Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

[Daisy&Max]

Good morning Schmolland.

We've had an uneventful morning compared to you all! Flying tortilla chips and remote controls are the worst we've had so far.

We're headed out for the day. I've got my fingers crossed that we survive the day without me taking over KFK's running around screaming naked! LOL

I'm hoping that my new meds will help me just let them be the kids they are and not force them to be "normal". We'll see how it goes.

Have a great day all!

Daisy

 

[kirstenb1]

Ireland Nicole and Kampfire Kim, I hope today gets much better for you both!! I'd like to send you both a case of whatever our official beverage in Schmolland is: Heineken? Amstel Light?

 

[steph124ny]

Today is a day to celebrate my NT child. She and her friends raised 2200 dollars for Special Olympics and volunteered at our local event today. I'm so proud of her!!!! She's the one in the pink jacket!

 

[BreTyPres87]

That's so amazing!!!

 

[kirstenb1]

Today is a day to celebrate my NT child. She and her friends raised 2200 dollars for Special Olympics and volunteered at our local event today. I'm so proud of her!!!! She's the one in the pink jacket!

Steph, that's a boatload of $$$$ even for an adult to raise let alone a child. She's a cute kiddo to boot!!!

 

[steph124ny]

Steph, that's a boatload of $$$$ even for an adult to raise let alone a child. She's a cute kiddo to boot!!!

Yeah....we think she's cute too! LOL!! She and her friends worked hard for a VERY long time this year to get that kind of money together. They did roller-skate-a-thons, collected bottles (worth 5cents a piece in NY), etc... It is simply amazing what kids can accomplish when you don't ever tell them what they an't possibly accomplish, ya know? She has a very kind heart. She was very touched by the experience and has asked if she can go to the county level competition to watch Marie (her athlete) compete again.

 

[ireland_nicole]

Today is a day to celebrate my NT child. She and her friends raised 2200 dollars for Special Olympics and volunteered at our local event today. I'm so proud of her!!!! She's the one in the pink jacket!

What an amazing amount of money to raise; you're doing a good job w/ your girls, mom! And they're so cute!

 

[Daisy&Max]

Steph124NY...that is really cool about your DD. I know you are proud of her!

Ireland Nicole and KFK....I hope your day was wonderful!

We did the historical sightseeing today and with only one real hiccup the day went pretty well. My oldest DS forgot to take his ADHD meds and respidone so the first place we went to was a complete and utter disaster. He was hiding under things, running away, and generally being odd. I ended up "holding" him for a while until he calmed down. That's when he realized that he had forgotten his meds. So we raced home and had him take them and it was amazing how much better he was about 45 minutes later.

But he was definitely the odd man out. He knew a lot about the history and wanted to put his two cents in on everything. He kept trying to tell everyone what he knew about the history, the houses, the flowers, etc.

So we managed to assimilate somewhat. LOL We might go to the aquarium tomorrow. We'll see how that goes.

Good night to all,

Daisy

 

[Tarheel girl 1975]

I am so glad this thread exists. I am huge lurker, but knowing that I am not alone makes everything easier.

I woke up this morning to my Smutch son throwing a temper tantrum because he had knocked over his marble run. I should have taken that as a sign. We went to Chuck E. Cheese this morning because he hadf been asking to all week. He had a really hard time choosing what to do. Half the time he got really frustrated because he "wasn't good at (fill in the blank.) Playing skee ball in real life is very different from playing it on the Wii. Add in some coordination issues and fine motor delays and it's a whole 'nother game. By the time we left it was getting pretty busy and noisy. We went out to lunch, but it the place he would have picked. He has always been a picky eater, but lately he's taken it up a notch. At first he wouldn't eat the quesadilla because he said it was too hot. (He has this thing about food temperatures lately.) Then he didn't like it because there was cheese sticking out at the edges. This probably wouln't have been so bad if it was done quietly. He didn't throw a full out trantrum, but there was lots of complaining and whining. DH and I were so frustrated by the time we left the restaurant. Now of course looking back, I can see that Noah was probably overwhelmed/overstimulated and it might not have been the best plan, but still frustrating. He's become much more defiant and argumentative recently. I don't really know how to handle it and it's really wearing me out.

