Feel like I am drowning - school issue

[WeLoveLilo05]

Is he stressed or upset about something? Maybe someone is picking on him? Or the stress of the teacher butting heads with him is upsetting him?

Or perhaps he isn't catching the directions for the work and is getting frustrated b/c he feels pressured to get the work done, but isn't sure what has ot be done? I think DD is currently having this problem as some of her work is incomplete, I keep telling her to raise her hand and ask the teacher or the aid to repeat the directions or ask for some help.

Aww, poor guy

 

[a1tinkfans]

OP Hang in there!

It is a difficult situation but you MUST be your childs advocate. And HOME has to be his sanctuary....where he can unwind from this stressful situation.
You have gotten some great advice here...please continue to Document all your concerns and do not delay having your precious son evaluated ASAP. Those feelings are not good or typical for a child his age........Schools are famous for SLOW resolutions sadly..so you moving things along to help your son...is a really good thing........I really believe in "going with your gut" Reach out for help, Advocate and seek every opportunity to educate those that are quick to label our kids....Best of Luck, pls let us know how things are going............

 

[counteroffer]

Thank you so much for all your advice.

The ear Dr. said that his hearing was fine, but they want to test him for auditory processing disorder. The only problem is they will not do it until he is 7. So in the meantime, we are going to continue on our path.

I let the school know that I wanted him tested so I am waiting to hear back from them.

Saw his pediatrician this morning who actually has a specialty in ADHD. She said that physically he is fine, but for sure wants him to be tested for any learning disorders that might be present and also for ADHD. She tended towards him having a couple of different issues because she said there is something, but nothing is jumping out as a "yes, this is what it is" type thing right now.

Got him a counceling appointment for tomorrow morning to deal with his anxiety and this thoughts he is having. Apparently this guy is great so we are looking forward to that.

Called and got an appointment for his testing but they cannot get him in until Dec. 3rd, but I put us on a cancelation waitlist.

I really believe that we are doing everything we can to get this figuered out. Am I missing something?

 

[bluesaturn]

Got him a counceling appointment for tomorrow morning to deal with his anxiety and this thoughts he is having. Apparently this guy is great so we are looking forward to that.

Is his counseling appointment with a psychologist? If not, I would get him an appointment with a child psychologist as soon as possible. They can assess him for anxiety and depression, as well as all the attentional issues. Getting a solid diagnosis or report from a psychologist could go far.

Many universities that have graduate programs in psychology have a psychology clinic on the campus. This would be a great alternative if you don't have an independently practicing psychologist in your area.

 

[torinsmom]

I really do think there is a learning disability which is why I am setting up the neuro testing. I am not sure what exactly it is, but when I read about dyslexia, my son has so many of the symptoms. I read a list of like 44 characteristics and I think he had around 23 of the 44. I even asked the teacher about a learning disability and she said she wants to observe him more. I question why the need to wait, it does not make any sense to me.

As a teacher, this can be frustrating as well. We have to do something called a PEP(Personalized education plan) when a child has issues. We have to write down the strategies we use for 4 weeks, then meet with parents again. If things are not changing, we can start a SAP(Student Assistant Program) plan which goes through the EC dept. After 4 weeks of that, meet again and most likely you will be told to do 4 more weeks if that doesn't work. Maybe then they will accept the teacher's recommendation for testing to take place. With one child, I started the PEP in November and the child was finally tested in May, no lie. This was a child who was repeating kindergarten and it was obvious that he had LDs!

So, yes, I would agree that you need to demand he be tested. And if nothing shows up, do NOT give up! My DS has ADD, dysgraphia(writing form of dyslexia), a listening comprehension disability and a math disability. When he was tested in K, none of this showed up. The range of "normal" is just too broad when kids are really young. Even if he doesn't qualify, work with the teacher to find out what the problem is and work on it.

What kind of writing are they doing? Are they writing something as she says it? Are they writing to a prompt? Is it the physical part of writing that is hard for him, the mental part, or both? When he reads for you, is he sounding words out or is he struggling with that? Does he know his K and 1st grade sight words? Has he told you what frustrates him about reading/writing?

I work in special ed and this is definitely the way to go. Different districts have different names for their special ed departments. Ours is called Student Services. If you request an evaluation, they have to reply to you. Don't rely on the teacher to get things moving for your son. He may have an undiagnosed learning disability and need extra services or modifications in the classroom to accommodate the way he learns.

Here's something you might find interesting. Several years ago, I was in a training program for special ed. staff members. They had us copy a scientific paragraph off the board. It had lots of big words and symbols that we didn't understand. They told us to write it with our non-dominant hand and then they proceeded to talk to us the whole time. Most of us got fed up, stopped writing and started behaving badly. And we were all adults! This was a very eye-opening look at exactly how it feels to have a learning disability and how regular classroom noise just exacerbates the problem.

