Ever get a gift that made you a teensy bit mad?

[mrzrich]

I'm not mad about the gift, but by the cost of it. My DD spent $50 on a box of 20 chocolates for me and DH. DD and SIL have a new baby, a new house and a car that is held together with dental floss and duct tape. She is a SAHM and they have a new mortgage, homeowners insurance for the first time, etc etc. They really really really need a car.

$50 for chocolates. Really?

If she felt the need to spend that much money, I could think of a lot better ways to spend it.

I know its bad form to be this ungrateful, but I can't help it.

 

[Tallent]

Maybe she had a groupon or some other offer that knocked down the price? My mom once got a gift from her sil---a box of chocolates with the sticker on it reading "Not for retail purchase. For promotional purposes only"----sil had bought something, gotten the candy for free and regifted them to my mom. Not a wonder that they never got along.

 

[mrzrich]

No... she bought them. They are actually an ongoing bone of contention for DH and I. DD and SIL keep this particular brand on hand in their home. They are very excited about them and want to share them whenever anyone comes to visit.

My DH was fuming the first time she brought them out at her house and told him that she had spent $75 on a box. We had just loaned them our car a few days earlier because they couldn't afford to get theirs fixed until pay day.

 

[Gigi22]

I have never received a gift that I thought the giver really couldn't afford. I don't think there's anything you can do about the pricy chocolates--I doubt they could be returned to the shop.

Try not to stress about the gift. If you can't bring yourself to enjoy them yourself, can you at least offer them to company over the holidays, or you could take them in to your place of work to be enjoyed by others.

 

[Ginny Favers]

Why, yes.... my husband spent $40 on 2 pairs of socks for me.

There are so many things that I would love to receive, and yet... socks? They're not even special socks that are super-comfy or make me look 10 lbs lighter or anything.

I probably wouldn't have cared much if they'd come from someone else, but since they came essentially from my own bank account, I'm wondering if I can secretly return them.

 

[bababear_50]

Yes
When I was 18yrs I got a wool poncho for my birthday and my brother got a new car,,ah dad had a problem with girls driving cars. So.... I saved and bought myself a motorcycle . Well dad changed his mind PDQ and the next year helped me buy a new car,,seems he felt safer with me driving on 4 wheels than 2.

Hugs Mel

 

[ibob52]

I'm curious ... what brand of chocolates?

 

[karice2]

I'm curious ... what brand of chocolates?

I was thinking the exact same thing. Godiva maybe? IMO, it isn't really worth that much.

 

[mrzrich]

William Dean

 

[sarahlovesmickey]

Yes! I can think of a few over the years from my in-laws.

 

[SarahKate]

Unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do about the present at this point. It is too bad that they spend that much money on something when they're struggling.

I will say that my DD10 did open a few presents that I had to question and am just a little frustrated by. My dad and stepmom gave her a leggings outfit, pajamas and a jean jacket. Very cute things. But 2 sizes too small. And from a store that my DD can no longer wear things from (Children's Place).

They never bothered to ask what size she wears. And the items were purchased at an outlet store so I can't return them at my local mall. I will have to drive 1.5 hours away to return them. I know that I'm being ungrateful, but I just wish they would have asked me first. Also, I don't even buy clothes for my DD for Christmas or any other time for that matter.

I can't imaging buying clothes for someone without asking about the size, especially a child.

On the flip side, my FIL gives DH and I money every year and we buy things on his behalf! It's a little more work for us, but we know what she wants and what is on her list. So she opens presents from her grandpa that she loves! I just wish my own dad would do this or at least ask us for ideas beforehand.

 

[bookgirl]

I'm usually on the other end of this. I convince my mom that no I really don't need anything for christmas, but I'd like a new hair dryer oh and maybe a video, etc so I get her to go budget on me then I stick $17 eye shadow in her stocking and a $50 dollar heating thing from Origins, iphone/alarm clock dock, etc. Annoys the hell out of her that I spend money on items she thinks are too expensive. (however she did get me a dock/clock as well, so I guess we're about even there)


BUT, I really don't need anything much for christmas I have a good job and discresionary income to spend and she is retired and doens't like to spend money on herself. I have the money to buy her stuff she'd never buy for herself so I do. However $50 dollar chocolate is not on either of our radar.

 

[disykat]

To be quite honest, most gifts make me a teensy bit mad. I really don't like getting gifts.

Two friends brought hostess gifts yesterday, which was okay because they are gift people and like to do that - but it wouldn't be my choice. Other than that I got no gifts. It was great! We'll do gift exchanges with family later this week and it's already stressing me out.

 

[Zhoen]

Will the chocolates keep for a little while? (Most do) If so, set them in a cool place until Valentine's day, add a fancy ribbon and maybe a silk flower, and return them to DD and say "I remember how much you like this brand..." (just be sure you remove any identifying marks and be sure she didn't slip anything inside the cardboard...)

