Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

[Hasil72]

Thanks MinnieVanMom!

We've always told DS that he needs to Believe in himself as much as we believe in him and try no matter what and it kinda stuck. We've made bracelets (thanks to Lucigo) that always have a BELIEVE center bead so it's just kind of our thing.

 

[kampfirekim]

In DS homework on each Friday there has been a note and I "thought" I was to sign it after I review his homework and send it back, then note. Well last nite I read the note for about the 5th time and finally got that I was to return all the homework with the note for DS to get a grade on said homework.

Well, it is in the bottom of the outside trash can because I have thrown it out.

I am going dumpster diving. Love all aspects of the new school year.

BFF! Sounds like something I'd do.

In your defense...the bombardment of papers, agendas etc. that we have to sort through to figure out what our kids need to be doing is absurd. I've never seen anything like the junk we've seen this year.

(For any newcomers who aren't aware....BFF does not mean Best Friend Forever here. It is Smutch for "double brain fluff".)

OMG! DS is ASD with an aide in a mainstream 5th grade class. He has the same agenda and melted down on the first week of school because the class was having a contest where the teacher would ask a question and the kids had to find the answer in the agenda. Talk about overwhelming!

My DS7 (typical) came home w/a graded test on the rules found in the agenda. Which we had no idea there was going to be a test on to begin with. The test actually asked the question, "How many times does your teacher blow the whistle when recess is over?" REALLY!? If I hadn't seen it myself, I would've thought it was a sick joke!

This is not a slam on you great teachers out there. Most of this stuff, at least in our area, is coming from the higher ups who rarely ever see the inside of a classroom. Its insanity!

I agree it is overwhelming the amount of work that parents do for homework. We are in for at least 2 hours but we have set up the routine and it is work.

BTW, I love your tag line.

We don't have 2 hours of homework, but it can get up to an hour sometimes, which IMO, is ridiculous for a 2nd grader. We've got a pretty good routine going to help DS get done as quickly as possible, but still! He maintains A/B honor roll status, but not without a TON off effort on both our parts.

I am completely and totally dreading DS5 being mainstreamed next year. I may need Prozac or I could just take up drinking.

 

[Kat77]

In your defense...the bombardment of papers, agendas etc. that we have to sort through to figure out what our kids need to be doing is absurd. I've never seen anything like the junk we've seen this year.

First of the year packets are torture!
Four kids, same district... I finally started filling in one of each (minus name and birthdate) and copying 3x's! Thank Heaven for home copiers! If it's a PTA packet, I draw in extra name spaces and send the one packet back with my most responsible child at that school Everyone always makes it into the directory and gets their spiritwear, so it works.

 

[melissa37]

Just had to share. DS 8 started a new school this year as they increased the number of schools in the district that have specialized autism instruction. This meant new everything (teachers, therapists, kids, etc.) and I was so worried. Fast forward 4 weeks and it's amazing. I have a child who is reading constantly at home (couldn't get him to do this ever!) and who talked on the telephone to his grandparents and answered a couple of simple questions with no prompting!!! His grandparents were in tears, this is the first time he has ever talked on the phone to them.

It's amazing what a change of scenery can do sometimes! It's always so cool to see the lightbulb go off and watch a huge leap forward happen. These are the moments that keep me going.

 

[bookwormde]

You can bet that there is a talented teacher at the new school that is a big part of it.

bookwormde

 

[NotUrsula]

I've come down from this morning's heart attack -- finally.

DH is out of town on business today, and it was a bit crazy at our house this morning because the little one didn't want to get her tush out of bed.
I was cutting close on time wrestling her into her clothes so that we could get DS13 to school on time, but I got it done, grabbed my keys and called out for him to come on so that we could get out the door.

Silence.

DS? Come on! Still silence. I go searching. Not in the kitchen or dining room, not in his room, not in the basement, not in the back yard or the garage or on the front stoop. DS is -gone-.

OK, stay calm ... think. Odds are that he decided to walk to school since I was running a touch late, but he didn't wait around to make sure that I heard him say so. Wait a few minutes, call the school after the bell. Explain to the secretary that you have *misplaced* your 13yo son and are wondering if by any chance he's sitting in his classroom by now? You can hear the incredulity in her voice but swallow your pride and ask if she will call you back after roll call comes in, if he's listed absent. Wait some more. Finally she calls back and says that he is indeed in his homeroom.
Breathe a big sigh of relief and vow to kill him the moment I get home.

