Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

[bookwormde]

It sounds like you have the basics down, the real trick is to make sure that you encorage but do not cross teh line of "pushing" since this wil could major anxiety. Also being extremly carful not to punish for something that is a manefestion of his disability since this is extremly damaging. The comorbid manefestatinos of ODD and bipolar are indications that he has suffered form very high levels of anxiety in the past so it is especially important to stike a conservative balance between chalenges and anxiety until those manefesstations subside (which they should if he is well supported in school and at home.)

bookwormde

 

[Kat77]

Wecome pls5286! I'm glad you made it over. We have a wonderful, supportive group of parents here. Our thread is flame free.

Sounds like your off to a great start! Our kids do best with structure. He may have been missing some of that with bio mom. I really like how Bookworm phrased it- Be encouraging, rather than pushing, with him. I know that approach gets me much further with my own kid.

My girls joined our family through adoption and did the whole inhale your food thing at first. They both relaxed after a couple weeks. Don't sweat it.
As far as eating with his hands, my kid is bad about that too. I suspect it's harder for him to manipulate a fork which is why he prefers hands whenever possible. Maybe divide the food and tell him you'd like him to try to eat half with a fork, increasing the goal each week?

 

[pls5286]

Hi. I thought I would post a update on our stressful but for the most part good past several days.

For the most part things have been going good. We did have one meltdown when we couldn't find a pair of shorts, but I got him calmed down pretty quick and my DD8 helped him find them and all was right with the world again. Yesterday was a long day for me because the youngest 2 were home and the youngest two were constantly fighting, and into EVERYTHING! It was normal kid behavior though. I think it was magnified by me not feeling good. DF walked in the door and I said I am off duty, they are yours until you go to work tomorrow. Of course they calmed down when he got home.

We start him in his new school tomorrow, which runs on a different schedule than our school system, which is on spring break, but he is ok with that because he has already had spring break. I had already planned to take DD out of town with the Girl Scouts so DF had to rearrange his work schedule because 9 hours with him is to much for my 14 y/o to handle at this time. This cancelled our weekend campout with the Cub Scouts next weekend, but we had not told him yet, so he did not know.

When we went to pick him up Wed, he said come on Dad, come on Patty, lets go, I'm ready. He was not upset about leaving. This is the second time since Sept he has been homeless. When his mom got him again in Sept he cried to not leave his dad. He wanted to go with us.

We have lots of stuff we are working on here. His IEP says he reads on a Kindergarten level as well as writing. We are going to work on this hard with him. He is much more capable than this. It just takes work. His dad and I are determined he is going to flourish here. He is a very smart young man. He needs lots of TLC and just needs to be loved. He craves attention. We are going to get him some things this week from wal-mart to help him practice his writing as well. He cuddled up with me on my bed Thurs while DD read in another room with the door closed and read me a book. He just needs someone to take up time with him.

Thurs when we got him registered for school, and they told us he couldn't start until Monday, we had to make sure we were not going to get in trouble by Truancy, because his mom is on warning. They assured us we are not, as my kids have wonderful school attendance records.

But we have not had any violent episodes since he got here, but he has not seen any violence here either.

The bright spots on the week were the look on his face when my son called him from his school trip just to talk to him. His face beamed. And he beamed again when my son gave him the t-shirt he bought him that said "This is what a cool brother looks like"

I hope things continue to go well.

 

[bookwormde]

There will be bumps, but as long as you are patient and continue to learn about autism genetics and challenges and amazing gifts that go along with it and make sure the school is doing their part without abusing him, the chances of him making amazing progress are good.

bookwormde

 

[lovethattink]

We really need a like button here on the DIS! Sounds like things are really going well with him at your house. The majority of my son's meltdowns are related to not finding something. I am the queen of clutter, and he needs complete organization. We are working hard on making sure each of his belongings has a special place where it belongs so he doesn't lose things.

As for handwriting, we are struggling too. His OT said to make it fun with lots of positive reinforcement. That it's better to have him write because he wants to rather than because he has to. He has a journal where he writes what he is doing each day. Of course, since he hasn't had any spelling lessons yet, all his words are spelled phonetically, but that's good practice too!

