Ever go on vacation and come back depressed and grouchy?

[Belle0101]

I did. We (DH, myself, DS15 & DS10) went camping in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park at the end of June. I came back depressed but got over it pretty quickly because we were going back at the end of July.

We got back late Saturday and I was depressed the entire way home. Sunday I actually broke down in tears. Now it's Tuesday and I'm still depressed. I don't mean just sad either. Depressed to where I just don't care to do anything.

I'm pretty sure I know what my problem is. I don't like living in Indiana. It's flat, our town has nothing for entertainment, nothing nearby for entertainment, I don't like anything about Indiana winters ...

We've talked for years about relocating to either TN or FL (preferably FL) but we've at least 3 more years before that can happen. Why? I have sole custody of my DS15. However, under Indiana law the non-custodial parent can object to any move that takes the child more than 100 miles from the current home.

I know the non-custodial parent will object because when I moved 27 miles he filed papers with the court to stop me. I was staying in the state. I moved 1 county to the south. One county, 27 miles and he tried to stop me. He of course lost. No doubt he would object to an out of state move.

Anyhow, I'm just grouchy, depressed, I feel stuck here.

On top of that, I lost my camera at Dollywood. I had set a goal of losing 20# and I could get a new digital camera. I lost the weight, got the camera (LOVED IT), had it a couple years and just lost it. I reported it as lost at Dollywood but to date it hasn't turned up.

 

[jen0610]

I did. We (DH, myself, DS15 & DS10) went camping in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park at the end of June. I came back depressed but got over it pretty quickly because we were going back at the end of July.

We got back late Saturday and I was depressed the entire way home. Sunday I actually broke down in tears. Now it's Tuesday and I'm still depressed. I don't mean just sad either. Depressed to where I just don't care to do anything.

I'm pretty sure I know what my problem is. I don't like living in Indiana. It's flat, our town has nothing for entertainment, nothing nearby for entertainment, I don't like anything about Indiana winters ...

We've talked for years about relocating to either TN or FL (preferably FL) but we've at least 3 more years before that can happen. Why? I have sole custody of my DS15. However, under Indiana law the non-custodial parent can object to any move that takes the child more than 100 miles from the current home.

I know the non-custodial parent will object because when I moved 27 miles he filed papers with the court to stop me. I was staying in the state. I moved 1 county to the south. One county, 27 miles and he tried to stop me. He of course lost. No doubt he would object to an out of state move.

Anyhow, I'm just grouchy, depressed, I feel stuck here.

On top of that, I lost my camera at Dollywood. I had set a goal of losing 20# and I could get a new digital camera. I lost the weight, got the camera (LOVED IT), had it a couple years and just lost it. I reported it as lost at Dollywood but to date it hasn't turned up.

There are good and bad side to that custody issue in IN. I am truely suprised that he doesn't raise a stink when you just try to vacation outta state. Our friend who lives in FL, who has sole custody, has to get written permission from the X to take their DS outta state for any time frame longer than 48 hours. 48 hours and less, she has to provide the address and phone number of where they are staying at. It's so much fun trying to come home for the holidays. From the time he was 8, until 18, they never once got to come home for Christmas, as he would not give permission. Even when she tried to work a deal - extra time with him over the summer, every weekend in Nov and Dec leading up to when they would leave - would always get the same answer, I'll think about, then nope don't think I want to agree to that. And the worst part was, when he was scheduled to spend Christmas Eve or Day with his son, 80% of the time, he would call up and cancel saying he was taking an extra shift so he could make triple time.

I feel for you on the winters. I HATE winters here! I would hate winter anywhere there is snow and cold for 6 months. I keep telling everbody, the perfect winter is snow falling on Dec 24th, that last on the ground until I get up Dec 26th. That is all the snow I need to get my fix.

 

[Belle0101]

There are good and bad side to that custody issue in IN. I am truely suprised that he doesn't raise a stink when you just try to vacation outta state. Our friend who lives in FL, who has sole custody, has to get written permission from the X to take their DS outta state for any time frame longer than 48 hours. 48 hours and less, she has to provide the address and phone number of where they are staying at. It's so much fun trying to come home for the holidays. From the time he was 8, until 18, they never once got to come home for Christmas, as he would not give permission. Even when she tried to work a deal - extra time with him over the summer, every weekend in Nov and Dec leading up to when they would leave - would always get the same answer, I'll think about, then nope don't think I want to agree to that. And the worst part was, when he was scheduled to spend Christmas Eve or Day with his son, 80% of the time, he would call up and cancel saying he was taking an extra shift so he could make triple time.