Good luck with your son. And don't let the teacher be so quick to label him as a behavior problem before he even gets evaluated!

I saw an episode of Super Nanny, where the child had ADHD, but the parents did not want to medicate. The nanny had the mom sit on the living room sofa with the tv on full blast. She gave the mom some paperwork to do and then had the kids run in and out yelling silly phrases and waving their arms in front of her face. Then the nanny flicked the lights on and off over and over. After five minutes of this, the nanny asked if mom had finished the paperwork. Of course, she hadn't. The mom said she couldn't do anything with all that chaos. The nanny said "Exactly, and that's what your son deals with every minute of every day!" It was very eye opening for her and for me. My DS used to tell me that his mind wouldn't stop thinking. They don't know that's not normal, but it is still frustrating for them.

 

[jodifla]

Thank you so much for all your advice.

The ear Dr. said that his hearing was fine, but they want to test him for auditory processing disorder. The only problem is they will not do it until he is 7. So in the meantime, we are going to continue on our path.

I let the school know that I wanted him tested so I am waiting to hear back from them.

Saw his pediatrician this morning who actually has a specialty in ADHD. She said that physically he is fine, but for sure wants him to be tested for any learning disorders that might be present and also for ADHD. She tended towards him having a couple of different issues because she said there is something, but nothing is jumping out as a "yes, this is what it is" type thing right now.

Got him a counceling appointment for tomorrow morning to deal with his anxiety and this thoughts he is having. Apparently this guy is great so we are looking forward to that.

Called and got an appointment for his testing but they cannot get him in until Dec. 3rd, but I put us on a cancelation waitlist.

I really believe that we are doing everything we can to get this figuered out. Am I missing something?

Even though they can't test for auditory processing now (and the symptoms you describe made me think of APD right away when I read your OP) there are still things the school can do to help him.

He should be able to qualify under a communication label for an IEP that would allow him pullouts to work in a quiet area when needed, extra time for work, etc.

 

[friend of pooh]

Thank you so much for all your advice.

The ear Dr. said that his hearing was fine, but they want to test him for auditory processing disorder. The only problem is they will not do it until he is 7. So in the meantime, we are going to continue on our path.

I let the school know that I wanted him tested so I am waiting to hear back from them.

Saw his pediatrician this morning who actually has a specialty in ADHD. She said that physically he is fine, but for sure wants him to be tested for any learning disorders that might be present and also for ADHD. She tended towards him having a couple of different issues because she said there is something, but nothing is jumping out as a "yes, this is what it is" type thing right now.

Got him a counceling appointment for tomorrow morning to deal with his anxiety and this thoughts he is having. Apparently this guy is great so we are looking forward to that.

Called and got an appointment for his testing but they cannot get him in until Dec. 3rd, but I put us on a cancelation waitlist.

I really believe that we are doing everything we can to get this figuered out. Am I missing something?

How about seeing an eye doctor to check for dyslexia? School testing usually won't cover that.

 

[counteroffer]

Is his counseling appointment with a psychologist? If not, I would get him an appointment with a child psychologist as soon as possible. They can assess him for anxiety and depression, as well as all the attentional issues. Getting a solid diagnosis or report from a psychologist could go far.

Many universities that have graduate programs in psychology have a psychology clinic on the campus. This would be a great alternative if you don't have an independently practicing psychologist in your area.

Yes, he is a child psychologist and he was really good. He could clearly see my sons anxiety issues and seems to think that we can help him with this. His first order of business is calling his teacher and telling her that he thinks she needs to adjust her way of dealing with him because it was really not helping.

He explained my sons situation at school like this: Say your afraid of snakes and just looking at them makes you anxious. Then someone decides that you don't have any reason to be afraid of snakes and should not be. So they take you and everyday, the shove you in a room with snakes all the while telling you that you should not be afraid of them, there was no reason for it. Think of how you would feel, the torture that you would go through everyday. That is what your son goes through on a daily basis at school. Whether or not he can or cannot do the work, there is another piece that his teacher is not getting. The piece where that wall of anxiety comes down and comepletely takes over everything almost paralizing my son. He said the teacher punishing for this is just making it so much worse because on top of the anxiety that he cannot control, now he is getting in trouble for it and feels like total crap because of it.

 

[counteroffer]

As a teacher, this can be frustrating as well. We have to do something called a PEP(Personalized education plan) when a child has issues. We have to write down the strategies we use for 4 weeks, then meet with parents again. If things are not changing, we can start a SAP(Student Assistant Program) plan which goes through the EC dept. After 4 weeks of that, meet again and most likely you will be told to do 4 more weeks if that doesn't work. Maybe then they will accept the teacher's recommendation for testing to take place. With one child, I started the PEP in November and the child was finally tested in May, no lie. This was a child who was repeating kindergarten and it was obvious that he had LDs!

