Engagement Party Dilemma

[Carly_Roach]

Can't wait for the threads that start complaining about how DD doesn't get along with her new family.

Actually, it'll probably be posts about how awful the new family is and how they can't get along with DD.

 

[mjkacmom]

Parking per day was $40 or $50 (can't remember the exact figure..

This is pretty standard - just spent a weekend in Philadelphia (which I find to be less expensive than Manhattan), and we were charged $42 a night to park at the downtown Marriott.

 

[NHdisneylover]

This is pretty standard - just spent a weekend in Philadelphia (which I find to be less expensive than Manhattan), and we were charged $42 a night to park at the downtown Marriott.

Yep. We paid $40 to park for four hours in Honolulu to attend a prewedding meal--and that was 6 years ago.

 

[rie'smom]

I don't remember the name of the hotel, but the per plate charge was in the $500 range - give or take a bit.. (Granted, the food was extremely elegant - but still..) Parking per day was $40 or $50 (can't remember the exact figure); "discounted" rooms (for guests) were $450 per night.. DD and her DH were not in the wedding (DGD was - but her dress was purchased by her other grandmother).. When all was said and done, it cost roughly around $1000 for them to attend the wedding.. They went down on a Friday night and left early Sunday morning (but still had to pay the full day parking fee).. The wedding itself ended up being in the high 6 figures - and I don't even know if that included the wedding gown, flowers, rings, etc..

If another cousin gets married in Manhattan, (this was the second wedding they have attended down there) they will not be going.. $1000 just to attend a wedding is ridiculous..

Geez, almost every wedding we go to falls into this category. The last one was the most elaborate. The bride liked a particular type of flower that was unavailable here and had they had to be flown in from somewhere overseas. There was a cigar bar with a guy from Cuba rolling them to the guest's specifications which was pretty cool. Percy Sledge was there to sing "When a Man Loves a Woman" for the couple's first dance. There were ice sculptures everywhere- not ice molds-true ice sculptures. The martini bar was carved from ice.
My husband and I usually wear jeans and tshirts or sweaters when we arrive. If we were invited to a wedding or a party at a hotel and there was a lobby dress code, I'd politely decline the invitation.

 

[Magic Mom]

OP, why was this young man invited in the first place? It's obvious your daughter and her boyfriend think he is lower class then they are and the boyfriend doesn't get along with him. So why invite him at all, especially since, according to you, this is a party just for the very closest to the couple.

Is it a gift thing? If he is as low class as you perceive him to be, do you think he'll even bring a gift?

 

[NHdisneylover]

I bet he never forgot the kindness that was shown to him that Christmas Eve!

I have no idea. It may have really mattered to him, or he may not have given it a second thought. BUT, even though none of us is fond of blue hair--and my inlaws would have been mortified had their own kids dyed their hair blue as teens, it never occurred to any of us to deny this guest of our family member from coming or to assume that being homeless meant he was bug infested or anything else of the sort. We did our best to be gracious hosts and to make him feel welcome even though we had not expected any guest to arrive with her at all. We got another place setting at the table, mother in law and I took of to the basement for a few minutes and hit her stores of bargains that she collects through the years and managed to wrap up a new hat, some new wool socks, a stash of chocolate bars and some books for him and get them under the tree so he would have something to open (and hopefully things he could use). Heck, my mother in law even asked him if he would like to go to church with them (but did not pressure). I think she WAS relieved that he said no, but she did not let on at all and would have walked in with him no differently than if he were anyone else, had he said yes.

 

[mickeysgal]

Is it a gift thing? If he is as low class as you perceive him to be, do you think he'll even bring a gift?

Makes you wonder. Love how some will complain about the guest, but still will cash the check. The money is good and they'll make an exception to their standards by accepting the gift.