 

[iwrbnd]

I've come down from this morning's heart attack -- finally.

DH is out of town on business today, and it was a bit crazy at our house this morning because the little one didn't want to get her tush out of bed.
I was cutting close on time wrestling her into her clothes so that we could get DS13 to school on time, but I got it done, grabbed my keys and called out for him to come on so that we could get out the door.

Silence.

DS? Come on! Still silence. I go searching. Not in the kitchen or dining room, not in his room, not in the basement, not in the back yard or the garage or on the front stoop. DS is -gone-.

OK, stay calm ... think. Odds are that he decided to walk to school since I was running a touch late, but he didn't wait around to make sure that I heard him say so. Wait a few minutes, call the school after the bell. Explain to the secretary that you have *misplaced* your 13yo son and are wondering if by any chance he's sitting in his classroom by now? You can hear the incredulity in her voice but swallow your pride and ask if she will call you back after roll call comes in, if he's listed absent. Wait some more. Finally she calls back and says that he is indeed in his homeroom.
Breathe a big sigh of relief and vow to kill him the moment I get home.

I'm sorry you went through this but glad you didn't actually have a heart attack! My oldest son (mild aspie/add) did something very similiar when he was 13, too! He was in band and was late (typical for him) to a parade he needed to march in. Well, when he ended up missing it he didn't find his family in the crowd like most kids would...he ended up WALKING HOME!!! I spent over an hour looking for him! When we finally realized he walked home...across town...I really wanted to kill him!!! I was also so embarrassed trying to explain to everybody who helped us search that he had walked home. My son is mild enough that most people don't know so everybody just looked so confused! Grrr!

Then there was the time my third son (mild autism) decided to play hide and seek but forgot to inform us of the game!!! He was 3 yrs old and that involved police and all sorts of things! So scary at the time and very embarrassing when we found him hiding in the car! Grrr!

 

[redshoes]

Hello everyone. I just received my passport and I'm packing my bags for Schmolland (although truth be told, I've looked through a ton of guidebooks in the past few years). I have three wonderful kids- My 8 year old DS is NT (annoying at times but NT), My 6 year old DS is my travel buddy through Schmolland, and my 5 month DD.

We are currently waiting on a NeuroPsych scheduled for October. Currently C has a diagnosis of a mood disorder NOS, anxiety NOS. There is more about his adventure in my previous thread. I will be honest and say that I'm preparing for an AS diagnosis. Too many of the markers fit.

One of the questions that I have though is that everything I have read (Tony Attwood's book and few others) says that AS in general like to be alone. MY DS hates to be alone, his anxiety is heightened when he is alone. That's not to say that he doesn't like to play by himself but he likes to be in the room with everyone when he is playing. He also does well with playing with his older brother and some of his friends. He does better one on one though. Can some of the qualities be less or nonexistent in kids? Can some of the issues be helped with the proper interventions and support? I ask because Attwood's book can be a little depressing at times and I'm struggling with some of the realities about what my DS's life might be like. I will do anything I can to support him and help him to be happy.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not grasping at straws wishing that this isn't the reality of the situation. I'm okay with things if this diagnosis is what comes out of our trip planning. I just want to do things right by him and honestly truth be told that's what I want to do for all my kids.

I'll leave this with a cute little Disney story about DS and his friend. DS is currently doing a day treatment program with other little kids. One of his best friends is a darling like boy named "jack" (changed just to be careful about not sharing too much information about someone's little one). Jack is autistic. C was telling DH about Jack and said, "you know Dad, Jack is rather FERB like". DH must have give C a funny look because he said, "you know like Phineas and Ferb. Jack is really smart, he just doesn't have a lot to say" .

 

[iwrbnd]

Hello everyone. I just received my passport and I'm packing my bags for Schmolland (although truth be told, I've looked through a ton of guidebooks in the past few years). I have three wonderful kids- My 8 year old DS is NT (annoying at times but NT), My 6 year old DS is my travel buddy through Schmolland, and my 5 month DD.

We are currently waiting on a NeuroPsych scheduled for October. Currently C has a diagnosis of a mood disorder NOS, anxiety NOS. There is more about his adventure in my previous thread. I will be honest and say that I'm preparing for an AS diagnosis. Too many of the markers fit.

