Feel like I am drowning - school issue

[counteroffer]

My son just started 1st grade and is having major issues. He had issues in kindergarten but not everyday like he is now.

What is going on is that he is refusing to do work. It seems to me that it is revolving around any reading or writing and apparently he just flat out refuses, or does it but just scribbles or writes his name over and over. I ask him why and he tells me that his teacher talks so fast that he cannot understand her and alot of times he says it is to loud in the class to hear.

This is an everyday thing at school and the teacher has been sending home a notebook everyday that tells us what kind of day he has. Very rarely does he get an all green-light day. The teachers seems to think that he is just a behavioral problem and it seems to me is very close to just writing him off because she does not have the time for him and does not want to deal with him. She seems to think that he can do the work, but is just being difficult. So she pushes him and butts heads with him instead of helping him. I have flat out asked her if she thinks this is a larning disability problem and she told me she wants to watch it for 3 more weeks to see how it goes. WHY?

To me, there is clearly something else going on with my son. He is NOT like this at home unless we ask him to do his homework. Other than than, he has never argued or refused to do anything that we have asked. He is not a defiant child and honestly is a super sweet tender-hearted child.

I am in the process of getting his hearing checked tomorrow, having a peds exam on Monday and then setting up a neuropychological exam. The problem is that the waiting list is AT LEAST 2 months long. In the meantime, my child has come home from school saying "maybe I should just die" and "maybe you should send me away and get a new kid". I CANNOT have my childs spirit broken by this and I refuse to let his teacher make him feel this way everyday but I don't know what to do!

My son complains about stomach aches everyday, he does not like school anymore and just has become very depressed about school in general. My heart just breaks for him because I KNOW that he is trying his hardest and I KNOW that he is having trouble doing the work. When I do work with him I can clearly see that he struggles with sounding out words and hearing the letter sounds like he should.

I don't know what I want from this post, I guess I am just looking for support because I dont know what to do.

 

[padams]

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I feel for you.

I would also get an eye exam. If he can't see, that could be a problem.

Also, if you are not happy with the teacher, can you talk to a principal or counselor.

Good luck.

 

[ENSOCK]

When my DS did this in Kindergarten, his teacher recommended that we hold him back a year as it was a maturity issue. We did that and it helped. He still does not care for school but the issues were not as drastic. I am trying to get him an appointment to get tested for ADD but he is now in 5th grade.

When we did hold him back, we switched schools. He felt better with a new teacher as did we.

Good luck!

 

[MickeySP]

I was also told to hold my DS back in K, I didn't listen. 1st Grade was he##!!!!!

I sat down with the teachers about Feb and we all concluded his maturity level just wasn't there. The next year it was like a whole new kid - happy, bright, on level. He even exceeded.


Is he on the young end of the class? Was he premie? Mine was an August baby & 3 weeks early so could be he needs some catch up time.

 

[counteroffer]

I was also told to hold my DS back in K, I didn't listen. 1st Grade was he##!!!!!

I sat down with the teachers about Feb and we all concluded his maturity level just wasn't there. The next year it was like a whole new kid - happy, bright, on level. He even exceeded.


Is he on the young end of the class? Was he premie? Mine was an August baby & 3 weeks early so could be he needs some catch up time.

His K teacher never said a word about holding him back. He was born in Feb. so is not on the young end or a premie. I am just at a loss.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Send a letter in writing to the child study team at your school, that you want your child tested for potential learning issues. This takes it out of the teachers hands. They have a certain amount of time to get back to you and then to start the testing. Good luck.

 

[wgwtgb]

It sounds like you're doing everything you can on your end medically. Is he on a reward system at school? If not, possibly suggest a reward system at school that YOU are willing to mimic at home. If he is only giving trouble at a specific time (reading and writing) then I'm inclined to believe that it's a medical or cognitive issue. What is your school's policy regarding having your son tested for a learning disablity. I hate to use the word disability b/c it scares so many people, but wouldn't you rather know what's wrong and help him to fix it??? I hope things get better for you and for him.

 

[mamacatnv]

My first thought is have you sat in on a few full days worth of class?
That would be my first step. Is it really noisy? Is the teacher ignorning him as you seem to think etc....Is he paying attention.

Also you noted that he is not defiant at home except when it comes to his homework. What is up with that? If he won't do it at home either something is up IMO

Its first grade, perhaps he really is just not ready yet

 

[tink_lover]

Does he read to you at home? Could there be an underlying learning disability? Dyslexia can be both visual and/or auditory. We deal with it daily but things really got bad in first grade. It started out very similar to your situation, with a refusal to do homework, but there were also escalating behavior issues at school.

My PSA announcement - October is Dyslexia Awareness Month!

 

[mjkacmom]

Send a letter in writing to the child study team at your school, that you want your child tested for potential learning issues. This takes it out of the teachers hands. They have a certain amount of time to get back to you and then to start the testing. Good luck.

This. Kids here are expected to be reading pretty well beginning in first grade. If he's struggling, he's probably going to act up. By law, the schools have to assess him.

 

[counteroffer]

Does he read to you at home? Could there be an underlying learning disability? Dyslexia can be both visual and/or auditory. We deal with it daily but things really got bad in first grade. It started out very similar to your situation, with a refusal to do homework, but there were also escalating behavior issues at school.

My PSA announcement - October is Dyslexia Awareness Month!

I really do think there is a learning disability which is why I am setting up the neuro testing. I am not sure what exactly it is, but when I read about dyslexia, my son has so many of the symptoms. I read a list of like 44 characteristics and I think he had around 23 of the 44. I even asked the teacher about a learning disability and she said she wants to observe him more. I question why the need to wait, it does not make any sense to me.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Is there a possibility he has issues with some of the kids in his class? Making up a stomach is a classic sign that he doesn't want to be there for whatever reason it may be. Have you asked if there' a bully in his class/grade?