So, yes, I would agree that you need to demand he be tested. And if nothing shows up, do NOT give up! My DS has ADD, dysgraphia(writing form of dyslexia), a listening comprehension disability and a math disability. When he was tested in K, none of this showed up. The range of "normal" is just too broad when kids are really young. Even if he doesn't qualify, work with the teacher to find out what the problem is and work on it.

What kind of writing are they doing? Are they writing something as she says it? Are they writing to a prompt? Is it the physical part of writing that is hard for him, the mental part, or both? When he reads for you, is he sounding words out or is he struggling with that? Does he know his K and 1st grade sight words? Has he told you what frustrates him about reading/writing?


I saw an episode of Super Nanny, where the child had ADHD, but the parents did not want to medicate. The nanny had the mom sit on the living room sofa with the tv on full blast. She gave the mom some paperwork to do and then had the kids run in and out yelling silly phrases and waving their arms in front of her face. Then the nanny flicked the lights on and off over and over. After five minutes of this, the nanny asked if mom had finished the paperwork. Of course, she hadn't. The mom said she couldn't do anything with all that chaos. The nanny said "Exactly, and that's what your son deals with every minute of every day!" It was very eye opening for her and for me. My DS used to tell me that his mind wouldn't stop thinking. They don't know that's not normal, but it is still frustrating for them.

They are doing all sorts of writing. They write in a journal everyday, they do spelling words, they copy from the whiteboard....all different kinds of writing.

The sounding out words thing is my biggest frustration with his teacher right now. I have worked with him on sounding out words and I honestly believe that for whatever reason, my son cannot do it. I have seen him try, completely struggle and not be able to do it. I have also seen him refuse to even try because he is afraid to try because he knows it won't end well. Which is when the wall comes down.

The problem I have with his teacher is that I have told her this time and time again and it is almost like she is refusing to believe that my son cannot do it. My son says that everytime he asks her for help spelling something, she tells him to sound it out and will not help him. It is almost like she is just NOT going to help him because he SHOULD know how to do it, therefore he is just being a **** by not doing it. She is acting almost like a child herself by insisting that he do something she knows he is having problems with. Almost an "I am going to break you" type attitude.

 

[counteroffer]

Even though they can't test for auditory processing now (and the symptoms you describe made me think of APD right away when I read your OP) there are still things the school can do to help him.

He should be able to qualify under a communication label for an IEP that would allow him pullouts to work in a quiet area when needed, extra time for work, etc.

Thank you for letting me know this. I have no experience in this at all so everyone's advice is so fantastic.

How about seeing an eye doctor to check for dyslexia? School testing usually won't cover that.

I have never heard of an eye Dr checking for dyslexia. It is my understanding that it is a pretty invloved, specialized test that only certain people can perform correctly. Maybe I am wrong. Like I said, I don't know much about this stuff.

 

[torinsmom]

They are doing all sorts of writing. They write in a journal everyday, they do spelling words, they copy from the whiteboard....all different kinds of writing.

The sounding out words thing is my biggest frustration with his teacher right now. I have worked with him on sounding out words and I honestly believe that for whatever reason, my son cannot do it. I have seen him try, completely struggle and not be able to do it. I have also seen him refuse to even try because he is afraid to try because he knows it won't end well. Which is when the wall comes down.

The problem I have with his teacher is that I have told her this time and time again and it is almost like she is refusing to believe that my son cannot do it. My son says that everytime he asks her for help spelling something, she tells him to sound it out and will not help him. It is almost like she is just NOT going to help him because he SHOULD know how to do it, therefore he is just being a **** by not doing it. She is acting almost like a child herself by insisting that he do something she knows he is having problems with. Almost an "I am going to break you" type attitude.

When he was learning to read, did he have trouble with phonics? He may be a whole word learner instead of a phonics type of kid. Most kids do well with phonics, but some do better with word families, sight words, etc. If that is how he is, you are better off not having him sound things out, and just have him learn words by sight or larger parts, not phonics. Different kids learn different ways, and some teachers do not really accept that.

 

[counteroffer]

When he was learning to read, did he have trouble with phonics? He may be a whole word learner instead of a phonics type of kid. Most kids do well with phonics, but some do better with word families, sight words, etc. If that is how he is, you are better off not having him sound things out, and just have him learn words by sight or larger parts, not phonics. Different kids learn different ways, and some teachers do not really accept that.

He is for sure a whole word learner. He has no problem reading words that he has memorized what they look like, but ask him to sound out something he is not familiar with and it is like your asking him to speak a different language.