I feel for you on the winters. I HATE winters here! I would hate winter anywhere there is snow and cold for 6 months. I keep telling everbody, the perfect winter is snow falling on Dec 24th, that last on the ground until I get up Dec 26th. That is all the snow I need to get my fix.

DS was born in 1995, we broke up in 1996. He had always been abusive and threatened to kidnap DS if I ever dared to take him to court for any reason. I was, and to a point still am, afraid of him so I never did. Because there was no court ruling I could do as I pleased so when I married we vacationed every year.

He took me to court in 2002 because he wanted his name on the birth certificate. Duh, it already was. But hey since he took me to court I'll ask for support. Naturally they added in all the other guidelines too.

So, the first time after that that we were going on vacation I notified him as specified under Indiana law. He sent me a nasty letter but my attorney let his attorney know that I was following the law and our vacationing was nothing new. Never heard anything else about it.

The next summer he sent me a nasty letter again regarding vacation. I insisted we meet with a mediator and the result of that was that I got a court order that very clearly states I am allowed a min. of 2 weeks per year for the purpose of vacation. There is no restriction on the distance.

The next summer when we were going for vacation I let him know and he called DS therapist to object. Per the therapist, he thought that the therapist would jump on his side and say that our vacations were bad. The therapist set him straight.

Knock on wood, there've been no objections since. As an aside, he is not entitled to vacations or holidays with DS. He can only have him for a max. of 48 every other weekend and 2.5 hours every Tuesday. It's an ugly situation.

And I agree with you on the snow! A light dusting for Dec. 24 but it had better be gone by Dec. 26!

 

[minkydog]

I sympathize with you. We had a vacation to Florida in June and i came home depressed and STAYED that way all summer. My situation is not the same(not custody.) This was the first vacation in over 10 years where we left my handicapped son,Christian, at home. But that didn't make me depressed. We have some wonderful caregivers that he's used to, so I knew he would have a great time with them. BUt what started it all was the absolute FREEDOM we had on this vacation. While we were there we were able to get up when we wanted, go to any restaurant we wanted, stay out late, visit relatives without having to jump up and take care of Christian. Once, we were playing in the Gulf and all of a sudden, DH shouted,"OMG, where is Christian?" I almost had a heart attack, he scared me so much. Both of us began running toward the beach, thinking that we had somehow neglected him. We were halfway out of the water before I realized that Christian wasn't with us. Whew!

We had such a great relaxing time on this vacation. I didn't realize how much we needed it. We were able to concentrate on DD17, for one thing, doing things she likes to do. Unfortunately, she doesn't get that attention very often. I cannot begin to describe the feelings of relief just having time to lay around and not be "on call" 24 hours a day. No feeding, no changing diapers, no constant supervision. Those feelings lasted until we got home. Then our reality set in and I became depressed. Really depressed. Really, really depressed. It has taken me all summer and many medications to get control of it. We are now in teh process of seeking permanent residential placement for Christian. I never realized how much his care & keeping was affecting me. It's like the old story of the frog in the hot water: after awhile, you just get used to the stress and difficulty. Having the opportunity to live as NORMAL people do, for just one week, was enough to make me realize how very hard our lives are.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread. I guess this struck a chord in me. Forgive me. Carry on.

 

[hopemax]

Maybe what you need is a plan. 3 years isn't as long as it sounds, and if know you are ready to bolt as soon as the timer reaches zero, it might help. I know in my family, if you just talk about doing something in x amount of time, it is here quicker than you know, and then it takes another y period to actually happen because not enough planning happened earlier on.

So talk to DH, decide if a move is really going to happen in 3 years. Research so you know if it is TN or FL. Work on the budget, set up a "relocation fund." Work on decluttering the house. If you have a house to sell, work on the home improvement issues that need to happen to get it ready to sell.

 

[Belle0101]

I sympathize with you. We had a vacation to Florida in June and i came home depressed and STAYED that way all summer. My situation is not the same(not custody.) This was the first vacation in over 10 years where we left my handicapped son,Christian, at home. But that didn't make me depressed. We have some wonderful caregivers that he's used to, so I knew he would have a great time with them. BUt what started it all was the absolute FREEDOM we had on this vacation. While we were there we were able to get up when we wanted, go to any restaurant we wanted, stay out late, visit relatives without having to jump up and take care of Christian. Once, we were playing in the Gulf and all of a sudden, DH shouted,"OMG, where is Christian?" I almost had a heart attack, he scared me so much. Both of us began running toward the beach, thinking that we had somehow neglected him. We were halfway out of the water before I realized that Christian wasn't with us. Whew!

