Feel like I am drowning - school issue

[arminnie]

For whatever reason medical, psychological, learning disability your son is just not ready for this classroom (or maybe just this teacher).

Get him the help he needs. It is so SAD that he is so unhappy. Thank goodness he has a caring parent like you. I think I would personally just skip over this teacher when looking for help from the school.

But please don't worry that he is doomed to failure. A dear friend's son totally did not get the 1st grade. It was awful. He had to repeat the entire year. He did not have a late birthday either. Guess what he ended up graduating from Harvard with high honors.

 

[GingerJay]

I'm really sorry for you and your son's frustration. It can be soo hard when the little guys aren't getting the same positive reinforcement that they see the other kids get. It sounds like there might be a personality conflict between your son and his teacher, too. I hope that you get a good response back on the letter that you're sending out.

 

[marcyinPA]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. You can have him tested privately if you'd rather go that way, and if your insurance covers it. I know of a few cases (close friends) who have done this, because they did not want the school involved unless they needed to be.

My good friend's son was just diagnosed with ADHD after YEARS of struggle in school. He was labeled by teachers as difficult, a behavior problem, class clown, lazy, etc. etc. etc. My friends finally got up the courage to have him tested (privately). He is in fifth grade. The difference is DRAMATIC since he's been on meds. His grades have improved (C's to A's) and so has his focus. Now that they have a diagnoses for him, they have gone to the school to work on a plan (not an IEP...something different...can't remember the acronym) to give him more time, and a proper environment for testing, etc.

My friend said she wished she had followed through years ago. Please, whatever you decide to do, don't wait. If your son is tested, and it's nothing, then so be it. But if it IS something, then at least you'll know and you can work on the solution.

 

[Mermaid02]

I work in special ed and this is definitely the way to go. Different districts have different names for their special ed departments. Ours is called Student Services. If you request an evaluation, they have to reply to you. Don't rely on the teacher to get things moving for your son. He may have an undiagnosed learning disability and need extra services or modifications in the classroom to accommodate the way he learns.

Here's something you might find interesting. Several years ago, I was in a training program for special ed. staff members. They had us copy a scientific paragraph off the board. It had lots of big words and symbols that we didn't understand. They told us to write it with our non-dominant hand and then they proceeded to talk to us the whole time. Most of us got fed up, stopped writing and started behaving badly. And we were all adults! This was a very eye-opening look at exactly how it feels to have a learning disability and how regular classroom noise just exacerbates the problem.

Good luck with your son. And don't let the teacher be so quick to label him as a behavior problem before he even gets evaluated!

WOW! I love this- now I know what my son's days in school are like. No wonder he never wants to be there.

Advocate for your child OP- if you don't do it, nobody will!

 

[TLuvsD]

This website has some of the best information I have seen, especially on paper trails and letters: http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/ltrs.index.htm

I'd start out asking for help, but creating the paper trail as described on the website. You may get great co-operation, but you may not, so better to creat a paper trail from the beginning.

It really sounds like something is going on with your little guy. I hope you resolve this situation quickly!

 

[steves1bear]

My DD was having problems while in Kindergarten and 1st grade. We were lucky, though, and had the same teacher for both years as she moved up a grade and she was absolutely wonderful to work with. In the end, we knew something was not quite right because my DD is a bright kid and loves school, but just wasn't doing well at the simple tasks like writing. About half way through 1st grade we decided to have her tested with a psychologist privately for Aspergers, she has social issues too. I had talked with the teacher and together we came up with some ideas to start helping her while we were taking care of the testing. In the end it was an accurate diagnosis and we now have the school involved. We were able to take the psychologists report and present that as evidence. She has an individual education plan (IEP) in place for the rest of the year and her 2nd grade teacher understands what she needs and has to follow through since it is in her IEP. 2nd grade has been a very different experience in all the right ways.

As others have said, get him tested either privately or through the schools. I will say in our case it was good to have a private evaluation. The school just had a counselor watch her for a couple of hours one day and make an assessment. They didn't want to believe us until we had something in writing from a professional.

I will echo a lot of the advice already given. Talk with the school now, don't wait 3 weeks for the teacher. Get the process started for testing and keep the lines of communication with the school very open. It may be just a maturity thing, but you will want to cover as many basis as possible. You are your child's advocate and make sure you are heard.

My 18 month old is trying to help me type so I'll just end by saying good luck and I hope you are able to find answers to your questions!

 

[pooh17]

My son had the same problem in K-1st grade. Had great difficulties learning to read, was labeled learning disabled, had an IEP, etc.

His main problem was that he couldn't hear - but it took us a while to figure that out. We went the neuro route first. Then took him to an ENT (wish we had done this first). He showed no signs at home (he is an only child in a relatively quiet house). He never had ear infections.

