Epic Fail

[IBLarsen]

Great! Thanks for making me feel like we should be staying home and throwing him a party instead! Give me a break! You are entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine and personally I think a Disney cruise is a FABULOUS way to spend a birthday and our son has talked non stop about his 5th birthday on our cruise this past summer! But thanks for your input!

My two kids bdays are 2 days apart and so we've always tried to do every other year as a trip. I love being able to give them new experiences and creating new memories. Mine are both in middle school now and spend plenty of time doing stuff with friends. So far both my kids say their favorite birthdays were when we surprised them for their 6th/8th bdays at Disney World. Most of the times we've given them an option to go somewhere or have a party and they usually will choose to go on a trip when given the choice.

 

[Anna Chassereau]

Don't worry. My fiance's family still travels for his birthday and he is 30. Sure as he got older they didn't always go because high school summers were busier but it was a tradition. You do what is best for your family. If your son wants parties later in life, it doesn't mean you have to get rid of your family trips over his birthday at all he can always have a small hang out party before you leave or after you get back since there is no law saying you have to have your birthday party on your birthday. I don't get why people are judging you on this. You and your husband have decided that family vacation for your son's birthday is going to be your tradition and that is great! People need to realize there are bigger problems in the world then what someone dictates as their family traditions. Go have fun and I'm sure your 6 year old will find some enjoyment on the cruise too even if he complains all the way to boarding.

THANK YOU!! I appreciate your kind words!! I'm also confused on the judgment/unwanted parenting advice when I didn't ask for it! Honestly or son has said over and over her rather go on a trip for his birthday than have a party! He has tons of friends and he hangs out with them all the time! And he's had four big birthday parties so he knows both sides of the spectrum!

 

[Anna Chassereau]

My two kids bdays are 2 days apart and so we've always tried to do every other year as a trip. I love being able to give them new experiences and creating new memories. Mine are both in middle school now and spend plenty of time doing stuff with friends. So far both my kids say their favorite birthdays were when we surprised them for their 6th/8th bdays at Disney World. Most of the times we've given them an option to go somewhere or have a party and they usually will choose to go on a trip when given the choice.

Thank you!! Mine too!! We point blank asked him this year and last if he wanted a trip or a party and he picked trip both times hands down. If he ends up wanting a party down the road of course we'll do that...like your kids our son spends lots of time with his friends so we don't feel like he's missing out!

 

[wilkeliza]

THANK YOU!! I appreciate your kind words!! I'm confused on the judgment/unwanted parenting advice when I didn't ask for it! Honestly or son has said over and over her rather go on a trip for his birthday than have a party! He has tons of friends and he hangs out with them all the time! And he's had four big birthday parties so he knows both sides of the spectrum!

Unfortunately that is apart of the DIS. I know I've offered the not asked for advice before myself.

 

[mab2012]

I felt a little bit like... does he not appreciate or realize how lucky he is to have gone on various vacations at least 2x a year since he was 6 months old?

He almost certainly does NOT appreciate or realize how lucky he is, and probably should not be expected to. Particularly with kids in a demographic where many of their peers are similarly privileged, it's really all they know. I have struggled with this for years; my kids are in an independent (Montessori) school, and while there is certainly some variation in financial circumstances across families, the vast majority are upper middle class, two professional working parent families. Private school education, nice house in a good neighbourhood, all-you-can-eat sports and other extra-curricular activities, nice vacations - all this is "normal" for them, because it's what they see both in our home and those of their peers. I was raised in very different circumstances, and I would love for my kids to recognize that most of the world does not live this way. But short of deliberately changing our entire lifestyle just to make that point, I've never figured out how to do this effectively.

Am I raising a little ungrateful self-entitled human being?

Well, maybe. But I live in hope that with age and perspective, they will eventually come to realize how fortunate they are. They may appear to be ungrateful and self-entitled now, but that doesn't necessarily mean they will turn out to be ungrateful and self-entitled adults.

(@HappilyEverAfter80, please know that I quoted your post because it gave me an opportunity to speak of my own experience; I'm not at all intending to pass judgement or offer advice on your parenting choices!)

