Etiquette Question opinions please!

[Cindyluwho]

I am heading to Portland OR in February and would like to get together with some friends that we don't get to see very often. It is also my DD's birthday so we're taking her out to dinner one night while we're there. This will be our only night & time that we're not booked with School Competition stuff. If we invite friends to join us for dinner are we obligated to pay? We're heading to a very expensive restaurant, it would run easily $60 a person, if not more and we'd like to have 9 or 10 folks join us. What do you guys think? Another restaurant is not an option, as this was my favorite place as a kid and it's my birthday, too and we can't go another night that we're there. Aaaaaggghhh!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you invite them yes, you are obligated.

 

[MareQ]

I agree.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

You could suggest to your friends that they meet you there. I think it needs to be clear upfront that everyone will pay for their own meal. I don't see anything wrong with suggesting to meet for a meal, but if you invite them then you need to be prepared to pay for them.

 

[jbmom]

I agree, you are obligated to pay.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Go out to dinner with your dd and meet casually somewhere else for dessert.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Depending on how you asked them or did they offer to meet you there? If you invited them you are the host therefore should pay (they may not allow you to pay) but go into it knowing that it is your responsibility.....

 

[ceiligh1]

Personally I think you could be upfront about the cost issue if you are talking with friends. Explain why you are going and that you do really want to spend time with them but cant afford to treat. If they want to join you then they are welcome to do so but you would understand if they decline. THat way no one feels pressured. If you are still worried about it I like the idea of meeting someplace for desert afterward.
On a side note OP I am from Portland as well which restaurant are you writing about?

 

[tw1nsmom]

Personally I think you could be upfront about the cost issue if you are talking with friends. Explain why you are going and that you do really want to spend time with them but cant afford to treat. If they want to join you then they are welcome to do so but you would understand if they decline. THat way no one feels pressured. If you are still worried about it I like the idea of meeting someplace for desert afterward.
On a side note OP I am from Portland as well which restaurant are you writing about?

I agree. While, strictly speaking, etiquette would demand that you pay, if these are really close friends they would probably be fine with it. The most important thing in my mind is that they know what's going to happen going into it. You wouldn't want an uncomfortable situation to arise when the check comes.

 

[lg3]

Personally I think you could be upfront about the cost issue if you are talking with friends. Explain why you are going and that you do really want to spend time with them but cant afford to treat. If they want to join you then they are welcome to do so but you would understand if they decline. THat way no one feels pressured. If you are still worried about it I like the idea of meeting someplace for desert afterward.
On a side note OP I am from Portland as well which restaurant are you writing about?

IA that this would be the best way to handle it.

 

[hentob]

Just call them and say something like this::

"While I am in town, I really want to eat at XXXXXXX. It's my favorite! I know it can get pricey, so if you guys aren't up to breaking your budget on dining out this month, I understand and we could eat somewhere else."

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Personally I think you could be upfront about the cost issue if you are talking with friends. Explain why you are going and that you do really want to spend time with them but cant afford to treat. If they want to join you then they are welcome to do so but you would understand if they decline. THat way no one feels pressured. If you are still worried about it I like the idea of meeting someplace for desert afterward.
On a side note OP I am from Portland as well which restaurant are you writing about?

You see I would hate that! It is like you are being forced to go to a nice restaurant and have to pay.
Unless of course you know that the guests would not care and have no trouble paying.
Not sure if I would like to pay 100.00 for a plate of food.
Yes...I have never paid that amount for 1 dinner.

So if I can't pay I can't visit with my friend. That would stink, you know.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

You see I would hate that! It is like you are being forced to go to a nice restaurant and have to pay.
Unless of course you know that the guests would not care and have no trouble paying.
Not sure if I would like to pay 100.00 for a plate of food.
Yes...I have never paid that amount for 1 dinner.

So if I can't pay I can't visit with my friend. That would stink, you know.

If they were extended an invitation and $$$ was not spoken about upon invite you are expected to pay wether the meal is $20.00 or $150.00 a plate.

 

[PamOKW]

I am heading to Portland OR in February and would like to get together with some friends that we don't get to see very often. !!

If you invite them to dinner at this restaurant, you should expect to pay. If you called and just said you were coming to town and wanted to get together then there could be more discussion as to where you'd go and/or they might invite you to their home. It sounds like your top priority is to celebrate your birthdays at this restaurant. If you also want to see your friends there, you'll need to invite them as your guests. Or, you could use the option of finding another time --- like dessert or maybe a brunch one morning -- when they would also be your guests.

 

[Barb D]

Could you do a lunch? (Is the competition at a venue that has a restaurant?) Dessert, either at the fancy restaurant or somewhere else afterward?

 

[Beth76]

I'm not quite getting this. If you all go out with a group of friends does only the person who organized it pay? Tonight we invited some friends to go out to dinner with us (an expensive place at least $100/couple) and we'll be splitting the bill.

 

[lulugirl]

Go out to dinner with your dd and meet casually somewhere else for dessert.

I think this is a good idea, otherwise I think you should pay.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I'm not quite getting this. If you all go out with a group of friends does only the person who organized it pay? Tonight we invited some friends to go out to dinner with us (an expensive place at least $100/couple) and we'll be splitting the bill.

I agree. Many times, one person or another will say "Let's get together...how about such and such a place?" and it's understood that every pays their own. If you call and say "I'd like to take you all out to dinner" than that's something else altogether...your treat.

If you do say "Let's get together at such and such a place" than you run the risk that, since they are paying for themselves, they may not want to eat there, or would prefer different cuisine and suggest going somewhere else.

Looks like you might have to choose between having the precise celebration you want, where you want it, and getting together with friends.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I'm not quite getting this. If you all go out with a group of friends does only the person who organized it pay? Tonight we invited some friends to go out to dinner with us (an expensive place at least $100/couple) and we'll be splitting the bill.

I'm with you. In the circles I run with, it is not assumed that you are treating unless you make it clear via what you say when you issue the invitation! When old friends come back to town they e-mail everyone, and someone sets up a dinner to which all are invited but we obviously don't expect the organizer or the visiting friends to pay for what will likely turn out to be 12 - 15 people! Those who can't fit the dinner into their budget usually make other arrangements to see the friends.

 

[Pam]

Just call them and say something like this::

"While I am in town, I really want to eat at XXXXXXX. It's my favorite! I know it can get pricey, so if you guys aren't up to breaking your budget on dining out this month, I understand and we could eat somewhere else."

Good suggestion.