Family vacation vent

[tink fan]

Just wanted to vent about my BIL and SIL!!!

My husband's family (parents and adult sister) are going to the beach for a week this summer. They go every year and in some years my husband's brother's family (which is the family I'm venting about) has joined them. (all staying in the same beach house).

We decided to go this year and rented a nearby beach house. It was almost twice what they pay for the other house, but it has a pool and I live my privacy so I'm totally fine with it.

Last year the house with three families got really crowded, so my husband's sister told her brother that they would have to get their own place if they wanted to go this year.

He felt put out and decided he wasn't going at all. (note--they have never planned or booked the house--just tagged along). They didn't ask to stay with us -- I'm guessing because our place was so much more expensive. We didn't offer because we wanted our own place.

That brings us to yesterday when I got a text asking if my 24 year old niece (from the brother's family) could sleep on the floor at our house. I also found out that her 17 year old sister is doing the same thing at the other house. (although I think she is coming with them as a babysitter).

I feel totally put on the spot. I really don't want her to stay with us, but I would look like a jerk for saying no to a kid (even though she is 24).

What I'm mostly irritated about is that they are arranging a vacation for their children at no cost for themselves. (This is the family that when the kids were younger and a group was going out for ice cream, the parents would just stay behind and not send money with their kids. I could give countless more examples of how they take advantage of others, and only do the minimum themselves.)

They could have booked a house for their family. But then they would have had the rental, food and gas expenses. By the parents not going, they don't have any! I don't know how the 24 year old is getting there, but I'm guessing she is riding with her grandparents.

I'm tempted to say that she could stay if she drove, and took me and one of my kids with her. We can't leave until a day later than everyone else because of my son's schedule. But I can imagine what would happen. They would be offended that I added on conditions and then say, "oh no she can't drive, she riding with grandma."

Like I said, I just want to vent. For the most part, my niece is pretty nice, and if she was from a different family I would be more open to it.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Just wanted to vent about my BIL and SIL!!!

My husband's family (parents and adult sister) are going to the beach for a week this summer. They go every year and in some years my husband's brother's family (which is the family I'm venting about) has joined them. (all staying in the same beach house).

We decided to go this year and rented a nearby beach house. It was almost twice what they pay for the other house, but it has a pool and I live my privacy so I'm totally fine with it.

Last year the house with three families got really crowded, so my husband's sister told her brother that they would have to get their own place if they wanted to go this year.

He felt put out and decided he wasn't going at all. (note--they have never planned or booked the house--just tagged along). They didn't ask to stay with us -- I'm guessing because our place was so much more expensive. We didn't offer because we wanted our own place.

That brings us to yesterday when I got a text asking if my 24 year old niece (from the brother's family) could sleep on the floor at our house. I also found out that her 17 year old sister is doing the same thing at the other house. (although I think she is coming with them as a babysitter).

I feel totally put on the spot. I really don't want her to stay with us, but I would look like a jerk for saying no to a kid (even though she is 24).

What I'm mostly irritated about is that they are arranging a vacation for their children at no cost for themselves. (This is the family that when the kids were younger and a group was going out for ice cream, the parents would just stay behind and not send money with their kids. I could give countless more examples of how they take advantage of others, and only do the minimum themselves.)

They could have booked a house for their family. But then they would have had the rental, food and gas expenses. By the parents not going, they don't have any! I don't know how the 24 year old is getting there, but I'm guessing she is riding with her grandparents.

I'm tempted to say that she could stay if she drove, and took me and one of my kids with her. We can't leave until a day later than everyone else because of my son's schedule. But I can imagine what would happen. They would be offended that I added on conditions and then say, "oh no she can't drive, she riding with grandma."

Like I said, I just want to vent. For the most part, my niece is pretty nice, and if she was from a different family I would be more open to it.

Repeat after me: No, that doesn't work for me.
Now type that in reply to the email.

You're welcome.