 

[mickeysgal]

I have no idea. It may have really mattered to him, or he may not have given it a second thought. BUT, even though none of us is fond of blue hair--and my inlaws would have been mortified had their own kids dyed their hair blue as teens, it never occurred to any of us to deny this guest of our family member from coming or to assume that being homeless meant he was bug infested or anything else of the sort. We did our best to be gracious hosts and to make him feel welcome even though we had not expected any guest to arrive with her at all. We got another place setting at the table, mother in law and I took of to the basement for a few minutes and hit her stores of bargains that she collects through the years and managed to wrap up a new hat, some new wool socks, a stash of chocolate bars and some books for him and get them under the tree so he would have something to open (and hopefully things he could use). Heck, my mother in law even asked him if he would like to go to church with them (but did not pressure). I think she WAS relieved that he said no, but she did not let on at all and would have walked in with him no differently than if he were anyone else, had he said yes.

And thats what I call having class and grace.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Again - right.................................LOL

Once again you have proved my point!

 

[TwinsinCA]

In this case, it's not the restaurant, it's the couple. They have singled out just one individual, and told her to cover up, no jeans, after stalking her on facebook. There is absolutely no way this can be considered proper. Maybe what the cousin said was not right, but it would be the first thing that popped into my mind.

They singled her out because she is the only guest at this party that they don't KNOW. They have no way of knowing how she dresses in her day to day life. All they have to go on are FB pictures that show over and over that she likes to wear very little and doesn't care who sees it. She even chose a JOB where some people go specifically to oggle the waitresses. Yes, I know it is a "family restaurant" to some people. It doesn't change the fact that many people view Hooters as quite different than Chili's.

I don't see her as being "judged" in the least. If a potential employer won't hire her because of those pictures are they being "judgemental" or are they drawing reasonable conclusions about her? SHE put those pictures up there.

If it were me, I would have told the cousin 'no, she can't come, close family and friends only'. That was a perfectly plausible reason as well and you didn't have to even get into the way this woman dresses. But it is too late for that now. The OP decided to include her with a mention of what this party will be like just so there is no confusion. It is called communicating. Unfortunately, there are some things you just cannot sugarcoat and will be considered rude to some people. If you don't want kids at your party, you TELL people. You don't just assume that and hope for the best. OP's daughter was damned if she did and damned if she didn't. I can appreciate not wanting a woman dressed that way at your engagement party. She is not a future Bridezilla just because she wants some level of decorum at a party celebrating HER future marriage. I think that is an unfair leap some on this thread are making.

 

[C.Ann]

My husband and I usually wear jeans and tshirts or sweaters when we arrive. If we were invited to a wedding or a party at a hotel and there was a lobby dress code, I'd politely decline the invitation.

Believe me, DD & her DH would have but...... He's an only child, this wedding was his mother's side of the family, and it was just easier for him to go (even though he was going through the roof here - grumbling and carrying on like crazy) than put up with the whining, crying, pouting, and guilt trip from his mother.. But - that was the last time - and he made it perfectly clear to her in no uncertain terms.. She doesn't "like" it, but she'll get over it..

As to the topic at hand (not a response to anything you said) - unless the groom-to-be is totally on board with his future bride's ultra conservative/modest way of life - the wedding is still a year and a half away, so there's a chance that it may never take place.. Only time will tell..

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

She is not a future Bridezilla just because she wants some level of decorum at a party celebrating HER future marriage. I think that is an unfair leap some on this thread are making.

I guess I would expect the bride to behave with grace and decorum as a hostess. To just believe that a cousin would bring someone who might embarrass the family does not say much about the relationship between the bride and cousin now does it? And yet he was invited because they are close?

 

[C.Ann]

Once again you have proved my point!

Right.................... I would PM you about this, but it appears that's not possible right now.. I wonder why?? Hmmmmm...

 

[rie'smom]

They singled her out because she is the only guest at this party that they don't KNOW. They have no way of knowing how she dresses in her day to day life. All they have to go on are FB pictures that show over and over that she likes to wear very little and doesn't care who sees it. She even chose a JOB where some people go specifically to oggle the waitresses. Yes, I know it is a "family restaurant" to some people. It doesn't change the fact that many people view Hooters as quite different than Chili's.