As to the more general topic of the thread, this is one reason (of many) why I don't try to surprise my kids with vacations. I usually make them part of the planning process. That doesn't mean they get to dictate where we go and what we do, but their input is considered. We all enjoy WDW, but as parents we mostly enjoy it because the kids enjoy it. And while there are things about DCL that we appreciate as adults, I don't know that it would be our first choice if we were travelling without kids. So if they don't really want to do WDW or DCL, we'll do something else instead. So many interesting places to visit, so little time!

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

Ugh sorry for this post but I am just so disappointed. So we are booked, paid in full for our cruise on the Fantasy in August. We'd planned to surprise our son with this trip...his 6th birthday will be while we're on the ship. We spent his 5th birthday on the Dream this past summer and we all had the time of our lives so my husband and I thought why not do it again.

Well my husband slipped up a little tonight at dinner...we were planning on waiting until way closer to to tell him. Well my husband accidentally slipped up and said a little too much and my son caught on...he begged and begged us to tell him so we gave in and told him what we were doing this year for his birthday. His reaction? "I wanted to go to New York or do something else. We did that last year...we've already done that." And he seemed less than excited. Like zero excitement.

I knows he's just a kid and doesn't understand but it just sucked to hear that. Maybe we made a mistake by doing this again right after going last summer? I'm just shocked at his reaction. I expected him to be so happy we were doing this again after the great time we had this past summer. And then I got annoyed thinking about how much I wish I could have done something like this when I was little...we never had the money for any trip like this when I was growing up. If this cruise wasn't paid in full I swear I'd think twice about going.

Sorry for the negative, Debbie downer post...I just needed to vent. Someone please tell me I didn't just completely waste $8,000 on a trip my son isn't going to even be excited about! Ugh!

He's 5. He doesn't know what's what! Our oldest around 6 said he didn't need to go to WDW ever again because "the thrill was gone." He was full of it. Don't worry about what he said--y'all will have a great time.

 

[cmph]

I wouldn't worry about the vacation vs party issue, personally. It doesn't sound like you are, but just in case! We moved across the country a year and a half ago, and I know now that big parties aren't ubiquitous across the country, no matter the child's age. Stark difference in how people plan kids' birthdays... it's been a little surprising. My son's 7th birthday was shortly after we moved and started the school year, and most people just seemed kind of confused that we invited his whole class. Like, why would you do that, and what is this RSVP thing? LOL! East vs west coast, idk. So I think some of the judgement is based on what's perceived as the norm, but that norm is not the same everywhere.

 

[godde8ss]

About the party thing, just threw my Son's 7th last weekend....stressed and exhausted to the max. He was taking a break during the party, I'm thinking, why do I do this? So, I said to him, how about a trip for your birthday next year? He said, yes, awesome! And gave me a high five lol. We had his sister's 3rd birthday on a DCL cruise and it was great.

 

[MeliMel702]

My youngest had the "I don't know if I'm going to like it and I really don't care" opinion about it. I spent about 6 months watching YouTube videos of other trips, till a couple of days ago when she realized the food and ice cream was free and that she could use her Birthday money for Bibidibobidi Boutique on Pirate night. Plus, the fact she has a chance of seeing sea turtles and sharks at CC. Now she's begging me to go ASAP!

 

[Anna Chassereau]

Unfortunately that is apart of the DIS. I know I've offered the not asked for advice before myself.

I agree! Just a part of posting on the Internet

 

[Anna Chassereau]

My youngest had the "I don't know if I'm going to like it and I really don't care" opinion about it. I spent about 6 months watching YouTube videos of other trips, till a couple of days ago when she realized the food and ice cream was free and that she could use her Birthday money for Bibidibobidi Boutique on Pirate night. Plus, the fact she has a chance of seeing sea turtles and sharks at CC. Now she's begging me to go ASAP!

Haha kids are so funny! They'll just flip on a dime won't they! I know he's going to be excited the closest we get! Hope you have a great cruise!!