One of the questions that I have though is that everything I have read (Tony Attwood's book and few others) says that AS in general like to be alone. MY DS hates to be alone, his anxiety is heightened when he is alone. That's not to say that he doesn't like to play by himself but he likes to be in the room with everyone when he is playing. He also does well with playing with his older brother and some of his friends. He does better one on one though. Can some of the qualities be less or nonexistent in kids? Can some of the issues be helped with the proper interventions and support? I ask because Attwood's book can be a little depressing at times and I'm struggling with some of the realities about what my DS's life might be like. I will do anything I can to support him and help him to be happy.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not grasping at straws wishing that this isn't the reality of the situation. I'm okay with things if this diagnosis is what comes out of our trip planning. I just want to do things right by him and honestly truth be told that's what I want to do for all my kids.

I'll leave this with a cute little Disney story about DS and his friend. DS is currently doing a day treatment program with other little kids. One of his best friends is a darling like boy named "jack" (changed just to be careful about not sharing too much information about someone's little one). Jack is autistic. C was telling DH about Jack and said, "you know Dad, Jack is rather FERB like". DH must have give C a funny look because he said, "you know like Phineas and Ferb. Jack is really smart, he just doesn't have a lot to say" .

You have a GREAT attitude and it sounds like you and your ds will have many memories of traveling Schmolland together! Some of my hardest travels through this land have ended up being the ones I laugh hardest about later! Keep us posted when/if you get your official passport! I wish I had been as strong and positive as you when I realized where the road I was on was heading! I took a pit-stop in a cave along the way and stayed there for days! Eventually I came out and gave Schmolland a chance!

I LOVE the "Ferb like" reference! So true! My oldest is "Ferb like"!

 

[kampfirekim]

I've come down from this morning's heart attack -- finally.

One day you will look back at this and laugh...hard. I'm glad he was found and all was well.

Then there was the time my third son (mild autism) decided to play hide and seek but forgot to inform us of the game!!! He was 3 yrs old and that involved police and all sorts of things! So scary at the time and very embarrassing when we found him hiding in the car! Grrr!

Sounds like my DS5. When he was three he was playing in his room while I was cooking dinner. DH went outside for some reason or another. I noticed that there was a quiet that I wasn't used to and decided I'd better investigate. (Fearing certain types of finger painting, etc.) DS was nowhere to be found. I immediately checked the doors. Locked. I tore through every room in the house yelling to the top of my lungs with my heart rate increasing by the second. He was nowhere to be found. Then my eye caught a glimpse of our front window....open...and the screen was pushed out. Now I'm in a panic! We don't have fencing around our front yard which is on a busy road. I have no idea where to start looking first so I just start yelling his name again...and out he walks from in between our two vehicles just as happy as can be. It took me a couple of days to settle down from that one. I was so glad to find him safe I could have KILLED him.

Hello everyone. I just received my passport and I'm packing my bags for Schmolland (although truth be told, I've looked through a ton of guidebooks in the past few years). I have three wonderful kids- My 8 year old DS is NT (annoying at times but NT), My 6 year old DS is my travel buddy through Schmolland, and my 5 month DD.

Welcome Redshoes! I believe I read some of your story on while lurking on another thread. Glad you joined us. Hopefully you'll find this bunch to be as helpful and supportive as I have. We're pretty good for a laugh every now and then too. Feel free to vent, share, cry, laugh whatever you need to do. This thread is definitely a safe zone. No flames are allowed.

 

[Dancind]

Hi Redshoes, and welcome! I'm not here much because my DD is verging on grown up.

Yes, absolutely, every kid is different. Just like snowflakes, no two are the same. Threw me for years, a lot of the Aspergers markers didn't fit my girl. But then I saw a list of traits for females and she hit 90% of that. And yes, early intervention will help, how could it not?

DH and I were at dinner the other night and I was fascinated with a Mom and baby next to us. Baby was less than 2 months old and was studying Mom's face intently. Really studying, and trying to vocalize to her. I mentioned to DH that DD never did that. Then I read in the paper that they did a STUDY and consider that lack of behavior an early marker for autism now. Guess I could have told them that!

 

[redshoes]

Here's a little update on my DS. DH and I talked a ton this last week about the fact that it's stupid for us to just sit around and wait for the neuropsych in October to decide how we should parent DS with the new knowledge of some of his issues. So we have decided to make some changes that seem to have helped.

