Ever set up an Adopt a Family program?

[disneymom3]

A friend from our church and I were talking about this last night. Our church does not have very much in the way of local ministry to people in need and we both feel that we need to work on that area. DH and I were going to adopt a family through another church in the area, but after talking to my friend, I am wondering about setting one up for families in our own congregation.

My thoughts are that I would set up an email account for people to contact me if they need help or want to help a family and "advertise" it through our weekly announcements we get in church. (It would also have my phone number.) Then pair up the families anonymously. Have a drop off day and a pick up day. What else do I need to think about? How best to keep in anonymous for those in need beyond myself knowing who people are? Would it be better to have a church staff person be in charge of the names? The office assist and the receptionist already have SO much to do that I don't think it would happen if they had to take this on.

So, any advice you can give me would be great. I will be taking notes!

Except I have to go to work right now so I will be gone for a few hours.

 

[roseprincess]

Wow! That's wonderful you would like to help the needy in this way!
You sound like you have much compassion for the needy and poor :thumbsup
During the holiday season, my church has a few Christmas trees up with family names on them and what exactly they need. Any families from the congregation that want to participate in helping the families in need just take a paper ornament from the tree(with the needy family's names and what they need (ie. toys for the kids, clothing,etc).
You also might want to let the needy families know there is a monetary limit how much is spent on each family. Some families may go overboard and request they need $1000 for paying their rent/ mortgage or $1000 or $2000 for a family vacation, etc

Best wishes to you

 

[Jen_in_NH]

I haven't set up anything like that, but I am coordinating our town's Secret Santa program, and I think some of our hurdles might be similar.

First, you need to set up ground rules for the program. Who qualifies for it, or do you just take everyone who asks. Second, what sort of assistance is provided? Are you looking at just food and clothes, or people giving money to cover someone else's electric/phone/etc. Third, if you're accepting monetary donations, do you run into any tax issues? I'm assuming through a church, probably not, but who knows?

I might talk to the town welfare office, food pantry, other churches with similar programs to find out what programs they offer, so you're not duplicating services.

I think you have a great idea, and kudos for being willing to take it on.

Jen

 

[disneymom3]

Thanks for the feedback. I am going to talk to our pastor tomorrow and then I will get more info from the church I know of in a nearby town that does this. You have pointed out some valuable stuff that I would not have thought of.

 

[Pigeon]

I think it's great that you want to help another family.

A couple of thoughts come to mind. First, could you consider using the term "sponsoring" or something similar instead of adopting? Many adoptive families find this offensive.

Our kids' public school does this every year. One problem with it that I've noticed is that when we've signed up to participate, we'll be given a gift to get. The first year it was for a very specific Leggo set. Leggos, great, right? Except that when I went to the store, this Leggo set was $135. Now, there's no way I could spend that much. I wouldn't spend that much on a Leggo set for my own kids. The next year it was something similar--a teenaged girl asked for a specific brand and style of wool coat that was over $150.

Maybe there are folks in your congregation (or at our school) for whom this wouldn't be an issue. I don't know. But perhaps some way to either suggest price guidelines for the sponsored family members or ask participants how much they plan to spend and match accordingly....

 

[disneymom3]

A couple of thoughts come to mind. First, could you consider using the term "sponsoring" or something similar instead of adopting? Many adoptive families find this offensive.

I had not thought of that. Thanks for the suggestion.

As for the price thing, I know that has come up on this board before. My thought is to require the families signing up to give a range of suggestions as far as price for the kids and also to acknowledge that they will most probably not be getting everything on the list.

I have to add that several years ago we actually benefitted from an Adopt a Family program. It was hard to sign up but even harder when my kids got coats with no tags (they had coats already from the previous year) a Bratz doll for DD (not even close to on her list) a baby toy for DS who was 3 at the time, a set of Easy Bake mixes(we dont' have an Easy Bake) and crackers and grape jelly. Oh, and toilet paper. So, I will be checking to see what is on the list and what is going out to each family. The attitude I had at that time was that the family who had us had done their best but it still remained that it was a week before Christmas and I had nothing to give my kids. Hard year. Now we are not there anymore and I want to give back.

