Etiquette question regarding wheelchairs.

[MommytoMJM]

Actually, I disagree.

Often at Disney, CM's squat on their heels (knees bent, body straight) so they can talk to me eye to eye. (assuming there are no seats nearby). I quite like it because I prefer not to look up at people. I always assumed it was part of their 'disability awareness' training.


Andrew

I'm with Andrew on this one.....

 

[Talking Hands]

Originally Posted by LuluLovesDisney
As a former CM, I can tell you that we were all instructed that it is Disney policy to squat (CM's are *never* allowed to sit in the park!) when talking to a person in a wheelchair or a small child so that you maintain eye contact. I do not think most CM's follow that policy though. Should Disney change this policy?

OK how about a compromise. With children in a wheelchair or not you go down to thier level. But adults you treat like adults and remain standing?

Bill this doesn't work for all adults. Some prefer to have the person come down to their level. I would simply ask them to please remain standing if that is what you prefer.

 

[terri01p]

One of the post here reminded me of a time I was waiting in line at walmart with my dd and the lady behind us sat her child on the hand-grips on the back of my dd wheelchair , how rude was that . also hate when someone speaks to her very slowly ( my mother even tends to do that, crazy). But with her you can sit, stand, whatever, she likes to talk.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I can relate to the "Don't talk down to me" idea because it is one of the things that really bothers me when people do it to my DD. She is classified as developmentally delayed, but she understands very well. She can't speak and is totally uncooperative for testing, so it's hard to know where she is.
One of the things I have noticed people do when talking to her is use a voice and words like they would talk to a 2 yr old (Although I never used that kind of "baby talk voice" to my own kids after they were babies). Using that kind of voice with my DD is a quick way to make her totally ignore the speaker. Unfortunately when she ignores people, a lot of them assume it is because she doesn't understand them, so they speak on an even lower level (and a higher "baby" voice").
There are people who use that kind of voice whenever they deal with someone using a wheelchair.
My personal feeling is that it's better to approach a person as you would anyone of that age. If they don't appear to understand, you can always simplify the language or verify whether they understand, but need more time to reply or to process. But, whatever the understanding level, I don't think it's appropriate to speak with someone in that type of voice unless you know with certainty that is what they need to respond to.

BCV23, Sue described what I meant better than I came across.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

So maybe, before you jump down someone's throat for squatting down, perhaps you should consider him or her and how they would feel if you snapped at them.

I never said I "jump down people's throat" now did I?? Don't put words in my mouth. I simply said I would tell them, "Don't squat on my account." If they were to say to me., "I've got a stiff back and this feels better than standing," I'd probably say "Cool," and move on.

 

[tikkipoo]

I'm so confused by this stuff. Firstly, if someone is coming in a door behind me or my DH, we open the door for them. Doesn't matter how old or what physical condition they're in, we do it. And we also say how rude most people are because they don't do the same. We just consider this being polite. Same goes for when someone drops something. I'll help pick it up. Nothing meant by it, just trying to be friendly.

When you are not around handicaps or disabilities of any kind it is very hard to know what is "proper" and what isn't. I wish that some people would be more tolerant of that. We don't all mean to be demeaning toward anyone. I know we aren't in that position, so we don't know how frustrating it must be to put up with our ignorance on a daily basis, but we are just trying to be good and sometimes we screw up.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Tikkipoo, I'm sorry I came across intolerant. I think it's great you open doors and whatnot. I think a lot of "wheelchair etiquette" comes down to common sense. If you offer help to someone and they refuse, take no for an answer, don't help anyway. Know what I mean? There are a LOT of people who are kind hearted and have good intentions, and I treat them as such. But there ARE a lot of condesceding people that I just won't put up with.

Edited to add: My door opening comment- I should have explained better. I'm not talking about folks who are walking ahead of me who just keep the door open for me to come through. I'm talking about when I am opening the door myself and someone comes along and grabs the door right out of my hand. Make sense??

Also, I drive a car, not a van. I get into the car, take the wheels off and put them in the back seat, fold up my chair, pick it up and pull it across me into the passenger's seat. I HATE it when folks offer to help, I refuse (No thanks, I got it), and they stand there and watch to make sure I indeed can get the chair in the car. Then they say, "Well you sure do have that down to a science!!" GRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

[Andrew Bichard]

The ultimate put down, the absolute no-no, is when I am out with a companion and talk to someone, and they reply to my companion!

I have even paid for goods and had the shop assistant hand the change to my wife! (in Mouse Gears!)

Another one, I ride up to a door with an automatic opener and push the 'open' button. Someone eles walks right past me and through the door.