 

[kirstenb1]

I am so glad this thread exists. I am huge lurker, but knowing that I am not alone makes everything easier.

I woke up this morning to my Smutch son throwing a temper tantrum because he had knocked over his marble run. I should have taken that as a sign. We went to Chuck E. Cheese this morning because he hadf been asking to all week. He had a really hard time choosing what to do. Half the time he got really frustrated because he "wasn't good at (fill in the blank.) Playing skee ball in real life is very different from playing it on the Wii. Add in some coordination issues and fine motor delays and it's a whole 'nother game. By the time we left it was getting pretty busy and noisy. We went out to lunch, but it the place he would have picked. He has always been a picky eater, but lately he's taken it up a notch. At first he wouldn't eat the quesadilla because he said it was too hot. (He has this thing about food temperatures lately.) Then he didn't like it because there was cheese sticking out at the edges. This probably wouln't have been so bad if it was done quietly. He didn't throw a full out trantrum, but there was lots of complaining and whining. DH and I were so frustrated by the time we left the restaurant. Now of course looking back, I can see that Noah was probably overwhelmed/overstimulated and it might not have been the best plan, but still frustrating. He's become much more defiant and argumentative recently. I don't really know how to handle it and it's really wearing me out.

FWIW, our 4 1/2 yr old Schmutzer has been very defiant at home and school lately. To the point, where during our IEP, the director of the special ed preschool recommended we read "The Difficult Child". Her oldest, who's NT, but was a hardheaded kid, reminded our dd of him. Zoe has ASD, but the director said she wondered if some of the issues are temperament-based, rather than sensory issues. Like we all don't have enough on our plates!! Anyway, she said it was helpful to her to focus on the parts of the book that addressed how parents should react to hard headed kids. I've started this book, so far so good. Clearly, I haven't gone far enough, because Zoe started that single-note shriek, that you all can probably identify with, at JCPenny's today. I told her she could be mad, but she needed to use an "indoor" shriek!

 

[bookwormde]

Our kids get "defiant" when they are not well understood and supported. I have always found that the simple methodology of just asking the child what are the concers and needs often provides amazing insight into situations (I know as a parent this is not allways easy "in the moment" when expectaions allready exist and time is limited.

I have had a lot of opportunities to be around siblings of spectrum kids and in amazingly high proportion they are truely what society wishes all kids would grow up to be.

bookwormde

 

[kampfirekim]

Good morning Schmolland.

We're headed out for the day. I've got my fingers crossed that we survive the day without me taking over KFK's running around screaming naked! LOL

Daisy

Don't forget the pulling out your hair part. Just running round naked and screaming would just be weird!

Today is a day to celebrate my NT child. She and her friends raised 2200 dollars for Special Olympics and volunteered at our local event today. I'm so proud of her!!!! She's the one in the pink jacket!

Def a reason to celebrate! You're raising a good one there! She is adorable.

Ireland Nicole and KFK....I hope your day was wonderful!
Daisy

Can't speak for I.N. but my day was def better than the one before.

Clearly, I haven't gone far enough, because Zoe started that single-note shriek, that you all can probably identify with, at JCPenny's today. I told her she could be mad, but she needed to use an "indoor" shriek!

Indoor shreik!?

Our kids get "defiant" when they are not well understood and supported. I have always found that the simple methodology of just asking the child what are the concers and needs often provides amazing insight into situations (I know as a parent this is not allways easy "in the moment" when expectaions allready exist and time is limited.

I have had a lot of opportunities to be around siblings of spectrum kids and in amazingly high proportion they are truely what society wishes all kids would grow up to be.

bookwormde

Thanks for your insight! An aspie dad huh? We will all do well to listen to your advice. So glad you're with us!

Just want to say I hope all of you inhabitants of Schmolland have a abso-posi-tivi-lutely zippadee do dah day!

 

[NJMomma]

Today is a day to celebrate my NT child. She and her friends raised 2200 dollars for Special Olympics and volunteered at our local event today. I'm so proud of her!!!! She's the one in the pink jacket!