 

[Laura66]

I'd be irritated too. I would just say - as pleasant as can be - oh I'm sorry that wont work for us. No apologies, no excuses. (because you don't need or owe them any)
I admit its hard to do - really hard! - I'm a people pleaser and have a hard time saying no!

 

[AntePrincess]

Just wanted to vent about my BIL and SIL!!!

My husband's family (parents and adult sister) are going to the beach for a week this summer. They go every year and in some years my husband's brother's family (which is the family I'm venting about) has joined them. (all staying in the same beach house).

We decided to go this year and rented a nearby beach house. It was almost twice what they pay for the other house, but it has a pool and I live my privacy so I'm totally fine with it.

Last year the house with three families got really crowded, so my husband's sister told her brother that they would have to get their own place if they wanted to go this year.

He felt put out and decided he wasn't going at all. (note--they have never planned or booked the house--just tagged along). They didn't ask to stay with us -- I'm guessing because our place was so much more expensive. We didn't offer because we wanted our own place.

That brings us to yesterday when I got a text asking if my 24 year old niece (from the brother's family) could sleep on the floor at our house. I also found out that her 17 year old sister is doing the same thing at the other house. (although I think she is coming with them as a babysitter).

I feel totally put on the spot. I really don't want her to stay with us, but I would look like a jerk for saying no to a kid (even though she is 24).

What I'm mostly irritated about is that they are arranging a vacation for their children at no cost for themselves. (This is the family that when the kids were younger and a group was going out for ice cream, the parents would just stay behind and not send money with their kids. I could give countless more examples of how they take advantage of others, and only do the minimum themselves.)

They could have booked a house for their family. But then they would have had the rental, food and gas expenses. By the parents not going, they don't have any! I don't know how the 24 year old is getting there, but I'm guessing she is riding with her grandparents.

I'm tempted to say that she could stay if she drove, and took me and one of my kids with her. We can't leave until a day later than everyone else because of my son's schedule. But I can imagine what would happen. They would be offended that I added on conditions and then say, "oh no she can't drive, she riding with grandma."

Like I said, I just want to vent. For the most part, my niece is pretty nice, and if she was from a different family I would be more open to it.

If your niece is pretty nice and you'd be all right with it if she was from a different family, I would cut her a break and talk to her directly. Maybe she'd be happy to help out and pay her share, she is 24 after all.

 

[babyrich]

Just wanted to vent about my BIL and SIL!!!

My husband's family (parents and adult sister) are going to the beach for a week this summer. They go every year and in some years my husband's brother's family (which is the family I'm venting about) has joined them. (all staying in the same beach house).

We decided to go this year and rented a nearby beach house. It was almost twice what they pay for the other house, but it has a pool and I live my privacy so I'm totally fine with it.

Last year the house with three families got really crowded, so my husband's sister told her brother that they would have to get their own place if they wanted to go this year.

He felt put out and decided he wasn't going at all. (note--they have never planned or booked the house--just tagged along). They didn't ask to stay with us -- I'm guessing because our place was so much more expensive. We didn't offer because we wanted our own place.

That brings us to yesterday when I got a text asking if my 24 year old niece (from the brother's family) could sleep on the floor at our house. I also found out that her 17 year old sister is doing the same thing at the other house. (although I think she is coming with them as a babysitter).

I feel totally put on the spot. I really don't want her to stay with us, but I would look like a jerk for saying no to a kid (even though she is 24).

What I'm mostly irritated about is that they are arranging a vacation for their children at no cost for themselves. (This is the family that when the kids were younger and a group was going out for ice cream, the parents would just stay behind and not send money with their kids. I could give countless more examples of how they take advantage of others, and only do the minimum themselves.)

They could have booked a house for their family. But then they would have had the rental, food and gas expenses. By the parents not going, they don't have any! I don't know how the 24 year old is getting there, but I'm guessing she is riding with her grandparents.

I'm tempted to say that she could stay if she drove, and took me and one of my kids with her. We can't leave until a day later than everyone else because of my son's schedule. But I can imagine what would happen. They would be offended that I added on conditions and then say, "oh no she can't drive, she riding with grandma."