He has several of those DK Star Wars Ultimate sticker books. They have the character names in them, and he has been writing their names into his journal. Again, it's writing practice, and to him it's fun and it was his idea to do this!

 

[minkydog]

Yay! Good news! My county has decided to subsidize summer camp for 6 weeks this summer. That's down a week from previous summers, but I'll take what I can get. Summer without summer camp can get downright ugly at my house. This is me doing the happy dance!

 

[toodycat]

Minkydog---Awesome news! Budget cuts are the worst, especially when they affect kids who need things the most. I'm glad they were able to restore the funding for camp. DS's technology teacher was just excessed because of the school budget. They are only keeping one technology course! The Board of Ed. couldn't seem to distinguish between teaching kids technology as in architectural drawing or web design or teaching with technology in the classroom. So, as long as the teachers are still teaching with smart boards, it's all good to them! DH and I made speeches at the Board of Ed meeting and DS attended the board meetings with other supporters of the teacher, but to no avail.

We're getting ready for the crunch season in which DS preps for state exams. This year shouldn't be too bad as he only has to take three and only one is in a subject he struggles with. I am a teacher and am kicking around getting a professional certificate in autism instruction. After all these years tutoring DS, it seems like I could tutor other kids with similar needs.

Hope everyone had a happy Easter/Passover. We went on a cruise and DS is always so relaxed and mellow while we're at sea. He's still feeling pretty calm and happy now that we're back. I think the rocking of the ship helps him from a vestibular perspective. He also likes the quality time with DH and me. Before we went away, things were a bit frantic here, so I think DS enjoys the calm.

 

[blondietink]

Yea! Finally got a respite worker assigned to my sons. Unfortunately, they wanted to come last week when we were at WDW, which I found out after we got home. Sorry, WDW trumps new Respite worker. And this week they were assigned to come the very same day and time that my sons' have their yearly physicals, which they need to continue to get services. So, it looks like next week will be the first time since Christmas vacation that we will get Respite. Do they actually think we sit around waiting for them to show up? Or that we don't have appointments? Maybe they should ask first what our schedule is before they schedule somebody. Geeze, reminds me of the old days when Early Intervention scheduled teacher visits during nap time or lunch time. Anyway, just venting my frustrations again. Thanks for listening!

 

[Clochette nordique]

DD11 is acting out. She had few "accidents", she didn't sleep well for the last 3 nights and school said today she was not functioning in Bloc 1/3 and 2/3. Am I so surprised? No, we're leaving for Buffalo in less than 48 hours to take the plane on Thursday morning. We will land in Orlando at 9H30.... Oooops, I guess she is just, plain, excited! We are leaving soon! Yeaaaaaaaaaaah!

You know what, I'm the only one who refrains myself from being excited. Don't say anything: I am afraid that we won't make it, "anything - everything", can happen. Remember, I have been raised in Schmolland by an undiagnosed Aspie mom (and a very otherwise dysfunctional father who used my mother to abuse me) both trying to convince me we were, in Italy! This is one of the reason I promised myself at an early age that some day, when I would finally be "out of there", I would go to Disney like uncle André. Well, it took 40 years but we leave in 2 days. (ticker is off - added days and didn't want to change ticker.)

I really would like to be able to have some humour right now, but I'm still too numb. It'll pass. I bring my computer so as soon as I can, I will post to celebrate (what's that? but I'm learning with the little one) our arrival to the Magic World.

Until then, Poussière de fée! (still from Schmanada)

 

[MRYPPNS]

Have a wonderful trip Clochette nordique !!!

 

[Clochette nordique]

Have a wonderful trip Clochette nordique !!!

Thanks! As soon as I get out of my "numbness", I promise I will. If not, I guess that Disney Magic will!

Poussière de fée!

 

[Ultra violet]

Minkydog: Yay! I'm happy that you got 6 weeks sub for summer camp. You must be soooooo relieved! We're still waiting here with our fingers crossed
for funding to come in. Otherwise, our dog will have to help entertain him. I just hope poor 'ol Ruffus can keep up . I never thought having a pet would keep me sane.

