Fall out of love?

[kdibattista]

So glad OP started this thread. DH and I are trying to work on some issues right now and things just don't feel so good.

I think the advice/views given here are very relevant.
Thanks..............

Hope everything works out for you

 

[azgal81]

I don't think you should fall out of love with someone. I think there are ups and downs that can make you both mad and happy with your partner but I don't think you should ever get to the point when you look at them and say I just don't love them anymore. Sounds like you need a date night or maybe even counseling. I think in some cases divorce is the easy way out but in other cases it's necessary. Hollywood is a bad example don't compare your marriage to theres or anyone elses. Only you really know what's going on. Good luck! You know valentine's day is coming up maybe you should do something special for your partner. Just a thought!

 

[mtblujeans]

I fell out of love with my ex. He drank alot, cheated alot, had no interest in saving the marriage. After so much of this, one day my feelings for him were just gone. It was just like going numb. Funny thing was that, when I finally decided I had had enough, he suddenly decided he wanted to work at the marriage. I just kept walking....

My (second) DH is a very stubborn person and can be difficult to reason with. There have been times in the past that I have thought 'what am I doing here'!? We have also been thru some pretty rough times.....and I would say that advice given works quite well! When I felt like I wanted to leave, I just let the feeling fade and everything got better. I know there were about 2 times he thought about leaving and he got over it. If you can find a way to get through the bad times while continuing to be civil to each other so no damage is done, unless vows are broken, the marriage can get stronger!

 

[SC Minnie]

I always remember the advice--

Ask yourself the question-- Are you better off with him/her or without him/her?

 

[mtblujeans]

I always remember the advice--

Ask yourself the question-- Are you better off with him/her or without him/her?

That's good!

I was just reading your post up above. I agree with you. Most days I look at my DH and I think how I am still so attracted to him and I would not want to be anywhere else!

I think the first 10 years of the marriage may be the hardest. That sounds like a long time but it really isn't....it goes by so fast! But, once you get past the insecurities, doubts, and adjustments and you are both 'facing forward together', it can be amazing how much better everything is!

 

[Christine]

I think you can fall out of love if you were never really in love.

I would look at the circumstances leading up to your marriage, why you got married, how you felt at the time, etc. Many people mistake the lust/romance/passion stage that is in ALL relationships for love. Love and lust/passion are not the same and it's pretty hard to figure out the difference, especially if you haven't had a lot of relationship experience.

So, OP, how did you feel about your husband in the beginning? Yeah, I'm sure the "rush" was there, but anything else?

 

[laura001]

I fell out of love with my ex. He drank alot, cheated alot, had no interest in saving the marriage. After so much of this, one day my feelings for him were just gone. It was just like going numb. Funny thing was that, when I finally decided I had had enough, he suddenly decided he wanted to work at the marriage. I just kept walking....

My (second) DH is a very stubborn person and can be difficult to reason with. There have been times in the past that I have thought 'what am I doing here'!? We have also been thru some pretty rough times.....and I would say that advice given works quite well! When I felt like I wanted to leave, I just let the feeling fade and everything got better. I know there were about 2 times he thought about leaving and he got over it. If you can find a way to get through the bad times while continuing to be civil to each other so no damage is done, unless vows are broken, the marriage can get stronger!

I don't believe that letting the feeling fade is working on the problem, if you let it fade then it will rear its ugly head again and again, yes things will get better but you have not worked on the problem. If vows are broken your marriage can still get stronger after a lot of work, so that doesn't mean that your marriage is over even at that point.

I believe that the above poster is right in the fact that circumstances of abuse etc. can make you stop loving what it is a person is doing and therefore affecting your relationship, if nothing is done to change the behaviour then it is over.

 

[missypie]

I fell out of love with my ex. He drank alot, cheated alot, had no interest in saving the marriage. After so much of this, one day my feelings for him were just gone. It was just like going numb. Funny thing was that, when I finally decided I had had enough, he suddenly decided he wanted to work at the marriage. I just kept walking....

My (second) DH is a very stubborn person and can be difficult to reason with. There have been times in the past that I have thought 'what am I doing here'!? We have also been thru some pretty rough times.....and I would say that advice given works quite well! When I felt like I wanted to leave, I just let the feeling fade and everything got better. I know there were about 2 times he thought about leaving and he got over it. If you can find a way to get through the bad times while continuing to be civil to each other so no damage is done, unless vows are broken, the marriage can get stronger!

Mtblujeans, you make a very good point. Sometimes, falling out of love is healthy. Many times women fall for a "bad boy;" they may have a strong physical attraction but the man can be deeply flawed...alcohol, drugs, anger, etc. Once the "magic" is gone, it can be healthy for these women to look at who they're really married to and get the heck out of there.