explaining death of dog to 34 month old

[crysplefty]

Our large dog attacked and killed one of our small dogs this morning. We have found someone to come and take the large dog this evening before our son gets home. My husband and I didn't tell our 34 month old son about the death of his dog yet. We wanted to wait until the other dog was gone to tell him about both dogs no longer being with us at one time. We are going to tell him the small one died, but aren't sure how to explain the disappearance of the other dog. We are concerned that if we tell him the large dog killed the small one he may become afraid of big dogs. He was recently stung by a bee at my mother in law's house and is now afraid of a lot of things. We don't want to add to his list of fears, but we also want to be as honest as we can to him about this situation. If anyone has had a similar experience with a child this age, could you please give me some advice.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

Our large dog attacked and killed one of our small dogs this morning. We have found someone to come and take the large dog this evening before our son gets home. My husband and I didn't tell our 34 month old son about the death of his dog yet. We wanted to wait until the other dog was gone to tell him about both dogs no longer being with us at one time. We are going to tell him the small one died, but aren't sure how to explain the disappearance of the other dog. We are concerned that if we tell him the large dog killed the small one he may become afraid of big dogs. He was recently stung by a bee at my mother in law's house and is now afraid of a lot of things. We don't want to add to his list of fears, but we also want to be as honest as we can to him about this situation. If anyone has had a similar experience with a child this age, could you please give me some advice.

I'm sorry for the loss of your pets. What a horrible thing.

I would not tell him what the other dog did. I don't believe they would be able to process it properly at this age... Are you having the older dog put down then?

if so, I don't believe it would dishonest to state that both dogs were sick and passed away. I mean obviously there must have been something up with the older dog to turn on the smaller one..mental or otherwise.

We have an older dog (15 years) so I do think about this a lot of "what would I do". When my SIL cat died....She had each child say what they liked most about the animal and how they would like to remember him...in a bit of a ceremony to say goodbye.

 

[crysplefty]

We are not having the big dog put to sleep. My uncle is taking her. We did not witness the attack, so we don't know what happened. The big dog isn't even two yet, but the small dog was 7 or 8. The big dog was always trying to play with the small one, but the small one (being old) would be a grouch and snap and growl at her. The big dog started snapping back recently, so I'm thinking this is what happened this time and the big dog got carried away in the fight. The small one has provoked fights with other family members' dogs in the past.

 

[thegrimdwarf]

I have a LOT of experience in this arena - I've worked in animal rescue and animal shelters for over a decade, and I'm also a dog trainer. What I know is that kids have a way of knowing if they're getting proper info, and will continue to ask until they're satisfied. So it's easiest to be honest, so you don't have to try to remember what you already said, and to give them enough info so the child understands the jist of what happened.

In your situation, where it was dog vs. dog, I would tell him that the big dog hurt the little dog, and they both had to go away. If you're good with telling him the little dog died, that's great, but you know your child best. Let him know that sometimes dogs play too rough, and sometimes when that happens a dog can get badly hurt.

I think if you keep stressing the dog hurt another dog - not a boy, or you - you'll be able to avoid a fear of dogs.

Just curious - what were the dog breeds? Any idea what prompted the attack?

And I'm sorry for your loss. It's difficult to lose pets, especially in such a horrible way.

 

[jlsilva1018]

Hi, I work at an animal hospital and the first thing I tell owners never tell the children that "the dog went to sleep". The child will be afraid to sleep.... I also have a 3 year old and we just lost a pet and I talked to her about it and she understood. Here are some books that are recommended. Hopefully they help; personally I find no reason to explain the way the dog died at that age since it will scare him of the other dog. Hope all works out well for you, so very sorry about your loss.

Look up childrens books, theme, death of pets (won't let me post url since I am so new)

 

[crysplefty]

The large dog is a german shepherd and the small one was a rat terrier. My husband got the rat terrier before we met. She was never socialized with other dogs, and would growl and snap at the german shepherd and a few other dogs if they came within a foot from her for no reason. My husband was talking about getting rid of her recently because she has become such a grouch in her old age. And like I said before the german shepherd has constantly been trying to play with the rat terrier since we got her a year and a half ago. I didn't want to list the breeds since so many people will say right away that german shepherds are mean, when in the contrary they are not. They are only mean when they are raised this way and neglected. But since you asked I have provided their breeds.