Wow! That is awesome! Kudos to your DD

We had a very stimmy day here in our end of Scmholland. Really, really stimmy. My son was flying the Smutch flag today! We visited my mom & dad today, and that probably did it. The autism thing kind of freaks out my dad. He tries, but he doesn't really get it. So DS stims, dad gets upset, DS stims more, and so on and so on....let's just say I am glad to be home!

Hope everyone had a good day today

 

[iwrbnd]

Wow, I was out of town this weekend and missed a lot! I'm too far behind and tired to comment on everything but I wanted to say I love reading everyone's stories, comments and insights!

I've had a bad weekend here in my corner of Schmolland. We went to visit my DH's extended family for yet another wonderful accomplishment from one of our nephews. Everyone in his family is just about as wonderful and perfect as they come. Our nephews are nice, smart, talented, athletic and if that's not enough, very handsome! We are so proud of them but it's always hard to be around what "could be" if asd hadn't invaded our family and kicked us out of normal land! It makes it hard for me to visit his brother and sister's families.

My extended family, on the other hand, is a smorgasbord of asd behavior. A psychiatrist could have a heyday at our family get togethers! Seven out of 10 nieces/nephews are on the spectrum! So, I guess we know which branch our kids hit when they fell out of the family tree! MINE!!!

I know mine are mild and I'm still grateful. They act normal and nobody even knows all of our struggles when we visit. (They know what we've told them but our kids blend in) What's hard for me is watching how caring their kids are naturally and how focused/hard-working they are. ASD and executive function dysfunction makes me see my two asd boys as "lazy and selfish". I know they're not but it's how they can come across. So the bad weekend came from me deciding I can discipline away their issues. It never works and just makes everybody miserable! I especially feel sorry for my two NT kids because they try so hard to make everything better but they can't fix their siblings either!

The older they get the more scared I am. Their future is closer and I'm afraid they won't be ready.

Plus, my DH was frustrated, too, and we were both down. We got in our first argument in 19 years of marriage! It wasn't a bad argument, we aren't mad at each other, we are just tired...

I'll say it again "I'm tired of parenting/asd children"...well, at least tonight I am!

 

[kirstenb1]

Wow, I was out of town this weekend and missed a lot! I'm too far behind and tired to comment on everything but I wanted to say I love reading everyone's stories, comments and insights!

I've had a bad weekend here in my corner of Schmolland. We went to visit my DH's extended family for yet another wonderful accomplishment from one of our nephews. Everyone in his family is just about as wonderful and perfect as they come. Our nephews are nice, smart, talented, athletic and if that's not enough, very handsome! We are so proud of them but it's always hard to be around what "could be" if asd hadn't invaded our family and kicked us out of normal land! It makes it hard for me to visit his brother and sister's families.

My extended family, on the other hand, is a smorgasbord of asd behavior. A psychiatrist could have a heyday at our family get togethers! Seven out of 10 cousins are on the spectrum! So, I guess we know which branch our kids hit when they fell out of the family tree! MINE!!!

I know mine are mild and I'm still grateful. They act normal and nobody even knows all of our struggles when we visit. (They know what we've told them but our kids blend in just fine) What's hard for me is watching how caring their kids are naturally and how focused/hard-working they are. ASD and executive function dysfunction makes me see my two asd boys as "lazy and selfish". I know they're not but it's how they can come across. So the bad weekend came from me deciding I can discipline away their issues. It never works and just makes everybody miserable! I especially feel sorry for my two NT kids because they try so hard to make everything better but they can't fix their siblings either!

Sometimes I feel like giving up and if I'm honest with myself I think I already have a little.

I think I'm just tired...

I think I can relate a little. I have 5 brothers and sisters, so lots of nieces and nephews close to my own little Schmutcher's age. I used to love family gatherings, but sometimes, when I compare Zoe to her cousins, it's just really hard to handle. I feel exactly the same way about holidays. Kodak moments are not really happening in our family.