 

[Fyrefly]

I guess I'm at the age now where people are giving me candles and lotion because that's what you give young women I suppose.

I don't used scented stuff all that often and I already have enough lotions and sprays to last me years. I have next to no room in my apartment for stuff like candles and my boyfriend already complains I have too many - those Yankee housewarmers take a LONG time to use up and tealights with cute holders are just there to clutter surfaces I don't have.

And I know these people mean well but at this stage in my life I'd prefer a $5 or $10 card somewhere I can treat myself to a meal out. Or if money is really an issue why not just give me a card or a letter or something? But you can't say stuff like that without appearing ungrateful...

Part of it feels kind of insulting too... like, you guys know me. You know I wear makeup very infrequently, trying to get a PhD in engineering, love video game and gadgets. Why is it because I'm a girl that means I must like candles and lotion? When I have I ever given you the indication I want that stuff?

 

[eliza61]

I'm not mad about the gift, but by the cost of it. My DD spent $50 on a box of 20 chocolates for me and DH. DD and SIL have a new baby, a new house and a car that is held together with dental floss and duct tape. She is a SAHM and they have a new mortgage, homeowners insurance for the first time, etc etc. They really really really need a car.

$50 for chocolates. Really?

If she felt the need to spend that much money, I could think of a lot better ways to spend it.

I know its bad form to be this ungrateful, but I can't help it.

Nope, unless they are in your pocket accept the gift and hold your tongue on the cost.

regardless to what you think they need, if they earned the money legally and are not neglecting the baby it's their money.

there is always some thing that folks think are not worth the money

$50 dollar chocolate
$200 bottle of wine
$1500 pocket book (my vice, can't tell you how many times my MIL comments about what I could have done with that money).

I was in whole food markets the other day and they had kobe beef on sale for 100 bucks a pound. A 5 pound ribeye roast was 500 bucks and people were buying it. I kept wondering what exactly was done to this beef to make it worth 500 bucks. yikes.

So accept the gift in the spirit that it was offered and enjoy them.

 

[mrzrich]

Part of it feels kind of insulting too... like, you guys know me. When have I ever given you the indication I want that stuff?

THIS!

When she offered us some of the chocolates at her home and told us how much they cost, her father made a snarky comment about no candy being worth that much money. HINT HINT.

We have a developmentally disabled child and NEVER get a night out because we can not find a sitter for him.

If she had offered to spend a few hours at our house with her brother, it would have cost her nothing, and I would been so happy that it have brought me to tears.

 

[trinchick]

OP, I know where you're coming from. I think if someone gave me a $50 box of chocolates my frustration wouldn't have been due to the cost of the gift (but obviously that's an issue when you know your DD's current situation). However, I would have said, hmmm, they obviously don't know me if they think I'd appreciate a $50 box of chocolates. Anyone who knows me understands I'd be just as happy with a $10 Whitmans Sampler. If they want to spend $50 on me, they have to come up with something else (books would be a good start!) if they want the gift to be a success.

 

[Arielle22]

How many pounds were in the box? My favorite chocolates are $24.95 a pound and DH likes to buy me 2 lbs so he and DDs can have some too.

When we were younger and didn't have money it was a 1/2 lb but as our income has gone up so has the amount of chocolate.

OP, perhaps your DD scrimped and saved to get you that present. Perhaps you should think of it as the fact that she loves you so much she wanted you to have something she, herself apppreciates.

 

[princesspwrhr]

I know that I'm being ungrateful, but I just wish they would have asked me first.

It may not have helped. Every time my ILs ask for suggestions for my girls they flat out ignore what my husband or I suggest. This year when they asked where to get gift cards, DH said X, Y or Z. SMIL said - what about M for the younger two and P for your oldest. DH replied, no, they don't shop there at all. ever. Guess what they got? Gift cards to M & P. Once they got the girls a gift card to a store I flat out told them we did not have here. The nearest one was 3 hours away.

On the flip side, my FIL gives DH and I money every year and we buy things on his behalf! It's a little more work for us, but we know what she wants and what is on her list. So she opens presents from her grandpa that she loves! I just wish my own dad would do this or at least ask us for ideas beforehand.

The inlaws did this precisely once. It was great for us, and for the girls, but when the girls told the inlaws what they got, the inlaws didn't think it was good enough - but the girls were thrilled with their gifts. So, now we're back to the situation described above. Except when we travel to their house for Christmas and they want some "thing" for the girls to unwrap. Then they don't even bother to ask for the girls interest and sizes, and just get them whatever my niece and nephew are into (and getting twice as much of) and I have to either ask for a receipt to exchange sizes, or do a no receipt return when we get home. If only they cared enough to ask what the girls were into and put some thought into it....