Family vacation intrusion... Please help!

[SharpMomOfTwo]

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[I loveStitchnippyjon]

I think that I would explain to your sister that your plans are already made for your family and the grandparents, and if she wants to take her family to WDW at the same time she will have to make her own arrangements. Tell her "maybe" you can get together for a meal or two, but since the ages of her kids and your are so far apart, you are going to concentrate your park time doing "small kid stuff" and she and her kids can go and do their own thing. Stress ten-times-in-a-row-on-It's a Small World!! LOL
Honestly, this is your vacation. Don't let anyone hijack your plans. Hopefully, you can make it sound like a trip that she just would not enjoy! Push the cruise...

 

[tzolkin]

you need to be honest or it will ruin your vacation. i know that can be really difficult, but it's best for you and your family.

long personal story: we have our first family vacation planned too and my parents were thinking about coming along for part of it. i actually thought it would be nice because i think we would have a good time with them and they would get to spend some quality time with my kids and also some time together alone (they never do). i was looking up some flight and room info and then called her about the prices and options and she says, "well, of course, we have to take your sister(21) and your niece(1)". i didnt say anything but i was so upset about it for days. they live with my parents (so it would actually have been an opportunity for my parents to get away from them) and my sister is very needy and demanding and i just know it would ruin the trip. not to mention that her daughter is younger than my kids and we would have to struggle with her nap schedule and my kids schedule. and because of my sister's personality my parents would have to take care of my niece and take her back to the room, etc instead of spending time with my kids. i was just really hurt because i thought the whole reason why they wanted to go was to spend time with my kids. i knew it seemed really selfish, but it just didnt make sense why they would have to come. (she's not my only sister, by the way... i have an adult brother and sister also. my mom didnt feel the need to bring them along, so it wasnt that she wanted the whole family to be together.)

i was actually going to post about this dilemma as well. but i just wound up talking to my sister and i think she actually understood that it would not be a good idea and we discussed that maybe in a few years we could plan a big family gathering with all the siblings. she usually gets very upset, so i was surprised that it went over as well as it did.

good luck with your family.

 

[snowy76]

I don't know how comfortable you are talking to your sister, but I personally would have told her then and there to back off! Why not just tell her this trip was planned as a special trip for the girls to have grandma/grandpa time? Oh yeah, and I'd tell my mother that too.

As a general question: why do so many people worry about hurting the feelings of people who hurt our feelings on a regular basis?

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

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[Sheaboys]

Ok, so here is my story, sort of like your own.
I had planned our Disney vacation just our family of 5. Then talking with our good friends, who were no living in NC (we were in MA), they decided to join us. With excitement, I was like perfect, we will have a blast. Our kids were 7, 5 and 3. There's were 3 and 2. So with that being said, I told her every place we were eating, what park we would be doing etc. She was like I don't think my kids will like that or I don't think they will do that etc. I kept our plans as they were. They ended up going with us to all the same parks but would leave about 3 hours into it. We just kept going and then we would all meet up again at supper. They would again, head out early. So for us it worked.
In fact, we are going again as families, this time us with a 9, 7, 6 and 2 yr old, and them with a 6, 5 and almost 2 yr old. We know we won't spend every minute together. Their kids aren't into meet n greets, mine are. WE love the characters. So we will do most stuff together, I am sure they will head out early and we will all meet up later.

So be selfish, make your plans with your parents, your inlaws and your family, if she chooses to join then fine, if not, she can catch up with you later. Tell her this is what we are doing bottom line. Good luck!

 

[DevilDuckie]

Have a gentle word with your mom, for starters! She almost certainly thought it would be wonderful to have her whole family (and I see where she's coming from) but if she is aware of the friction she needed to consider your feelings.


*****I totally get where you're coming from and am on your side, so don't take this next bit wrong. These are things to consider that other people will be thinking so you can come up with ways to counter them before you have a discussion.*****

Whose vacation is it? Did you plan it and invite your folks or was it the other way around or was it a mutual idea? (This will change other people's perception of your right to determine who comes.)

Who is paying? If your folks are paying for even their part of it would they be able to afford a separate trip with their other grandkids or will going with you alone mean their other grandkids don't get to do a Disney trip with them at all?

How pre-planned is it and how well do they all know the Disney system? Can you tell them they cannot be added to your ADRs? (Probably not since it's 10 months out, but could be worth a shot later if she drags her feet.)



It will be important to choose a strategy. Will an up front confrontation be most helpful or are you better off simply treating this as an interesting idea someone had and going about your planning as though it isn't an issue. Will it be better to clear the air now or to wait until time to book things?

Best wishes. I've had this sort of drama in my family (there's a reason I no longer go home for Christmas) and it's a rotten place to be.

