Favoring one child over another

[Iheartdis]

My mom favors my brother over me but I think it's just because he needs a little more help in life. He got a divorce a few years ago, sometimes drinks a little too much, has been in multiple car accidents etc. After his divorce he had to move into her house with my niece and nephew until things got a little tense and he got a place of his own. I'm married to a great guy who works hard and takes good care of our family and we never want for anything. I guess what I'm trying to say is that each situation is different and sometimes one child needs a bit more attention than the other. I will admit though, sometimes it does hurt that she pays more attention to him but I guess she figures I have my life under control on my own.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

This is whyi am afraid to have a second child lol. I just love dd so much that my mind cant fathom being able to have that connection with a second child. I am sure it probably wouldnt happen and i would love all my children very much but its a scary thought to me lol

I just cant imqgine how the other children must feel

I had the same feelings before I had my son. I actually thought it was better that I had a boy instead of another girl so I wouldn't be constantly comparing the girls.

But I do love both of my kids the same!! Sure, I have days where one is "my favorite," but the other one always gets their turn! I joke right now that DS is "the good one" because he's at a really easy age, plus he has a much more laid-back personality. DD is 3 and I'm going through a difficult time with her. But eventually DD will be 6 and DS will be 3 and then I'm sure she will be "the good one!"

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have a neighbor who I feel might be a little like that.

Her first born son, she always seemed to be so proud of and rave about.

When her DD came along, it seemed to always be little comments or complaints about her, usual toddler, three year old, behavior.

Thing is, it is the boy, who was my son's age, who I see as kind of a 'case'.
And that little girl is just a beautiful, nice, wonderful little thing! I could just love on her to death!

Very odd family....
We don't see or socialize with them at all.
Our boys are now 13... This kid doesn't even leave the yard, on a very safe dead-end cul-de-sac!!! I don't think he has ever been allowed.

But, he is very smart... so I know he is just 'mama's little genius'.

 

[Arielle22]

Was talking with someone today that had nothing but great things to say about one child and didn't mention the other one.
Sad part is kids are like 6 or 7.

Sad really

Is this the usual case for the person that the second child is not mentioned? I can see where a conversation might focus on one child and the other not get mentioned.

I don't see that a conversation has to be equally about all children. I have 7 siblings. I know my parents had conversations about how one or some of us were doing without mentioning all of us.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

With my girls, I find that I do talk about one more than the other, depending on what season it is (sport) or what we are doing. On Saturday I favored my oldest because she was presented with an award for the Pop Warner All American Scholar first team at Gilette Stadium in MA. On Sunday it was all about my youngest because she had her first soccer game of the season and she played great. During cheer season, I talk about them equally.
I can't sit there and count how much time I spend talking about one compared to the other.I love them equally. They both feel I favor the other one over them. Go figure.

 

[AristocatFan]

I know several people like this and it bugs me too. I can relate because I was the sixth child and well, the forgotten one since I was not born close in age to my siblings. This is why I try hard to be equal with my kids. I tell each one they're my favorite....My favorite oldest, favorite middle, and favorite youngest, God gave them that spot in life because they were the perfect fit. Even though DS16 is in a heap of trouble right now and has broken our hearts, he's still my favorite middle child.

 

[Ephany]

My parents will swear up and down they treat us all 'equally'. However, when my phone buzzed this morning it was not to say Happy Birthday, it was a picture of my sister's daughter potty training from my mother. My parents have bought my sister a house, pay her bills/utilities, and give her a monthly allowance because 'she's not the type who works'. My DD dreads calling her grandparents now b/c they only want to talk about Dniece, and honestly, what 8 year old is interested in the potty training stories of her 2 year old cousin?

I've gotten much better at letting it roll of my back; thankfully I have an awesome DH and DD who support my desire to live as far away as I can from my crazy relatives.

 

[lakelandgal70]

Well my mother favors me over my sis and everyone knows it. My mother never wanted another child after me and she really can not stand my sister and treats her accordingly. It makes me sick. No wonder my sister is messed up as she is.

