Excited for Return Trip But Older Son Doesn’t WAnt to Go!

[have2getaway]

My DS was done with WDW after our trip when he was 14. He was happy to go on other family trips, but not interested in Disney. We did a family Universal/Disney trip when he was 21 and he came for some of that. Not that it matters, but he has many of the traits of someone with high-functioning Aspergers.

Thank you for this. I do think some of it is Asperger’s/Autism. My son was severe when he was little, but it’s barely recognizable now. That’s only because he has developed coping mechanisms. He can’t do Disney from 10:00 am to 10:00 pm, and the rest of us can and want to. He doesn’t like lines, crowds. On our trip when he was 4, he couldn’t do any of the Theater attractions, or watch fireworks. He can do that now, but honestly would prefer not to. He really struggles if he doesn’t have a way to get some down time, away from a crowd. We often make sure to get a 2 bedroom just so that he has a way to get time away from everyone if he needs it. He can handle a day or two of it, but that’s it. One of our younger boys has similar struggles, but is still at an age where he LOVES Disney, so can more easily put those issues aside.

 

[georgina]

Thank you for this. I do think some of it is Asperger’s/Autism. My son was severe when he was little, but it’s barely recognizable now. That’s only because he has developed coping mechanisms. He can’t do Disney from 10:00 am to 10:00 pm, and the rest of us can and want to. He doesn’t like lines, crowds. On our trip when he was 4, he couldn’t do any of the Theater attractions, or watch fireworks. He can do that now, but honestly would prefer not to. He really struggles if he doesn’t have a way to get some down time, away from a crowd. We often make sure to get a 2 bedroom just so that he has a way to get time away from everyone if he needs it. He can handle a day or two of it, but that’s it. One of our younger boys has similar struggles, but is still at an age where he LOVES Disney, so can more easily put those issues aside.

Yeah, when DS was 10 he loved Pluto and had a good time. The trip when he was 21 he did stay in the room more. He's 25 now and works for a video game company, but he works from his apartment, with limited social contact. He has a few friends he hangs out with, but mostly reads and plays video games. He says he's happy, though I still worry about him. He lives far away and we only see him 2-3 times a year.

 

[DIS_MERI]

15 is when my son stopped wanting to go. I was super sad to not have him go on our big family trip last year, but he doesn't like big coasters and would have been miserable. He didn't go with his sisters and I when we went in October, although I could probably have talked him into it. He says he wants to go back when Star Wars Land opens, so that's the game plan.

 

[AdamEfimoff]

Your young adult is making young adult decisions. Does he want to go somewhere else? Is there something else he would rather be doing?

 

[cruiser21]

Thank you for this. I do think some of it is Asperger’s/Autism. My son was severe when he was little, but it’s barely recognizable now. That’s only because he has developed coping mechanisms. He can’t do Disney from 10:00 am to 10:00 pm, and the rest of us can and want to. He doesn’t like lines, crowds. On our trip when he was 4, he couldn’t do any of the Theater attractions, or watch fireworks. He can do that now, but honestly would prefer not to. He really struggles if he doesn’t have a way to get some down time, away from a crowd. We often make sure to get a 2 bedroom just so that he has a way to get time away from everyone if he needs it. He can handle a day or two of it, but that’s it. One of our younger boys has similar struggles, but is still at an age where he LOVES Disney, so can more easily put those issues aside.

My 15 year old though no longer interested in WDW he still likes to travel. He has a whole bucket list of places he wants to go. He's got to do a lot we've been to Europe 3 times. Maybe your son has just outgrown Disney and wants to move onto other things.
My son who's' not on the spectrum needs his down time too. He absolutely will not share a bed with brother. It makes hotels hard. I try to book rooms that have 2 beds and a sofa bed so he has his own bed. It's a difficult age for sure. Keep in mind their growing, hormones are surging, emotions are all over the place. My 13 year old who is generally pretty mellow seems to be handling the puberty thing pretty well, but my older one pretty much lost his mind for a year. He's almost back to kid at remember pre puberty.

 

[happymommy]

Why not just go without him?

I started taking just my youngest on Disney trips when my oldest was in high school and didn't want to go with us. It's fine, and my youngest and I have a great time just the two of us!

It is hard to miss school in high school as well.

 

[mdelano4]

Wow, this is a tough one. Our oldest is a boy 22. When we told him we were going last summer and asked if he wanted to go, he looked at me like i had just asked the most ridiculous question in history. Of course he wanted to go, how could I think otherwise? Now, this is the same one who told us before the trip when he was about 14 that he wanted to go around the parks by himself and not with the family.

Your son's feelings could be a number of things. Regardless, it looks like you have given him several options which allowed him to dictate the "terms" of the vacation. You can't do any more than that. Go, and he will decide whether or not he made a mistake by staying behind. I hope for your sake as a parent that he realizes how important vacation with family is. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Soarin4us]

If you want a family vacation, where everyone participates, as kids get older it's important to plan around their schedules, too. They can't miss honors classes, sports practices and games, concerts, meetings, etc. just as you can't miss your commitments.

 

[Mome Rath]

I've been going for long enough that I've been to Disney in childhood, adolescence, young adulthood and now middle age. I went through a phase of not wanting to go at all right around his age, and as long as I was old enough, my parents never made me go which I'm extremely grateful for. When I first started to balk I basically complained when I went along and all I wanted to do was go home. In my twenties, after I was married that all changed and I still love going back to Disney any chance I can get. I think some parents worry that the phase may be permanent, and for some it is Permanent simply because they don't like Disney, and that's ok. But more often it's the teenage years. I wouldn't suggest forcing someone as long as there are safe staying at home. I'm glad they didn't make me go, and I don't "miss" being in the parks when I didn't want to be there.