 

[HappilyEverAfter80]

He almost certainly does NOT appreciate or realize how lucky he is, and probably should not be expected to. Particularly with kids in a demographic where many of their peers are similarly privileged, it's really all they know. I have struggled with this for years; my kids are in an independent (Montessori) school, and while there is certainly some variation in financial circumstances across families, the vast majority are upper middle class, two professional working parent families. Private school education, nice house in a good neighbourhood, all-you-can-eat sports and other extra-curricular activities, nice vacations - all this is "normal" for them, because it's what they see both in our home and those of their peers. I was raised in very different circumstances, and I would love for my kids to recognize that most of the world does not live this way. But short of deliberately changing our entire lifestyle just to make that point, I've never figured out how to do this effectively.



Well, maybe. But I live in hope that with age and perspective, they will eventually come to realize how fortunate they are. They may appear to be ungrateful and self-entitled now, but that doesn't necessarily mean they will turn out to be ungrateful and self-entitled adults.

(@HappilyEverAfter80, please know that I quoted your post because it gave me an opportunity to speak of my own experience; I'm not at all intending to pass judgement or offer advice on your parenting choices!)

As to the more general topic of the thread, this is one reason (of many) why I don't try to surprise my kids with vacations. I usually make them part of the planning process. That doesn't mean they get to dictate where we go and what we do, but their input is considered. We all enjoy WDW, but as parents we mostly enjoy it because the kids enjoy it. And while there are things about DCL that we appreciate as adults, I don't know that it would be our first choice if we were travelling without kids. So if they don't really want to do WDW or DCL, we'll do something else instead. So many interesting places to visit, so little time!

No offence taken, and I agree. It's all these kids know. The best I can do is try to teach my kids compassion and show him not everyone has the things they do. Most of his friends yes, come from upper middle class families, Disney trips every year or the like. All in hockey or competitive dance.. you name it. You hit the nail on the head. DS has put together gifts for women in shelters, helped out at the pet shelter, so we are trying to teach him things and make him understand that not everyone is in the same boat, so he should be grateful. And share. Which he does for the most part.
I am with you... for the most part I don't surprise my child with vacations anymore.. because most of the time I don't get the reaction that I was expecting.
Like our friends who are now doing a first Disney World trip.. kept it a surprise and these kids went bonkers when they found out. They are 7 and 9 and going to Disney for the first time.
I guess we all come from different walks of life... and we are a family that travels a lot, so I suppose for my child and many others that were mentioned here... it's the norm!
Which explains why my DS was more excited to stay home with grandparents for a week than go away with us. It was something "new" for him.
It just doesn't change the fact that we should be teaching them to appreciate what they have.

 

[M<3'sMickey]

Listen, I've got a classroom of 22 five year olds who, at any given minute, don't know what they want. They're all excited about one thing and then in the next, they're like, "that's boring!" and on to the next thing. How many times have I told them about a surprise and you have the few who are literally jumping up and down with excitement and the others looking at me like, ok, great, thanks for the info. Then when the time comes for the surprise, it's BEST DAY EVER!!! YOU'RE THE GREATEST TEACHER EVER!!! So take his "I want to go to New York" with a grain of salt (trust me, I'm from New York and live 40 minutes outside the city- it's not that great and to be completely honest, would be very overwhelming for a five year old) and know that when the time comes to go on the cruise you'll be BEST MOM EVER!!!!

 

[CamColt]

I feel your pain. When my DSs were 9 and 6 we surprised them with a cruise, the morning we were leaving. My 9 year old was just about in tears saying he couldn't miss the last day of soccer camp because he was playing his friend's team that day. I had the video camera rolling expecting this great reaction and I got "I'm not going!". Lesson learned that day...never surprise my kids.

 

[ChicosWife]

I didn't realize you could get a refund after you PIF....I'm really hoping he'll get more excited about it but if he isn't doing so in the next month I just might do that...

Before he went to bed he did ask me about the Aquaduck and mini golf and if they were on this ship so there's ️hope lol

I know this will stay in the back of your mind, as it would mine, so I would keep reminding him of all the fun stuff to do and all the NEW things he will see and do on the next trip. It will build excitement. There is no way he is going to be on a Disney cruise, wishing he wasn't there!

