Facebook and teen

[irish dancer]

Question - do you have your teen's sign on and password for Facebook? If yes, how often do you check their page?

We are going to be setting up a Facebook page for DD14 and I told her we would have to have her sign on and password. She of course disagrees. Just wanted to see if I'm way off base.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Question - do you have your teen's sign on and password for Facebook? If yes, how often do you check their page?

We are going to be setting up a Facebook page for DD14 and I told her we would have to have her sign on and password. She of course disagrees. Just wanted to see if I'm way off base.

I hope you don't mind, but this could get, shall I say, interestin'.

 

[Cinderella94]

I'm 16 and have had a Facebook since I was 13, I'd guess. My parents have never had my login info, never asked for it, and I never gave them reason to not trust me. Had I been a trouble-maker, things very well may have been different.

 

[fireflymedic]

Question - do you have your teen's sign on and password for Facebook? If yes, how often do you check their page?

We are going to be setting up a Facebook page for DD14 and I told her we would have to have her sign on and password. She of course disagrees. Just wanted to see if I'm way off base.

I think making thim put in you as a freind would safice for keeping an eye on it.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Yep, I have my daughter's and I make no apologies for it. She has never given me reason not to trust her, but that might also be because she knows I see what goes on. I have made her delete things that her friends/acquiantances post on there. Colleges and prospective employers do look at these pages. I'm not going to let her make a stupid teen mistake that might affect her future. One of her friends (who she's no longer really friendly with) when crazy on her FB page when she knew her mother unfriended here. The vulgar language, the inappropriate behavior being flaunted...her mother would be horrified, but that's a decision she made.

 

[Cinderella94]

I think making thim put in you as a freind would safice for keeping an eye on it.

This sounds like it should be a good idea, but it's very easy to pick and choose what specific items specific people are "hidden" from seeing on your "wall" & profile. All it takes is a few changes in your privacy settings.

If you really want full access to someone's page, you (general you) need their login info. They could be hiding only certain posts/pictures/etc from you and you would have no idea.

 

[kacaju]

yes I have both my dd's info. Do I use it...no not really... dd17 never logs off of her page Her and I share similar names so sometimes it takes me a bit before I realize I am on her page...not mine. same with her, I don't log off either. We do have a few common friends so if a shared friends wall is up...that is why I don't catch it right away.
The one time I did log onto dd15 facebook is because I found out someone sister died and dd was at school. I went onto dd's page to find out the info.

 

[powellrj]

My DD is 14 and I don't have her log-in or her password, but she did friend me.

I trust her more than I do her brothers to keep it clean and safe. I worry about what they post, but since they are both in their 20's there isn't much I can say or do about it.

 

[disykat]

I am just a friend.

However, I don't think you're off base. I kind of wish I'd gotten passwords initially, then put them away "just in case." The only reason I would use them is if I had reason to believe they were hiding something from me.

I do have passwords to their email accounts because they were younger when they got them. I have never felt the need to access them. If I did, and they had changed the passwords, I'd be wondering why.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I think this is going to be a situation where your family rules are going to be what matters, not what others will or will not approve of.

I have my DD18 and DS15's accounts and emails. I don't use them often, maybe once or twice per child since they opened their accounts.

One was because of a post that needed to be deleted immediately in the middle of the night when DS was sleeping, and it was a horrible post. DD also calls and has me post something or look something up for her at her request.

I think since they have not refused me the information I am less inclined to even look.

 

[SkcMom]

Yep, I have my daughter's and I make no apologies for it. She has never given me reason not to trust her, but that might also be because she knows I see what goes on. I have made her delete things that her friends/acquiantances post on there. Colleges and prospective employers do look at these pages.

I agree with all of this. I too do the same with my DD 14.

 

[brittsmum1998]

Yep, I have my daughter's and I make no apologies for it. She has never given me reason not to trust her, but that might also be because she knows I see what goes on. I have made her delete things that her friends/acquiantances post on there. Colleges and prospective employers do look at these pages. I'm not going to let her make a stupid teen mistake that might affect her future. One of her friends (who she's no longer really friendly with) when crazy on her FB page when she knew her mother unfriended here. The vulgar language, the inappropriate behavior being flaunted...her mother would be horrified, but that's a decision she made.

This. My dd is 13 and has only had it since she turned 13. I have promised her I won't post anything on there but I have been known to take things off her page written by her "friends" that I don't find appropriate.

