Engagement present...yes or no??

[rbuzzotta]

SIL just got engaged. She is 44, first time, he is older with college age kids. SIL lives with MIL and MIL gave her the home, I don't know much about him except what I mentioned and his name!!

There is no love loss between DH, me and SIL. We have barely spoken in 7 years and the 12 before that only minimal!! She NEVER attends any of our DD's functions even though invited!! Well, sshe showed up with MIL at my oldest DD's confirmation party this weekend!! We were shocked but DH happy to see his mom there! She stated that she was engaged but did not want the day to be about her as it was DD's confirmation!! Needless to say, the entire conversation was about her and her fiance!! I basically ignored it. I really have a hard time tolerating her as she does not acknowledge us at all when we visit MIL every weekend!! She only says 'hi' and that is strained!! Unless of course, someone else is there and she needs to appear to be the loving auntie!! She does not know anything about my girls but thinks she does. I could go on.............blah blah blah....

DH congratulated her on her pending marriage and her response was that she did not say she was getting married only engaged!! DH was surprised at her response but just left it!!! He figures she only showed up to let us know she was engaged (my entire family was there).

Now, I considered myself and DH to be very generous when it comes to acknowleging birthdays, wedding, holidays etc. My question being............do I need to buy her an engagement gift? I always buy engagement gifts for friends and family to acknowledge this happy and exciting time!! If so, what do I buy for someone that may not be getting married but only remain engaged??? Plus they both have households? I prefer not to give cash. I usually take pride in trying to pick out something special and memorable but this one will be hard to do!! LOL!!

Any suggestions???

 

[jx3smom]

Unless there is a party I don't think I would give a gift. I think a card would be a nice gesture but that's it.

 

[salmoneous]

Personally, I would only give a gift if you would enjoy giving her a gift. Doesn't sound like you would, so I say no give. Card would be a nice genture.

But, sadly, that's not the way many people think about gifts these days. In our insane gift-giving culture, we give gifts when they are "due". If you want to play that game, I think it boils down to this - did she give your DD a gift? If so, return the gesture.

 

[rbuzzotta]

That is what I was thinking but unfortuantely knowing MIL it will be frowned upon (why do I even care I ask myself many days!!). But, I think, given the circimstances it would be more than what she would do had it been DH.

Thanks

 

[mickeyboat]

Personally, I would only give a gift if you would enjoy giving her a gift. Doesn't sound like you would, so I say no give. Card would be a nice genture.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

Engagement present...yes or no??

No.

 

[rbuzzotta]

Personally, I would only give a gift if you would enjoy giving her a gift. Doesn't sound like you would, so I say no give. Card would be a nice genture.

But, sadly, that's not the way many people think about gifts these days. In our insane gift-giving culture, we give gifts when they are "due". If you want to play that game, I think it boils down to this - did she give your DD a gift? If so, return the gesture.

Yes, she did give DD a gift. We have given her gifts for her b-day and Christmas that exceeded what she had given my kids because MIL told us that since she did not have kids we needed to give her more!! We complied. LOL!! Now, she does give my girls b-day and Christmas checks. Some years she forgets, sometime she will give one without the others etc. What DH and I feel is fair is that come Christmas, we give her back a check for the same exact amount she has spent on our girls the previous year!! Sounds petty but this family is dollar for dollar type attitude (sad I know!!).

So, she gave DD $50 for confirmaton (the MOST generous she has ever been with any of my girls, she is usually $25) so should I send a $50 check or American Express gift or restaurant gift card....?????? DH feels we need to do something but what?

 

[wendy46001]

I think a card would do...but if you want to get something and something personal...I always go with the standard frame.....personalization mail has some nice quality ones that are very reasonable...

http://www.personalizationmall.com/Category.aspx?storeid=7&categoryid=1145

 

[rbuzzotta]

Thanks for the website. They do have some really nice stuff!! I will show DH when he gets home and let him pick one!! (that way I can blame him if she hates it LOL!!)

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

If you feel the need to give her a gift, you could always do the restaurant gift card. Stick it in a "congrats" card and write a note that they should go celebrate their "engagement without intent to marry." Ok, maybe don't say that... but you get the idea.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Buy her a book of manners.

 

[SC Minnie]

When did people start giving 'engagement gifts'?????? I must really be out of touch.

 

[mickeyfan2]

When did people start giving 'engagement gifts'?????? I must really be out of touch.

I have never given an engagement gift or attended an engagement party.

I think the me generation of gift getting is getting out of hand.

 

[rbuzzotta]

Yes, the gift giving is getting out of hand. I have always given 'token' engagement gifts. Books on getting married, garter belts, nighty etc.

I would love to get her a Miss Manners book!! LOL! Thanks for the laughs about this............it makes it a little easier to get her something!!!!