 

[Lisa F]

He almost certainly does NOT appreciate or realize how lucky he is, and probably should not be expected to. Particularly with kids in a demographic where many of their peers are similarly privileged, it's really all they know. I have struggled with this for years; my kids are in an independent (Montessori) school, and while there is certainly some variation in financial circumstances across families, the vast majority are upper middle class, two professional working parent families. Private school education, nice house in a good neighbourhood, all-you-can-eat sports and other extra-curricular activities, nice vacations - all this is "normal" for them, because it's what they see both in our home and those of their peers. I was raised in very different circumstances, and I would love for my kids to recognize that most of the world does not live this way. But short of deliberately changing our entire lifestyle just to make that point, I've never figured out how to do this effectively.

I live in a very wealthy area but I'm still a single mother and not quite at the point where I can afford to carry a $400,000 mortgage on my own, so my son went through this phase of being upset about why we don't have a "real" house and why so much stuff closes down in the winter and there are so many tourists in the summer (I live in a very seasonal community). I absolutely sat his little butt down and showed him "21 images of how kids sleep around the world." They are not all poor but some are VERY poor. Yes, he had concern for those who are in great poverty... but I do believe it also gave him an understanding for how fortunate he is to have his own room, a tv, electronics, swimming, horseback riding, ice skating etcetc... all of the things he loves that should not be taken for granted. We had lots of discussions afterwards but they were good ones. He has not really complained about that kind of stuff at all since then... although sometimes he is still less than grateful about all I do for him (as all kids are). I worried it might create additional anxiety but I also couldn't listen to how bad his life is here anymore and it worked. A little bit of shock therapy but since then he has whole-heartedly participated in any and all charity drives at school and really thinks about the fact that some kids don't have as much as he does. it was a big net positive. He is a really sweet kid with a really huge heart but what he was lacking was perspective and I gave it to him.

I also make him earn a lot of stuff. When I say "earn" i mean usually it is a reward system that helps him get through the stuff he needs to but that is difficult for him (recommended by specialists who deal with autistic kids). He also does chores around the house with me to earn stars towards earning a wii game or spending money for disney or whatever is on the radar at the moment. more than one of his friends has been over and expressed shock at him doing chores because their parents don't ask them to do it. I say they can still enjoy their upper middle class lifestyle but figure out some way for them to connect that it doesn't just happen, it is earned.

My two big unsolicited pieces of advice on that subject. My little guy is an only child and my whole world, so I am very very conscious of trying to not spoil him.

 

[Cackyschmackers]

I just think with kids, they get overwhelmed and hung up on small details that wouldn't bother us as adults. My 12 yr old daughter bawled when we told her we were going to our favorite Caribbean resort for a winter vacay; she didn't want to miss two days of school! Go figure! Of course, she was fine 2 hrs later, but it was definitely a case of mentally her plans were altered and she just needed time to deal with it and process it. We still laugh about it!

 

[MUN]

THANK YOU!! I appreciate your kind words!! I'm also confused on the judgment/unwanted parenting advice when I didn't ask for it! Honestly or son has said over and over her rather go on a trip for his birthday than have a party! He has tons of friends and he hangs out with them all the time! And he's had four big birthday parties so he knows both sides of the spectrum!

Actually, you asked for parenting advice with your first post, so I'm not sure what you are confused about.

 

[cruiser21]

A couple of years ago we did a cruise during my sons Birthday. He was really disappointed because he thought that was his birthday present. He was 11 at the time.
Traveling will teach your kids what real poverty looks like. Nothing is like the USA. I think that's the number One thing my kids have learned.

 

[mevelandry]

I may be cruel but if it was me... I think I would pretend to cancel and then tell him that something came up and we won't be able to go on vacation at all for his birthday...

Or just say I cancelled his part and will go on vacation alone with daddy since he did not like the plans.

That way he might realize that being able to go on vacation (especially such an expensive vacation) is something you should be grateful for... ?