We gave DS a white board with a schedule written on for the day. If something is going to be different then we write "change up" on so he knows that he can expect something different. We have used this little system for a week now, and it seems to have eased some of the anxiety.

I purchased a social stories book and I have been reading some of them to him when I can tell there is something bothering him that fits into those stories. Yesterday he was complaining that his spelling words were words he already knew how to spell and so I read him a story about practice and he enjoyed the it and it seemed to help him understand more. I also read him a couple stories about respect and one about restating with respect- We have used that phrase numerous times this last week and it has helped sometimes.

He has been listening to an Indigo Dreams CD at night to fall asleep and he loves them. They seem to relax him and make him more ready to sleep.

DH and I have been more proactive about talking about things we notice are bothering him. Instead of waiting for him to say "I'm upset because of this.." We are saying I notice you seem overwhelmed or anxious- could it be because of this. This is leading to him discussing more things that are bothering him.


All of these things have been positive but to be honest with you, I'm overwhelmed. I feel like I'm trying so hard to understand him better and its just exhausting. I think I've done too much research on Aspergers, so much of what's out there is negative. It can get easy to be discouraged. I had my first big cry and breakdown yesterday after doing so well for so long. Sometimes I wonder if I'm up for all of this and when I say that I realize that I don't have a choice that I have to do this. It's hard enough raising NT kids, but throw issues into the mix and it can seem all consuming.

I'm also a stressed about the fact that Day Treatment is ending for DS next Monday and so he will be entering first grade at our charter school. School has been in session for a month now, so the other kids are adjusted and DS will be a little behind for a while. I'm preparing for some major issues with emotions for the next little while. Here's the thing, before all of this happened I enrolled him in a foreign language program that the school has. They teach math and science totally in Spanish. DS's teacher last year recommended the program for him because he did so well with the language program with her. Now, I'm questioning whether that's the right choice for him considering the fact he is struggling in math right now. I wonder if it will be just too much for him that he has to speak Spanish and all instructions will be given in Spanish with all the rest of the things that we are now dealing with this year. Do I push him a little this year or do I hold back a little?

 

[MRYPPNS]

All of these things have been positive but to be honest with you, I'm overwhelmed. I feel like I'm trying so hard to understand him better and its just exhausting. I had my first big cry and breakdown yesterday after doing so well for so long. Sometimes I wonder if I'm up for all of this and when I say that I realize that I don't have a choice that I have to do this. It's hard enough raising NT kids, but throw issues into the mix and it can seem all consuming.

I sooooo feel the same way. Yesterday afternoon was just horrible with my DS. After the kids were in bed I was watching Dancing with the Stars like a zombie and the tears just started rolling down my face because I was so mentally exhausted. Today's has been better and I can only hope that this afternoon will be better then yesterday.

 

[bookwormde]

Redshoes,

Great that you are being proactive and learning and applying what you know(Yes it is a lot of work). Most of the negative stuff about Aspergers is dated and does not reflect our kids potential with the currnet state of the art (I look at the copright for the infomation and if it is pre 2006 I do not generally bother).

Do not feel that you have to do it all at once, I have been studying for 5 years and I still learn new things every day.

bookwormde

 

[redshoes]

bookwormde,

Thank you. My own personality is that I'm all in. So I find myself saying, "I've got to this and this and then these things right now so we don't lose anytime". What is your take on a new diagnosis, no IEP in place (yet, but we will have one when the neuropsych stuff comes back), and a foreign language being used in the subjects that he struggles the most with. Knowing that right now he has major school anxiety anyways.

MRYPPNS- I need to start looking for the good in things and take it all one day at a time. I tend to plan for the future without enjoying the present. Maybe that's something I'm suppose to learn on this journey.

 

[iwrbnd]

Redshoes,

First off let me give you a hug from across the screen ...I have so been in your shoes! At least you're watching Dancing with the Stars and crying! I used to watch the most dysfunctional family shows to make me feel better! I would think "At least I'm not dealing with THAT! Whatever works, right?

Also, I wanted to tell you I spent so much of my youngest son's life (autism diagnosis) crying and worrying about his future! I wish I could take it all back because the majority of my worries never actually happened! He's gone so much farther than anybody ever expected him to! I regret not just enjoying his little life more. He's 11 yrs old now and when I see old pictures of him it makes me sad. I look at that cute little boy and think "Did I ever really notice how absolutely precious he was?" I'm afraid I spent too much time trying to fix him that I actually missed HIM! Does that make sense? I'm glad we worked so hard with him and got him so much therapy because he's doing so well. but, I also wish I had found a happy medium. Maybe all parents look back with some regret but when I see pictures of him I just want to jump in that picture and hold him, play with him and just enjoy him!

