Even steven - Christmas gifts

[china mom]

For those with multiple children, how much effort do you put in to making sure that the Christmas gifts are even amongst you kids? And does that mean an even number of gifts to open or does that mean an even amount of money spent on each?

I try to keep the gifts as even as possible in both number and value but it is quite the trick this year. For their anchor gift, I nailed it in cost and for how much each one wanted that particular gift. But when it comes to everything else, I am failing drastically.

DS will be getting some fun clothes (football jerseys and fun shirts) while DD will be getting some practical work clothes for her first real job. Also, DS is getting more items than DD. I will end up wrapping his shirts two to a box while I will wrap hers one to a box to make the number of packages more even.,

I bought her bedding because she will need it as she goes off to the Disney College program in a few weeks but I feel like I am cheating if I give her the bedding as a Christmas gift.

The problem is that my kids just didn't ask for anything this year and I have no gift ideas and no time.

But on a positive note, I don't think they have ever counted or compared their Christmas gifts so it bothers me (and DH) more that it bothers them.

 

[Dug720]

I never even thought about the number or cost of presents my sister and I got until one time I got a check for $16.34 and my dad explained it was the difference in what my gifts cost and what my sister's cost. I am pretty sure I rolled my eyes.

 

[TiggerTrigger]

You just reminded me that I need to do a final tally between my girls. I told DD17 (who is impossible with gifts) that I'd probably just give her cash if there was a major monetary gap between gifts this year. I try to spend about the same on them. When they were younger, I tried to get closer with number of gifts they had to open but now, I don't try as hard. That being said, if DD19 wants one really expensive something or other, I may throw in a handful of cheap things just so she has some balance with gift opening time compared to her sister. My parents are the same way. I got a text from my mom the other week that my requested gift was $14 less than everyone else's and I needed to pick something to even things out.

 

[lanejudy]

I bought her bedding because she will need it as she goes off to the Disney College program in a few weeks but I feel like I am cheating if I give her the bedding as a Christmas gift.

Useful or needed items are commonly gifts for us. Assuming it's not the only thing you have for her then I see no problem giving the bedding as a Christmas gift.

 

[china mom]

I never even thought about the number or cost of presents my sister and I got until one time I got a check for $16.34 and my dad explained it was the difference in what my gifts cost and what my sister's cost. I am pretty sure I rolled my eyes.

I do think we parents worry about ti more than the kids.

My kids have asked for nothing. No gift ideas at all. So, I was trying to prep them for the fact that there won't be a plethora of gifts under the tree. I finally got DS to open up about what he wanted and when he told be about two handheld gaming systems he was considering, I figured out that I had done too good a job prepping them. He wanted the more expensive of the two but would not say that because he thought the lack of gifts was a money issue. Duuude, you're killing me. we have the money, we are lacking gift ideas. And here he was holding out on me.

 

[china mom]

Useful or needed items are commonly gifts for us. Assuming it's not the only thing you have for her then I see no problem giving the bedding as a Christmas gift.

We are replacing her broken headphones and pretty much the only other things we have for her to open is some business and business casual clothes to get her through her first few days at DCP. I don't have the "wow" gift this year and nothing fun. The closest thing to "fun" is Door Dash and Wendy's gift cards but even those are "practical".

 

[lanejudy]

I don't have the "wow" gift this year and nothing fun.

Some years are like that. Since she is a young adult and not a 10-yr-old, I see nothing wrong with no "wow" gift -- especially since she didn't ask for anything like that. It's not like she asked for a too-expensive item and thus isn't getting anything.

Personally, I think we often put too much pressure on ourselves to give "the" gift moreso than the recipient's expectations.

 

[lovesmurfs]

My kids are 5 1/2 years apart, so size/value of gifts by age were pretty different (they're both grown now). There was a time I tried to make the number and size of the gifts similar (ex. -- I'd hate if one looked like they had a huge number of gifts and the other only one or two). Sometimes I'd put smaller gifts into a bigger box to make them look more even.

Now I try to make the value even, and if not even, fair. It's hard because DS is married now -- do you even out the single DD with the married couple? Double DD's gifts? DS/DDIL have a 3-year old daughter, and DDIL has a 17-year old son by a previous relationship, so we try to even their gifts a bit.

 

[Dug720]

Now I try to make the value even, and if not even, fair. It's hard because DS is married now -- do you even out the single DD with the married couple? Double DD's gifts?

