nor participate in it. (he would have lost it had he known) If this went down the way you say it did, yeah, that's abuse but I'm not sure what you could have done about it. I don't think you should feel guilty, what is it you think you could have done?

 

[Teresa Pitman]

There is no question this is abuse. It is really hard to speak up. I did once speak up in a restaurant in a similar situation, with a dad just berating a little kid. I said something like (with my heart pounding!) "I don't expect you to listen to me, Dad, but I want your son to know that this is not right. He does not deserve to have anyone talk to him that way, especially not a parent. What you are saying is abusive, and nobody deserves to be abused." Then I walked away. I just wanted the child to know that there were adults out there on his side. I don't know if it helped at all. I wish I had done more.

 

[gotomu212]

That is beyond heartbreaking. I can't imagine what that poor little boy endures on a daily basis.

I don't know how many options you really had (I'd like to hear others opinions). If you say something you really run the risk of angering them more and having them take it out on the boy. You don't know their names or contact info so you can't make a report of suspected abuse to child protection. You could report it to security but again I'm not sure what they can do about verbal abuse and at most I'm sure the family would get mad and just leave (I've seen Disney security's hands tied once when someone hit their child in line too). It really has to be a horrible feeling knowing your hands are so tied.

 

[crazee4mickey]

The Rule

My initial thought was you don't know what happened before the came in there and everyone, adults and kids alike are subject to a Disney meltdown or two. But. I have been the target of this type of abuse by a stepparent, the biggest difference being my Dad would never condone nor participate in it. (he would have lost it had he known) If this went down the way you say it did, yeah, that's abuse but I'm not sure what you could have done about it. I don't think you should feel guilty, what is it you think you could have done?

See and in the beginning, I also thought that he had been bad and was being disciplined because we all have had our own kids or seen others who needed a swift kick in the butt but as time went on, even as he sat in the one spot, doing exactly what his dad told him to do, looking only at his dad, his dad continued to get angry and then it just got worse and worse. It was so bad.....

You know, other than me doing what @Teresa Pitman said and speak up, letting that poor little man know that there were people that cared enough to say something....in the 90 minutes, I ran every scenario in my head of what could I do and I betrayed that little boy.

I worked with many abused students during my 15 years in the school system, I was always their safe person to talk to, be their advocate when they didn't have a voice and just be there for them so they knew someone cared but I couldn't be that for this little boy. I couldn't because they scared me, the girlfriend was plain scary and just very angry. She honestly seemed to enjoy saying nasty things about the boy so then the dad would get mad and say horrible things to him.....I feel I let him down in the worst possible way

ETA: I am sorry you were the target by a stepparent @wenrob but am glad your dad would not allow it

 

[Disneylover99]

See and in the beginning, I also thought that he had been bad and was being disciplined because we all have had our own kids or seen others who needed a swift kick in the butt but as time went on, even as he sat in the one spot, doing exactly what his dad told him to do, looking only at his dad, his dad continued to get angry and then it just got worse and worse. It was so bad.....

You know, other than me doing what @Teresa Pitman said and speak up, letting that poor little man know that there were people that cared enough to say something there was nothing....in the 90 minutes, I ran every scenario in my head of what could I do.

I worked with many abused students during my 15 years in the school system, I was always their safe person to talk to and be there for them but I couldn't for this little boy. I couldn't because the girlfriend was plain scary and just angry. She honestly seemed to enjoy saying nasty things about the boy so then the dad would get mad and say horrible things to him.....I feel I let him down in the worst possible way

I understand why you feel guilty. I would feel guilty too.

 

[sam_gordon]

The only thing I think that could have been done would be approach the dad and say something like...
"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing. It sounds like everyone needs a little bit of a break. Would you like me to take the boy for a couple hours (rest of the day) and we can meet up later?"
My thought is this isn't accusing, gives the adults something they apparently want, and maybe gives the boy an enjoyable day (hours, whatever) at the park. I do think if you would say something to the adults about calming down/giving the boy a break, they'd take offense and you'd be stuck in the line with them.

