Family Vent

[Mama-san]

I would say that the Sis may be suffering from mild depression based on the negativity that the OP said that comes from her Sis (I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV ). However, I do believe that Sis is mainly suffering from grown up brat syndrome.

Just curious, what does Sis do for a living? And what's the deal with her boyfriend??

 

[goofyernmost]

Denial? Why would I be in denial? I could care less whether or not she is mentally unstable, I don't know her from Adam.

I am just amazed at the abilities of some posters. How they are able to make a medical diagnosis of a total stranger living hundreds of miles away from them. They have learned nothing of this person other then some third hand info that they are getting off of a message board.

I must of not gotten my medical degree and crystal ball when signing up for the board. Who do I see for that?

Mental illness is a serious issue and when people throw the name around for every Tom, Dick and Harry that acts a bit off, it devalues the seriousness of it.

You make some valid points and I agree with you to a point. However, you have no idea what frame of reference other people may be viewing the same "evidence" through, anecdotal though it may be. Assuming the details described by the OP are true, I stand by my mental illness assessment, crystal ball and all.

What's heartbreaking is personalities like this may seem like they're "winning" and they may even revel in their victories. What's underneath is very, very sad and very, very fearful. At some level they don't want to be like they are, yet they don't have any idea how to get out and are absolutely terrified to even try, which is a vicious cycle.

It's a good reminder to all of us as parents to do a frequent gut check & honestly look at what we're doing raising our kids. Natural instinct is to want to protect, provide and assist -- help them get to the top & win. It's so important that we remember to step back, let them do the climbing, encourage them to keep striving for their wins and let them take a few tumbles so they learn they are capable of getting back on their feet themselves. Easy to say, almost impossible to do sometimes.

Well, it could be because I lived for 29 years with someone that was "clinically depressed". I put that in quotations because those were her words. Her problems were far deeper then depression. They were bordering on psychotic. There were not enough anti-depressants in the world to help her because that was not her problem.

I also owned a Residential Care Home for 14 years and most of our clients fell under one or the other of the readily accepted psychological terms that are common today.

This lady may or may not be spoiled but the only reason she is would be because her illness makes everyone opt to cater to it rather than confront it. It is much easier to do that even though it makes one's life miserable. Someone that is ONLY spoiled will alter their behavior when it stops working for them and judging by the post, this has been tried a number of times and things have only gotten worse.

So, if you want to call her a spoiled brat, that's OK because I cannot prove she isn't, but I am qualified to make an educated guess here and that is what I have done.

 

[shortbun]

My in-laws(aged 76 and 75)are still working full time because their youngest son-aged 51-has not worked in two years. They DO live in a horribly devastated area as far as the economy is concerned BUT if two senior citizens can find full time work, a 51yo, well educated man can find work in two years time.

We see them as little as possible. Their crazy needs not be in my life. I love them but they are not on my list of people I'd most like to see. Tell your mom you want to see her but tell her to leave your sister at home next time. She's creating too much stress for everyone and with a new baby on the way, stress is the last thing you need.
What happens when she decides she wants what she wants in spite of what your baby needs? You need to set some boundaries now. It is hard but it's also liberating. You can not choose your family of birth but you can choose who you spend time with.

 

[hereyago]

Their crazy needs not be in my life.


What happens when she decides she wants what she wants in spite of what your baby needs? You need to set some boundaries now. It is hard but it's also liberating. You can not choose your family of birth but you can choose who you spend time with.

Exactly. OP, jump off that crazy train. Who invited her? did parents assume it would be ok if Narcissitic girl came to?


She will be having a hot fit that everyone will be wanting to go to the ultrasound and take away attention for her.

 

["Got Disney"]

I dont know much about your family dynamics...and from your post it is not really much to go on..... telling us what really makes them tick together....but it sounds to me like they are 2 peas in a pod and think a lot alike. Maybe its not just that she is catering to your sister as that they are so much alike and agree on most everything....also sounds like she is trying to be her best friend instead of her parent.

There really isn't anything you can do about this or their relationship. It will go on forever till your mom decides she no longer wants to placate to her.

Moving 1400 miles away is a good thing for you and your family.....I myself moved 3000 miles away from mine and was the best thing I ever did however in my life I have had my mom,dad, brother, sister, step dad, niece, nephew all move in with me....even though I lived 3000 miles away

2 years ago was the last time a family member lived with me....my 15 year old niece.