 

[Hannathy]

You may want to see if there is an agency already set up and doing all the screening and regulation type stuff for you and you could be a "satellite" type location for them. Like talk to the Salvation Army and see if your church could have a few of their already screened families for your tree. Helps them (the agency) helps the family and makes it easier for you.

Our church helps out a group called and I hope I have this right Angel ministries and what they do is provide gifts for children of people in prison, because it isn't the kids fault, and what is great is you buy the gifts and there is a set price you can't go over from a list. It is so all the kids get the same price range gift in case there are 2 or more kids in the same family and different families bought the gifts. BUT the difference is they give the gifts to the kids from their Mom or Dad so the kids get a gift from their parent who is in jail which gives all involved a good feeling especially the kids.

We had a teenage girl who wanted sheets! Our range was to be $35 -$40 We got her sheets and casual sweater and some bath stuff. It was fun.

 

[Liberty Belle]

The one problem I have with Angel Trees and such is they list all the things a child wants on one card. Oftentimes I've felt like I wanted to sponsor a child, but I don't want to take the card and only buy the coat and shoes that I can afford, when they are also requesting clothes and toys. If there were a way to separate them, I would be more able to participate (hypothetically, of course, I don't think I'm near your church. )

 

[Liberty Belle]

You may want to see if there is an agency already set up and doing all the screening and regulation type stuff for you and you could be a "satellite" type location for them. Like talk to the Salvation Army and see if your church could have a few of their already screened families for your tree. Helps them (the agency) helps the family and makes it easier for you.

Our church helps out a group called and I hope I have this right Angel ministries and what they do is provide gifts for children of people in prison, because it isn't the kids fault, and what is great is you buy the gifts and there is a set price you can't go over from a list. It is so all the kids get the same price range gift in case there are 2 or more kids in the same family and different families bought the gifts. BUT the difference is they give the gifts to the kids from their Mom or Dad so the kids get a gift from their parent who is in jail which gives all involved a good feeling especially the kids.
We had a teenage girl who wanted sheets! Our range was to be $35 -$40 We got her sheets and casual sweater and some bath stuff. It was fun.

I love that idea! I wish someone around here were doing it. I'll have to see if I can find anyone.

 

[Camicar]

I actually have quite a bit of experience with this and I would strongly recommend you do this through an established agency and keep it anonymous.

 

[Mkrop]

You may want to see if there is an agency already set up and doing all the screening and regulation type stuff for you and you could be a "satellite" type location for them. Like talk to the Salvation Army and see if your church could have a few of their already screened families for your tree. Helps them (the agency) helps the family and makes it easier for you.

Our church helps out a group called and I hope I have this right Angel ministries and what they do is provide gifts for children of people in prison, because it isn't the kids fault, and what is great is you buy the gifts and there is a set price you can't go over from a list. It is so all the kids get the same price range gift in case there are 2 or more kids in the same family and different families bought the gifts. BUT the difference is they give the gifts to the kids from their Mom or Dad so the kids get a gift from their parent who is in jail which gives all involved a good feeling especially the kids.

We had a teenage girl who wanted sheets! Our range was to be $35 -$40 We got her sheets and casual sweater and some bath stuff. It was fun.

I was going to suggest something like this. I would contact a social service agency in you area and have them "choose" the families.

We did this as a department activity at work instead of exhanging gifts. As a group we could tell the agency what size family(if any) we were willing to help. Since we were a large dept I always said we could handle a larger family, and so one year we got a mom and her 7 kids. Boy was that hard and fun to stretch what we collected and get everyone something similar in price so that all would feel equal, but I think we did an awesome job that year.

Also the social workers would guide the family in choosing things that were appropriate for the wish list so that they didnt go overboard but hey then again our own kids lists can go overboard and Santa has to make it fit into the budget. I think though the social workers were very good about stressing this was a "WISH" list.

And I am sorry your experience wasnt what you expected, maybe it was the best they could do. I know may times interpreting what would work for all the different age groups would work esp when things were of a more generic nature on the families list. We did the best we could and hoped that the family like what we chose. We received some very moving thank you notes that told me that we were doing a good thing each year.

Best of luck in your endeavor.