I readily admit this is easy to think about sitting behind a computer screen as opposed to being in the moment. But, while I understand, you shouldn't feel guilty because there weren't a lot of options.

 

[tigercat]

I would have video taped it and sent it off to the media. I would have said something. I am not saying you should have but I have suffered abuse and no one stepped in. Now many many years later it still affects me. I am short (4' 8" tall) but have been know to say my piece. Not mean but I get my point across. If that is how the are in public it is probably a LOT worse in private.
tigercat

 

[mjkacmom]

I think I would have said something IF I wasn't alone, and IF in another environment, where I could just walk away. I live in an area where a lot of What Would you Do episodes are filmed, and we tend to butt in, but I don't think most would say anything trapped in a long line.

 

[#1hoosierfan]

I don't know if I would have said anything, but it would have broken my heart to hear it. I think after the first 20 minutes or so I would have politely let other at least 10 or so other people pass me in line so I wouldn't have to continue listening.

 

[momz]

well, you can't be confrontational because that would only escalate the situation. But, there might some things you could try in order to de-escalate the adults. Specifically, engage the adults in conversation. Maybe empathizing with how sometimes the happiest place on earth is overwhelmingly stressful for little ones (and adults too). I know that what the parents were doing is wrong, but the only thing you can do is to try to defuse the situation during this little moment in time that you are in their world. You could, perhaps share some anecdotal stories about your own children having a melt-down and how you dealt with it. Or maybe mention situations that you have witnessed. Anything to help the parents understand that others have been stressed out at WDW too. Anything to take their attention off of the poor little guy. If you can engage them in conversation, you might be able to steer that conversation onto other topics and thereby settle everyone down.

These are just ideas. I don't know if it would help, but it is a way to maybe calm the situation without being accusatory.

 

[sam_gordon]

I would have video taped it and sent it off to the media. I would have said something. I am not saying you should have but I have suffered abuse and no one stepped in. Now many many years later it still affects me. I am short (4' 8" tall) but have been know to say my piece. Not mean but I get my point across. If that is how the are in public it is probably a LOT worse in private.
tigercat

What would the media do with it?

I'd also like to know what you would say when you're going to be standing in line with them for 90 minutes.

 

[katie01]

I think I would have said something IF I wasn't alone, and IF in another environment, where I could just walk away. I live in an area where a lot of What Would you Do episodes are filmed, and we tend to butt in, but I don't think most would say anything trapped in a long line.

My first thought was that this incident sounds like a "What Would You Do" episode. OP, do you think it could have been??

As someone else suggested I would have been tempted to video tape it, and not turn it over to the media, but to Disney staff. Hard to say without being there if it would have qualified as abuse (for legal purposes, it sounds like it is from a moral standpoint), but at least you'd have felt better attempting to do something.

So sad that kids have to live with that kind of treatment

 

[jevs]

The adults sound like they have unresolved (and bitter) issues with the ex partner. I'm not sure what you could have done besides speaking up, which could have made things worse for the kid later in private.

Some people should really be sterilised at birth.

 

[Disneylover99]

I don't know if I would have said anything, but it would have broken my heart to hear it. I think after the first 20 minutes or so I would have politely let other at least 10 or so other people pass me in line so I wouldn't have to continue listening.

I think the family was behind the OP though, not in front. I guess the OP could have let the family and then some other people in front of her though.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I was in a situation once with a tiny boy who actually bruises and a black eye.
I was young and, well, unempowered.
They left my area of the store in a matter of a few minutes. So, no extended time to really process what was going on.

In this case, today...
I would have been way, way, more proactive.

Don't feel too guilty!
The thing is, in a place like WDW, I am really not so sure that there is a lot one can do unless the boy were actually being physically smacked around.
I am not sure that one could have any affect.
and, I am quite sure that you felt really uneasy and unempowered, being there alone.

It would have taken a lot of effort to maybe have somebody go get a staff/cast member, while somehow audio or videoing the whole thing.
What looks like some parents chastising a child isn't going to be enough for anybody to take any action.