I don't see her as being "judged" in the least. If a potential employer won't hire her because of those pictures are they being "judgemental" or are they drawing reasonable conclusions about her? SHE put those pictures up there.

If it were me, I would have told the cousin 'no, she can't come, close family and friends only'. That was a perfectly plausible reason as well and you didn't have to even get into the way this woman dresses. But it is too late for that now. The OP decided to include her with a mention of what this party will be like just so there is no confusion. It is called communicating. Unfortunately, there are some things you just cannot sugarcoat and will be considered rude to some people. If you don't want kids at your party, you TELL people. You don't just assume that and hope for the best. OP's daughter was damned if she did and damned if she didn't. I can appreciate not wanting a woman dressed that way at your engagement party. She is not a future Bridezilla just because she wants some level of decorum at a party celebrating HER future marriage. I think that is an unfair leap some on this thread are making.

Dressed what way? That's the point. The OP's daughter didn't know how the girl would dress. Have you been dressed to the 9's in every single one of your pictures? Have you worn shorts or a bathing suit in any of them? if you have you might have been the recipient of the rude bride's apparel advice. Face book is an online photo album for lots of people.

 

[Magic Mom]

Right.................... I would PM you about this, but it appears that's not possible right now.. I wonder why?? Hmmmmm...

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I hope Santa is not watching.

 

[TwinsinCA]

Dressed what way? That's the point. The OP's daughter didn't know how the girl would dress. Have you been dressed to the 9's in every single one of your pictures? Have you worn shorts or a bathing suit in any of them? if you have you might have been the recipient of the rude bride's apparel advice. Face book is an online photo album for lots of people.

There is a difference, IMO, between pictures of people in swimsuits at a beach or pool and someone who posts pictures of themselves in lingerie (which the OP specifically mentioned).

The point is she does not KNOW this woman. Even the cousin who wants her there has only seen her a handful of times. Her judgement is a big question mark. So instead of keeping her fingers crossed and hoping for the best, OP's daughter was proactive and said something FIRST just so there is no misunderstanding. To me it is no worse than telling a parent 'do not bring your kids'.

 

[mjkacmom]

To me it is no worse than telling a parent 'do not bring your kids'.

There is a big difference - it's either a party that welcomes children, or an adults only party. To compare, the hosts should've contacted everyone coming to the party with the "dress code." Please, I've had strangers (as guests of guests) come to parties, and I've never once thought to wonder how they'd dress.

 

[PaulaSB12]

So DD got engaged about two months ago, and we are planning an engagement party for them since they won't be married for a year and a 1/2.

So, future son-in-law's cousin wants to come. All fine and dandy! He is welcome! We he asked to bring this girl....not his girlfriend....she doesn't even live in the same state as him....and they have met all of 5? times....
To top it off she works at Hooters, and on her Facebook page DD said that all the pictures of her are half naked pictures of herself or her wearing lingerie...

My side of the family is very conservative, and don't want to see anything "hanging out" if you know what I mean.

DD and FSIN told him very sweetly that she could come as long as she dressed appropriate for the party and with nothing hanging out. (DD is conservative,too). She also told him that everyone is expected to dress that way, not just her.

His respond "Wow...just wow.. you are really that much of a goody goody b***h"

We were nice enough to say she could come and to pay for an extra person (we are catering food,etc). Were we out of line by saying that or was he?

Not the most polite way of saying it but what of your manners? How disrespectful to her was it saying just because she works at hooters she couldn't possible dress any other way than a slut? Really we will let you stutish girlfriend come to the party does she know how to dress is very very rude.

 

[PaulaSB12]

A big part of etiquette in a social situation is making people feel comfortable and welcome.The OP's daughter failed at that,big time.Can you say "Bridezilla"???

I have to admit after seing a few episodes of that show I don't like the term bridezilla I prefer bratzilla. Also if the family is like this while living under the assumpton they are just being ultra conservative I would reconsider beloning to it in the first place (I am talking about the groom here)