Andrew

 

[Nanajo1]

I also dislike it when someone says how lucky I am to have a seat and wheels to get around. I don't usually flip out but inside I'm screaming that they have no idea what I wouldn't do to be able to walk around. I know it is usually said because the person is uncomfortable or not use to being around people with disabilities and feel they must say something. I usually just say I would prefer to be walking and move on. It is interesting how some folks deal with seeing people in wheelchairs. My co-worker and I were walking back from lunch when someone neither of us knew smile and said hello to ME. My friend asked who it was and I responded that I didn't know but many people say hello to me to cover up the fact they were staring at my chair. She laughed and said how true.

 

[Andrew Bichard]

to cover up the fact they were staring at my chair.

I tend to stare at chairs too, but only to see if their chair is better than mine.

Andrew

 

[pugdog]

I also dislike it when someone says how lucky I am to have a seat and wheels to get around. I don't usually flip out but inside I'm screaming that they have no idea what I wouldn't do to be able to walk around. I know it is usually said because the person is uncomfortable or not use to being around people with disabilities and feel they must say something. I usually just say I would prefer to be walking and move on. It is interesting how some folks deal with seeing people in wheelchairs. My co-worker and I were walking back from lunch when someone neither of us knew smile and said hello to ME. My friend asked who it was and I responded that I didn't know but many people say hello to me to cover up the fact they were staring at my chair. She laughed and said how true.

Did you ever think they are just friendly? I say hello to people all the time, just my nature.
Your first comment really errks the DW too. People think that it is a privledge to be sitting in a chair or to have the parking spot right by the door. The padded answer that Dw has is would you like to do this everyday for the rest of your life? Makes them think and shut up and then appoligize for the stupid comment they just made.
And the #2 thing that sets her off is when they ask me questions related to her, like what is wrong with her, or what would she like for dinner? "Hell if I know ask her!"
I think the take home message for people should be to ask yourself, would I like that done to me?
If the answer is no then don't do it. Everyone looks alittle different wither its a wheel chair, glasses or the lack of hair on the head ( I personally find this one offensive). Just treat people the same way that you would want to be treated.

 

[SyracuseWolvrine]

Yes, the Disney training does include squatting if talking to a wheelchair-bound guest. It's not always done, but I try to make sure to remember to squat/kneel if I'm going to be having an extended conversation. One reason is the eye contact thing, another is simply, for me, it's easier to hear the person I'm conversing with over the background noise.

 

[Nanajo1]

Did you ever think they are just friendly? I say hello to people all the time, just my nature.

I would if they acknowledged my friend too. But more often the smile, the hello is directed only towards me!
Maybe my great personality shines brighter than hers.

 

[tikkipoo]

I have a question for you all. My DD7, when we see a person that has a wheelchair, no legs, missing an arm, etc always announces it to me. She, of course is innocent. Just curious. I usually just say "some people just need....to help them" or "some people just don't have legs". I know she would like to ask what happened in some cases. I don't want to yell at her for asking, because it is natural to want to know. But at the same time, I don't want to be rude. Is there an appropriate way to handle these things? I am trying so hard to teach her that people are different in many, many ways, and it is all okay. (Being a parent is so very difficult!) Any suggestions?

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Kids have asked me what happened to me. I just tell them my legs don't work. Simple enough.

Kids are curious. I love it when they approach me and ask. It annoys the heck out of me if I am walking by an parent w/ a child and they yank them out of way, when clearly I am not going to run either of them over. It teaches kids to be afraid of wheelchairs. GRR!

 

[faeflora]

Kneeling or Squating Down:
I am all for it. Since I have to read their lips to understand what they say eye level is better for me.

People leaning on my chair:
I always want to turn around and ask if I could lean on their shoulder, hence the reason I know longer have push bars on any of my chairs.

Talking to my husband and not to me:
He has his classic come back line "I have no idea what she wants or likes so ask her". It normally makes the person who has made the bad choice look just a little nervous. Sometimes we back it up with me ordering for him just to add a final touch.

Doors and the Wheelchair:
I do not mind people opening the door for me as long as they do not fall over themselves or others to get to the door. I normally just say thanks I got it and roll right through. As for the automatic door with people cutting infront of me I just chalk those people up to the clueless club and move on with my day.


Airports are my problem:
I know I am short and I know the chair is small but come on open your eyes people who are rushing to a plane. Twice now I have been run over by some overly stressed business man who ends up in my lap and than says no "Sorry" but "you need to be more careful". Right, I am stopped trying to avoid you and you run right into me and it is my fault. Facinating.


Kids and Wheelchairs:
I confuse people because I do not have a foot rest and use my feet to assist me in propelling the chair sometimes. It also helps if I am on campus so I can sign and move at the same time.
So most kids are really curious when they see me. Her feet move but she does not walk. Why mommy? I normally explain I have really elastic joints like Elastagirl and that for me it hurts a lot to walk. They get it. (Thanks to Pixar and Elastagirl)


"You always have a seat" comments:
This use to annoy me until I got my new chair about 4 years ago which really is the best seat in the room. It's a little different for me since I can still walk with crtuches for short distances such as my home, hotel room, etc. But once we leave and are outside of the house I am never out the wheelchair. So, for most people they are unaware of my ability to walk with crutches unless I work with you or go to school with you in which case you have seen me stand and I have answered 100's of your questions. I love my wheelchair without it I would be very limited in my abilitiy to do anything.

