Ethical Advice Needed!

[FreshTressa]

I have told you guys before about my FIL. He is very wealthy and has offered to buy us a new house. We declined.

Now, in two weeks he is going to be in Portland for the weekend (which is about a 3 hour drive from our house). He has offered to pay for a hotel for us to stay in while we visit. I am not really comfortable with this, but DH says it is no big deal, that his dad uses money to show love.

I like his dad, and I enjoy visiting him, so I don't want him to think he has to PAY us to go see him!

So, anyway, here are my choices....

1)Let him pay for the hotel.

2) Pay for a hotel ourselves. We can afford it, but it is always nice to have extra money around Christmas.

3)Drive down there for the day and drive back home.


What would you do?? TIA

 

[Krisu]

I'd go and let him pay. I don't see anything wrong with that.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Let him pay. Some people derive joy from sharing with others. We are very careful what we take from my husband's parents. There always seems to be many strings attached. We are glad not to be dependant upon them like my SIL.

Lori

 

[doxdogy]

I would explain to him what you said to us. That you are afraid that if you let him pay for the hotel, that it may seem to him that he needs to pay for you to come and see him. If he still insists on paying for the hotel, agree to it. Then tell him that you are going to take him to dinner.

 

[Serena]

Originally posted by doxdogy
I would explain to him what you said to us. That you are afraid that if you let him pay for the hotel, that it may seem to him that he needs to pay for you to come and see him. If he still insists on paying for the hotel, agree to it. Then tell him that you are going to take him to dinner.

Yep, exactly what she said.

 

[Talking Hands]

Tell him it isn;'t necessary and that you would visit anyway and then if he still wants to accept graciously.

 

[Robinrs]

Does he want to ADOPT ME????

 

[sue1013]

My DH will never let daughter & son in law pay for anything that we do together (dinner, hotel)guess its a pride thing. I feel when you give a gift that's exactly what it is a gift, I'm sure you don't give gifts expecting something for it. Unless FIL has stated otherwise why feel uncomfortable when he wants to share he may get enjoyment in giving to his family.

 

[mudnuri]

My MIL and FIL are the same way...before their divorce, when we all went out together, all the sons and their wives, they would pay. if we went to the family reunion in CT they paid for the hotels etc...

they still do the same now, only 1 of them ins't with us at the same time as the others. However, we as a family do the same to them. Last year, we all went to Mexico in February- and we paid for MIL to go...

I wouldnt feel bad...

Brandy

 

[cherylp3]

offer to split the bill in half?? You pay for 1 night he pays for the other??

Cheryl

 

[Disney Doll]

After your FIL does things for you, does he hang it over your head? What I mean is, do you hear "well, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have your car" or "remember all those times I took you out to dinner", or anything like that? If not, then I would say that he probably does derive satisfaction in being able to do nice things for his kids, and I'd let him. My parents are like that...they are fairly comfortable financially, and are always bringing stuff or taking us outr for dinner etc. It was hard at first, but we came to the relaization that it brings them pleasure and a sense of satisfaction to be able to do things for their children, so we try and reciprocate with our love and time.

 

[Pop Daddy]

Originally posted by FreshTressa
I have told you guys before about my FIL. He is very wealthy and has offered to buy us a new house. We declined.

Now, in two weeks he is going to be in Portland for the weekend (which is about a 3 hour drive from our house). He has offered to pay for a hotel for us to stay in while we visit. I am not really comfortable with this, but DH says it is no big deal, that his dad uses money to show love.

I like his dad, and I enjoy visiting him, so I don't want him to think he has to PAY us to go see him!

So, anyway, here are my choices....

1)Let him pay for the hotel.

2) Pay for a hotel ourselves. We can afford it, but it is always nice to have extra money around Christmas.

3)Drive down there for the day and drive back home.


What would you do?? TIA

4)Send Pop Daddy to WDW, He has no shame




I vote for no 4

 

[Pin Wizard]

Knowing me, I would say...Are you sure? Then graciously accept. I would have definitely turned down the house!

 

[disykat]

I agree with doxdogy and others. If he insists on paying, you can be "hosts" for him to a nice dinner etc.

I remember your house thread and agreed with your decision not to accept his offer. However, a few nights in a hotel seems pretty harmless. He probably wants to see you, but doesn't want to ask you to do something that would cost you money. Just like you don't want him to think he has to pay for your visit, he probably doesn't want you to incur cost to visit him!

On a similar note, my parents have a thing about being "equal" with their children. When they give my single, financially struggling, sister money for Christmas - I get a check too. It's only $100 and they can afford it, but I always feel bad about it. I finally sat them down and told them that my circumstances were very different from hers and to please not feel like gifts had to be $$$ equal. You know what? They still send the money, but I no longer feel bad about it. I feel like I released them from any "obligation" they may have been feeling and am able to accept it as a gift.

 

[FreshTressa]

Thanks guys!! I feel much better about accepting now. And, no, he does not hang things over our heads. He pretty much supported us through college and has never said a word.

 

[KathyFP]

Then it sounds ike he is a very caring person that wants to share with the people he loves.

You are blessed to have such a wonderful FIL.

 

[Micca]

I'd let him take care of the room...including room service and a BIG hit on the mini bar Can you say $12 can of mixed nuts?