So in this case where it seems that his teacher does not accept this, what do I do?

 

[torinsmom]

He is for sure a whole word learner. He has no problem reading words that he has memorized what they look like, but ask him to sound out something he is not familiar with and it is like your asking him to speak a different language.

So in this case where it seems that his teacher does not accept this, what do I do?

Maybe bring in some literature to her? Maybe she truly does not know there are different ways of learning to read and write.

Does he know his sight words? Maybe that is something you suggest she work on with him. She could give him so many sight words and he could write them. You could practice spelling them at home. She is going to have to differentiate learning for him(which she should be doing for every child anyway)

 

[ilovejack02]

They are doing all sorts of writing. They write in a journal everyday, they do spelling words, they copy from the whiteboard....all different kinds of writing.

The sounding out words thing is my biggest frustration with his teacher right now. I have worked with him on sounding out words and I honestly believe that for whatever reason, my son cannot do it. I have seen him try, completely struggle and not be able to do it. I have also seen him refuse to even try because he is afraid to try because he knows it won't end well. Which is when the wall comes down.

The problem I have with his teacher is that I have told her this time and time again and it is almost like she is refusing to believe that my son cannot do it. My son says that everytime he asks her for help spelling something, she tells him to sound it out and will not help him. It is almost like she is just NOT going to help him because he SHOULD know how to do it, therefore he is just being a **** by not doing it. She is acting almost like a child herself by insisting that he do something she knows he is having problems with. Almost an "I am going to break you" type attitude.

One thing with her not telling him how to spell something, the teachers at my son's school also would not tell them how to spell anything in first grade. Can you imagine what it would be like having to spell everything all day long for 22 kids. they were always told use your inventive spelling, it was never marked wrong when spelled wrong, they just wanted them to practice writing, at that point they were not worried about spelling at all.

 

[torinsmom]

One thing with her not telling him how to spell something, the teachers at my son's school also would not tell them how to spell anything in first grade. Can you imagine what it would be like having to spell everything all day long for 22 kids. they were always told use your inventive spelling, it was never marked wrong when spelled wrong, they just wanted them to practice writing, at that point they were not worried about spelling at all.

If someone is a whole word learner, they learn by memorizing the whole word or small parts of it, not phonics, so creative spelling does not exist. They basically have to memorize words or word parts vs. "hearing" the sounds.

 

[wickey's friend]

How about seeing an eye doctor to check for dyslexia? School testing usually won't cover that.

Although it once was believed to be associated with eye problems, it is now known that dyslexia is a specific learning disability that is neurological in origin.

Dyslexia is a language-based learning disability. Dyslexia refers to a cluster of symptoms, which result in people having difficulties with specific language skills, particularly reading. Students with dyslexia usually experience difficulties with other language skills such as spelling, writing, and pronouncing words.

This was taken from the International Dyslexia Association web site at http://www.interdys.org/index.htm And, schools are required to test for this if you request it. At least the ones in Texas are.

I hope your little guy gets the help he needs. You are doing the right thing by continuing to advocate for him.

 

[jodifla]

Thank you for letting me know this. I have no experience in this at all so everyone's advice is so fantastic.



I have never heard of an eye Dr checking for dyslexia. It is my understanding that it is a pretty invloved, specialized test that only certain people can perform correctly. Maybe I am wrong. Like I said, I don't know much about this stuff.

Some language issues, particularly receptive language can be subtle and hard to discern for everyone but true experts.

As you describe your child, it sounds as if he has a very weak auditory memory. In addition to making phonics difficult, it makes writing excrutiatingly difficult as well. Even conjuring up the story in words is difficult, then having to think about each word and write it down....ugh! My DS would just sit at the table and cry with those kinds of assignments.

Pictures helped us a lot with all the journaling assignments. I send in pictures of DS's daily activities (thank goodness for digital cameras and printers!!), and he uses those as prompts, which makes it much easier for him to write about his activities because he has the visual prompt.

 

[friend of pooh]

Although it once was believed to be associated with eye problems, it is now known that dyslexia is a specific learning disability that is neurological in origin.

Dyslexia is a language-based learning disability. Dyslexia refers to a cluster of symptoms, which result in people having difficulties with specific language skills, particularly reading. Students with dyslexia usually experience difficulties with other language skills such as spelling, writing, and pronouncing words.

This was taken from the International Dyslexia Association web site at http://www.interdys.org/index.htm And, schools are required to test for this if you request it. At least the ones in Texas are.

I hope your little guy gets the help he needs. You are doing the right thing by continuing to advocate for him.

I don't think school here test for it. In fact I have been told that it takes a Dr. to diagnose it. I assumed it was an eye Dr., but it could be a different kind of Dr.