 

[counteroffer]

Is there a possibility he has issues with some of the kids in his class? Making up a stomach is a classic sign that he doesn't want to be there for whatever reason it may be. Have you asked if there' a bully in his class/grade?

That was one of my first thoughts but I asked him and he said all the kids are really nice and he likes them all.

But I agree, for whatever reason he does not want to be there. And I don't know if we can switch teachers because there are 6 first grade classes and each class has 25 kids in it. They are very crowded.

 

[golfgal]

I am going to lean toward something medical-eyes, ears, learning disability. You said yourself, he is fine unless you ask him to do homework-well, his is pretty much doing "homework" all day in school. I think you need to have a conference with the teacher and get a game plan going until he can be evaluated. He can be observed by the school special ed teachers and they can make recommendations from there too. If your district is large enough they may have a school psychologist on hand to do testing as well.

 

[disneycruising]

I really do think there is a learning disability which is why I am setting up the neuro testing. I am not sure what exactly it is, but when I read about dyslexia, my son has so many of the symptoms. I read a list of like 44 characteristics and I think he had around 23 of the 44. I even asked the teacher about a learning disability and she said she wants to observe him more. I question why the need to wait, it does not make any sense to me.

I have two children with disablities. On had aspergers and one is dylexic. The one thing I have learned is NEVER wait for the school to help.

You need to do 3 things...ASAP--1) You need to send a letter to the school and tell thing you want your child tested. If you look online you will be able to find a sample letter. 2) You need to set up a meeting with the principle and teacher and talk about that is going on. You need to get help from someone with authority. There needs to be a game plan for dealing with the situation. 3) you need to set up an appt to observe the class. You need to see first hand what is going one. Is there a personality conflict going one or is he struggling with 'learning' in class.

 

[golfgal]

I really do think there is a learning disability which is why I am setting up the neuro testing. I am not sure what exactly it is, but when I read about dyslexia, my son has so many of the symptoms. I read a list of like 44 characteristics and I think he had around 23 of the 44. I even asked the teacher about a learning disability and she said she wants to observe him more. I question why the need to wait, it does not make any sense to me.

You don't "need" to wait but I can see where the teacher would want more time. First grade is a HUGE adjustment for a lot of kids and some kids take longer than others to settle into a routine and figure out how to do things. She probably doesn't want to rush into testing if there isn't a reason to do so in the long run. Your son's comments about the teacher talking too fast and being too noisy lead me to believe there is 'something' there. Can he read yet? If so, watch his eyes when he is reading. Do they follow along like they should or do they dart all over the page. If you give him a worksheet does he do it in order or is he all over the place? Again, watch his eyes, do they track like they should or are the at the top of the page, to the bottom of the page, to the middle, to the side.... . While this isn't a "diagnosis" it is very common in kids with ADD.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Send a letter in writing to the child study team at your school, that you want your child tested for potential learning issues. This takes it out of the teachers hands. They have a certain amount of time to get back to you and then to start the testing. Good luck.

I work in special ed and this is definitely the way to go. Different districts have different names for their special ed departments. Ours is called Student Services. If you request an evaluation, they have to reply to you. Don't rely on the teacher to get things moving for your son. He may have an undiagnosed learning disability and need extra services or modifications in the classroom to accommodate the way he learns.

Here's something you might find interesting. Several years ago, I was in a training program for special ed. staff members. They had us copy a scientific paragraph off the board. It had lots of big words and symbols that we didn't understand. They told us to write it with our non-dominant hand and then they proceeded to talk to us the whole time. Most of us got fed up, stopped writing and started behaving badly. And we were all adults! This was a very eye-opening look at exactly how it feels to have a learning disability and how regular classroom noise just exacerbates the problem.

Good luck with your son. And don't let the teacher be so quick to label him as a behavior problem before he even gets evaluated!

 

[counteroffer]

I work in special ed and this is definitely the way to go. Different districts have different names for their special ed departments. Ours is called Student Services. If you request an evaluation, they have to reply to you. Don't rely on the teacher to get things moving for your son. He may have an undiagnosed learning disability and need extra services or modifications in the classroom to accommodate the way he learns.

Here's something you might find interesting. Several years ago, I was in a training program for special ed. staff members. They had us copy a scientific paragraph off the board. It had lots of big words and symbols that we didn't understand. They told us to write it with our non-dominant hand and then they proceeded to talk to us the whole time. Most of us got fed up, stopped writing and started behaving badly. And we were all adults! This was a very eye-opening look at exactly how it feels to have a learning disability and how regular classroom noise just exacerbates the problem.

Good luck with your son. And don't let the teacher be so quick to label him as a behavior problem before he even gets evaluated!

Thank you for this. It brought me to tears. I know that my son wants to do well and I know that he tries so hard everyday to get his green lights. It just devistates him to come home with a yellow or red light. I can only imagine what he is going though on the inside. He is so tender and takes things to heart. He sees himself as a terrible kid and I hate that.

I will get a letter off the the school asap.

 

[agnes!]

Thank you for this. It brought me to tears. I know that my son wants to do well and I know that he tries so hard everyday to get his green lights. It just devistates him to come home with a yellow or red light. I can only imagine what he is going though on the inside. He is so tender and takes things to heart. He sees himself as a terrible kid and I hate that.

I will get a letter off the the school asap.

Go ahead and send a US Mail letter but I would also send an e-mail now and start creating a paper-trail.

Good luck - this must be devestating to your son and to the family. We've had our issues at times with school, but I don't think DD has ever come home and said she wanted to die.
I am so sorry , I hope you get it all straightened out soon.
agnes!