 

[Bwalker]

Thank you to all who have replied here - I think we all have learned something.

I come from a slightly different vantage point - I'm the person pushing my 80 year old mom in her wheelchair. Most everyone here has phrased things so well, I'm afraid I'll mess up so bear with me.

The main thing that annoys me (and it has been brought up here) is when people ONLY speak to ME instead of my mom and refer to her as "she" when she is clearly among us. This is what I do in that situation and most of the time, it works: I get from behind the wheelchair and get in front of my mom facing her while I'm responding to the other person who is speaking. The person speaking will just naturally start looking at my mom and then we find ourselves in a true three way converstion.

The amusing thing to me is that I don't think the other person even realizes it so I really haven't accomplished anything for his or her future encounters with someone they percieve to be disabled, BUT at least I've saved my mom from feeling left out or unimportant.

Even when my mom asks a question, somehow the answer gets directed to me - as if my mother isn't there! Again, I look at my mom when answering and the person (doctor, sales clerk, whoever) will start talking to her.

Other points: I agree that HC bathroom stalls should be bigger! I have to transport my mom from her chair onto the seat and most times I have to leave the door open because there's just not enough room for her, me and the chair! We accept it and she has risen above the humiliation but boy do we appreciate the bathrooms that are big enough!

Door Opening: I love it! And I never mind when someone intentionally beats me to the door just to open it for us! But that is b/c I have to do all of the manuvering with holding the door, getting the chair in, making sure it doesn't hit my mom, etc.

Getting in and out of the car: Please don't help This is something I really DO "have down to a science". Always feel free to ask first. Anyone in my position will be honest and will also appreciate the thought.

One other thing and then I will get off my little soapbox. Please don't gawk, stare and point. I need to do the transferring from wheelchair to car or wherever and some people will just watch from start to finish. I don't have a clue why - we're not that exciting to watch, plus my mom is wabbly on her feet so she can get very self conscience knowing that all eyes are upon her.

My suggestion would be this: if you are watching b/c you are sincerely concerned somehow over whether I will successfully transport or if my mom will fall, try to watch "under cover" so that no one suspects you are watching. If everything goes fine, just walk away but you can have the inner happiness of knowing you were being a good Samaritan. If there is a problem, then feel free to approach but please ask first what you can do to be of assistance. Most of the time, we have already been through these situations and know the correct way to lift etc - but can probably use help.

Thanks for letting me vent - but I do want to say - thank you for being concerned enough to ask proper behavior because you obviously care

Aloha,
Bwalker

 

[JudithM]

I have a question for you all. My DD7, when we see a person that has a wheelchair, no legs, missing an arm, etc always announces it to me. ... Is there an appropriate way to handle these things? ...

I use an ECV while on vacation at WDW. If I see a child or even an adult for that matter looking quizzically at me, I usually will comment that I don't have the greatest knees & this helps me. Sometimes when I am on a WDW bus, a child will have had to move her seat &/or watched intently while the scooter & I were being loaded, so I'll make a similar comment. Of course, I only have to deal with this at WDW not 24/7 like many of you.

Faeflora, I agree with what you wrote.

 

[BillSears]

Getting in and out of the car: Please don't help This is something I really DO "have down to a science". Always feel free to ask first. Anyone in my position will be honest and will also appreciate the thought.

One other thing and then I will get off my little soapbox. Please don't gawk, stare and point. I need to do the transferring from wheelchair to car or wherever and some people will just watch from start to finish. I don't have a clue why - we're not that exciting to watch, plus my mom is wabbly on her feet so she can get very self conscience knowing that all eyes are upon her.

I've had people "help" by grabbing my chair out of my hands as Im getting it out of the backseat of my car. Unfortunatly my hands were inside the spokes of the chair while they were doing this. It scraped me up pretty good.

Now adays whenever I see someone approaching my car as I'm getting out I tell them that I'm fine. If they keep asking I ask them to please let me do it. And most of all I stop what I'm doing and untangle my hands from the chair just in case.

As for watching when I'm getting out. It seems this is mostly done by other people waiting in cars and I figure they're just bored and are people watching. I do get approached by some commenting on my methods, it usually is because they know someone who uses a chair and are impressed with how easily I take mine in and out of the car. I usually show then the hand controls and how the chair slides in and out of the backseat.

 

[Nanajo1]

Sometimes at WDW when I see a little child looking at me and my ECV I'll give the horn a little toot. This usually brings a smile and if they want to ask questions they come out then.