 

[Mkrop]

The one problem I have with Angel Trees and such is they list all the things a child wants on one card. Oftentimes I've felt like I wanted to sponsor a child, but I don't want to take the card and only buy the coat and shoes that I can afford, when they are also requesting clothes and toys. If there were a way to separate them, I would be more able to participate (hypothetically, of course, I don't think I'm near your church. )

Maybe you could suggest what our church does. On an ornament on the tree (a piece of paper shaped like something) one item is written. You choose one ornament or several and but that one item. Then you wrap the item and attach the paper ornament and and put it back under the tree at church, thent he church delivers them to needy agencies.

A lot of our stuff goes to needy, mentally challenged facilities or nursing homes where ersidents have no family.

So for example, the ornament might say, mens winter hat size L, or womens gloves or mittens, size S. Or one year I got Crossword Puzzle books. We went and purchased the books and wrapped them in a shirt box, and placed it back under the tree.

I hope this makes sense


ETA this is a nice way so taht if you have only a few dollars to spare you can still get someone something that is needed or wanted and if you can afford to spend more you can take many ornaments off, no one knows.

 

[CajunDixie]

My thoughts are that I would set up an email account for people to contact me if they need help or want to help a family and "advertise" it through our weekly announcements we get in church. (It would also have my phone number.) Then pair up the families anonymously. Have a drop off day and a pick up day. What else do I need to think about? How best to keep in anonymous for those in need beyond myself knowing who people are? Would it be better to have a church staff person be in charge of the names?

I work in an office that provides assistance and the email wouldn't work for our clients. When they are asking us to pay utility bills and rent we ask that they cancel cable TV, cell phones IF they have a landline, and internet services. Our elementary school sends home a sheet for families to return if they need help with christmas gifts for children in 5th grade on down to toddlers. We also ask those that come into our office in December if they need help for Christmas.

The ladies that do the Christmas assistance take food donations (and the Kiwanas & American Legion donate food) and they then shop for 1 outfit for each child and 1 toy. They use our building about 2 weeks before Christmas to sort food and wrap the gifts. Then volunteers deliver the items on a Saturday morning. The wrapped presents are in a black garbage bag so as the children do not see that presents were brought by the volunteers...the parents can use them as Santa gifts this way. They tie tags onto the bags with the families last name on them. I know one local store gave the group a large discount on hats and mittens to give in addition to the clothes too.

The food donations are geared more toward the items needed for a holiday dinner instead of just random items. Everyone gets the same items and it usually ends up being 3 bags of food.

A pickup day doesn't always work because of people forgetting, having no vehicle or if they have only 1 vehicle one person is at work and the other has no transportation then. For delivery the addresses are marked on a township map then divided up into 4-6 areas. Try to verify the addresses because sometimes they are vague. Each volunteer is given their list and picks up the gift bag and a set of groceries for each family. If the people are not home they still try to leave the items in a safe place weather permitting. Any undeliverable ones (usually only 1-3) are brought back to my office & we call the people the next business day or call the school to verify the address if it wasn't found.

In your case if you could ask church members to either donate money for a specific family and you do the shopping or give them the child's age, sex and sizes and just ask for 1 outfit and 1 toy. And state if the child has a winter coat or not. Use a numbering system to keep the needy families annon. Maybe you could find a local business that would help purchase grocery certificates for turkeys or hams. Just make sure the grocery certificates say no cigs or alcohol can be purchased.

 

[disneymom3]

I was going to suggest something like this. I would contact a social service agency in you area and have them "choose" the families.

And I am sorry your experience wasnt what you expected, maybe it was the best they could do. I know may times interpreting what would work for all the different age groups would work esp when things were of a more generic nature on the families list. We did the best we could and hoped that the family like what we chose. We received some very moving thank you notes that told me that we were doing a good thing each year.

Best of luck in your endeavor.

Yep, that is what I focused on at the time. the thought that they wanted to help someone but perhaps did not have much to share themselves.

As for a social services agency, I have not been able to find one. We do have the local food shelf and they do sort of a Santa Anonymous but we want this to be more about the whole family, meals etc than just gifts for the kids. Plus, we want to start with families in our church. That might be what we do to begin with actually--for at least the first year have it available to only those in our church that need the help. I can think of at least three families off the top of my head that this would be helpful too and I am sure I don't know all of them.

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

Angeltree is, I believe, a nationwide program. Here is a link: AngelTree.org

I work in Global Outreach so my ministry is a bit different. At Christmas we do a giving catalog (ie: $20 will buy a widowed woman in Kenya enough land, and seeds and farming tools to feed her family and have enough food to sell to provide shelter and education for them for one year) and Operation Christmas Child.