 

[Andtototoo]

I have a coworker who so blatantly favors one child over another that it is sickening. She truly can not have one single conversation without bringing up Cinderella's "defects". She is so bad about it that I (and others) avoid having any non-essential conversations with her. Last week, I inadvertently got drawn into a conversation with her and within 60 seconds (yes, I timed it), she brought up how "horrible" Cinderella is and denigrated her until I walked away.

Many of us have brought her words and behavior to her attention. Her response is that Cinderella "deserves" it because she's [fill in the blank with negative language].

The reality is that Cinderella is a "horrible" person ONLY because she's not a carbon copy of her mother the way Drusilla is. Cinderella is actually a sweet, nice and perfectly competent person, BUT she has a whole host of issues (choosing friends who treat her like crap, etc) whose origins lay in her mother's treatment of her. Poor Cinderella has not yet had her epiphany and realized she cannot please her mother and should stop trying. She has spent her entire life, as far as we can tell, sweeping the floor and hoping it will finally meet her mother's approval. Nothing ever will.

 

[Magpie]

BOTH my children have announced at one time or another that they believe we favor the other kid. They each think we pick on them "the most".

So I figure I must be doing something right.

To be fair, though - I do NOT treat them "equally". I do what needs to be done with each of them, and because they're very different people, that means there's different rules for each of them.

Of course, I don't take one out to breakfast, without taking the other a couple days later. So I do try to be "fair" in that sense.

 

[MusiqChic99]

I have a coworker who does this based on the man she was married to...let me explain.

She is married the first time and has 2 kids. Nothing major here. Then she gets divorced, marries, has another child. All you hear about is the new child.

She divorces this guy for a guy she had an affair with, gets married, has another child. Now all you hear about is the new child. It's like the other 3 have vanished.

Like I said, it all depends on whose father she is with.

 

[Anna_Marie]

I had a coworker who had 4 children, 2 older boys (twenties) and 2 younger boys (6-4 years old). Whenever anyone asked her about her family, she would say, "I have two little boys" . She would talk about the two older ones to me, but wouldn't say anything about having them to anyone else....I thought that was odd.

 

[Missoutandabout]

I grew up with my father favoring my older brother. To make sure I wasn't just misinterpreting my childhood and the inequalities of treatment, I confirmed it with my aunt during an adult heart-to-heart. I sincerely believe my dad's favoritism led to my brother not being as responsible in adulthood as he should, from the years and years of being able to get away with things and not having to own up to his mistakes.

So, anyway... perhaps it makes me a bit sensitive to it. Which made me spot the tell-tale signs straight away from my MIL, who shows extreme favoritism amongst her grandchildren. Or rather, cares a lot about a few of them and couldn't care less about the rest. Some of the things that have been said and done could make your hair stand on end. My kiddo has been on the receiving end of lots of MIL's negativity; funnily enough, my kiddo is only 4 and it's been like this since before she was born. Favoritism from the womb. What makes it easier to deal with is that my parents treat their grandkids how you'd expect a grandparent to act: loving, caring and doting -- even by my dad!

 

[java]

I talk about each of my kids at different times- so it might seem like I am favoring one but actually it's just that one did something special that day.

 

[momof1princess]

my brother was always the favorite child. my parents didn't want a daughter, they always wanted a son, and when i was born first, they were VERY disappointed. when my brother was born, on Christmas Day no less, well, it was like the second coming. ironically, he married a woman who thinks we're all beneath her and she allows him to have very little to do with any of us; my mother STILL makes excuses for him. everyone else sees him for what he is now, thank goodness. my grandmother, bless her, has always tried to make up for the way my parents treated me.

 

[DWGal210]

We have this in my family - my moms sister who's been the clear favorite for her whole life (there are 5 kids, she's the 4th). It's created quite a rift in the family not only because of the favoritism but also my aunts feeling she is due it, if that makes sense. Not pretty at all.