We had such a great relaxing time on this vacation. I didn't realize how much we needed it. We were able to concentrate on DD17, for one thing, doing things she likes to do. Unfortunately, she doesn't get that attention very often. I cannot begin to describe the feelings of relief just having time to lay around and not be "on call" 24 hours a day. No feeding, no changing diapers, no constant supervision. Those feelings lasted until we got home. Then our reality set in and I became depressed. Really depressed. Really, really depressed. It has taken me all summer and many medications to get control of it. We are now in teh process of seeking permanent residential placement for Christian. I never realized how much his care & keeping was affecting me. It's like the old story of the frog in the hot water: after awhile, you just get used to the stress and difficulty. Having the opportunity to live as NORMAL people do, for just one week, was enough to make me realize how very hard our lives are.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread. I guess this struck a chord in me. Forgive me. Carry on.

No apologies needed or expected. Being a 24/7 caretaker is very hard work. DS15, while much better these days, went through a very rough time to where I was advised by his therapist and his physician to never ever leave him alone, ever. He's slowly gotten better but is still with me nearly 24/7. He doesn't do well in school at all and I've been homeschooling him since Feb. When I think of not having "me time" .... We, the collective "we", love our children but if we don't take of ourselves how can we effectively take care of our loved ones?

 

[Belle0101]

Maybe what you need is a plan. 3 years isn't as long as it sounds, and if know you are ready to bolt as soon as the timer reaches zero, it might help. I know in my family, if you just talk about doing something in x amount of time, it is here quicker than you know, and then it takes another y period to actually happen because not enough planning happened earlier on.

So talk to DH, decide if a move is really going to happen in 3 years. Research so you know if it is TN or FL. Work on the budget, set up a "relocation fund." Work on decluttering the house. If you have a house to sell, work on the home improvement issues that need to happen to get it ready to sell.

Thanks for the great ideas!! DH has said in the past that there aren't jobs available. Really? No jobs? Have you looked? I might start looking for him.

And decluttering? YES! Because I am not taking all these fabulous treasures with us. I'll yard sale them and add the money to a "relocation fund".

 

[CowboyCO]

I did. We (DH, myself, DS15 & DS10) went camping in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park at the end of June. I came back depressed but got over it pretty quickly because we were going back at the end of July.

We got back late Saturday and I was depressed the entire way home. Sunday I actually broke down in tears. Now it's Tuesday and I'm still depressed. I don't mean just sad either. Depressed to where I just don't care to do anything.

I'm pretty sure I know what my problem is. I don't like living in Indiana. It's flat, our town has nothing for entertainment, nothing nearby for entertainment, I don't like anything about Indiana winters ...

We've talked for years about relocating to either TN or FL (preferably FL) but we've at least 3 more years before that can happen. Why? I have sole custody of my DS15. However, under Indiana law the non-custodial parent can object to any move that takes the child more than 100 miles from the current home.

I know the non-custodial parent will object because when I moved 27 miles he filed papers with the court to stop me. I was staying in the state. I moved 1 county to the south. One county, 27 miles and he tried to stop me. He of course lost. No doubt he would object to an out of state move.

Anyhow, I'm just grouchy, depressed, I feel stuck here.

On top of that, I lost my camera at Dollywood. I had set a goal of losing 20# and I could get a new digital camera. I lost the weight, got the camera (LOVED IT), had it a couple years and just lost it. I reported it as lost at Dollywood but to date it hasn't turned up.

Sounds like you are stuck in Indiana for awhile. I'd look for activities , expecially in the winter, that you can do. I don't know Indiana, but you have to find the best in it. Staying at home will only make you more depressed. Get involved! Volunteer at a senior center. Schedule regular short trips to Indy, or Chicago to go to the theater or museums.

 

[bumbershoot]

Maybe what you need is a plan. 3 years isn't as long as it sounds, and if know you are ready to bolt as soon as the timer reaches zero, it might help. I know in my family, if you just talk about doing something in x amount of time, it is here quicker than you know, and then it takes another y period to actually happen because not enough planning happened earlier on.

So talk to DH, decide if a move is really going to happen in 3 years. Research so you know if it is TN or FL. Work on the budget, set up a "relocation fund." Work on decluttering the house. If you have a house to sell, work on the home improvement issues that need to happen to get it ready to sell.