Local outreach is huge at my church though and I have a few ideas (which may or may not be to big for a first year doing this)

-As others have said, you need ground rules... who qualifies, who doesn't. What is your goal for each family? Partner with local outreach operations to get names.

-Consider running a simultaneous food and supply drive. This way you could also provide the families with Christmas dinner and some more utilitarian stuff without the purchase of ALL those items falling on the family who sponsors them. It also gives more families a smaller scale way to be involved.

-Also consider seeking company sponsorships, particularly ones whose owners attend your congregation. Sometimes ma and pop grocery stores will donate a turkey for every family, local tree farms may donate trees etc. After Christmas or even during prime Christmas shopping time you would do a thank you letter to those who participated and specifically mention the local companies who helped. This could maybe be included in the bulletin.

-In addition to the food/supply drive allow people to make monetary donations. I have seen that a lot of people (bachelors, retirees who don't drive for example) will not want to shop but are happy to give a small amount of money. This money could be used for gift cards to local grocery stores, or as I wrote just below.

-You and your team collect all the gifts for each family. Then you can redistribute goods (ie, if someone bought a 3yo a baby toy, you can slip the baby toy into a family with a baby, and use the monetary donation to fill in the toy for the 3yo).

-Once a family is identified, interview them so you can get to know what they NEED and what they WANT. The interview process can be exhausting but you can really begin to understand a family and see what will truly help them. You will also know when someone brings their gifts if that is something you should redistribute or something that is perfect for that family.

-- Ask for a gift idea that will make the child happy in the $10-$20 range, but than also ask what is the child's dream gift. Some people may have decided to spend $15 but when they read that the 9yo boy really wants a bike so he can get a paper route and save for college, they will spring for the bike. Other kids will ask for a Nintendo Ds and not get that but will still get the $10 item that makes them smile on Christmas. by listing both you can appeal to families on both ends (those who want to make dreams come true and those who want to do something and have a fixed budget).

-- Try and get ideas of what would really change the families life... If the mom needs a nice suit for an interview, if they are always just one electric bill behind, etc. Not every family would get this item (and they don't even necessarily need to know it made the list), but some people from your congregation may just step forward and make it happen. I have always been amazed at how people do that, and it won't always be a monetary gift but someone who has a skill (ie hairdresser who donates a professional makeover to a woman seeking a job, someone with handyman skills who patches a leaky roof, a plumber who fixes some pipe work) that might choose to donate some services in addition to their material gifts and can really help the family.

-- One way, I have seen that really works for sponsor family programs is a book, you make a couple and have them at a table where people can stop after the service, once a family is selected remove their page from the book. I say a book because you can give a lot more info than the ornament on a tree idea. Each family could have a small story about their situation (absolutely maintaining a anonymity) and a list of items. The lists don't need to be alike. If one family has some need that could really change their life (as I talked about above) list that, if another family just talks about really wanting a new Coach bag, maybe don't list that. Sometimes it's better to not list the above and beyond items on every list because people who know they can't or won't do those items will take the lists that don't list them and not feel bad about not being able to give them everything. Those who can do it, still can take the other lists. Options are very good in increasing congregation response!

---Let people know what is required... ie they should at minimum buy the $10-$20 item on the kids wishlist, but if they WANT (and only if they want) they can go above and beyond to fulfill the dream items. Make sure they know those are not necessary.

---Try and have ranges for different income levels to participate. Ie, don't have all families with 6 kids. Single parent, single child homes allow more families on smaller budgets to participate at the sponsorship level.

- I think since you have been on the recieving end you should be in charge of the list of families. Having BTDT you will probably handle it with the utmost respect and confidentiality.

Lastly because this is your first year, consider just taking on a few families (depending on congregation size- if your congregation is 200 take on maybe 4-6 families, if it is 1000 maybe 10) and doing it up big for them. You will learn alot this year about what works in your church and what doesn't (so do NOT get discouraged this year) and next year will probably really be the year you can do much more.

 

[Mkrop]

Yep, that is what I focused on at the time. the thought that they wanted to help someone but perhaps did not have much to share themselves.