Blondietink: Totally understand and been there. Most services I've dealt with say that they are "there for you" but on their own time. Oh and make gosh darned sure that you follow all of their "rules" too because "they" know more about your chlld than you do! Totally frustrating!

Clochette Nordique: When I read your post I couldn't help but that that, if I were your daughter, they would have had to call you on Monday morning about 10 minutes after the school started to come and pick me up for a "Therapeudic withdrawal" and I would'be been suspended until after the trip! Seriously, I hope you have the trip you dreamed of and that her excitement is strong enough to "rub off" on you despite that "numbness" you mention. Beautiful isn't it how our ASD children live without being restrained? I'm jealous of my son for that sometimes. Have a safe and magical vacation!

 

[lovethattink]

minkydog, I'm so happy for you that there will be summer camp!

blondietink, Glad you will get some respite.

Clochette nordique, I am sure she had trouble containing her excitement! We can't tell ds when we are leaving until that morning or he won't sleep. We just keep saying someday soon we are going to sleep at the motel. When the day arrives we tell him someday is today, lol.

I hope all goes well and there are no kinks thrown in the mix. Stop at Guest Services and ask for a GAC. That should help quite a bit. I am glad your childhood dream of going to WDW is being realized now!

 

[Clochette nordique]

Clochette Nordique: When I read your post I couldn't help but that that, if I were your daughter, they would have had to call you on Monday morning about 10 minutes after the school started to come and pick me up for a "Therapeudic withdrawal" and I would'be been suspended until after the trip! Seriously, I hope you have the trip you dreamed of and that her excitement is strong enough to "rub off" on you despite that "numbness" you mention. Beautiful isn't it how our ASD children live without being restrained? I'm jealous of my son for that sometimes. Have a safe and magical vacation!

You're just too funny! But, yes, she's rubbing off, litterally: she was oh so "clingny", today....

Clochette nordique, I am sure she had trouble containing her excitement! We can't tell ds when we are leaving until that morning or he won't sleep. We just keep saying someday soon we are going to sleep at the motel. When the day arrives we tell him someday is today, lol.

I hope all goes well and there are no kinks thrown in the mix. Stop at Guest Services and ask for a GAC. That should help quite a bit. I am glad your childhood dream of going to WDW is being realized now!

I had to tell her well in advance or the anxiety would have been unbearable for her. Tonight, she was so tired, I had to be successful in having her in bed sleeping by 9pm. But I had to play the "sleep police". I don't use it often, because it's a LOT of energy for me to sit by her side and literally police every move, sound, etc. and threat huge consequences like "we're not going if you don't sleep" (and she knows I really mean business - she missed some significant outings already.) But if I can get her to stop moving, it works when we really need it like at Xmas time or before leaving for the family reunion, etc. I feel really guilty for doing that, but I realized very early that lack of sleep is worst for her than being forced to sleep. And the following morning, guilt usually leave place to "OMG, she's functionning!".

I know myself enough to be very confident that I will, enjoy the trip. Numbness is my best reaction when I don't know what to expect. I just needed to voice my reaction because Aspie DH doesn't really "understand" my reactions and even less on this one since he refuses to come with us.

So thanks everybody for being supportive, and I'll post as soon as I can.

Since then, lots of Poussière de fée!

 

[lovethattink]

Enjoy the magic of Disney!! Safe travels!

 

[JacknDawn4ever]

So glad to find this thread. It is a great way to vent as well as gain knowledge from others experiencing similiar issues. My DH and I have two DS's ages 12 and soon to be 7. The oldest DS has ADHD and the younger DS was diagnosed at 2 with developmental delays, which changed last year to MR. DS (7) has limitations in the areas of cognition, speech, some life skills (not interested in being potty trained whatsoever; however he will get on the toilet now without screaming), some social skills (he is friendly, but tends to want to play by himself), and requires physical therapy. Mentally he is about 2 1/2 to 3 years old. Setting his challenges aside he is a very happy and loving child. He smiles often and is pure innocence. My husband and I find ourselves greiving over the fact he may never leave home to be an independent adult. Our oldest DS seems to be maturing out of his ADHD; not so hyper now as much, but tends to struggle with concentration. He is in gifted and talented and was just inducted into the National Junior Honor Society. Our two DS's are very opposite of each other. We are so looking forward to our first trip to WDW this September, as many families of children with disabliites talk of how magical it is; and how their children seem to do so well in WDW and afterwards.
I agree with others who have stated parents of "normal" children seem to take for granted the normalcy. I currently am a foster care case manager and see first hand how some disabled children are taken advantage of or abused/neglected. I told my DH a few years back how thankful I am that God gave us DS (7) so at least he would be with a family who would support, love, nurture, and care for him; and his needs.
I commend you all for taking care of your children, while at the same time being human and needing a break.