Love that idea!~

Thanks for the great ideas!! DH has said in the past that there aren't jobs available. Really? No jobs? Have you looked? I might start looking for him.

And decluttering? YES! Because I am not taking all these fabulous treasures with us. I'll yard sale them and add the money to a "relocation fund".

I've been wanting to move to Oregon. Just one state away. DH wants to too, but is afraid. Of what? Of property taxes. Um, we don't own a home. And...do you know what the property taxes are like from someone who lives there? No, you've just heard about it from other people who don't own homes in Oregon. It's just silly!

Woo, yard sales, relocation funds, woo! If you have CDs you don't listen to anymore, check out secondspin.com and abundatrade.com to sell them.



As for post-vacation sadness, I got that BIG time at the end of '07. IT wasn't for anything as serious as your custody stuff, but my touring style is just different than DH and DS's. I never relaxed on two vacations right in a row (we loved Disneyland so much we went back in December after a Sept visit). So in January, DH told me to take a quick solo trip, and I did! Spent one night in Anaheim, raced around like I can't do with DH and DS, and had a blast. No more sadness.

Not that that would necessarily work for you...but I jsut wanted you to know that post-vacation sadness isn't uncommon. (in fact I just read an article that said that vacations don't, statistically, make us happier than we were before the vacation)

 

[minkydog]

I've been wanting to move to Oregon. Just one state away.

Isn't that funny! I'm dying to move out to Western Washington for the summers. I couldn't stand it during the winter(I have SAD) but summer is so wonderful. My sister lives in Poulsbo and it looks like a cross between an English country garden and a Christmas tree farm.

 

[Planogirl]

I've been in that state too. In my case it's because I absolutely despise my job. I plan to search hard for another job after I get back from vacation but it's still going to be difficult to come back.

I sympathize big time.

 

[C.Ann]

Well - I'm always down about leaving the lake come winter, but I get over that pretty quickly when I'm back at my DD's and back into the swing of things..

As for "vacation" vacations (like going to Florida or Maine or something like that), no - I don't get depressed.. I'm usually pretty happy to get back to my family and back to my own bed..

Hopefully you'll feel better after you're settled back in and busy with your normal routine..

 

[Buckalew11]

I hope you get your camera back! My DH was working at Dollywood on Saturday. Anyway, we've never had much luck with their lost and found. I think people just tend to say "Finders Keepers" too often these days.

East TN is great if you decide to move down this way! I know a great realtor who can help you (not me, BTW.)

 

[Duckfan]

When I saw your title, I thought something else. My last vacation I twisted my knee on the first morning. I could walk but it was often painful and slow. Try a Disney vacation with troubles walking and sitting on some of the rides. Then we went to the beach, my other favorite except walking in sand is extremely painful!!!. It was the first vacation I have had that I really wanted to go home early and I was depressed, in pain, and grouchy. That is the worst!

 

[ICF]

I'm pretty sure I know what my problem is. I don't like living in Indiana. It's flat, our town has nothing for entertainment, nothing nearby for entertainment, I don't like anything about Indiana winters ...

Where abouts are you that you appear to be stuck in the middle of no where?

Most of Indiana is at least close to Indianapols, Chicago or Cincinnati...all of which have various levels of things to do.

Winters arent fun in most places and all states have their issues....be they hurricanes, flooding, snow, earthquakes and the like. I'm no fan of winters here, but I can always call my co-workers on the east coast and get cheered up when they have a foot of snow on the ground and we havd 1 inch.

The Smokey Mt area is very nice, but depending on the job situations there isnt a lot out in that part of the state. I have family there and while it's fun to visit the area, I dont think I would want to live there.....unless I were retired and didnt have to worry and finding a decent paying job.

 

[Belle0101]

I hope you get your camera back! My DH was working at Dollywood on Saturday. Anyway, we've never had much luck with their lost and found. I think people just tend to say "Finders Keepers" too often these days.

East TN is great if you decide to move down this way! I know a great realtor who can help you (not me, BTW.)

Would your DH want to go walk the area under Mystery Mine for me? I know better now but I honestly thought my camera would be safe in my left hip pocket. What I didn't realize is that on Mystery Mine one of the loops has a slight pause while you're upside down. I felt it start to slip but I couldn't turn my arm enough to stop it.

I really thought it would be found because I was told, by more than one Host, that the ride is walked every night after closing, 8PM, and all items are immediately turned in. That was Thursday. I checked twice on Friday and one of the Security guards said he would walk it that night himself.