So, my fellow Schmollanders, I think we need to think up some alternate holidays and get-togethers. We had a Halloween party last year for Zoe's classmates and families at our house. That was actually much more fun than NT or family get-togethers. If anyone acted weird, it was expected, and embraced, cause that's how we roll! It was very liberating being around other families in the same boat. No explanations needed.

So Festivus is taken. Does anyone have any holidays we could claim?

 

[iwrbnd]

Thanks, Kiersten, for your support! I actually had to hold back tears as I read your post. (I don't want to cry because I'm afraid I'll never stop!) It made me feel better knowing you feel that way at family get-togethers, too. I've never been a jealous type of person so I feel so guilty when I'm around extended family and wonder why I can't just be happy for them! It's not that I don't want them to do well, it's just that I want it for my family, too!

I loved your idea about the Halloween party just for asd kiddos! My only problem is we wouldn't fit in there either! We don't fit in at NT parties and we don't fit in at asd parties, either. Our kids are mild which translates to not being accepted anywhere! Which is why I've gone from a happy and social mom to just wanting to stay home! But, my home is not exactly a peaceful place for me to be, either! No wonder I just dream of going back to WDW where everything is easy and happy!

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

Ok, I'm tired.. Had a bday party/sleepover for my new 13 yr old last night. 8 boys ( only 4 for sleepover, 2 mine)- 3 officially dx, all the rest very suspect..LOL SO, I'm really close to my own meltdown at this point.. So, I'll just post here..

HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET YOUR TEENAGE BOYS TO SHOWER???? I've a 13 yr old Aspie lite and a 14 1/2 yr old Aspie...and right now, they BOTH stink.. This is now a nightly struggle

 

[iwrbnd]

Ok, I'm tired.. Had a bday party/sleepover for my new 13 yr old last night. 8 boys ( only 4 for sleepover, 2 mine)- 3 officially dx, all the rest very suspect..LOL SO, I'm really close to my own meltdown at this point.. So, I'll just post here..

HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET YOUR TEENAGE BOYS TO SHOWER???? I've a 13 yr old Aspie lite and a 14 1/2 yr old Aspie...and right now, they BOTH stink.. This is now a nightly struggle

Oh, I feel your pain! When I thought about parenting I worried about drugs, defiance, teen pregnancy, etc... but I never realized one of the hardest things I would encounter is PERSONAL HYGIENE!!! Remember, I'm the one that febreezed my son before school one day!

We have to use threats and consequences to get my asd boys to shower! Does the shower head spray acid or what? Deodorant and brushing teeth is just about as bad! I'm hoping somebody has some bright ideas for us because I've got none!

Happy birthday to your new 13 year old! I hope your party was fun. You deserve to be tired! I'm tired, too! We should have a tired & exhausted club...hey, maybe that should be our new party/get-together/holiday we should claim! We could celebrate by getting our jammies on and doing all things comfort and cozy related! I don't know about you but I could use that kind of party!

 

[persimmondeb]

I sometimes feel guilty since DS looks much more disabled than he actually is. He's very, very quirky, paces and looks at the floor, and has both speech and motor difficulties, but he does very well in a grade level program in school, and he seems to be able to do pretty much everything that most people do.

On the other hand, I turned around in the car this morning and discovered that he was chewing on a wooden coat hanger! He also carries around a trowel in case he feels like doing the odd spot of gardening. I feel so sorry for the landscapers at my workplace. They must really wonder where the holes come from. And DH doesn't stop him since it keeps him quiet while they're waiting for me!!! Aaargh!

 

[persimmondeb]

Mine gets terribly dirty, between the attraction to digging in the dirt and his inability to eat neatly, but he will voluntarily shower/take a bath. If he's dragging his feet at all, bubbles will usually do the trick, but he's still very childlike. I think it's just luck, though, and not anything we did.

The struggle we do have, though, is shampoo! He loves soap, and will use shampoo as bubble bath, but for some reason it's almost impossible to get him to put it in his hair! Which makes his head itchy, and then we're trying to get him not to scratch his head in public, which is not easy. We usually just keep his hair very short to keep it from getting really icky.