 

[thegrimdwarf]

The large dog is a german shepherd and the small one was a rat terrier. My husband got the rat terrier before we met. She was never socialized with other dogs, and would growl and snap at the german shepherd and a few other dogs if they came withing a foot from her for no reason. My husband was talking about getting rid of her recently because she has become such a grouch in her old age. And like I said before the german shepherd has constantly been trying to play with the rat terrier since we got her a year and a half ago. I didn't want to list the breeds since so many people will say right away that german shepherds are mean, when in the contrary they are not. They are only mean when they are raised this way and neglected. But since you asked I have provided their breeds.

Thank you for answering, though I would have understood if you declined. So many breeds carry a stigma these days, and it's all due from poor breeding and bad treatment and training by owners.

I generally work with "working breeds" - mainly Germans and Rottweilers - so I know exactly how fantastic, fun, loyal, smart and loving they are. I'm sure you're right in assuming that the German was just looking to have fun, and the Terrier, being an old, grouchy Terrier, just had enough. Dog fights escalate very quickly, and with such a mis-match of size and power, it was probably a very fast event.

Again - so sorry.

 

[Benducci]

I would just explain that the little dog got hurt and went to doggie heaven and the other dog went to live elsewhere. I wouldn't dwell on things too much or give too much info. You will find that in a short while your child may not even remember the dogs. That is what happened with my little one. She doesn't even remember the dog we had for the first 3 years of her life.

 

[eclairemom]

I would just explain that the little dog got hurt and went to doggie heaven and the other dog went to live elsewhere. I wouldn't dwell on things too much or give too much info. You will find that in a short while your child may not even remember the dogs. That is what happened with my little one. She doesn't even remember the dog we had for the first 3 years of her life.

Seems like a good way to explain it to a 3 year old, but I wouldn't bet on the not remembering my almost 5 year old DD still talks about the most obscure things concerning my moms dog who died when she was a year and a half old... she has the memory of an elephant. We did tell her that Lucky was old and sick and went to Heaven, now when she hears that someone or something has died she says. They are in Heaven with Jesus and Lucky

 

[MyDizneyBoyz]

Keep it simple and expect to answer the same questions over and over in the next few weeks. Kids take time to process things and will keep asking and will actually be comforted by the answers being consistent.

No matter what reason you give, the dogs are still gone and your little one will be upset so expect a tearful reaction. Don't keep offering more and more info in an attempt to stop the tears. Let your child be sad, tell them you're sad too, and give them lots of time to grieve and process what's happened. Answer the questions that get asked without overloading them with info.

You can tell him that there was an accident and the little dog was hurt very badly. His body wasn't strong enough after the accident and he died. Depending on your religious preferences, you can say he's now in doggie heaven or you can give him a simplified version of the "Rainbow Bridge" story, which is actually a kind of sweet story that kids tend to like.

I am very sorry for your loss and it's never easy to lose a furry member of the family. I do think it's okay for your child to see you being sad as it will help validate his feelings.

You can also have a little service - release a balloon up to heaven, draw a picture of the dog, plant a little tree, something that will help your child have some closure.

ETA - As far as the big dog being out of the house, I personally would tell my son that the big dog was part of the accident, he's very sad about what happened, and he's staying at the other house so that an accident like that doesn't happen again. Granted, that's just me - but I would not say the big dog killed the little dog as that's not a fact I'd want my kids obsessing over. I would expect my kids to insist the big dog come back so be prepared for that. If it came down to it, I'd say that this is the way it is for "grown up reasons". At that age, they don't necessarily need all the details.

 

[RMulieri]

When my daughter was 3 we had to put down our family dog.i spoke to a child psychologist and he recommended pretty much everything here.The important thing to note, is that it is very very normal for your child out of no where to ask about the dog, even a year or more after they have went to heaven.It has been over a year, and my dd still asks when "Molly" can come home, and then she asks tons of questions about death.I found that Mr Rogers has an excellent book called"when a Pet Dies", which really did help alot.