Like I said, I just want to vent. For the most part, my niece is pretty nice, and if she was from a different family I would be more open to it.

She's not a kid, she is a grown woman... just cause her parents may spoil her doesnt mean you have to. If you want to say no, say no... I dont think you have anything to feel bad about. Its your vacation, make sure your family enjoys it.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Maybe you can just say you guys will be coming and going a lot and you only have one set of keys. It just wouldn't work out to have to coordinate your vacation you have planned with someone else.

I do think they put you on the spot.

Good luck with it!

 

[jrmasm]

What does your husband say?

 

[Laura66]

I'm one of those people that typically- not always - don't get why people get upset when friends or family "invite" themselves to vacation with you. You know - go the same time to Disney, etc.
But this is different. She's a grown woman who would be sharing the same living quarters. That changes the whole dynamics of the trip. You shouldn't feel guilty at all if you just want it to be your family in the house!

You don't owe them any stories or excuses or reasons!

 

[NoSoup4U]

Maybe you can just say you guys will be coming and going a lot and you only have one set of keys. It just wouldn't work out to have to coordinate your vacation you have planned with someone else.

I do think they put you on the spot.

Good luck with it!

I agree. Just tell them "sorry that wont work for us. Is there someone else she can stay with?". Ask if she (the 24 yr old ADULT) will be pitching in the cost. That should keep em quiet. LOL

 

[NHdisneylover]

Unless it is truly a bigger house than you need and there is a bed for her (not floor space) you can always go with:

Sorry, no. The house is meant to sleep 5 and I am not willing to risk upsetting the owner by taking more people than I told him we had.


If you do have a bed and think you would be okay with it if these were not user parents, then I would respond that if "adult child" is interested in joining us then please have her contact us directly and we will see if we can work something out or not.

When she calls, have a figure in mind of what you want her to pay--or tell her she can drive you in exchange, etc.

 

[Granny square]

Do you not like your niece? I mean if you remove the idea that her parents are cheap. I adore my nieces and nephews even though my husbands sister is a witch. I can't imagine not wanting to spend time with the kids even though they are adults now. In some ways it is even better. Making adult relationships with them encourages that the relationships don't become "just see each other at reunions" relationships in my experience.

 

[smitch425]

At 24, I had 3 jobs and paid off a 5 year car loan in only 2 years. No way would I have someone that age sleeping on the floor during my family's vacation. I would reply with, "I'm sorry, but we are really looking forward to spending some quality family time with just the (number in your family) of us." I would have your husband do it (if he feels the same way), since it is his family that is asking.

 

[AntePrincess]

Do you not like your niece? I mean if you remove the idea that her parents are cheap. I adore my nieces and nephews even though my husbands sister is a witch. I can't imagine not wanting to spend time with the kids even though they are adults now. In some ways it is even better. Making adult relationships with them encourages that the relationships don't become "just see each other at reunions" relationships in my experience.

That's what I was thinking.

OP, I read your post as saying you'd kind of like an independent relationship with your niece, if you weren't being used by anyone over it. Is that right?

 

[NHdisneylover]

At 24, I had 3 jobs and paid off a 5 year car loan in only 2 years. No way would I have someone that age sleeping on the floor during my family's vacation. I would reply with, "I'm sorry, but we are really looking forward to spending some quality family time with just the (number in your family) of us." I would have your husband do it (if he feels the same way), since it is his family that is asking.

Yeah, I was married, had a kid, owned a home and a paid of car by then. I wonder if the niece even knows her parent are asking. They may tell her it was offered. I would have been very embarrassed if my parents had tried to set something like that up for me at that age.

 

[palmbeachmom]

Repeat after me: No, that doesn't work for me.
Now type that in reply to the email.

You're welcome.

Are we married to brothers from the same family? I've been in your exact spot and from experience, I will tell you say to no, smile nicely, and go enjoy your vacation

 

[Hrhpd]

Just wanted to vent about my BIL and SIL!!!

