Feeling a little left out in Sister-In-Law's Wedding.

[katerkat]

:dunno: My husband wasn't asked to be in my sister's wedding. He never even considered being insulted and he likes my sister's husband a lot. (Of course, he ended up being deployed. Big surprise.)

I wasn't originally invited to be in my husband's sister's wedding - I was a last minute replacement. My husband walked his sister down the aisle but wasn't a groomsman.

If my baby sister got married, I wouldn't expect her groom to pick my husband and my other sister's husband as groomsmen. I do expect Russ to be a ring bearer.

 

[holbear]

I'll respond because we are in the exact same situation.. I think.

My sister is getting married. I'm going to be the matron of honor. My sister has also asked our girls to be a flowergirl and jr. bridesmaid. She asked our son to be a jr. usher, so he wouldn't feel left out. We don't know our future BIL very well at all. We don't live close by and have only met him twice. Choosing his ushers is his decision and he hasn't asked DH. We didn't expect him to and DH isn't hurt at all. It would be different if we felt he was being overlooked, but honestly, he doesn't know the groom at all.

I remember at our wedding, I didn't ask my future SIL to be a bridesmaid. I had only met her a couple times when DH and I were dating, and wasn't close enough to her to ask.

I don't think you should feel hurt unless you are close to your future BIL. Your wive's sister probably doesn't have anything to do with the decision.

 

[rgf207]

I'll respond because we are in the exact same situation.. I think.

My sister is getting married. I'm going to be the matron of honor. My sister has also asked our girls to be a flowergirl and jr. bridesmaid. She asked our son to be a jr. usher, so he wouldn't feel left out. We don't know our future BIL very well at all. We don't live close by and have only met him twice. Choosing his ushers is his decision and he hasn't asked DH. We didn't expect him to and DH isn't hurt at all. It would be different if we felt he was being overlooked, but honestly, he doesn't know the groom at all.

I remember at our wedding, I didn't ask my future SIL to be a bridesmaid. I had only met her a couple times when DH and I were dating, and wasn't close enough to her to ask.

I don't think you should feel hurt unless you are close to your future BIL. Your wive's sister probably doesn't have anything to do with the decision.

I feel that I am close to my future BIL and my SIL. We do a lot of stuff together and we have for the past 3 years.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I wouldn't feel hurt. When my sister was married last year I was the Maid of Honor ( Matron sounds really old ) and my kids were also in the wedding party. DH didn't care, especially since he wouldn't be "partnered" with me.

 

[hucifer]

I wouldn't take it personally. There are only so many people in a wedding party. Maybe they will ask you to do something else, like a reading.

 

[spinaltap]

consider yourself lucky. most guys would pay money to be in your shoes

 

[Conservative Hippie]

I was totally left out of my brother's wedding. Our little brother was a groomsman, Mom, Dad, and the grandparents got escorted down the aisle, their names were in the program. They all had corsages or boutonneires. My brothers and I are all close, so I did feel bummed about it. This was the brother that walked me down the aisle at my wedding, the other one did the Scripture reading.

About halfway through the reception, one of the hostesses came up to me and apologized for not realizing that the groom had a sister, and gave me her corsage. That just made me feel worse.

 

[ChristmasElf]

When DH and I got married, my sister took it upon herself to call my Maid of Honor and "fire" her! She then announced to me that if she wasn't the maid of honor she wouldn't be in the wedding period.

Fast forward 5 years later when she was planning her wedding. I wasn't even asked to be in the wedding until I questioned my Mom about my sister taking so long to ask me. 2 weeks later my sister asks if I want to be the last bridesmaid. I declined. (her excuse was that the Best Man was pretty short and since I am tall, I would feel awkward-whatever)

If I could go back in time, some things would be very different, let me tell you.

 

[ZPT1022]

Sorry My SIL forced her way into my wedding, insisted on being a bridesmaid, etc..... to keep the peace I let it happen. I really didn't want to since I had a small wedding party and she took up one of two bridesmaid spots. There are a lot of other people I'd have rather asked- cousins, friends, etc..... anyhow, fast forward a few years, she is getting married. She had TWELVE bridesmaids. I wasn't even asked. I would have declined since I had just given birth to twins three months before and that would have been a nightmare for dress fittings and such. I would have politely declined but it would have been nice to be asked. At the very least I could have been asked to do a reading. Goodness knows that with my stage background I at least would have known how to use a mic and not to mumble, and hey, to learn how to pronounce all the words, unlike the girl who did do one of the readings But really it just stings to not be included. DH walked her down the aisle and so it also stunk that he was included in lots of stuff that I wasn't. The whole thing was bizarre, and yes, offensive, to a certain extent. Not much you can do about it I guess.

I know that reading this doesn't make it better, but at least you know it is not just you

 

[kilee]

We've been there. We had my sister and her fiancee (her now husband) be our only attendants at our wedding. We had a small, casual wedding.

About 10 months later my sister got married- and had a HUGE wedding. Complete w/ 7 attendants on either side. What was annoying was they asked everybody and their brother. My sister and I are each other's only siblings- and her husband only has 1 sibling. They asked her husban'd BIL- who they had only ever meet maybe 6-10 times. Yet, my husband and I (who were already married) seen my sister and her now husband at least 1-2 times a week. To make matters worse- me and my son (ring bearer) were in the wedding. So, we were both at the head table. They didn't put my husband near the front pews. They didn't put him at my parents/grandparents table. Rather they put my mothers sister/husband from out of state there. My husband was put at a table w/ a bunch of my old aunts and uncles-- about 7 tables away. I felt so bad for him, because his feelings were hurt. They didn't include him in any of the family photo's. I still to this day do not know why. Trust me when they want something-- they're the first to ask.

They did it again too when they baptized both their children, who are now 3 & 5 yrs old. For the older one my husband and I had her more in her 1st year of life then my sister and her husband did. I'm not exaggerating. My sister was working fulltime plus, and my BIL always out of town. It literally felt like I had the baby. So, time comes to baptize her, and the ask me to be the godmother-- and one of BIL's "friends", who he talks to maybe once every 6 weeks. I was alittle shocked, here my dh and I were practically raising their baby- and they snubbed him again.

Then the 2nd baby is born. They ask his sister and her husband- the one's who were both in the wedding, that they never see. I was shocked. They keep including her husband- who they NEVER see, but not mine.

Needless to say he has been hurt by this and say's he guesses he's not really family.

 

[jennyl772003]

Same thing just happened to me. BIL got married. DH and other BIL stood up. Other BIL's GIRLFRIEND stood up. Not me.

Seriously though, I didn't mind. I ended up having to go to all of the showers, rehearsals, gift opening, etc anyway since I was immediate family and DH was standing up.

I just think my new sis in law didn't feel as close to me as she does to other BILs girlfriend. They really are closer in age. I figure somewhere down the line when they start having children we'll have more in common.

 

[moo shoe pork]

Is it normal for a man to get his feelings hurt about something like this?

 

[rgf207]

Is it normal for a man to get his feelings hurt about something like this?

So women are the only ones allowed to feel left out?

 

[moo shoe pork]

So women are the only ones allowed to feel left out?

Most definetely not. I imagine, though, that most men would relish the opportunity to avoid the estrogen-laden events prior to the actual wedding, as well as the chance to enjoy the day of the wedding without pressure.