You sound like an absolutely wonderful parent that wants the best for your son. You are giving him what he needs so make sure you give yourself what you need, too, which is the enjoyment of raising a precious little boy! Of course you'll also need those crying nights, too, that's normal! I know I've had my fair share!!!

I'm so glad you are on this board. It helps to know others are going through it, too!

MRYPPNS-sorry you had a hard day yesterday, too! Hang in there and remember you can cry on our shoulders, too! We're listening!

 

[kampfirekim]

MRYPPNS- I need to start looking for the good in things and take it all one day at a time. I tend to plan for the future without enjoying the present. Maybe that's something I'm suppose to learn on this journey.

You're on the right track!

It can be so very tough to find a balance between preparing for the future and living in the moment. I often deal with that issue myself, but I am learning to stop and take time to enjoy the child he is instead of lamenting over the child I thought he'd be. Our kids are beautiful, precious and gifted in their own right and we can learn so much from them. (Although we all know that they will also exhaust us to tears and numb our brains sometimes.)

I regret not just enjoying his little life more. He's 11 yrs old now and when I see old pictures of him it makes me sad. I look at that cute little boy and think "Did I ever really notice how absolutely precious he was?" I'm afraid I spent too much time trying to fix him that I actually missed HIM! Does that make sense? I'm glad we worked so hard with him and got him so much therapy because he's doing so well. but, I also wish I had found a happy medium. Maybe all parents look back with some regret but when I see pictures of him I just want to jump in that picture and hold him, play with him and just enjoy him!

You sound like an absolutely wonderful parent that wants the best for your son. You are giving him what he needs so make sure you give yourself what you need, too, which is the enjoyment of raising a precious little boy! Of course you'll also need those crying nights, too, that's normal! I know I've had my fair share!!!

I'm so glad you are on this board. It helps to know others are going through it, too!

MRYPPNS-sorry you had a hard day yesterday, too! Hang in there and remember you can cry on our shoulders, too! We're listening!

Very well said. We all need that reminder every now and then. I have those regrets as well. My DS is still only five, so I've had time to turn it around and start enjoying him more while he is still relatively small...uh, well, young rather. There's nothing small about him. One big muscle that one is. He is such an amazing little guy! He's made so much progress since our citizenship to Schmolland came through. Thank heaven it's been a little more quiet around here lately....of course that just causes me to have a funny story shortage. Oh well.

 

[toodycat]

KFK:I am learning to stop and take time to enjoy the child he is instead of lamenting over the child I thought he'd be. Our kids are beautiful, precious and gifted in their own right and we can learn so much from them. Well said!

Bookwormde---Good call about literature pre-2006. I started dealing with autism in 1998 and the advances and research done since them make it seem like the dinosaur age.

Redshoes---Hugs. It gets easier. It really does. Personally, I'd stick with the Spanish if he likes it.

Things in my part of Schmolland have been a little hectic lately. September always is and now I've got insomnia to boot
DS's school year is off to a good start. He failed a couple of math tests, though. I asked him if he wanted to drop down a level in math and he explained seriously that he was conducting an experiment. What experiment exactly? "I wanted to see how I'd do if I didn't study." Naturally, I told him research time is over and he's volunteered to attend the school math center, but I give him credit: it would have been a great discovery if he'd found that he was getting the same grades either way!

 

[kampfirekim]

DS's school year is off to a good start. He failed a couple of math tests, though. I asked him if he wanted to drop down a level in math and he explained seriously that he was conducting an experiment. What experiment exactly? "I wanted to see how I'd do if I didn't study." Naturally, I told him research time is over and he's volunteered to attend the school math center, but I give him credit: it would have been a great discovery if he'd found that he was getting the same grades either way!

See...that's what I call gifted! I NEVER would have thought of that when I was in school! This one is a classic!

BTW...that would have been a great discovery!

 

[iwrbnd]

I'm glad his experiment proved he needed to study! Apparantly my asperger/ADD son studied for a test once and did poorly so concluded that studying makes him do worse! He still clings to that belief and he's a senior! Hopefully he figures out the truth before college and he really does have to study!!!