I'm thinking they were just trying to placate me. Perhaps it doesn't really get walked every evening. I think it's just gone now.

As to where in Indiana I live ... it's an Amish community and no, I'm not Amish. We're roughly 2 1/2 to 3 hours (traffic) from Indy and Chicago. I'm pretty sure Cincy is just as far. That's 6 hr travel time round trip.

We do make it to Chicago a couple times a year. Like the Eagles concert at Soldier Field. DH wasn't sure where to park so we ended up in a parking garage, $45. Ouch!

 

[Buckalew11]

Not today, he wouldn't. We're on our way to see the Mouse later today!!!!

I bet they do walk that every night. I bet people lose a lot of stuff while on there!! My mom used to work at Dollywood (River rampage) and while sweeping the sidewalk one day she found $300 in cash in the bushes with no name of the little pocket thingee (it wasn't loose). She turned it in and went back the next day to check on it and they didn't have a record of it even being turned in!!!! GRRRR Somebody kept that money--someone's vacation money. That was several years ago and it bugs me still that it happened. Even if you were back at your motel, you'd notice $300. and call about it.

 

[Belle0101]

Not today, he wouldn't. We're on our way to see the Mouse later today!!!!

I bet they do walk that every night. I bet people lose a lot of stuff while on there!! My mom used to work at Dollywood (River rampage) and while sweeping the sidewalk one day she found $300 in cash in the bushes with no name of the little pocket thingee (it wasn't loose). She turned it in and went back the next day to check on it and they didn't have a record of it even being turned in!!!! GRRRR Somebody kept that money--someone's vacation money. That was several years ago and it bugs me still that it happened. Even if you were back at your motel, you'd notice $300. and call about it.

Jealous! If I were still in TN I'd try and sneak a ride with you. Have a great trip!!

That's awful that there was no record of the $300 even being turned in. I'd be sick over losing my vacation money. That could have been for food, lodging, gas for the way home ...

I know what doesn't get kept at Dollywood - strollers. A Host escorted me to Security and while the guards were deciding who would take my report she and I were talking and we saw the Lost and Found area. It's in front of the desk. There were at least half a dozen strollers and at least as many totes. The totes were dated as to when the items were found.

Curious, what's your DH do at Dollywood?

 

[perdidobay]

Maybe what you need is a plan. 3 years isn't as long as it sounds, and if know you are ready to bolt as soon as the timer reaches zero, it might help. I know in my family, if you just talk about doing something in x amount of time, it is here quicker than you know, and then it takes another y period to actually happen because not enough planning happened earlier on.

So talk to DH, decide if a move is really going to happen in 3 years. Research so you know if it is TN or FL. Work on the budget, set up a "relocation fund." Work on decluttering the house. If you have a house to sell, work on the home improvement issues that need to happen to get it ready to sell.

This is great advice! Having a plan and and a goal gives you something to focus on and maybe will help with the sadness.

 

[perdidobay]

I did. We (DH, myself, DS15 & DS10) went camping in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park at the end of June. I came back depressed but got over it pretty quickly because we were going back at the end of July.

We got back late Saturday and I was depressed the entire way home. Sunday I actually broke down in tears. Now it's Tuesday and I'm still depressed. I don't mean just sad either. Depressed to where I just don't care to do anything.

I'm pretty sure I know what my problem is. I don't like living in Indiana. It's flat, our town has nothing for entertainment, nothing nearby for entertainment, I don't like anything about Indiana winters ...

We've talked for years about relocating to either TN or FL (preferably FL) but we've at least 3 more years before that can happen. Why? I have sole custody of my DS15. However, under Indiana law the non-custodial parent can object to any move that takes the child more than 100 miles from the current home.

I know the non-custodial parent will object because when I moved 27 miles he filed papers with the court to stop me. I was staying in the state. I moved 1 county to the south. One county, 27 miles and he tried to stop me. He of course lost. No doubt he would object to an out of state move.

Anyhow, I'm just grouchy, depressed, I feel stuck here.

On top of that, I lost my camera at Dollywood. I had set a goal of losing 20# and I could get a new digital camera. I lost the weight, got the camera (LOVED IT), had it a couple years and just lost it. I reported it as lost at Dollywood but to date it hasn't turned up.

I'm sorry about your camera...
and I feel the same way about where I live, in west TN. It is the pits....east TN is so much nicer. Coming back from a Florida vacation in the winter I am so sad. It lifts my spirits so much while there with green trees, flowers and blue skies. Coming home to dead brown grass, bare trees and gray skies makes my SAD so much worse.