 

[buzznina]

If you want a family vacation, where everyone participates, as kids get older it's important to plan around their schedules, too. They can't miss honors classes, sports practices and games, concerts, meetings, etc. just as you can't miss your commitments.

I agree up to a point. Our oldest is just in 7th grade and if we had to go on vacation based on her schedule (color Guard, ballet and piano) we would rarely ever go. So many extra school activities like color guard, dance, football... are ridiculous with their practices and you cannot miss one without a good reason and family vacation is NOT one of those reasons We no longer take our oldest out of school for more then a couple of days, because her school work is so heavy and missing a full week really puts her behind.

 

[have2getaway]

15 is when my son stopped wanting to go. I was super sad to not have him go on our big family trip last year, but he doesn't like big coasters and would have been miserable. He didn't go with his sisters and I when we went in October, although I could probably have talked him into it. He says he wants to go back when Star Wars Land opens, so that's the game plan.

He did say he wanted to go back when Star Wars land opens as well. He LOVES Stars Wars.

 

[have2getaway]

If you want a family vacation, where everyone participates, as kids get older it's important to plan around their schedules, too. They can't miss honors classes, sports practices and games, concerts, meetings, etc. just as you can't miss your commitments.

We completely understood his not wanting to miss school, and supported that, but he said he didn’t want to go over any of the breaks, Christmas, February, and April, which only left summer. He plays in a band and has many gigs lined up during the summer months, and also goes to concerts with his father, so planning anything in the summer would be hard as well. It could be done, but I really got the feeling that he just didn’t want to go. We all went to Canada’s Wonderland for one day this past summer. He enjoyed himself, but said one day was enough for him.

 

[happymommy]

So he doesn't want to go. Is it an issue that he can't stay home? Every family gets to the point that "family vacations" no longer happen. Mine did growing up prior to high school. My family has reached that point. We all do, or not, or it comes and goes (although I'm glad to be at the point where DH and I at 50 can now vacation alone leaving the offspring at home).

My oldest has gone maybe once since high school, and that was because we didn't give him a choice (long story but he wasn't in a good place to be left alone).

Sounds like your son's breaks he wants to spend with friends or relaxing, so why push him to go?

 

[AdamEfimoff]

I would allow him to stay home but give him an option to go if he changes his mind.

 

[have2getaway]

So he doesn't want to go. Is it an issue that he can't stay home? Every family gets to the point that "family vacations" no longer happen. Mine did growing up prior to high school. My family has reached that point. We all do, or not, or it comes and goes (although I'm glad to be at the point where DH and I at 50 can now vacation alone leaving the offspring at home).

My oldest has gone maybe once since high school, and that was because we didn't give him a choice (long story but he wasn't in a good place to be left alone).

Sounds like your son's breaks he wants to spend with friends or relaxing, so why push him to go?

Yes, he can stay either was his father, who conveniently lives down the road, or his grandparents. We are willing to do that.

I would allow him to stay home but give him an option to go if he changes his mind.

My biggest concern is he will change his mind if better plans do not come up for him. I don’t want him to regret not going. I honestly think most of it is that a full week of theme parks and business is just not up his alley right now. We are thinking if we can go in January or Feb., when the cost is less, he could still go if he wants to. I’m considering offering to get an adjoining room for a couple days if he wants to do some, but not all of the trip. I definitely think we will plan the trip for just the 5 of us, but have a plan B if he changes his mind.

 

[KenHutch]

It sounds like your teen has developed the tools he needs and he may be nervous about the crowds, noise etc. And being a boy he may be at that age where this stuff is 'kids stuff" in his eyes. I have lucky I have girls who live for this stuff but some reality hit me this year. I was scheduling a trip for late May when my daughter said she has interviews for some engineering scholarships that week. But all she did to me was make me change dates. Good Luck and maybe he will change his mind on your next trip after missing this one.

 

[Roxyfire]

My biggest concern is he will change his mind if better plans do not come up for him. I don’t want him to regret not going. I honestly think most of it is that a full week of theme parks and business is just not up his alley right now. We are thinking if we can go in January or Feb., when the cost is less, he could still go if he wants to. I’m considering offering to get an adjoining room for a couple days if he wants to do some, but not all of the trip. I definitely think we will plan the trip for just the 5 of us, but have a plan B if he changes his mind.

I would be concerned about this too. Because you have to budget and plan this so far in advance (moving from 5 people up to 6 can be really pricey) you may want to give him a deadline. And after that deadline to decide has passed, there's no going back. I would say if he really wanted to use a school break or summer to go, he would find a way to fit it in his schedule. Perhaps if there's "nothing better to do" he could go spend time with his dad instead. That's what I'd tell my son to do, anyway.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I could see being 15 and not wanting to go to WDW with three 7 year olds. Heck I'm an adult and would probably think twice about that.

The thing I would worry about is him changing his mind closer to the date which would effect lodging and all of that. ADR's, FP+, etc. Because that's something my son would do.

 

[Bree]

My 14yo has Aspergers. He didn't mind the theme parks when he was younger, but could only last a few hours at a time. I don't bother even trying to get him to go anymore and didn't renew his annual pass when it expired. The crowds & the noise get to be too overwhelming....sensory overload!!!! I'm bringing him to Disney After Hours in January though. Being able to ride space mountain over and over and over with no wait and eat unlimited Mickey bars is a dream come true for him LOL!!!!

 

[RustManFan]

My adult DD and DS have always been more than happy to join their mom for a trip.....Disney or otherwise. But the day that they don't want to come I will vacation without them. (can't see it happening anytime soon...)