 

[rszdtrvl]

Question - do you have your teen's sign on and password for Facebook? If yes, how often do you check their page?

Yes. I check his facebook multiple times a day. He knows that I need all passwords for accounts he has while he is under our roof.

 

[sunnyday123]

Yep, I have my daughter's and I make no apologies for it. She has never given me reason not to trust her, but that might also be because she knows I see what goes on. I have made her delete things that her friends/acquiantances post on there. Colleges and prospective employers do look at these pages. I'm not going to let her make a stupid teen mistake that might affect her future. One of her friends (who she's no longer really friendly with) when crazy on her FB page when she knew her mother unfriended here. The vulgar language, the inappropriate behavior being flaunted...her mother would be horrified, but that's a decision she made.

Me too. I've also unfriended someone (a cousin ) from her FB because of the language. I don't view FB as some private diary for her to use, and while she did also friend me, I do also check what her friends have written.


And just as a by-the-way, last week she showed me pictures a girl she went to school with posted on her page; they were of her sneaking out of her house, posing with condoms, a pregnancy test, and a very large ( poorly ) drawn picture of the male anatomy.

Her response was, "do you believe how nasty X is?" before she unfriended her. The kid is 13.

 

[krcit]

I have both of my dds passwords. I very rarely check older dd(16) anymore. I did check it when she was younger but there has never been anything inappropriate on it and I don't have reason to check it now. She has tried to get me to let her change her password but that's not happening. If knowing that I can check it at anytime is the reason she keeps it approprite than so be it My younger dd's I check about once every few weeks and so far so good. The things I see some of these kids post would freak you out and I wonder where their parents are

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I do admit I check it frequently. Wasn't so bad in grammar school, but she started high school this year and . Some of the girls she went to grammar school with have gotten wild and she has really distanced herself from many of them which I'm thankful for and give her credit for. She also is going to a different high school than most of them, so that makes it easier. She hasn't unfriended them on FB, but she also doesn't hang around with them anymore.

One suggestion OP: have your child make their page private. I can access most of DD's friends pages and they know it. Doesn't stop them from being wild and they also don't lock their pages. It's almost like they think it's funny that the world can see just what they're up to -- makes them feel like they're telling everyone to kiss their behinds. Unfortunately I think many parents place too much trust in their children at just the time they need more guidance instead of less.

Whatever you decide I wish you both well in navigating FB. I can be a real eye-opener.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I have had my kids info. I've checked it on occasion, and have made them delete a couple acquaintances when young. It doesn't hurt to stay on top of things. I don't let them delete or clean the computer info without permission when they are young either.

At a certain point they start making their own decisions.

 

[Took]

Me too. I've also unfriended someone (a cousin ) from her FB because of the language. I don't view FB as some private diary for her to use, and while she did also friend me, I do also check what her friends have written.

I trust DD a great deal and allow her a good deal of freedom--but that's not true with FB. One of the rules of the account was that I got to know her password and am her friend. I rarely interfere, but I do read stuff. MOST is absolutely harmless. Every now and then something catches my eye (really bad language, blatant racism or sexism, bullying (once)) and I bring it up. This stuff hasn't come from her; it's usually posted by someone she knows but isn't close to. I don't read every post or every day, just spot check to make sure nothing really damaging or hurtful is posted.

 

[scotlass]

DS (10) has FB....yes I know.....but he is a BBoy and a lot of his training and comps are are set up on FB.

I do have his password and I check his page at least 3/4 times a day.
The guys he trains with are all a lot older than he is and can post things I would not want him to see.
He totally understands and he will even remind me to check before he logs on.

Im not stoopid enough tho to think this wont change as he gets older....

 

[tjmw2727]

I have both my dd's passwords they are 16 and 14 but I can't remember the last time I actually logged on as them.

They both have to have me as a friend but I promised not to post on their walls and I ask them before I tag them in any pictures etc.

I do trust them but its a big world out there and teenagers can be crazy and impuslive. At one point I did ask my dd to unfriend someone and fwiw she totally agreed just hadn't done it yet.

They both have preferences locked down pretty tight as far as who can see what. Wall is private and friends can only see mutual friends etc.

Its part of what they do these days so we do talk alot about what shoud and shouldn't be done/said on FB and why.

Another rule is you can only friend "real friends" not just acquantences or people you think you knew in kindergarten! Also no teachers and no grownups except relatives.

So far so good -