We took him to an ENT for a hearing test and found he had fluid behind both ear drums and was hearing at about 80dB. The fix was simple - 4 years of ear tubes.

We also enrolled him in Sylvan to help him catch up on his reading. He still had an IEP at school up until 7th grade. He is now 14, no IEP, and doing great in high school.

 

[Magpie]

This sounds like my son in Kindergarten. By Christmas he was saying he wished he was dead.

I looked into what the school system had to offer by way of special educational services and testing, and I looked into how long it would take for him to get any of that, and then I decided the heck with it. There's no reason why my little boy should have to be miserable every day while the system tries to get its act together to help him. So I pulled him out and began homeschooling.

Homeschooling gave me time to teach him in the areas he was strong, so that he got a chance to enjoy learning again. And we were - over a few years - able to identify his particular learning disabilities and physical issues (fluid in his ears was one of them, also auditory processing, hand-eye coordination, etc...).

He rejoined the school system in Grade 5 and based on testing went straight into the Gifted Program.

I think your son should get a physical, his hearing tested and then a psycho-educational workup. Your work insurance may cover private testing, if the school's waiting list is too long. Also, you can help him with his reading and writing at home (check your library for resources), and depending on your school system's attendance policies, you may not have to send him to school every single day while you're waiting for testing results.

Good luck!

 

[Tiger926]

I am a Spec Ed teacher, and several things caught my attention: depressed, anxious and wanting to die.

These are not normal feelings for a 6 year old - grade 1 child. As everyone else has already mentioned, you need to take intervention now. If he has a learning challenge, this will make him anxious, as well, if he can't see or hear, he will feel nervous and act out as he can't process what is happening. But, when very young children tell us that they want to die or the world would be better off without me, regardless of what situation it is (home, school, sports, etc.), we need to take action. Has he displayed depression or anxiety before? Are there any mental health issues in your family - bipolar, ADHD, ODD, etc.? Your doc will should get a full family history as well.

Your child should not be harboring such serious feelings of anxiety and negativity at that age. School for some reason, is very scary to him, and that needs to be handled immediately. Could there be a bully issue at play here?

I would highly encourage an immediate meeting with classroom teacher, and then Spec Ed teacher or Admin, depending upon outcome. I would also bring for doctor's appointment as well to rule out medical problems straight away.

Best of luck to you, and especially your boy, Tiger

 

[Art 1]

Friends of ours had the same type of problem, the boy was held back last year in kindergarden. After some tests they found the boy has one bad eye, I'm not sure the details but he has glasses now to try to correct the problem. I think it's similar to a lazy eye. By all other accounts the boy is active and strong and intelligent, just has problems in school. Good luck.

 

[Tweevil]

Parts of this sound like my son - especially the writing part. Every other subject was fine. Last year I had enough of the teachers saying he was defiant and took him for testing with a specialized doctor for educational disabilities (testing was $700) and then to a pediatric psychiatrist and guess what - he has High functioning Aspergers.

He can't remember things in large spirts - you have to parce it out for him. Also, when asked to write or do anything that was not black and white he had a melt down because he couldn't choose just one item or missed some of the instructions.

He has a 504 plan now and additional time at home for assignments when needed.

I hope this helps, it is better to get tested right away then wait for the school to jump in. Take matters in your own hands.....

 

[momof5boys]

I did not read all of the replies, but I agree with the ones that said write a letter to the school principal and request testing ASAP. They should be responsible for getting it done, not you! (However if you don't agree with the results then by all means get your own testing done.) It could be a learning disablitity or he may have anxiety, etc. My DS 14 has been tested twice. He has been diagnosed with anxiety but really doesn't have a learning disablity (slightly slow processing speed but...) one of his major anxieties involves writing. His mind works faster than his hands and he gets frustrated trying to get stuff down on paper, it is sloppy and hard to understand. He is also very smart and able to do well with oral answers but ask him to write and the fight is on! Now with his IEP he is provided with a computer to do his work. For the 1st time ever he got an A+ in English!

He had a 504 plan for his anxiety but was still failing classes only because he would refuse written work or not turn in homework, his test scores were high so we know he knew the material but was failing anyway. He does see a neuro developemental ped. (have an appointment today!) End of last year I wrote another letter requesting retesting and an IEP plan which is much more stuctured. He's testing didn't change but since I proved the 504 plan wasn't helping he now has an IEP.

Please do your research and know your rights, you would be surprised how fast things get done when you show up for meetings prepared. I think the school was shocked when I showed up with highlighted legal cases and IDEA rights, but boy did they get him tested fast!

 

[Frye7127]

I didn't read every single post, so forgive if it has been mentioned, but if he says the classroom is too loud and the teacher talks too fast, take him to have his hearing tested for auditory processing. My son had similar problems at school and he wasn't having them at home always. Testing for auditory processing showed that when he heard things it was getting jumbled up in his head and took a while for him to figure out what was being said. EARobics and Fast ForWord are two therapy programs that can help with this.