 

[Clochette nordique]

We're in Buffalo, ready to sleep and wake up at 4:45 am to get to the plane at 6:50!

 

[lovethattink]

So glad to find this thread. It is a great way to vent as well as gain knowledge from others experiencing similiar issues. My DH and I have two DS's ages 12 and soon to be 7. The oldest DS has ADHD and the younger DS was diagnosed at 2 with developmental delays, which changed last year to MR. DS (7) has limitations in the areas of cognition, speech, some life skills (not interested in being potty trained whatsoever; however he will get on the toilet now without screaming), some social skills (he is friendly, but tends to want to play by himself), and requires physical therapy. Mentally he is about 2 1/2 to 3 years old. Setting his challenges aside he is a very happy and loving child. He smiles often and is pure innocence. My husband and I find ourselves greiving over the fact he may never leave home to be an independent adult. Our oldest DS seems to be maturing out of his ADHD; not so hyper now as much, but tends to struggle with concentration. He is in gifted and talented and was just inducted into the National Junior Honor Society. Our two DS's are very opposite of each other. We are so looking forward to our first trip to WDW this September, as many families of children with disabliites talk of how magical it is; and how their children seem to do so well in WDW and afterwards.
I agree with others who have stated parents of "normal" children seem to take for granted the normalcy. I currently am a foster care case manager and see first hand how some disabled children are taken advantage of or abused/neglected. I told my DH a few years back how thankful I am that God gave us DS (7) so at least he would be with a family who would support, love, nurture, and care for him; and his needs.
I commend you all for taking care of your children, while at the same time being human and needing a break.

Welcome! We just got back from a 4 day stay at CSR in March, heading out for 3 days in May and another in Sept. WDW is definately our escape and regrouping time. Our youngest just loves going to Disney. We live close enough that we have annual passes and often only go for a few hours, it's the best therapy for my family! We went to DTD for supper last night. Our youngest just loved the brand new lego store at WDW! Legos and Star Wars are his area of hyperfocus. Though he seems to be showing a new interest in spiders.

We're in Buffalo, ready to sleep and wake up at 4:45 am to get to the plane at 6:50!

Hurray!! You will be a WDW very soon! It's been super hot. Yesterday hit 92, but the mornings and evenings have been very pleasant! Today's high is mid 80's, a perfect Florida day!

 

[pls5286]

I got back late yesterday afternoon from a Girl Scout trip with DD. Found our small town in ruins from the tornados that came through Wed. My family and my home are fine praise the Good Lord Above!

Today DS11 has not let me out of his sight except to go to the bathroom. DS and I had a talk tonight while his dad was at work. He was scared we were not coming home. It was all I could do to not cry. I took him in my arms, gave him lots of loving and promised him I was always coming home, but sometimes I had to do girl stuff with DD, and took him out to supper, just me and him. DD was at her dads and DS14 was at my sisters. He had went to visit her and took advantage of getting an opportunity to observe the court system in progress as they are studying it in school.

 

[Ultra violet]

Pls: Glad there everything was okay when you got back. Hopefully, DS's anxiety will subside quickly. Hugs ((((PLS and DS)))).

Clochette Nordique: Woo hoo! First day in Disney The first day is always so awsome because you can feel the "realness" of everything that you planned and see everything finally comming together and think "Now, all I have to do is soak every precious second up!" . Enjoy !

Written by JacknDawn4ever: "...I told my DH a few years back how thankful I am that God gave us DS (7) so at least he would be with a family who would support, love, nurture, and care for him. ..."
Love your point of view. Thanks