Etiquette

[Kathi OD]

Look at it this way...you only have to buy one gift, and the wedding gift doesn't have to "cover your plate."

 

[mjkacmom]

I used to work for a large hotel chain. There were constantly wedding parties/receptions in the banquet rooms. Oh yes, people do bring lots of presents AND envelopes of cash. The couples usually had a "purse" or something for people to drop the envelopes in.

Where and/or what decade?

 

[MHopkins2]

Might I suggest sending a regrets card, along with a mailed gift? Perhaps the following, one of my favorite books...

http://www.amazon.com/Things-You-Ne...id=1369888864&sr=8-1&keywords=etiquette+grrls

 

[aubriee]

I know someone who was invited to a bridal shower and she found the invitation wording on it quite rude. It was a come-and-go envelope shower. The person hosting the shower made it clear that the place the shower was located at was a little cramped, so it would be an open house format (come and go, as they put it) and that the only gifts needed would be the ones that came in envelopes! -- aka, money. She declined to go. I thought this was quite a rude shower invitation, too -- never seen/heard of this kind before! Anyone out there invited to one of these?

Not a wedding shower, but along the same lines of people asking for money. My elder son remarried about six years ago. He met and started dating my D-I-L about a year before they got married and moved in together just a couple of months after meeting. Anyway, I had met this girl just once, when I got a high school graduation announcement for her younger brother (whom I had never met). Never even having met the young man, I was shocked to say the least and was just going to ignore it. My son's then girlfriend called me one evening and asked if I had received the announcement (remember this would have been just the second time I had even spoken to her). Before I could even say anything, she started saying he really wanted money and since I really didn't know him, that would just make it easier for me anyway. She then proceeded to tell me that I could just drop the money off to her and she'd take it to a party they were having for him over at her parents house (whom I had also never met at that point). By the way, notice I was not invited to the party, they just wanted me to send him some cash. lol I politely told her I did not give gifts to people I didn't even know. Her response was, "well I'm dating your son, you know me, and he's my brother". Yeah, I had met her once at that point and thus far was not impressed with her.

 

[Alesia]

Wow - I don't know of where people could have a reception here for that little, or anyone who would give an actual gift for the wedding gift - and what the heck does one do with a pitcher?!

I got married 15 years ago. I don't remember who gave me cash, but I do remember that my cousin Amy gave me a very nice crystal pitcher. It's the only gift that I still use constantly - sometimes it holds flowers, sometimes it holds mojitos, but it's always in use.

 

[Aliceacc]

My response from another thread on the same topic, cut and pasted because I need to get the kids up for school:

"In my mind, and in my family, a shower is an opportunity for people who would have gotten the couple a gift anyway to do so together. The people you invite are those that you consider necessary to celebrating a major life milestone, like a marriage or a new baby. So those people, of course, would also be invited to your wedding (and to the Christening of that baby.)

So, in my world at least, the idea behind only inviting those people with whom you're close enough to invite to a wedding makes absolute sense. Otherwise, as you say, it does become a gift grab."

Oh, and the "come and go" shower??? Ummm. No. Not going, not sending a gift. I'm not close to anyone with such appalling poor taste.

 

[okeydokey]

Wow - I don't know of where people could have a reception here for that little, or anyone who would give an actual gift for the wedding gift - and what the heck does one do with a pitcher?!

I serve beverages in them. I use them a lot. I have seen people put fresh flowers in them or just put them on display. You seem to imply giving anything other than wads of cash which is what you do to be impolite somehow. I think complaining about any gift is impolite, maybe that's just a regional thing though.

 

[angierae]

I serve beverages in them. I use them a lot. I have seen people put fresh flowers in them or just put them on display. You seem to imply giving anything other than wads of cash which is what you do to be impolite somehow. I think complaining about any gift is impolite, maybe that's just a regional thing though.

I love my glass pitcher. I put ice water in it at the dinner table. We drink water with dinner, and it's so much nicer than having to get up and pour another glass from the (pitcher, although plastic) we keep in the fridge.

 

[discnewbie]

By the way, notice I was not invited to the party, they just wanted me to send him some cash. lol I politely told her I did not give gifts to people I didn't even know. Her response was, "well I'm dating your son, you know me, and he's my brother". Yeah, I had met her once at that point and thus far was not impressed with her.

Yikes! That takes a lot of nerve!

 

[discnewbie]

Oh, and the "come and go" shower??? Ummm. No. Not going, not sending a gift. I'm not close to anyone with such appalling poor taste.

Yes... it was a relative of this woman that I know... her first cousin, once removed. You know what they say -- you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relatives

 

[talulabelle]

I know someone who was invited to a bridal shower and she found the invitation wording on it quite rude. It was a come-and-go envelope shower. The person hosting the shower made it clear that the place the shower was located at was a little cramped, so it would be an open house format (come and go, as they put it) and that the only gifts needed would be the ones that came in envelopes! -- aka, money. She declined to go. I thought this was quite a rude shower invitation, too -- never seen/zheard of this kind before! Anyone out there invited to one of these?

That takes the cake! "We don't have room for the number of people we want to show up with cash, so pls come, drop your money and go! Gah! Really, some people need to reed etiquette books. At least know the proper term is "open house" and there is nothing ruder than requesting a specific gift, except for requesting money that is!