As for a social services agency, I have not been able to find one. We do have the local food shelf and they do sort of a Santa Anonymous but we want this to be more about the whole family, meals etc than just gifts for the kids. Plus, we want to start with families in our church. That might be what we do to begin with actually--for at least the first year have it available to only those in our church that need the help. I can think of at least three families off the top of my head that this would be helpful too and I am sure I don't know all of them.

Call you local county govt, or child services they should have a listing, or ask other churches who they help out if you ever want to move beyond those in need at your own church.

 

[disneymom3]

Thanks so much for all the good suggestions. I had realized the email thing would not work a little while after posting that. Silly.

At any rate, I am taking notes on all the ideas. Our pastor is actually out of town til next week so I will talk to him more about it then.

 

[barkley]

i agree that you should try to use an established 'clearing house' for names. the social services agency i worked for acted as this for all of the area groups that wanted to participate. anyone could apply-and we could at least eliminate duplicate applications (some people will apply to every organization not so much in the hopes of just being selected, but in the hopes of being selected multiple times ), and some applicants have far more resources than an unskilled reviewer of applications may be saavy enough to realize (i had clients who would simply identify themselves as 'welfare recipients' but would neglect to mention that by virtue of public assistance, child support, exempt income, social security, veteran's benefits and inheritances-they were free and clear homeowners in receipt of a couple of thousands in tax free income per month (totaly legal, but not needing of holiday assistance as compared to much of the populatiion that applied).

if you are unaware of an agency that does this in your area-try contacting an established charity or organization to see whom they use.

one thing i can suggest that was hugely appreciated in the town we recently moved from-a local group did adopt a family for christmas, but instead of focusing on lots of gifts and the actual holiday meal for the recipients, they structured their gifts to provide some gifts, a nice but modest holiday meal-but largly on food items to help the family out over the period of time that is traditionaly the christmas vaction for the schools. they found that the bulk of their adopted families were very reliant on free breakfasts and lunches that their kids received at school, and absent this the parents were very hard pressed to provide those meals over the long holiday break. so gift baskets included items that could be used to prepare or provide meals for the family for a longer period of time than just christmas day. items like cereal, juices, poptarts and other breakfast foods were provided-lunch type items as well (soups, sandwich makings, individual chips/puddings/fruit cups). people also often put in items to use with left over items from the holiday meals to stretch the food budget as well (soup mix, beans, bread and condiments for sandwiches). one way they handled storage of food, as do many groups is to arrange with a local grocery store to provide instead of actual physical turkeys-a gift certificate good for a turkey of a specified brand up to a certain poundage (some families do not have much in the way of cooking facilities so they may opt to go with a much smaller bird than you would think). it can also be nice if someone donates a bunch of those disposable aluminum turkey roasting pans-if a person does not have the means/opportunity to cook a turkey but once a year it may be that they do not own anything appropriate to roast it in.

one last suggestion-if you do some type of gifting thing, tell your participants to take into consideration the cost of ownership and operation some gifts they may want to provide the kids in the families come with. things like small inexpensive handheld games and cd players are great as far as kids are concerned, but if a parent can't afford the batteries for continued use, the cds beyond the one or two gifted with the item, game cartridges for use once the first games has been played to death, broken or simply grown bored with-it's a gift that will likely never be used again or simply be tossed out.

 

[Karel]

one thing i can suggest that was hugely appreciated in the town we recently moved from-a local group did adopt a family for christmas, but instead of focusing on lots of gifts and the actual holiday meal for the recipients, they structured their gifts to provide some gifts, a nice but modest holiday meal-but largly on food items to help the family out over the period of time that is traditionaly the christmas vaction for the schools. they found that the bulk of their adopted families were very reliant on free breakfasts and lunches that their kids received at school, and absent this the parents were very hard pressed to provide those meals over the long holiday break. .

This is a great idea. Never thought about it that way. My organizations adopts 6 to 7 families each Christmas and we do give them a $100 grocery store GC but maybe we can do some sort of food drive to go with that.

 

[disneymom3]

Thanks Barkley. I know you have worked with this sort of thing a lot in the past so that is helpful to keep in mind. We are leaning toward doing this as a congregational support thing and then the screening of families would not be so hard. (We have a medium sized church and I would say the pastors and/or ministry staff know 95% or more of our members.)