 

[skater]

Hopefully, these posts are encouraging to you - there is help out there. Maybe you could find other parents in your county who have had similar struggles. Often, there is no substitute for networking and getting advice from people who have "been there." I think most school systems would want to work with you on this even if the teacher does not.

One other option at least as a temporary measure would be to pull him out and homeschool him for a year. Downside is it may make you responsible for all his testing - you could check the laws/rules in your district. I only suggest this option because your son's mental state is WAY more important at this stage than his education. You can catch up on first grade or do it at home, but undoing the damage that's occuring in that classroom can be difficult.

 

[Kit'smommy]

Just wanted to you and your son. We are going through something similar right now with my first grader.

 

[KristiMc]

My friends daughter was having issues hearing the teacher over the sounds in the room. Her teachers now use a speaker system and she has improved greatly.

 

[bumbershoot]

I would check hearing and eyes, and see if he can be moved to the front of the classroom.

But.

"In the meantime, my child has come home from school saying "maybe I should just die" and "maybe you should send me away and get a new kid"."

My son is a happy go lucky kid, and we homeschool so I know the teacher and know that she is nice and willing to change things up to help him...and yet sometimes, if I am pushing too hard (or he perceives that I'm pushing even when I'm not, and frankly, I rarely do, what would be the point at this age?), he reacts JUST LIKE THAT.

DS doesn't read much yet, and I am NOT pushing him. DH was pushed, was sat down and somehow forced to read at 8 (back when the world was more sane and the education system realized that not everyone is a miracle and not everyone reads at a young age, but still, by 8 he had pushed them to their limits), and now, 30 years later, he is FINALLY getting to the point where he happily reads for pleasure, where it isn't a chore, and he's also reading a bit faster. I read very young, just did it without being taught, and it brought me absolutely NOTHING in this world, apart from glasses at an earlier age.

But sometimes he'll just not want to work, and I will try to get him to do the things he did the day before, and he perceives that as being too pushy, and he will push back, hard.

Since he's my only student, I can change tactics.

If I had 24 other children, I couldn't, if the tactics are working for the majority of the class.

So while it *could* be some big deal problem...it might also be that he just learns a little differently than the majority, but because he's in the educational institution, they can't change things *just* for him. (unless you get a big deal diagnosis)

You might look into Brain Gym. It's actually called osmething else nowadays, but googling that still gets results. It's a way of helping people integrate things that perhaps they skipped as children. A woman I worked with once had many of her clients on the floor, crawling, because they had gone straight to walking, and never learned to cross-crawl. As a result, some connections in the brain weren't made, but by learning to use both sides of the body and brain like that, they were able to make progress in their mental abilities. I saw many of her clients in another capacity, and they were amazed at the differences, just by simply learning to do things like that, that had been skipped in childhood. Since your son is a child currently, it could seriously help, and it would be worth a try.

 

[WeCantWait]

Hang in there. My son had the same troubles in first grade. It was terrible, he kept telling me how stupid he was. We knew at the time that he had attention problems. So we did all of the same things you are doing now. Just keep assuring him that you will do anything you can to help him.

I think you are on the right path as far as the neuro psych testing. I also suggest you have the school evaluate him. Legally they have to do it in a timely manor. Go above the teacher.

While everything is not peachy for my son now, he has been able to keep up with the classwork and do well. He is in third grade now and has a wonderful teacher who is really working with him and us. His first math test he got a 55%. His teacher knew he knew the material, she had him come in early the next morning to retake the test when there wouldn't be distrations. He got a 100%. He came home BEAMING. Anyway, my son was diagnosed with Innatentive ADD. We are learning how to help him through trial and error. I also try to remind him about all of the things he really excels at. This way he is not focusing on the negative all of the time. He may struggle in school but there are so many other things that he doesn't struggle with that are just as important.

 

[sparklynails23]

If you consider homeschooling, you can check if your state has cyber-charter schools. They are public schools that supply the materials and you do the teaching. The charter school would also have the testing performed at the public's expense.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

Does he read to you at home? Could there be an underlying learning disability? Dyslexia can be both visual and/or auditory. We deal with it daily but things really got bad in first grade. It started out very similar to your situation, with a refusal to do homework, but there were also escalating behavior issues at school.

My PSA announcement - October is Dyslexia Awareness Month!

This was my first thoughts! Go to a dylexia association and have him tested. When we did that for my ds the association hooked him up with a tutor. She did wonders for him. He still doesn't like to read, but he can! Next step was getting him an IEP. My son had anxiety and adhd as well. Good luck with everything.

p.s. my ds had so much trouble with school his plans included quitting at 16. He is now a college freshman.