This can be a huge thing - especially if everyone is expected to buy gifts for the kids. A friend of mine (yes, really, a friend...my sister and I are both single and child-free) has family across the country and spends a lot going there for Christmas, weddings, etc. She doesn't begrudge that since she chooses to live across the country. But this year, without consulting her, the announcement was made that to cut down on costs, everyone would buy gifts for the kids, but all the adults would go into a Secret Santa where each person gets one name with a $50 cap. She's dealing with it this year, but seriously considering just doing her own trip for Christmas next year and not being put in the position of paying for her way there, buying gifts for all the kids (which she would have done anyway), and only getting one $50 gift in return. Not only are the others not having to travel, they have 2 incomes to use for the gifts.

I do remember when I was growing up, one aunt and uncle had 5 kids (lost one that we know of) where my parents and the other aunt and uncle on that side only had 2. They got together and decided that kids would get gifts up to age 10 just for budgeting reasons with a monetary cap on the amount, and then there would be a family gift once kids were older than 10. It seemed to work out then, but I wasn't in on the discussion - just heard about it after the fact. (And of course I was the first to not get since I was the oldest daughter/granddaughter/niece. LOL.)

 

[china mom]

Some years are like that. Since she is a young adult and not a 10-yr-old, I see nothing wrong with no "wow" gift -- especially since she didn't ask for anything like that. It's not like she asked for a too-expensive item and thus isn't getting anything.

Personally, I think we often put too much pressure on ourselves to give "the" gift moreso than the recipient's expectations.

I can't blame him entirely but I put a lot of this on my husband. His childhood experience was the entire living room floor covered with gifts but he fails to realize that there were five kids in a 1500 square foot house so two gifts each would have filled the living room. He has always been so worried about the kids being disappointed that he overdoes it. I allow myself to get drug along with him.

Logical me realizes that this is our issue and the kids will have a wonderful Christmas and only happy memories of Christmases past no matter what. But we put so much pressure on ourselves.

Emotional me wishes I had found this year's "it" gift.

 

[lovesmurfs]

This can be a huge thing - especially if everyone is expected to buy gifts for the kids. A friend of mine (yes, really, a friend...my sister and I are both single and child-free) has family across the country and spends a lot going there for Christmas, weddings, etc. She doesn't begrudge that since she chooses to live across the country. But this year, without consulting her, the announcement was made that to cut down on costs, everyone would buy gifts for the kids, but all the adults would go into a Secret Santa where each person gets one name with a $50 cap. She's dealing with it this year, but seriously considering just doing her own trip for Christmas next year and not being put in the position of paying for her way there, buying gifts for all the kids (which she would have done anyway), and only getting one $50 gift in return. Not only are the others not having to travel, they have 2 incomes to use for the gifts.

I do remember when I was growing up, one aunt and uncle had 5 kids (lost one that we know of) where my parents and the other aunt and uncle on that side only had 2. They got together and decided that kids would get gifts up to age 10 just for budgeting reasons with a monetary cap on the amount, and then there would be a family gift once kids were older than 10. It seemed to work out then, but I wasn't in on the discussion - just heard about it after the fact. (And of course I was the first to not get since I was the oldest daughter/granddaughter/niece. LOL.)

I get it. One of DH's sisters is 60 and unwed -- DH and I try to do more for her for her birthday and Christmas - She buys for each of us for our birthdays and for Christmas. She told me once that we're the only ones in the family that recognize she basically pays double (or gets half).

I've stopped buying for our grown nieces and nephews. We're not close, they don't need anything, and it just got to be too much. I still buy for my brother's son (he's 10). It helps that they live in NE and the grown daughters live in NC, so no one really sees it.

 

[Trinity88]

I try to keep the amount I spend the same for each kid. This mean that my older 2, who are getting apple watches, have fewer gifts than my 15 year old who isn't getting a large cost gift. They're aware of this and are fine with it.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I have 4 kids, ranging in age from 19 to 30 (and married). I don't worry about even-steven, but I do think about overall fairness. Some years, one kid gets a "wow" gift, then I'll get them a few small things to round out their pile. Since my oldest lives 800 miles away, I get something big for her and her husband, that I have shipped directly--this year, it was luggage from their wedding registry that they still needed, last year, it was a specific vacuum that they wanted.

Each year, the kids give me their wish list. They're generally good at mixing more expensive items in with little things. Several years, one got a laptop or tablet, for example, but they're also getting shampoo, a hairbrush, Sharpies, and lots of books.

This year, all DS28 wanted was tickets to a concert. I got them. He's also getting towels--not exciting, but he needs them, and the package looks impressive.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

Most of the time, even, within reason. That means "about the same amount spent" " about the same number of gifts" If there was a large gift requested and granted, it made a difference. There wasn't any problems.