 

[perkinsrose]

Hi, I work at an animal hospital and the first thing I tell owners never tell the children that "the dog went to sleep". The child will be afraid to sleep.... I also have a 3 year old and we just lost a pet and I talked to her about it and she understood. Here are some books that are recommended. Hopefully they help; personally I find no reason to explain the way the dog died at that age since it will scare him of the other dog. Hope all works out well for you, so very sorry about your loss.

Look up childrens books, theme, death of pets (won't let me post url since I am so new)

I agree with the "sleep" thing. I don't like the "putting animal to sleep" phrase. When we had to euthanize our 14yr old cat, kids were told the vet was helping the cat die and end its suffering because it had come to the end of its life.

OP:

Cat Heaven and Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant are pretty good. They do reference heaven & God taking care of animals.

http://www.amazon.com/Dog-Heaven-Cy...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219346795&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Cat-Heaven-Cy...=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219346795&sr=8-3


haven't read this one--but I've read/seen other Mister Roger's books that are good and very developmentally appropriate for 5 and under

http://www.amazon.com/When-Pet-Dies...=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219346922&sr=1-3


This one might be good too

http://www.amazon.com/Every-Dog-Angel-Christine-Davis/dp/0965922529/ref=pd_sim_b_5





Death & Loss is the hardest part of having pets--but so worth it I think for all the other times of love & companionship.

I often turn to bibliotherapy to help kids process things in life.
You might check with a local children's librarian. (some are more helpful/knowledgeable than others) Sometimes they have lists of books (or know a few) on death & dying. Some books on general death/loss might be helpful too--not necessarily exactly like your child's experience but still deal with the same feelings of loss.

Came across this list online --some are novels & not helpful for your age-range but there are some picture books listed. Many are not specific to pets dying and cover a range of traumatic events.

http://www3.baylor.edu/~Charles_Kemp/terminal_illness/childrens_books.htm

http://www.carnegielibrary.org/kids/booknook/bibliotherapy/




When my parents' pets have died (dogs & cats the kids have known all their lives) the kids have been there when we buried them. I think it helped to have them part of the whole process, see the adults saddened too but get through it. We also have made memory box type displays. Our cat has a shadowbox with photos & small items to remember her. The kids liked helping put it together and being able to look at it to remember her--now years later.

 

[eeyorefan74]

I agree with telling him the small dog died, and the larger one went to live somewhere else where it will be happier. You might have to explain what death means- the dog was hurt badly and its body didn't work anymore. Then just answer questions if they come, and at this age, they may not. Sometimes DD is happy with very simple answers to questions, and doesn't want too many details. She's even okay with "I don't know" at times. I think if you go into too much detail about what happened, you're setting him up for a fear of dogs, and I know you don't want that. Good luck. This is such a tough thing to have to deal with.

 

[Camno's Mama]

Our dog died when ds was about that age. It was very hard for him...I won't lie. Everyone told us he wouldn't even really notice, but that was not true at all. We were pretty honest with him. We had to put him to sleep, so I didn't tell him it was our "choice", but we just said that it was his time to die and that he went to heaven to be with God. We told him that he would be happier there, and would be able to do all of the things he loved doing before he was injured. He asked if he could visit, and we said no...that when people or animals go to heaven they can't come back here. That we would all miss him, and that it was okay to miss him and talk about him. He did that A LOT, and it was hard for us at times because we were so sad and didn't really want to talk about it all the time, but it was really good for him.

I would not tell him that the big one killed the little one. No good can come from that. I'm all about being honest with children, but I think that might be too much for one that age. I have worked extensively with that age group, and would not recommend that. I would just say that the little one died, and that the big one went to go live with your uncle. Maybe you can even take him to visit from time to time. Just say that your uncle needed a buddy or something. Simple explanations are good enough with kids that age, fortunately.

I'm sorry about your loss and that whole situation. Good luck with everything.