 

[MRYPPNS]

Maybe I should just nip it in the butt now before she starts really thinking about it and planning it

Nip, Nip, Nip away and quick! Want me to dial the phone for you? Seriously you need to call your sister now and explained that this vacation has been planned for your kids with both sets of grandparents.
Them going even with making their own arrangements/plans won't work because your parents will be pulled in 2 directions and thats not what you wanted. It's your family's vacation...save it now before it's too late.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Nip, Nip, Nip away and quick! Want me to dial the phone for you? Seriously you need to call your sister now and explained that this vacation has been planned for your kids with both sets of grandparents.
Them going even with making their own arrangements/plans won't work because your parents will be pulled in 2 directions and thats not what you wanted. It's your family's vacation...save it now before it's too late.

I SECOND AND THIRD THIS!!!!
Seriously- who cares if sis is mad? She was rude to invite herself. I would have just said no right there.

 

[The Disney Bunch]

Speak up or you will regret it! Also tell your mother off for intruding on it. I let my mother bring my brother's stepdaughter & nephew (who was 3 mos old at the time) on my twin's 5th birthday trip & she ruined it. I regret letting her dictate to me & I still am mad about it, two years later.

 

[design_mom]

Oh, good luck!

It seems like every time we go to visit my my parents or my in-laws, another sibling with more grandkids in tow shows up at the same time. ("I heard you were going to be here and my kids love to play with yours, so I thought...") Anyway, it's fine, but I never feel like our kids get much one-on-one time with their grandparents.

We've taken a vacation with each set of grandparents so far (one set to Disney, the other set to myrtle beach) and it has been wonderful. I have held my breath expecting someone to invite themselves along, but thankfully we haven't had that problem yet. (Although SIL has said that next time, she wants to go, too. Blah!)

Anyway -- it really is special for the kids to have grandma and grandpa to themselves for a while and my mom even confided that although she loves all of the grandkids equally, it's really great to see them in smaller groups sometime so she can spend some quality time with each child.

So, I hope you can get your trip back. I'm not very good at confrontation so I'd probably cave... but I hope you have more backbone than I do!

 

[ksumn1]

I think yo need to sit your Mom down and have a serious talk with her. Be honest. Tell her that maybe you're a little jealous, but that you wanted this trip so that you and your children can have special Grandparents only time. And with your sister along, it will take time away from your kids. Explain that she's had many vacations with your parents and you think it's your turn. Tell her you really don't appreciate her invoting sis along without talking to everyone else 1st. Let us know how it goes.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

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[Harvestmooner]

We just had the same thing happen to us this year with my sister-in-law. Both my husband and I plus my parents said (to eachother) that if she went we wouldn't go. We weren't sure how we were going to handle it if it came down to it-it never did. We were getting all upset over this!! So don't sweat it too much until you know for sure.
GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

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[mylilnikita]

OMG! OP, sorry all that is happening to you. I would just take my kids and in laws forget about parents and sister. If you all went even without your sister, you would be hearing about it the whole trip.

 

[npmommie]

Honestly I am sitting here scratching my head as to why you are so insistant on special time with people who really don't think the same way and treat you badly? I know they are the kids grandparents, but obviously they don't feel the same way about having special time only with your kids, so really I would drop it, I would go and have fun with YOUR family, and your In laws, and thats that.
Let them do their own thing, join you if they want , don't if they want.
YOur kids will have a special awesome time with or without your sis along,
Don't let this ruin their trip and your trip.
It doesn't have to. Do your kids have the chance to have one on one time with their grand- parents any other time? do you live far apart?

 

[packofjedis]

I can completely feel what you're going through. I do feel like the vacation to Canada was the same thing, except that you weren't told about it beforehand. How could you have known to ask if you could come if you didn't know it was happening?

We have a real problem with relatives inviting themselves. We haven't had an "alone" trip in years. The problem is that all of our family lives within driving distance of WDW, so they feel like they should just be able to pop down and spend a day or 2 or 3 with us. Last October, my sister and husband were down for 4 days with us. Once they left, my SIL, BIL, wife, 2 kids, FIL and MIL all came for the day. Our whole trip was entertaining other people who have a different agenda than us.

This year we're attempting to do a solo trip. At this point my in-laws don't even know we're going in May. We'll probably tell them a week before we go and make it seem spontaneous. I know it's devious, but it's the only way that won't cause a ton of arguments. It's a very tricky situation to be in, but I do feel like is should be ok to say "this is our vacation that we want to do alone" and have no one comment back.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

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[Omma]

I wanted to tell you I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from! I often wish my kids could have time alone with grandparents. Not because I don't absolutely adore my nieces & nephews, but because I know it would be special for my kids to have that one on one time. I'm sorry your family is choosing not to understand.

I think you did the right thing talking to everyone. Sometimes the truth hurts - but that doesn't mean you shouldn't share it. I would go forward planning your super fabulous vacation for your kiddos. Hopefully it will all work out the way you dreamed.