So when they come and visit....if they have to, let them run the show and save yourself a lot of grief....but if it comes to like letting them name your child when they come to town than all bets are off!

Smile and remember...they will be going back home...and that alone makes life good when you are 1400 miles away....and when you are given a bunch of lemon family members....make lemonade...with a whole Lotta sugar

Go to you tube and type in "I am woman hear me Roar" play it listen and it will make you feel powerful.... you will leave feeling like you can conquer anything...even crazy family members. Good luck in your endeavors

 

[ilovefh]

Thanks everyone! Just reading other people's opinions makes me feel better. I think I just really needed someone to "talk" to.

I will say I've wondered for years if there is some sort of mental illness going on. I've suggested this to my mom and she agrees but feels like it is not her place to say anything to Dsis. I think with her it could really go either way. Sometimes I think it is totally a learned behavior and sometimes I think maybe something is wrong with her.

Her boyfriend doesn't put up with her attitude and I really like him. He'll flat out tell her no and that she is being unreasonable. And she stays with him so she can't hate it too much I guess.

I need to learn to let it go really. I just feel if I do then I am doing the same thing my mom does, which I hate.

But, thanks everyone for responding! All the different perspectives is definitely what I needed.

 

[hereyago]

Thanks everyone! Just reading other people's opinions makes me feel better. I think I just really needed someone to "talk" to.

I will say I've wondered for years if there is some sort of mental illness going on. I've suggested this to my mom and she agrees but feels like it is not her place to say anything to Dsis. I think with her it could really go either way. Sometimes I think it is totally a learned behavior and sometimes I think maybe something is wrong with her.

Her boyfriend doesn't put up with her attitude and I really like him. He'll flat out tell her no and that she is being unreasonable. And she stays with him so she can't hate it too much I guess.

I need to learn to let it go really. I just feel if I do then I am doing the same thing my mom does, which I hate.

But, thanks everyone for responding! All the different perspectives is definitely what I needed.

OP: I think you could have some fun with your pregnancy hormones-be the diva when they come, it will freak them out, especially DSIS, you can always use the excuse of hormones. Please don't take offense I just have a wierd sense of humor and I know what your sister is going to be like in say 50 years if people still enable her, cause my DM started out just like your sis. everyone who did enable is gone, but she will for dang sure still try to have her way.

Last October, while DD and I went to WDW for a few days. my aunt came and stayed with DM to visit. DM woke her up at 3:30AM yes AM to make her some oatmeal. my aunt knows how DM is and still did it for her instead of telling her to do it herself-which she can do. DM will do this fake crying thing-never trust someone who has no tears but boo hoos and can turn it on and off like a switch. My aunt was like" our DM used to do that, so that was a learned behavior.

When they come just keeping deep breaths and say they will be gone soon, and repeat.

 

[Mommy2cody]

I can TOTALLY relate. I think we have the EXACT same sister! It is so very frustrating! At least my parents are FINALLY starting to see it. It hasn't changed anything though, they still give her everything she wants. My dad takes her dinner to work every night because she calls and complains about how hungry she is. He doesn't bring her what they had for dinner, he goes and gets her something and takes it to her. I asked her why she doesn't pack something to eat at work and she tells me "how am I going to know in the morning what I want for dinner. It's easier just to call Dad". My sister is 21. I love her dearly, I do, I just don't understand. My parents were not like this with me or my brother.

 

[ilovefh]

I can TOTALLY relate. I think we have the EXACT same sister! It is so very frustrating! At least my parents are FINALLY starting to see it. It hasn't changed anything though, they still give her everything she wants. My dad takes her dinner to work every night because she calls and complains about how hungry she is. He doesn't bring her what they had for dinner, he goes and gets her something and takes it to her. I asked her why she doesn't pack something to eat at work and she tells me "how am I going to know in the morning what I want for dinner. It's easier just to call Dad". My sister is 21. I love her dearly, I do, I just don't understand. My parents were not like this with me or my brother.

I think we do too! My sister works at a school during the day, but some nights at a shoe store and she does the same thing! When my parents went to FL last yr for three months she called my DH to see if he would pick up the pizza she wanted to order....except.....THE PIZZA PLACE DELIVERS!

 

[redlight]

I think we do too! My sister works *t * school during the d*y, but some nights *t * shoe store *nd she does the s*me thing! When my p*rents went to FL l*st yr for three m**ths she c*lled my DH to see if he would pick up the pizz* she w*nted to order....except.....THE PIZZ* PL*CE DELIVERS!

She's either clueless or c**troling!