My husband's family (parents and adult sister) are going to the beach for a week this summer. They go every year and in some years my husband's brother's family (which is the family I'm venting about) has joined them. (all staying in the same beach house).

We decided to go this year and rented a nearby beach house. It was almost twice what they pay for the other house, but it has a pool and I live my privacy so I'm totally fine with it.

Last year the house with three families got really crowded, so my husband's sister told her brother that they would have to get their own place if they wanted to go this year.

He felt put out and decided he wasn't going at all. (note--they have never planned or booked the house--just tagged along). They didn't ask to stay with us -- I'm guessing because our place was so much more expensive. We didn't offer because we wanted our own place.

That brings us to yesterday when I got a text asking if my 24 year old niece (from the brother's family) could sleep on the floor at our house. I also found out that her 17 year old sister is doing the same thing at the other house. (although I think she is coming with them as a babysitter).

I feel totally put on the spot. I really don't want her to stay with us, but I would look like a jerk for saying no to a kid (even though she is 24).

What I'm mostly irritated about is that they are arranging a vacation for their children at no cost for themselves. (This is the family that when the kids were younger and a group was going out for ice cream, the parents would just stay behind and not send money with their kids. I could give countless more examples of how they take advantage of others, and only do the minimum themselves.)

They could have booked a house for their family. But then they would have had the rental, food and gas expenses. By the parents not going, they don't have any! I don't know how the 24 year old is getting there, but I'm guessing she is riding with her grandparents.

I'm tempted to say that she could stay if she drove, and took me and one of my kids with her. We can't leave until a day later than everyone else because of my son's schedule. But I can imagine what would happen. They would be offended that I added on conditions and then say, "oh no she can't drive, she riding with grandma."

Like I said, I just want to vent. For the most part, my niece is pretty nice, and if she was from a different family I would be more open to it.

I was with you until the bolded. You would not feel put out if this nice niece was from a different family?

Please don't hold her family over her head. She can't help it.

I would also tell the brother that it would be fine for her to stay, but that you had this and that planned and this is how much she will need to bring with her.

Part of this is the family's fault. If they always paid for ice cream and never asked brother to pay them back, he is getting the message that it is ok to take advantage.

Give him a dollar amount that you expect her to bring. If you don't set expectations, he won't meet your expectations.

If she still doesn't bring money, anytime you spend money on her, write him an e-mail that says "We paid for Susie's dinner tonight." Your share of the bill will be $xyz when we return.

 

[Sugardimples]

That brings us to yesterday when I got a text asking if my 24 year old niece (from the brother's family) could sleep on the floor at our house. I also found out that her 17 year old sister is doing the same thing at the other house. (although I think she is coming with them as a babysitter).

Reply to this text with this text: "No". And then stop thinking about it.

 

[Erin1700]

I would have no problem saying Sorry, that wont work.
By the sounds of it, allowing her to stay might really cut into your budget. Do you have to feed her? Pay for her outings? Doesnt sound like they would send money.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I was with you until the bolded. You would not feel put out if this nice niece was from a different family?

Please don't hold her family over her head. She can't help it.

I would also tell the brother that it would be fine for her to stay, but that you had this and that planned and this is how much she will need to bring with her.

Part of this is the family's fault. If they always paid for ice cream and never asked brother to pay them back, he is getting the message that it is ok to take advantage.

Give him a dollar amount that you expect her to bring. If you don't set expectations, he won't meet your expectations.

If she still doesn't bring money, anytime you spend money on her, write him an e-mail that says "We paid for Susie's dinner tonight." Your share of the bill will be $xyz when we return.

At age 24, a grown woman, she should be paying for herself. I can't imagine having to make arrangements to make sure that a 24 year old woman has spending money.

OP, either let her go because you want to see her and be prepared to eat the costs or tell her she can sleep on the floor but she will be paying for all her own expenses.

Is the other sibiling taking in the other sister? Will they be paying for her the entire time?

 

[Janepod]

"Sorry, that won't work." And nothing more than that. If you say more, it opens up a conversation and you don't want that. Just shut it down and don't leave a door open for further discussion.